Road to Relovery

Mother’s Day isn’t all flowers and breakfast in bed for all of us. It can be a day some of us would like to avoid.

Whether you’re a single, struggling, lost mom, had an absent or abusive mom, have a complicated and unpleasant relationship with your mom, or simply don’t have a mom for whatever reason, we see you. We are you.

This special edition of Road to Relovery Slicers brings moms from various walks of life to the table to talk about the other side of Mother’s Day — the toxic, complicated, mournful side.

It’s OK to have mixed feelings about Mother’s Day. Join us and let’s talk about it.

Today’s Slicers are Nan Higgins @nanhigginswrite, Raya Horcher @raya_wellness_ , and Rachel Kirkpatrick @rachelkirkpatrickart.

Follow host Octavia on IG @octaviaaivatco and @roadtorelovery ; on Facebook @roadtorelovery, and if you have something to share, email [email protected] or [email protected] Player

What happens when you get a group of fierce, brilliant, badass queens to dissect an article about gaslighting? You get THE SLICERS.

Road to Relovery is proud to introduce #TheSlicers, here to break down and analyze a theory. This week, we’re looking at Forgiveness v Gaslighting — is the concept forgiveness another form of gaslighting a victim?

Today’s Slicers are Nan Higgins @nanhigginswrite, Bhairavi Shera @jet_eye_healer, Rakel Scienski @tenderhearts, and Raya Horcher @raya_wellness_ 

Follow host Octavia on IG @octaviaaivatco and @roadtorelovery ; on Facebook @roadtorelovery, and if you have something to share, email [email protected] or [email protected] Player

 Self care; what is it and how do we do it right?

Guest Tea Sefer from Breathe with Tea joins me this episode to give us all some self-care clarity.

Follow guest Tea Sefer at @breathewithtea and host Octavia on IG @octaviaaivatco and @roadtorelovery ; on Facebook @roadtorelovery, and if you have something to share, email [email protected] or [email protected].

CONTENT WARNING: This episode is talking about trauma – you may hear some topics that are triggering or uncomfortable. If you feel uncomfortable, please turn us off for five seconds and come back, or listen to this episode at another time.

We all have trauma, we all have baggage and wounds and reasons to build up walls. We all want to feel safe and secure and once we’ve been hurt, we develop a reflex to protect ourselves. I know I absolutely have. I have momma trauma. Daddy trauma. Black token trauma. And romantic emotional trauma. I’m going to jump right into that last one because this show is mostly about matters of the heart.

Mutlidimensional healer Bhairavi Shera joins me on this episode of Road to Relovery to talk about trauma — what is it and how do we heal from it.

“Take a Sacred Pause. Become the receiver of information rather than the defender of disempowerment.”

Follow guest Bhairavi Shera at @jet_eye_healer and host Octavia on IG @octaviaaivatco and @roadtorelovery ; on Facebook @roadtorelovery, and if you have something to share, email [email protected] or [email protected].

My friend shared some quote meme this week, which read:

The best dating advice I ever got from my mom was, “The signs you ignore in the beginning just end up being the reason you leave later. You know right away who’s good and bad for you. Don’t ignore that.”

I re-shared it on Instagram and Facebook and my friend Rachel asked a very profound question, that is worth discussing: She said, “we should talk about why we ignore the signs — self doubt, shame etc…Why do we choose to love the red flags versus run away?”

And immediately, I’m like YES let’s explore this and let’s do it together. 

Follow guest Rachel Berger-Horcher at @raya_wellness_ and host Octavia on IG @octaviaaivatco and @roadtorelovery ; on Facebook @roadtorelovery, and if you have something to share, email [email protected] or [email protected].

Bless!

People are constantly complimenting the behavior and general presence of my children. So it’s time to release my secret sauce. In this episode, I break down my parenting techniques. TLDR: I give my kids room to exist & I invite them to cooperate.

I affirm their reasoning & make them feel secure.

I write my shows ahead of time to read and reference live, then clean them up for the blog article, and then publish the audio as a podcast…

In this episode, I wasn’t prepared to:
• realize this episode is basically the outline of what should be a parenting handbook
• process out loud the pain around being a single parent — my kids don’t need a stepdad; I don’t need help — I simply wish my boys could see someone love and cherish their mom
• hear how many of you — and me, too — wished we had someone like me as a parent growing up. I hear that and receive that and it’s truly the most incredible compliment I’ve ever had

I was unfiltered and a little embarrassed to be so weepy. But if my raw vulnerability can help inspire your healing, I’ll do it over and over and over again.

The full blog article will be published on www.roadtorelovery.com.

Follow Octavia on IG @octaviaaivatco and @roadtorelovery ; on Facebook @roadtorelovery, and if you have something to share, email [email protected] or [email protected].

This episode compares relationship types to housing. Read the full blog article on RoadtoRelovery.com.

What kind of relationship tenant are you?

A) Open House – ok, we can call these the Players – these are the individuals that want to walk through everything on the market with no intention to place an offer – they just want to always keep all options open.

B) Leasing Renters – these tenants prefer long-term relationships but always move around the same time; your serial 1-2 year relationships and then get bored and move on.

C) Month to Month Renters – these tenants take everything one day-month at a time. These tenants are content and love their situation. Things are great…until they aren’t.

D) Investors – these are your traditional contract-seeking lifers. They want to spend time seeking out the best match for them and make the one-time decision and legacy for the good, the bad, the gutting and the rehabbing.

Here’s a hilarious article on The Hard Times that is all about the Bs.

I personally am a C; I look at month to month commitment kind of like alcoholics anonymous and their approach sobriety. You don’t jump into an addition cessation program saying, starting today I’m never going to touch this thing ever again forever and ever amen! No – you take it one day at a time. You say, ok I’m going to make it one hour without indulging in this vice. Ok, wow it’s been three hours. Ok, I’m going to make it for the rest of the day. And then you celebrate that day. And then the next day. And the next.

I found a lovely poem about it, too. This is from a blog called Sober Julie.

It’s also important to learn how the type of tenant you are can cause issues in your relationship:

1. If you don’t know what type of tenant you are…
2. If you are ashamed of what type of tenant you are.
3. If you changed your mind about what type of tenant you are.

There’s a HUGE amount of risk in being honest – and that one huge risk is rejection. No one wants to feel the stabbing pain of dismissal and heartache and disgust for being vulnerable. That’s why vulnerability is difficult –its risky. Its uncomfortable. But that’s also what its needed to make a good and lasting relationship work. Know yourself. Name your desires and your needs. Don’t settle.

Don’t forget join me on my new Facebook and IG live recordings of the Road to Relovery podcast every Thursday night at 10pm CST.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok: @octaviaaivatco | @roadtorelovery

Xoxo, OR

Road to Relovery the podcast is BACK!

I was struggling with the vision for this show – rather, I had the vision, but the delivery wasn’t giving me that “this is right” gut feeling.

So I put a pin in it.

Since we’ve been instructed to practice social distancing and take self-isolation seriously, I’ve found great comfort in “going live” on my Facebook and Instagram feeds with a series simply called “Open Studio.” During this time, I would paint, play my cello, dance, do [adult] MadLibs – anything to keep things interesting and connected.

And then I decided, this feels good. This is that gut feeling I was looking for. It’s time to bring back Road to Relovery.

Today’s episode is called Quarantine & Cake and it began with me spiraling about my singleness. Long story short, I have been intentionally single and not-looking since 2017. I didn’t want to be bothered, distracted… or heartbroken anymore. So I gave it up!

And just when I decided to jump back in the ring, two things happened: someone I was finally interested in told me they weren’t ready to be in a relationship. Fine, I thought, we can just have fun. But when I checked in on them, hoping to plan some quality time together, they told me, “So… I’m seeing someone.”

Axe to my heart. Again.

But it was laughable really. And I decided to have fun with it. I wasn’t mad. I was definitely hurt and disappointed, but I wasn’t mad. All I want for everyone is their happiness. And if they met the person that can make them take the leap from “not being ready” to suddenly being “all-in,” then hell yeah! I’m celebrating their connection. This person and I still chat every now and then and I hope we continue to indulge a mutual enjoyment of each other’s company, with respect to, of course the new significant other.

Meanwhile, I’m still single. Groan.

And now there’s a Shelter In Place order, double groan, which eliminates all my bar-hopping, eyes-making contact with the public (only on my kid-free weekends).

And joking about it. I know. People find me attractive and impressive, but I’m still not datable. Maybe it’s because I’m too intimidating and I would take too much work, communication and planning. Maybe I’m just too difficult to date. Or maybe it’s the kids. Go back and listen to my first episode for my tirade on that one. Or maybe because I’m so comfortable with the people I’m interested in, my security may be mistaken for coldness – I don’t really do that false-intimacy infatuation thing. My jam consists of passionate flirting, open communication and emphatic reciprocation. Or maybe someone just doesn’t feel the magnetism I feel – which is perfectly acceptable, too. Whatever the reason, I’m laughing at my rejection to get through the misery.

And truly, it has been a blast.

Until I spiraled.

My friend asked a blanket question on social media checking in on the singles out there. I said, “Forgotten and neglected, but what else is new!”

Heh heh. Triple groan.

And then they said, “I don’t get it, it’s like no one wanting cake at a party.”

Quadruple groan. I’m lonely cake at the party of the century and no one wants to try me.

To hear the conclusion and resolution of my brief spiral, and my prayer for this global pandemic, listen to Episode 2: Quarantine & Cake.

And join me on my new Facebook and IG live recordings of the Road to Relovery podcast every Thursday night at 10pm CST.

Don’t Recover. Adapt.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok: @octaviaaivatco | @roadtorelovery

Xoxo, OR

“No

Yes,

When

Yeah,

The

Then

And

Yep,

Now,

And

I’d

My personal opinion, I am pretty fucking awesome and I have no doubt that if and when these men find their life partners, they will always wonder about me – they will always wonder, what if I had given Octavia a try.

And

Since

Many of the responses were confirmation bias – trashy insult; they’re intimidated by you and this is a neg to make you feel small; it’s just an excuse for being noncommittal; this is fragile masculinity afraid to parent a child he didn’t produce; immaturity avoiding responsibility… but then there were a few I hadn’t heard before, something on the topic of purity. This is the angle I want to explore and then destroy…

Follow @RoadtoRelovery on instagram and Facebook.

Or email me, Octavia Reese at [email protected] or [email protected]

From blog to podcast, this is Road to Relovery…

This bi-weekly podcast is focused on empowering women in the midst of overcoming unexpected emotional trauma, like loss. Sometimes loss shows up as death, a break-up, a divorce, or even an awakening to something greater, where for the future to thrive, the past must die. 

Join us on this journey — each of us on our own unique road to relovery. 

Hosted by Octavia Reese

“I started the Road to Relovery blog after one particularly throwing post-divorce romantic endeavor. I had to learn how to date again in this weird swiping world I wasn’t prepared for the disposability of people and affection. I was easily replaceable. I was quickly forgettable. I was crushed. So I started writing about it. And the response was inspiring. The more I opened up about my own struggles and growing pains, the more I learned I wasn’t in this alone – I was part of a secret sisterhood of silently suffering beauties – women smothered by expectations, crippled from emotional manipulation, exhausted by putting everyone else’s needs first and crumbling under the pressure of rejection and low self-worth. A lot of us are in that space. I still feel it too – not daily anymore, but it still bubbles up to the surface.

Like Ariana Danou wrote, ‘she made broken look beautiful…’

So now I’m taking those articles to the airwaves to keep sharing, inspiring and talking about the issues that we’re often too ashamed to vocalize.

By subscribing to this podcast, you’re going to learn a lot about me. Probably a lot more than you ever wanted to know. But hopefully my vulnerability will meet you on your own road to relovery and we can get a little healthier, a little faster, together.

We’ll approach topics ranging from divorce and dating to parenting and politics. I’ll tell you a little why the subject matters to me, why I am triggered or inspired, and what kinds of tools and information has helped me put new positive habits into practice.”

Follow us: @roadtorelovery on IG and Facebook, @octaviaaivatco