Robert Hawkins is not only one of the funniest human beings alive he is also one of my dearest best friends. Robert is of those rarest creatures in that he is almost as funny off stage as he is onstage. I first meet Robert in the early 1990s when we were both playing at the River Center comedy club together in San Antonio, Texas. Robert was the MC, I was the middle act and Nick DiPalo was the headliner, what a show! 

Robert is originally from Hollywood, Florida. I always love to say to him "You are so Hollywood... Florida." Because we both grew up in Florida we can always laugh about the unique and disturbing ridiculousness of our home state.

He didn't start doing stand until he got out of the army in Texas so Texas is also a major factor in his life as is San Francisco as he and I both lived there at the same time. 

Career highlights aside from Conan appearances include being a writer for Christopher Titus' sitcom and for many years now he has been the opening act for Ron White. For me Robert will always be significant because he never fails to make me laugh and he has been a friend to me through thick and thin never once leaving me hanging if I were having troubles. 

Robert and Dan Gabriel were the ones who introduced me to Bikram Yoga in 2004 and we compare notes on that practice and talk about it at great length in this episode. "The best thing about Bikram Yoga is quieting your mind." In this conversation Robert and I talk about the Ice Cream Truck business we thought of starting, why should should pick your favorite team in the playoffs, the gold fish project of Amsterdam, family discounts in Thailand, why you should never have sex with a comedy club waitress on the first night of the week, why you should write and try out two jokes a day minimum and the most brilliant invention of all 'The Smoothie Phone.'

He is one of my favorite living human beings walking the earth today and it is my pleasure to present to you now the one and only Robert Hawkins!

Intro song: Cutting Room (Hot Pants) – Oceanliners

Stand-up clip 1: Compilation of ‘Quitting Smoking’, ‘In The Army’ and YouTube clip ‘Gay Pride Parades - Robert Hawkins’.

Stand-up clip from YouTube 2: Ron White's Comedy Salute to the Troops Robert Hawkins

Audio Cameo: Standing Bow Posture (Bikram Yoga)

Stand-up clip 3: ‘Write Home’

End song:  Wanted: Lover (No Experience Necessary) – James Govan

Recorded in Dallas, Texas. March 2014