Riverdo's and Riverdon'ts

This episode is wretched and deeply frustrating, but don't you worry-- the cast of Riverdo's and Riverdon'ts is ready to kick it into an entirely different gear to force entertainment into this non-entertainment-shaped aperture.

Buckle up, folks, this is easily one of the worst episodes yet.

The misery continues as everyone is dumb and nearly all action is unmotivated. However, there are some good things here, like the shark-jumping potential getting supercharged, and some gnarly new stupid names.

In our experience, there are 2 kinds of shitty Riverdale episodes. One is the kind that's boring and painful to get through. The other is shitty in a way that generates utter chaos in the ensuing conversation and analysis.

So, probably the weirdest thing about this episode is how the writers, with a shocking degree of consistency, set up a scene, escalate it,

You'd think that a 90's homage mixed with a bizarre take on the Satanic Panic of the 80's mixed with what seems like a preoccupation with the good Nightmare on Elm Street movie would be weirder than the episode after it, which takes us back to the main timeline.

What happens when the 80's, the 90's, and Riverdale all have a bunch of nasty, unprotected sex? This episode is what.

RDARD emerges from its eternal slumber to dissect a surprisingly shitty episode, full of cursed horny energy.

Never fear, RDARD listeners. The lukewarm sluggishness of the previous episode is gone in a whirl of road dust as Season Three's second episode does a sick burnout and just throws EVERYTHING at EVERYONE.

After what feels like an eternal incarceration in the Ostowverse, we're back to the TV show!