After serving 30 years in the military working as an RN in the medical field, I was forced to make life and death decisions daily. I witnessed trauma- mentally and physically, collaborating with patients with severe medical injuries, accidents, and suicide attempts,-with some people losing their lives. I have learned to suppress my emotions with an ‘invisible Shield of Armor’ which enabled me to prevent patients from seeing my emotions. I lived by an unspoken rule of silence, not showing weakness. Today, I still feel guilty about patients that have committed suicide who I could not save- multiple wives blamed me as a nurse for not being able to save their husbands. I often think back on what I could have done differently to help save their lives.

Over the years I have struggled with my own pain of survivor’s guilt and personal trauma from witnessing so much suffering, but I hid my feelings and my PTSD disorder in multiple little pockets on the inside of my armor because in the Military, we do not talk about our pain. Our training is to be strong to ‘march on smartly, the mission comes first.’ In the medical community, front-line workers are “secondary victims” since we do not have time to process what has happened, or to cry or talk about our experiences. My job was to clean up the room, console the family and put a smile on for the next patient needing medical care. I still carry survivors’ guilt for my first boss who committed suicide despite my attempts to prevent it.

Over time, my mental health fell into a downward spiral, and I went from a high-achieving performer who received multiple accolades, to fearing everything and everyone. I decided to take a medical leave and began collaborating with a therapist who has helped me achieve leaps and bounds so that I could heal and be better able to help others.

Today, I am proud to have turned my trauma into triumph by mentoring women who need to heal emotional hurts. As a member of the Board of Directors, a Medical Advisor and fundraiser forReformations at the Crossroads, a non-profit for women, I help them overcome their past, create a supportive community, and to gain mental wellness for a successful future. My personal experience of feeling broken mentally and physically has made me a perfect fit to empower women with Hope, Love, and Freedom from pain- transforming their minds, bodies, and spirits to create the life they deserve!

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