Roleplay Retcon

It's up to Cornflake to find his way into solitary confinement and recruit their safety-- the mysterious Peter Pistol, who has a troubled past and a troubled heart. Portman tags along for the first phase of the plan, but he has his own idea of how it should shake out...

Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, sexual content, gun violence, lyrics alluding to suicide

Red One is the first movie we've remade while the original is still in theaters, but its wasted Metal Gear Solid meets Santa premise and $100 million loss at the box office begged us to do it ASAP. We're remaking it with The Fight Before Christmas, a hack of Lasers and Feelings that has players creating operatives with a vendetta against Santa.

Saint Nick has gone on a rampage, destroying every toy factory and toy store in the world, and elite team YULECAT has been assembled. Now Santa's personal bodyguard, his walking narwhal partner, a lifelong naughty lister professional armchair detective, and Mrs. Claus must find Santa and bring him back-- with his ass kicked, if necessary.

Content Warnings: Profanity, guns, violence, death, gore, sexual references, child endangerment

Burt Reynolds proclaims himself the prison team's coach with some pushback, but not enough to matter. The boys make trips to the basketball court, the library, and the labor yard to recruit more players to the team. Portman takes the rule of threes too far. Bocepherous finds someone with a weirder name than his. Cornflake cannot make sense of this.

Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, violence, blood, sexual references

The boys split up to begin building the team. Cornflake finds some art supplies. Bocepherous gets a dose of reality. Portman has a memorable meal.

Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, violence

Former NFL quarterback and maple syrup kingpin Portman Tow, Mama's boy Bocepherous Nut, and professional grifter Cornflake Cogburn all find themselves in the wrong seat of a squad car. At their new prison home, Warden Sanders promises a reduced sentence for Portman if he puts together a football team of prisoners to give his guards' team something to practice tackling. But not everyone wants Portman to put the team together...

Content Warnings: Profanity, prison, violence

Rookie Camp episodes are our cute name for "episode zero" where we introduce the game we're playing (Play Ball! by Roe Caufield) and our first-ever guest GM Grant Nordine of Game Master Monday. And the name is finally apt because we're remaking the 2005 Adam Sandler remake of The Longest Yard, which had a poor critical reception, but that didn't stop millions of people from being bamboozled by Sandler at the height of his powers.

Content Warnings: Profanity, prison

Before we get started with our remake of a remake of The Longest Yard, get to know our first-ever guest GM: Grant Nordine, the co-creator, co-host, and often titular game master of the podcast Game Master Monday. Each episode of Game Master Monday is standalone and has a new game and a new cast, and Roleplay Retcon has been on the show more than once!

Don't worry, this won't affect our release schedule. We'll drop Rookie Camp in a week!

In the back half of our remake of Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Superman doesn't let his humiliation at the hands of Nuclear Man stop him from dismantling the world's nukes. Will Nuclear man retaliate, or will he be distracted by Lois Lane? I guess the answer seems obvious, but the date gets pretty hot.

Content Warnings: War, nuclear weapons, mild violence, profanity

Jeff Stormer, Superman superfan and the host of Party of One, made a bespoke game specifically for remaking Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, the final Christopher Reeve Superman movie that put Supes in Hollywood timeout for 20 years.

Content Warnings: War, nuclear weapons, mild violence, profanity

An American Werewolf in London (1981) is one of the all-time great horror comedies. And then 16 years later somebody decided to make a spiritual sequel, An American Werewolf in Paris, and inject it with all of the worst tropes of the '90s. We remake the latter with Craig Campbell's Die Laughing, a GM-less TTRPG about making comedy horror movies! We can't promise it's a cohesive story, but we can promise some much more interesting characters and that nobody says "sex points."

Content Warnings: Violence, death, body horror, violence against animals, guns, sexual references, profanity