Life can throw us curve balls and knock us to the ground. How can we quickly bounce back and adapt to the situation and what does it mean to be mentally strong? 

 

Mental strength represents our ability and capacity to manage stressors and challenges in life and make most of our strengths. It is a skill and muscle that can be learned and mastered. Building mental strength involves developing positive habits and ways of thinking which then leads to behavior changes and thinking patterns.

 

There are thirteen ways mentally strong people do every day. One is they pay attention to their emotions. Two, they accept responsibility for their actions, choices, and words. Three, they set goals and go after them. Four, they focus on the solutions instead of the problem. Five, they learn from their mistakes. Six, they don’t dwell on the past. Seven, they accept challenges. Eight, they accept defeat or failure. Nine, they set healthy boundaries towards people, relationships, and experiences. Ten, they practice gratitude. Eleven, they speak up when they need to. Twelve, they do not obsess over things they can’t control. And thirteen, they take calculated risks. 

 

Even if situations don’t go the way mentally strong people want them to, these people can still trust themselves that they’ll learn and grow from it.

 

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Do you ever feel that you have very little control over your life? Do you feel like everything is always against you? Or that things never turn out good for you? Sometimes, we don’t recognize that we get stuck in a victim mentality. Victim mentality refers to a self-sabotaging mindset that could be formed from trauma or messages we received or experienced in the past. It is a perspective that serves as an avoidance of responsibility for our own thoughts and actions.

 

This mentality can cause significant emotional distress and a lot of anxiety because there is a sense of feeling helpless, pessimistic, angry, and afraid. Individuals who struggle with it often have a difficult time seeing their part in it because our thoughts about an event create the reality we have about that event. And yet, it was just an event where you were not happy with the outcome.

 

So, how do we get ourselves out of this mindset? First, we need to recognize the choice we are making of how we are thinking about something. Once we recognize that choice, we can become aware and accept the responsibility for our thoughts and actions. Secondly, we should anchor into the concept of self-compassion. Treat yourself with empathy and kindness over judgment. And the third would be to start looking into your inner child, where the victim mentality may have begun. Instead of reliving those past experiences, look at them from a different lens.

 

Victim mentality is really about understanding and recognizing when something is present for you. It’s not about judging it but recognizing your thoughts of “this is happening to me” and to shift it towards thinking of “this is happening for me”. That shift takes us from victimhood to taking ownership of our lives and being in charge of creating our own happiness.

 

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Humans are relational beings wherein we have an innate need for social connection and affection. Social connections decrease stress, increase happiness, and can lead to giving us a sense of purpose. In essence, having healthy and satisfying relationships can contribute to leading longer and healthier lives.

 

An interdependent relationship refers to the deep emotional bond with another that allows security and protection. When we are creating these interdependent relationships, we are also honoring our need to grow and develop as independent human beings. It is when two people can fully be themselves while still being involved with each other. They each have the ability to engage in the relationship with clear and open communication, without the fear of the other person getting angry.

 

Meanwhile, codependency is when each person is relying on the other person for that sense of happiness and completeness. They need the other person to meet all of their emotional needs and expect their partners to take responsibility for their feelings. Codependency often leads to destructive behavior and is present in toxic relationships as there are no clear boundaries between the individuals, unhealthy communication patterns, and controlling behaviors. When we are codependent, it stagnates our ability to grow and develop which eventually leads to anxiety, depression, and withdrawal.

 

How do you move from being codependent into a more interdependent relationship? By promoting our independence with the ability to know who we are. We need to get into a solid foundation of knowing who we are and be a self leader of our wants and needs. Being able to hold on to that part of ourselves allows us to be able to overlap with the other person and support them and vice versa.

 

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What is a time thief? These are usually subtle things or distractions that pop up during the day that take you away from your core ‘to-do’ list. This could be things like answering a non-critical phone call, your inability to say no to people, or you finding creative ways to procrastinate like scrolling on social media. If you ever felt like you didn’t know where your day went, this podcast is for you!

 

The problem with taking a quick distraction break is that it takes longer for us to get into the task and have us focus on what we actually want to do. You might unknowingly be wasting time just trying to ‘get back into sync’ with the project if you let little distractions like social media notifications pop up during the working day.

 

Another time thief might be more obvious and that’s procrastination. If you’re absolutely dreading a task, the brain will find ways to alleviate some of that stress. However, it’s only a temporary benefit because the longer we put off tasks, the worse it becomes when that deadline hits. The same applies when you have absolutely too much work on your plate and you know unconsciously there isn’t a realistic way to complete all of this workload on time!

 

So what can we do to stop some of these time thieves from happening? A great place to start is time blocking some of your time. When you give yourself a set amount of time to achieve a task without distractions, you’d be surprised by how much you’d get done! Another bonus tip is to either turn off your notifications or schedule conscious time to look at your phone so that you don’t get sucked into non-critical tasks going on.

 

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Sherry and Carla kick off this week talking about if it’s really that sexy dating someone with an accent, or if we just romanticize it. Then they take a Love Fix Question about how to break the habit of lying in your relationship and welcome guest Anne-Marie Zanzal. Anne-Marie is a coach, ordained minister, chaplain, and author. She came out later in life and shares her journey from tucking away her sexuality while raising a family, to stepping into her true authentic self. She talks with Sherry and Carla about her work specializing in women coming out later in adulthood, why there still is a stigma around being gay, and how we can face our own internalized homophobia.

 

What You’ll Hear In This Episode:

• A Love Fix Question — what do you do if you find yourself lying and constantly being dishonest in relationships?
• What are the main reasons people typically lie, and how can therapy help?
• Anne-Marie is known as the Coming Out Coach — how did she know she was gay? What are the ways that she hid it, and how did she decide to step fully into her truth?
• Is being gay as widely accepted in America as we think it is?
• Want Coming Out Coaching from someone who has walked the path before? Here’s how to Contact Anne-Marie, along with how to work with Sherry and Carla on overcoming codependency, dating, a break-up, healing from toxic relationships and gaining confidence.
• Anne-Marie talks about being brushed off by her own (lesbian) therapist!
• What does Anne-Marie appreciate about dating women more than her past relationships with men?
• Is there an age where it’s too late to come out?
• What about if you want to come out, but you have shame and another type of life already in place?
• What are some of the reasons women may know they are gay but don’t come out until later in life?
• What is internalized homophobia, and how does it show up in ourselves and other people?

 

Tweetables:

• “Because there's visibility in the media and there's representation out there, I think people are less afraid to come out than they were in the past.” - Anne-Marie
• “The truth is, the truth is going to come out.” - Sherry
• “I really believe that sexuality is fluid.” - Carla
• “All of a sudden, I was with women who understood, and we're talking about things that I had never said to another human being.” - Anne-Marie
• “There’s a lot of shame about a woman being a good girl. We want to live to a standard that is set by our families and our parents and our churches and our communities. When we don't do that, we feel like we've done something wrong.  - Anne-Marie

 

Connect with Us!

• The Love Fix | @thelovefixpodcast
• Become a Member - Codependency Special - Wake Up Recovery  - $1 trial membership
• Join the Narcissistic Abuse and Codependent Relationship Transformation Challenge FB group 
• The Love Fix Relationship Quiz

 

Sign up for a Connection call with Sherry https://sherrygaba.com/coaching/life-coaching/ 

 

Find Out More: 

 

Sherry

Website | Instagram | Facebook | Love Smacked | Wake Up Recovery for Codependents and Toxic Relationships | Sherry Gaba’s Coaching Packages

 

Gain access to Sherry’s FREE ebooks for codependency, love addiction, or narcissistic abuse. https://relationship-quizzes.com/ 

 

Carla

Website | Instagram | Facebook | Contagious Love | Online Dating Bootcamp

 

Anne-Marie

Website | Instagram | Authentic Peace | Coming Out Later in Life Resources 

 

Today’s episode is sponsored by Carla’s book Contagious Love: Break Free from Codependency for Damn Good and Sherry’s book Love Smacked: How To Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency To Find Everlasting Love. 

Thanks to Contagious Love and Love Smacked for sponsoring this episode.

How often do you find yourself dwelling on the past or the potential dramas that can happen in the future? Truth be told, a lot of us spend most of our waking hours thinking, analyzing and worrying about different issues. Spending too much time thinking about topics that upsets us causes stress and makes us emotionally drained.   To stop overthinking, we first need to understand it. Overthinking is the tendency to dwell on something excessively that never truly brings solutions. While it’s natural to spend time thinking about things, what happens when we overthink is that we can’t seem to let it go which can then lead to chronic stress and depression.  

Overthinking is also described as destructive thought patterns such as ruminating and persistent worrying. Ruminating involves ongoing and repetitive thoughts of past experiences and problems while persistent worrying is the constant worry of what could happen in the future.

 

What can we do to quit overthinking? Mindfulness, releasing perfectionism, evaluating what is the true scope of the situation, trusting your gut, making time for self-reflection and coming to a place of self-awareness are some of the steps we can take to let go of our overthinking and be free from this harmful behavior!

 

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It is common that a busy mind keeps you from taking the leap from being awake to falling asleep. Allow yourself one last moment for your thoughts to run through your mind and let Kamini guide you to let go of them. With this podcast meditation, empty your thoughts, let them go, and get ready for a good night's sleep!

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Remember the feeling of walking out of your classroom or away from your desk after a long business day? Today, imagine yourself in a playground with an open meadow. Give yourself that much-needed escape from the endless busyness of adult life. Take a short pause amidst all the striving and going. It’s time to give yourself a quick recess with this podcast meditation!

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If you’re feeling overwhelmed and like you have too much on your plate, enjoy this quick 13-minute meditation to help you refocus your attention span and help you tackle just one thing at a time. You have permission to let go of all the different roles and pressures you have in your life. Breathe into your own sacred space and don’t feel guilty that you took time out of your day for a little bit of self-care.

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Please find a comfortable and quiet place before listening to this meditation. In this session, Kamini helps you process your limiting beliefs through the use of breathwork. You are enough and it’s important to take a pause in your day to recognize that, feel that, and believe that. If you’re ready to experience a quick reset in your day, this quick 15-minute podcast meditation will help you find your center!

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