I am God.

Not the god of love, but God Almighty.

I massacred the Amalekites and the Seven Nations of Canaan.

I hacked Agag to pieces and blasted the barren fig tree,

for the day of vengeance is in my heart.

You lunar jackass,

she betrayed you... guilty, guilty, guilty.

The punishment is death. I've finally been processed.

They made me adjust... to modern times.

This is 1888, isn't it?

I'm Jack.

Cunning Jack.

Quiet Jack.

Jack whose sword never sleeps.

Hats off, I'm Jack.

Not the good shepherd.

Not the prince of peace.

I'm red Jack, spring-heeled Jack.

Jack from hell. Trade name: Jack the Ripper.

Questions asked, questions answered:-

What is the best gay novel of the year?

What was the secret of the Hitler diaries?

Where in the world is Stephen Leslie Parkes?

What are the themes of the show? What are their initials?

What excuse is Matthew Stogdon giving us this time?

Yes, but can you say it three times fast?

What's happening this Saturday?

Band or football?

Where is the official post Norwich gay pride event being held?

Who is Big Daddy?

Who do Marc Almond, Holly Johnson, Stephen Fry, Graham Norton, Alan Carr, Derren Brown, Elton John, David Furnish, Boy George, Chris Moyles, Peter Tatchell, Ian MacKellan, David Tennant, Neil Patrick Harris, Lady Gaga, Stephen Leslie Parkes and Simon Amstell think they are? Really?

What is 'e' for?

Good job or bad job?

What jobs get no respect?

What are the employment opportunities for a 69 year old Russian woman on the Pacific rim?

Should mayors be doing this?

Which Russian town has Ipswich been twinned with?

Where is the gayest place on earth?

What stopped Steve going to Castro street?

What's Fisherman's Wharf really like?

Is the Bushman a legitimate threat?

Which one's the Flatiron building?

Did you see the Presidio?

NCIS or CSI?

Why are people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge? Really, women too?

Which is worse, racism or mysogyny?

Do you hold hands? Why not?

What is Marley's new job?

What you going to do, what you going to do when they come for you?

Which one of the twelve steps is the hardest?

What will the inhabitants of Crazytown USA do when they realise their top cop is an informant?

What is the Anti-Lassie?

Boom, it's OUTCAST RADIO. Who?

Who's in the Fright Night remake?

Who needs a shave? (It's Robertson Davies!)

IRON MAN 2 SPECIAL

Oh yes, that's right, we've teamed up with the bloody boffins at Universal Pictures to offer our loyal listenership an insane Iron Man 2 giveaway. Just stay tuned to the end of the podcast for a free sample from the soundtrack to this Summer's biggest superhero movie.

In other news, there are tips of the hat and wags of the fingers abound from Prof. Richard Sheppard and Stephen Leslie Parkes (a.k.a. The Nimmo Twins of comedy) in the latest edition of the Richard and Steve Show. Yes, we had a coalition government of a sinister, shifty, posh fop and a grinning, gurning homosexual chancer long before the Clegg and the Cameron set up a bunkbed together.

A short, sharp, sweet, sour shot across the bows of reality from Prof. Richard Sheppard and Stephen L. Parkes. The former is losing his voice, giving the latter free rein to quote from the bible, talk about testicles and generally talk trash and steal cash. More to come soon, keep them peeled.

People mentioned in this podcast:-

Prof. Richard Sheppard

Stephen Leslie Parkes

Nana Moon

Matthew Stogdon

The Judderman

k d lang

Steve's boyfriend

God

Disapproving hawk

Nude hawk handler

Mr. Bojangles

Alvin, Simon and Theodore

DJ Chipmunk

Eddi Reader

E4 announcement guy

MC Hammer

Lionel Richie

Unnamed Pittsburgh resident

George Romero

The police

John Thomas

The physicists amongst us

Sigmund Freud

Oedipus

Steve's Mum

Richard's Mum

Carol Suzanne Staltari

Unnamed Australian Constable

Les Dawson

The Chippendales

Unnamed Staltari family member and Down Syndrome sufferer (male)

Unnamed Staltair family member and Down Syndrome sufferer (female)

Unnamed schoolmate of Stephen Leslie Parkes

Homosexuals (generic)

Jesus Christ

Lady Vendetta

Hayley Hatred

Becky Lee

Daffney

Alison Danger

Mia S.

Nicole Paoli

Jesse "Air" Jordan

Kimberly "The Queen Of" Spades

Andrea the Giant

Skittlz

Fruity Joose

Brittany Force

Sassy Stephie

Angel Dust

Vicky Gambino

Samantha

A few light taps upon the pane made Richard Sheppard turn to the window. It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. The time had come for him to set out on his journey westward to Podcast Towers. Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over East Anglia. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Fens and the Broads and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Christchurch Park. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Marley lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the Lebanese Restaurant, on the barren thorns, on USA Fried Chicken, on Norfolk County Council, on the Richard and Steve Christmas Special, on Cathedral Close, on Stephen Fry and Mikey Carroll. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.

Bored with the Beguine? Weary of the Waltz? Take the hand of professional tango instructor Richard Sheppard and cross the dancefloor of human experience. There you will meet Stephen Lesley Parkes, famous meta-film-critic Marley and hear all about the dreadful effects of the lethal street drug, 'Meow Meow'. It's all packed in thirty minutes like meat packed into a tube, and it want's to crawl into your ears and die there. Let us in.

More frightening then the ghost of a possessed zombie (who is also a rapist), the Official Podcast of Norwich is back after a long delay to continue the gradual wearing away of your sanity. This time around Professor Richard Sheppard (aka the Ghost of Shark Week Yet To Come) is experimenting on apple-cheeked goon Stephen L. Parkes (star of Mega Octopus Vs. Peter Hitchens) to determine his psychic powers. Plus, a guest appearance from the Crypt Keeper, and some really rather offensive stuff about anything. Bless you all, happy trick or treating.

http://www.dailymotion.com/maneatingswan

....And that's just the beginning. After the Summer hiatus, Richard 'Kid Charlamagne' Sheppard and the the self-styled 'Friend of the Buffalo' Stephen L. Parkes are back on the airwaves. This month, we're talking about self improvement, and putting you on the path from slopper to proper. Witness the fitness, get away from the sickness and crank this shit to the maximum volume.

Plus:

Learn How To Do The Rap Singing!

Discover Illuminati Secrets!

Special guests, Chris Tarrant and the Noisettes!

Legendary auteur Maric Williams has been dragged out of retirement to direct Richard Sheppard and Stephen L. Parkes in this short film based on the existential classic. Feel free to have your minds blown, squares. New podcast to come at the beginning of July! Keep checking back for updates. Jah Bless!