We can’t control our thoughts, no matter how hard we try. Our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are all linked together. Sometimes we’ll have an emotion, which creates a thought, or a thought that creates an emotion. From that, we’ll then decide to take action on it. 

When we consistently have negative thoughts, we can fall into these negative thought loops that make it hard for us to get out of. Yes, our emotional or mental health does take a hit, but our physical health will eventually take a hit also. When we’re stuck in the negative thought cycles or our negative thought loops, we can create a lot of unwanted anxiety and lose sight of our own capabilities. 

What’s the key to overcoming these negative thoughts when they’re passing by you? Give yourself some space to recognize them and ask questions about them. Acknowledge that they’re there and get curious with why they’re popping up at that moment. Then, come up with a strategy to help you move away from that negative thought. Ask yourself whether that thought is true or if it’s just ‘worse case scenario’. 

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Kamini teaches classes on breathwork, but don’t people already know how to breathe? What does a class like that even look like? What you might not know is that most people breathe throughout their day in a very shallow way. People might not know how healing breathwork can actually be to the body when it’s done correctly.

Our body holds onto trauma and experiences we’ve had and we need to find a way to release that so that we can give ourselves the room we need to heal. Breathwork opens us up to that kind of healing. 

If you’re stressed out, it’s recommended that you take a deep breath to help you calm down, but did you know you could be doing it all wrong? You need to breathe from within your belly and not through your chest area. 

Studies show that breathwork has many emotional, physical, and spiritual benefits. When you are able to fully focus on your breathing, you’re able to temporarily distract your mind (in a good way!) from upsetting thoughts. Through deep breathing, you’re able to refocus your attention on what’s important and allow your body to actually take a break from the external stressors that are affecting you. 

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We all have expectations and we all have ideas of what we want to accomplish in our lives. There’s nothing wrong with expecting things of ourselves, expecting things out of others, and setting healthy boundaries to respect those expectations. 

However, sometimes our expectations go unchecked and they end up being too unrealistic. As a high achiever, Kamini knows she sets the bar way too high for herself, which can lead to unnecessary stress. She has to catch herself in the moment to re-center herself and the pressure she puts on herself because of these expectations. 

What exactly is an expectation? It involves our needs, our wants, and our desires about the future. An expectation is a belief that something will happen in a certain way. You might actually have the most reasonable expectations possible, but things just don’t go as planned anyway. We all know life is messy and we simply can’t always predict how things will go. 

So how do you distinguish the difference between realistic vs. unrealistic expectations? Some examples of some unrealistic expectations are: My partner should read my mind, my kids should always listen to me 100% of the time, my partner and I should never argue, at work I must be the best at all times, and so much more. 

Unrealistic expectations also hold a lot of false beliefs. If you don’t work 100% at all times, it leads to this false belief that you’re not enough or you’re not a hard worker or that you’re a failure at life. If you have an argument with your partner, it can lead to false beliefs that you don’t have a strong relationship. If your kids don’t listen to you 100% of the time, it can lead to this false belief that you’re not a good or disciplined parent. 

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Did you know we have both primary and secondary emotions? We tend to shy away from the immediate emotions we are facing at the moment. Although it can be scary, emotions shouldn’t be something you run away from. It’s important to face your emotions. Today, we’ll be diving into the difference between primary and secondary emotions. 

Emotions play an essential role in our health, in our behavior, our interactions, and even in the relationships we create with others. What are emotions? A good way to see them as internal data points or clues into our needs. 

So, what is the difference between primary and secondary emotions? There are 6 primary emotions. Anger, Fear, Happiness, Sadness, Disgust, and Surprise. However, as you may be aware, we experience so many more emotions than just that. As you are experiencing these waves of emotions, it can be helpful to see if you can distill it down to these root feelings.

Secondary emotions represent learned responses. The main role of your secondary emotions is to protect you from harm. Institutionally, we use these emotions to cover our more sensitive selfs. For example, if you’ve ever felt rage or anger, the base emotion under that might actually be rejection, fear, or shame. We are just using anger to cover it up. 

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Let’s talk about the feelings and emotions around being triggered. What does it mean to be triggered? Typically, it means you’re having a strong reaction to something in the moment that reminded you of a traumatic event in the past. Sometimes, it’s not always so clear why you might be having this reaction, you just know you’re feeling overwhelmed, disrespected, uncared for, and more, to something that happened in the moment. 

These strong reactions are often reminders of painful experiences and emotions that you had in the past that were unprocessed. When you get triggered, you might be brought back to a time where you felt helpless, and it can almost feel like there’s nothing you can really do now, in the present day, to counteract it. 

The body keeps a score! Your brain might not remember or can’t pinpoint the experience you’re feeling, but your body sure can! It stores these unprocessed emotions and they come out when you’re triggered.

What do you do when you’re feeling overwhelmed or triggered? Take a breath and pay attention to your body. We might not realize we’re having such a reaction. We might not be noticing all the subtle cues our body is giving us. If you’re having such a strong reaction, take the time to name your feelings and use your body as a clue. 

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Do you find yourself consumed by negative thoughts? There’s nothing inherently wrong with having negative thoughts, but if you can’t seem to shake them away or you find yourself constantly in a negative state, then that’s when this behavior becomes unhealthy. Our thoughts influence our actions, which then influences the types of results we are seeing. 

Our inner chatter never truly stops, but if we’re aware of what’s coming up for us, then we’re able to work on our inner dialogue to have a more positive outlook and result in life. If we don’t do this, then we can unknowingly take on limiting beliefs about ourselves and we never really get out of this negative hump. 

If we want to slow down the energy that we’re putting into a negative thought, one of the best ways to do this is through breath work. When we breathe consciously, that’s our life force at play. It also shifts our attention away from the negative thought and allows us to focus on our breath. This gives the mind a much needed rest to process what’s actually happening. When you’re breathing calmly, it’s a signal to your body that you’re not in a heightened state. 

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What’s the difference between empathy and sympathy? Empathy means ‘I am with you in your feelings’ whereas sympathy means ‘I can understand your feelings’. When you’re able to fully be with someone in their feelings, it allows the other person to be witnessed and understood. People might use empathy and sympathy interchangeably, but they’re not the same. However, compassion is still used in both. 

Empathy is the basis for healthier relationships because it helps us understand other people’s feelings and it helps us understand their perspectives. It also helps us understand what their true intentions might be. When we have that kind of understanding, we’re able to communicate with others more effectively, and from a place of compassion. 

Empathy is also critical in leadership because when we’re able to truly be with someone, understand them, we can also better lead them forward. Everytime we practice empathy, we’re practicing emotional intelligence. When you have empathic leadership, you have a more people-focused company. And of course, companies who have more of an emphasis on their people end up having a happier and more productive workforce.

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Attachment style refers to how we connect with people on a default level. Our attachment patterns generally come from how we were cared for as children and they get brought with us to adulthood. However, even if we grew up in a great or not-so-great past, we can always work on our attachment patterns and relate to others in a healthier way. 

For this episode, let’s focus on the anxious attachment style. This is an insecure attachment style where the bonds are not formed from trust and security but from fear. Someone with this attachment style might feel like they felt emotionally distant or emotionally insecure with their caregivers. Their needs were met in an inconsistent way. 

Insecure attachment in early childhood teaches the child that they weren’t good enough. Because of this, we end up seeing a lot of toxic adult relationships with those that have this attachment style (or any insecure attachment style). Those with this anxiousness style can have trust issues and not feel safe around someone because they don’t believe people will be there long term. 

If you have an anxious attachment style, it can be a great start to learn some of your triggers and why you think you might be showing up in this way. Not everything is black and white, but if you’re at least aware, you can take action and create healthier patterns for you and your potential/current partner. 

If your partner withdraws and that triggers a feeling of anxiety within you, then being able to name it, label it, and then communicate it with your partner can be a very powerful and healing process. It can take a bit of time to really put a voice behind some of these feelings you’re suddenly experiencing, but there is hope in developing a more secure attachment style if you currently feel this way. The more you’re able to feel the feelings, and label it, you will see progress! 

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Let’s talk about goals and how to properly set healthy goals that make you want to work towards them from a place of joy instead of guilt. All of us have dreams and aspirations, and it can be very hard to hit those dreams without some sort of benchmark or step-by-step follow-through. 

What are some of the reasons that keep us from achieving our goals and our dreams? Sometimes we’re the biggest reason why we’re getting in our own way. It’s our own beliefs and mindset that interfere with our vision. Our false beliefs that are hanging around in our subconscious can be some of the nastiest ones, and the worst thing is we don’t always see or know that they’re sabotaging us. 

How many times have you said to yourself that you don’t have enough time to complete something? The truth is we’re all busy, we’re even overscheduled. However, if you want to achieve great things, you have to take ownership of the little steps that get you there. If you believe you don’t have enough time, if you make the excuse that you don’t have enough time, then it will become true. It’s time to reflect, slow down, and prioritize your time to work towards that goal. 

Another block you might be experiencing is the belief that you don’t have the right talent or skills to achieve your goal. What if you told yourself that it doesn’t matter! That you will find a way to figure it out if you allow yourself to stumble, and maybe even fail just a little? You have the talent and you have the skill, you just need to practice and build it stronger. We all had to learn how to walk at some point in our careers so that we could run. 

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A lot of us go through self-doubt. In fact, 85% of people are battling with low self-esteem. The truth be told, the belief in oneself can really hold us back personally and professionally. So how do we let go of self-doubt when it comes to us at the most inconvenient time? Take a minute to breathe. The best way to really unlock this is through deep acceptance. 

Who you are, this human being, is exactly who you’re meant to be. You can always grow and expand, but who you are today is a strength. It’s completely okay to not know the answers to everything. It’s okay to feel scared or insecure. It’s all okay. Your self-doubt is only here to protect you. You're completely capable of learning what you currently don’t know. 

If you punish yourself for not knowing all the answers, this is your sign to remember that you’re just human. You are showing up in the best way possible. Another important point to think back to when you’re feeling self-doubt is that you’re not alone. There are many successful people like you who have been in the same position you’re currently in. You don’t have to walk this journey alone!

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