Rude Roundtable

Family values kinda and weird experiments

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Closing music - 100% wolf by Belesduna.

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Purdy ink

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Episode Summary

• Social Media Meltdowns & Doomsday Clock: The gang kicks off by celebrating Facebook’s crash—which drove old people to shout out windows—before debating if the world is actually ending or if Cameron-era austerity and ISIS fearmongering were just puppet masters getting bored.
• Boar Attacks & Scottish Nobility: A bizarre story about a farm for rescued Highland cows spirals into the hosts tracing their family trees back to Scottish nobility, 12th-century boar attacks, and accidental incest jokes.
• Creepy Grandads & Geriatric Shit: Reminiscing about childhood memories takes a dark turn, featuring a 165-year-old pipe-smoking grandad whose sheer presence was akin to living with a corpse that left legendary "grandad poos" in its wake.
• Work Until Death & Egyptian Geese: After a brief encounter with a brazen Egyptian goose at a rugby club, the hosts contemplate their hopeless retirement plans—realizing they’ll both be tattooing or working until the Grim Reaper finally takes them mid-shift.
• Past Life Regression & Pissed Bonfires: John attempts a deep philosophical moment about past-life hypnosis and the laws of thermodynamics, only for the group to immediately derail it with bad jokes, Elvis dying on the toilet, and mullet-growing dares.

Verdict: A masterclass in existential dread and pub banter, proving that no matter how deep a conversation gets, it always devolves into hair lines, grandad poos, and pissing on each other's chips.

#PodcastBanter #BritishHumour #ComedyPodcast #RudeRoundtable #PodcastLife #PastLives #FamilyTreeFails #DoomsdayClock #WorkUntilYouDie #PubBanter

The boys ramble nonsense about filth and politics.

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Closing music - Isolation by Belesduna.

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Purdy ink

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Episode Summary

• Deathbeds, Weddings & Car Park Chaos: The hosts kick off with Tell recovering from a near-fatal case of man flu just in time for his wedding, where guests danced till they dropped, ate questionable buffet food, and caught the best man attempting a logistical miracle in a Mini.
• 16,000 Fetuses & Copyright Battles: The conversation takes a dark turn into a horrific 1982 Los Angeles storage unit discovery before pivoting to Kat Von D’s legal victory over a photo tattoo copyright lawsuit.
• Monarchs, BBLs & Bumbling Presidents: After debating if Kate Middleton secretly got a Brazilian Butt Lift, the gang weighs the merits of the British royal family against a political lineup of sausage-fingered kings, dementia-ridden presidents, and unvoted prime ministers.
• Dirty Urban Dictionary & Pitsy Mud Puddles: A deep dive into absurd Urban Dictionary entries devolves into inventing crude local sexual acts, from the "Florida Life Raft" to the horrific "Onger Conga."
• Genius Actors & Arnie's Revenge: The episode wraps up with retro trivia about the Anarchist Cookbook, Minidiscs, Dolph Lundgren’s actual chemical engineering degree, and Arnold Schwarzenegger tricking Sylvester Stallone into starring in a terrible movie.

Verdict: An unhinged masterclass in banter that seamlessly segues from royal family politics to horrific Urban Dictionary entries without skipping a single beat.

#PodcastBanter #BritishHumour #ComedyPodcast #RudeRoundtable #UrbanDictionary #WeddingChaos #DolphLundgren #RoyalFamilyGossip #PubBanter #PodcastLife

Gav completes another lap round the sun, Purdy coughs his nuts off and John gets stuck in the mud.

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Closing music - Blew by Belesduna.

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Episode Summary

• Tel & John kick off the episode with birthday wishes for Gav, followed by some serious wedding night rope and gaffer tape banter.
• John recounts a disastrous Valentine’s Day where he got his car utterly beached in the mud and had to rely on a small army of helpful strangers to push him out.
• Gav complains about getting struck on the head by a falling hammer at work, sparking a bizarre debate about the sheer logistics of a happy, rainbow-filled apocalypse.
• The crew tackles the horrors of driving on the M25, the questionable economics of electric cars, and why they’d rather return to the days of mobile VHS salesmen.
• After a deep dive into celebrity conspiracies, Adrenochrome, and the 27 Club, the boys realize they are far too full of pizza and cake to keep rambling.

Verdict: A glorious, pizza-fueled mess of pub banter, middle-aged ailments, and absurd conspiracy theories.

#RudeRoundtable #Podcast #PubBanter #ValentinesFail #ApocalypseDebate #RoadRage #Nostalgia #MovieTalk #27Club #ConspiracyTheories

Episode Summary

• The host got absolutely plastered at a wedding and completely lacks the energy, motivation, or sobriety required to edit a full podcast.
• Listeners are officially being given a week off, so everyone can go find something actually productive to do with their lives.
• There is a vague, unpromising hint that a mini-episode might get uploaded later in the week—assuming the hangover ever wears off.
• Normal, highly chaotic broadcasting is scheduled to resume next Monday, provided everyone survives until then.
• The host bids a warm, affectionate farewell to his beloved audience by calling them all cunts and signing off.

Verdict: A glorious masterclass in professional laziness, proving that open bars will always triumph over podcast deadlines.

#LazyPodcasting #HangoverChronicles #WeddingBanter #PodcastBreak #SeeYouNextWeek #NoFilter #Procrastination #DrunkLogic #PodcastersLife #BackNextMonday

Ted returns to wax paganistic & cast the runes

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Closing music - Scimitar by Belesduna.

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Episode Summary

• Special guest Ted drops in with a tree's worth of notes to explain his journey as a practicing Norse pagan and why it makes him the black sheep of Freemasonry.
• The crew delves into how Christianity sneakily pinched all its best holidays from pagans, proving that church summits were basically just ancient rebranding exercises.
• Ted breaks out his blooded wooden runes to perform a live, surprisingly spooky reading that completely calls out John’s hidden business anxiety and inner turmoil.
• The conversation naturally devolves into Nazi occult obsession, Stephen King’s tedious descriptions, and the logistics of swinging a broadsword at work while smiling like a lunatic.
• Between shameless plugs for pizza axes and references to pagan hand-fasting weddings, the gang concludes that ancient Viking wisdom is basically just a high-stakes fortune cookie.

Verdict: A delightful dive into ancient paganism, blood-soaked runes, and existential dread, proving that even hard-headed podcasters can be spooked by a hand-carved piece of wood.

#RudeRoundtable #NorsePaganism #RuneCasting #VikingHistory #Freemasonry #OccultLore #PodcastBanter #HandFasting #AncientWisdom #PubTalk

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Closing music - Romance by Belesduna.

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Purdy ink

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Episode Summary

• Special guest Ted joins the gang to demystify Freemasonry, DODGING every secret ritual question with a very practiced "no comment."
• Gav recounts a furious fortnight at work alongside bizarre dreams that involved endless gun magazines and headbutting Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
• The crew uncovers the historical absurdity of the British window tax, concluding that ancient status symbols were just rich people flexing their panes.
• Ted reveals that modern Freemasonry is trying to shed its 90s "rich boys' club" image in favor of networking, cheap beer, and lavish dinners.
• The guys launch a month-long review contest for a £25 Amazon voucher, fully expecting to pay someone to brutally roast them.

Verdict: A hilariously unfiltered peek behind the Masonic curtain, proving that secret societies mostly boil down to cheap beer, fancy sashes, and endless "no comments."

#RudeRoundtable #Freemasonry #NoComment #PodcastBanter #OddDreams #TheRock #HistoryTrivia #PubTalk #SecretSocieties #UKPodcasts

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Closing music - Meat Hooks by Belesduna.

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Purdy ink

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• The gang dives "balls deep" into wild conspiracy theories, covering everything from shapeshifting reptilian elites and hollow moon doorbells to ancient nuclear explosions on Mars.
• A game called "Hot Beef Injection" degenerates into absolute chaos as the boys struggle to drop cow puns without completely losing their train of thought over a £25 Amazon voucher.
• The crew debates whether dinosaurs were actually flying dragons and if giant petrified trees explain flat-topped mountains.
• Discussion devolves into the lost, technologically advanced empire of Tartaria, secret London delivery guilds, and the great Basildon garbage bin conspiracy.
• The host gives up on tracking points altogether, declaring a chaos-fueled tie where everyone wins and nobody gets the voucher.

Verdict: An unhinged, cow-pun-laden descent into rabbit holes that proves you don't need evidence to start a cult, just bad geography and a £25 Amazon voucher.

#RudeRoundtable #ConspiracyTheories #FlatEarth #HotBeefInjection #Tartaria #Reptilians #DinosaurDragons #HollowMoon #PodcastBanter #UKPodcasts

Going to war, human beatboxers and celebrities.

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Closing music SHOW-GO | Grand Beatbox Battle 2021: World League Solo ...

Purdy ink

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Episode Summary

• The boys reflect on their exhausting work weeks, upcoming wedding prep drama, and why the general public loses their minds over toilet paper during a crisis.
• The crew debates the merits of military conscription, surviving a nuclear apocalypse on 36 hours of emergency supplies, and how to properly defend your home during a real-life Purge.
• The host raves about modern beatboxing and unmasks a deep-seated hatred for Morrissey, while the gang lists the celebrities they would most like to punch in the face.
• A deep dive into current news spirals into a discussion about the Epstein list, shape-shifting reptilian overlords, and Katy Perry allegedly glitching on stage.
• After briefly contemplating whether vegans can swallow or if Hannibal Lecter qualifies as a herbivore, the show ends on a horrific granddad joke.

Verdict: An unhinged, beer-fueled hour of absolute nonsense proving that the crew is uniquely unqualified to survive a world war, a pandemic, or even a basic conversation about vegans.

#RudeRoundtable #ConspiracyTheories #PodcastBanter #UKPodcasts #CelebrityGossip #Beatboxing #PrepperLife #Reptilians #EpsteinList #ComedyPodcast

New name confirmed, youthfull indiscretions, sexy cartoons.

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Closing music Cant Resist by Belesduna.

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Episode Summary

• The boys kicked off Season 2 by officially dropping their old podcast name to ditch the irrelevant Viking vibes.
• Nostalgic school memories spiraled into childhood crime confessions, including a wild story about a year-long grounding for shoplifting CDs.
• Bizarre news stories were broken down, featuring a man killed by a flying cow launched by a train and a bartender who went on a four-month bender courtesy of an ATM glitch.
• The crew debated upcoming pop culture releases and questioned the logic behind Disney losing its copyright on Mickey Mouse.
• A deep dive into weird childhood crushes took a dark turn as the host confessed an unholy attraction to a Dark Crystal puppet.

Verdict: A masterclass in childhood delinquency, questionable puppet lust, and complete inability to stay on topic.

#RudeRoundtable #UKPodcasts #ComedyPodcast #PodcastBanter #FloridaMan #Nostalgia #TrueCrimeMemoirs #PopCulture #DarkCrystal #PublicDomainMickey

Festive catch ups, Vikings, Robot overlords.

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Closing music Disconnect by Belesduna.

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Purdy ink

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Episode Summary

• Podcast Renaming Debates: The crew kicks off the new season by trying to rebrand from The Runestone RoundTable to Organised Chaos, only to discover four other podcasts already beat them to it—ultimately deciding to just drop the "The" from their name.
• Holiday Nightmares & Petty Burglary: From 16-hour New Year's pub crawls and 40-year-old ovens ruining roast potatoes to a Croydon Airbnb where the bed had no slats, the boys recap their festive chaos before debating what minor inconveniences they'd inflict as petty burglars (stealing remote batteries, teaspoons, and toothbrush bristles).
• Binge-Watching & Binge-Learning: Discussions turn to teaching guitar chords (A, Am, E, Em, C, G), the death of traditional cable TV subscriptions, and watching Vikings while fact-checking character histories on Wikipedia.
• The AI & Work Debate: A deep dive into artificial intelligence—sparked by a news story about AI discovering a lithium replacement in a week—sparks a fiery debate over automated jobs (McDonald's, Amazon, and pothole-repairing robots in Hertfordshire), taxes, and the 1960s "Mouse Utopia" experiment.

Verdict: A masterclass in Croydon Airbnb survival, guitar chord shortcuts, and existential dread over our upcoming robot overlords.

#RudeRoundtable #UKPodcasts #ComedyPodcast #PodcastBanter #AIFuture #Nostalgia #Vikings #MouseUtopia