What family game is Rose Ayling-Ellis banned from playing in her own home? Find out in the first ever podcast appearance by the actor and Strictly Come Dancing champion!

Rose takes Russell through the majesty of playing Catan, eating Posh Crisps and how the pandemic had a weird side-benefit for the deaf community. 

It’s a great fun hour and well worth your time.

In this episode there’s a lot of chat about British Sign Language… if it’s piqued your curiosity and you want to find out more then get your ass (and hands) down to https://www.british-sign.co.uk

🚨Watch out for Rose playing the lead in the new ITV drama ‘Code of Silence’. 🚨

📚 Also, Rose’s book that she talked about in the show ‘Marvellous Messages’ is out now and you can get it here.  It’s about all the different ways that communication happens and it’s a cracking book for kids who are 7-9. 📚

🇺🇸 And if you happen to be in the United States right now, then why don’t you treat yourself and get along to one of Russell’s shows! He’s doing a brief tour of some cities in America that he hasn’t played for a while - check out where he be and get those tickets by going to russell-howard.co.uk 🇺🇸

If you’re enjoying this podcastness and you want it even podcastier, as in no adverts,  an exclusive extra show every week that you help to make, and getting it all a day early… all for less than the cost of one sandwich a month… then click here to find out more. 

And we’re done. Time to put the microphone, keyboard, feather boa and udder lube back in the cupboard for another week. Time to get dressed again and leave the key under the doormat for the cleaners to do their thankless task. 

Hope your week is filled with rainbows and flowers, unless you’ve got hay fever in which case maybe just go with some plastic flowers. Goodbye to you.

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Is Russell a Paladin, a Warlock or a Rogue? Scottish comedy powerhouse Daniel Sloss introduces Russell to his world of D & D with his customary passion and flair. He also sings the praises of sneezes, and makes a convincing case for self-medicating in airports. 

Daniel Sloss fans who are waiting for a new show, well you are in luck. He’s working up material now for his next tour, so if you live in Scotland you’ll be able to see him popping into your local comedy club and throwing ideas around. If that’s geographically inconvenient, then you’ll probably have to wait for the real thing. 

Keep those beautiful eyes of yours on danielsloss.com where you’ll find news of the tour when it drops, and in the meantime you can stream all of Daniel’s existing shows. So go do that. Now. 

Would you prefer to get this podcast without adverts?

And get a free extra show every week?

And get it all a day before everyone else? 

And join a bunch of like-minded happy people?

Well you’re in luck. You can do this and much more by clicking this here: 

patreon.com/RussellHoward  

If you want to give it a whirl for a month, then cancel, you can do that. 

🇺🇸 Russell’s going to America! 🇺🇸

He’s got a bunch of East Coast dates coming around the corner, so if you’re in that part of the world then have a look at Russell-howard.co.uk to find out where the shows are and get your tickets. 

That’s also the place to stream Russell’s latest special. Have a look.

And well I never we come to the end of another week of blurby blather. I can see the earth rising now, as we complete another full orbit. I sometimes wonder if it’s worth mentioning that we’re the first podcast to be entirely produced from orbit, but it feels a bit showy. Anyway, time I floated to the second module to have a breakfast of pureed croissants. Stay safe down there. 

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How do you become a Habbo Hotel Scammer? And why did Russell ask a bunch of young men which of them was going to pleasure him in the street? 

Podcast royalty and ex-Youtube magnate JacckMaate is in the studio, and it’s as fun, breezy and enjoyable as you would imagine from a man of his mastery of chat. Jack’s stories about his days as a Habbo gangster are sensational. 

JaackMaate’s Happy Hour is one of the biggest podcasts out there and it’s available exclusively through Spotify.

Go listen, then explore all the things that Jaack does. He’s great.

If you’d like to get the podcast without being interrupted by adverts, and get an extra show every week, AND get it all a day before everyone else, then you can! You can join our Patreon. It’s inexpensive and we would love to have you as part of the club.

Click this link to join or find out more:

patreon.com/RussellHoward  

And that’s all folks! Have a mad good week. Mad good I tell you. 

xxx

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Hear Rachel Riley's plan for pay-as-you-go giant adult prams! You'll find this and all your other must-know insights into Britain's most well-known maths genius in this episode of Five Brilliant Things!

Rachel has a passion for all sorts of things and it was pure pleasure to hear her talking about the excitement of travel, of food, and of course, maths. In there there's some really simple ideas as well about how you, who is intimidated by maths, can instantly get better. Have a listen, feel fuzzy, get good at maths. What a way to spend an hour.

🧮 As talked about in the episode, Rachel has made a Tonie to help kids who are 5+ to get confident with maths. If you've got young kids or friends with young kids, give them the gift of not shitting themselves every time someone says 'long division'. Here's the link to find out more. 🧮

Russell's just got back from touring Europe, gearing up for his next international dates which are in various parts of the United States, which is turning into a very interesting place.

Stay up to date at russell-howard.co.uk - which is also where you can stream Russell’s latest smash hit hour-long special. It’s not been long out and it’s bloody good. 

And as always, please check out the Patreon for this show. Look. Let's admit it. You're reading the blurb. You're clearly into it. Just give in to the vibes. Who reads the blurb? Legends like you, that's who. Anyway. The Patreon costs about five quid a month and for that you're going to get the show without those accused adverts, and every week (yeah!) you'll get a second show - Five Brilliant Questions - where you get to make the show with us and decide what we ask the guests. Lots and lots of fun. Also coming soon will be exclusive live recordings of the podcast and our Five Brilliant Things Patreon Army will get super discounts and first tickets. Woof woof.

Click this link to join or find out more:

patreon.com/RussellHoward  

And now let's all go back to what we were doing before we embarked upon this voyage of blurb. I personally have to go to buy some lentils. Red ones, as it happens, to make a particularly creamy daal. Byeeeeeee.

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Dave Gorman! The man, the legend, the maker of the most epic comedy shows of the past thirty years. 

How could you miss this? Dave is interested in everything, and makes everything interesting. The brilliance includes cryptic crosswords, it includes playing cards, and Dave tells us about the time he hosted a darts tournament where Eric Bristow was working illicitly. 🎯👮‍♂️

Dave is back on telly, with three new special shows of Modern Life is Goodish! This is indeed the best of newses. It’s on either now or very soon or just a while ago, depending on when you read this. If it’s not in the future, then you can catch up and watch here. If it’s in the future it’s on the channel Dave, which is now called ‘U&Dave’ because that’s an absolutely brilliant name for a TV channel. Just rolls off the tongue. God bless corporate mergers, they really know how to make a TV channel sound attractive. 

For any Dave Gorman fans, our Patreon episode this week is borderline unmissable: Dave goes into detail (because you asked) into how he has made his mega-shows. What goes into it, and why his have been successful and why the imitators fall away. It’s as fascinating as you might expect. 

Click this link to join or find out more:

patreon.com/RussellHoward  

Russell’s globe-trotting at the moment, taking his show to theatres from Singapore to Sweden. There’s a run of US dates coming up soon too. Find out where, when, how and all that by going to Russell-howard.co.uk . 

🧩 Finally, if you’ve listened to the podcast and you’re here because you want to find out more..if Dave whetted your whistle to have a go on cryptic crosswords, the place to start is the Guardian ‘Quiptic’ crosswords. These are like training crosswords to get you started. Highly recommended. 🧩

And that’s the end of it all. You’ve completed this blurb successfully and deserve a pat on the back. You get your blurb readers badge. Well done squirrels. 

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The Northern Irish Comedian is in the studio with some outstanding Brilliant Things. If you’ve never experienced Minstrels and Popcorn, if you’ve never luxuriated in the spongy floor at airport security, then this show will open your eyes and blow your mind. Or open your mind and blow your eyes.

Vittorio’s jokes and stories take a ride through is formal musical training, on a detour via traditional Irish delights (Guinness, anyone?) and there’s even a bit of fun pub quizzing at the tail end. Who doesn’t love a pub quiz?

🎤 Vittorio is massively online. If you want to find out about what he’s up to and you can’t then I just don’t think you’re trying hard enough. 

Go to his website to get all the things like tour dates, or to watch his stand-up special ‘Translations’ or to link to his very funny podcast that he makes with Mike. 

Or get into his instagram to get regular stand-up clips and nonsense. Here’s your linky-poos: 

📸Instagram 🕸️Website 📻Podcast

If you’d like to get the podcast without being interrupted by adverts, and get an extra show every week, AND get it all a day before everyone else, then you can! You can join our Patreon. It’s inexpensive and we would love to have you as part of the club.

Click this link to join or find out more:

patreon.com/RussellHoward  

Also please look out for Russell on the road. Not literally, he’s not there all flat like roadkill. 

He’s out and about - India this week would you believe?! And then all sorts of European dates then some American dates - there are shows across the entire globe. And one on the moon.

Stay up to date at russell-howard.co.uk - which is also where you can stream Russell’s latest smash hit hour-long special. It’s not been long out and it’s bloody good. 

Thanks as always for being such a fan of podcast blurbs that you’ve read all this. It’s people like you that keep us podcast note monks in quills and low-alcohol mead. 

I must go now for matins. 

Amen.

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Insider tips on how to take the perfect penalty? We got ‘em. Genuinely fascinating insights from a man with a better record than many others. Troy Deeney was Watford’s talisman and striker for years, and now is on our screens as pundit with the main sports broadcasters. 

He’s got a fascinating life story to tell involving some pretty hard stories about his upbringing, a stint in prison and how he’s kept himself together through it all. 

OH, and one thing that’s worth mentioning… There’s a description of footballer’s toenails about a third of the way through. If you’re a little squeamish then give that a forward scrub. Footballers have the mankiest toenails. Yeurch. 

⚽️ Troy has setup Vision Football Factory in Tamworth – it plays an important role in the Birmingham area, providing a safe & quality space for young people to play football & build community. The website is www.visionfootballfactory.com and you can find them on Instagram at @visionfootballfactory

You can also catch Troy on various broadcast platforms covering football, and finally you could follow Troy on Instagram to see everything he’s up to - his handle is @t_deeney. ⚽️

Russell is out on the road also, with dates across the world. He’s zipping around with such ferocity that I couldn’t possibly pinpoint where on the planet he’ll be when you read this. Stay up to date at russell-howard.co.uk - which is also where you can stream Russell’s latest smash hit hour-long special. It’s not been long out and it’s bloody good. 

If you’d like to get the podcast without being interrupted by adverts, and get an extra show every week, AND get it all a day before everyone else, then you can! You can join our Patreon for less than the cost of a pint of beer a month (or maybe two pints of orange juice if you’re not a booze hound).

Click this link to join or find out more:

patreon.com/RussellHoward  

There we go. That’s this week’s missive. 

Thanks for being part of all this because really if you didn’t read this then it wouldn’t be worth writing. 

Only joking. I know there’s nobody reading this far down. 

It’s just me, alone with my thoughts, spurting out nonsense that nobody will ever see. I could say anything. I could say all the cancellable stuff. 

Obviously I won’t because I’m nothing if not a coward. I don’t really want to be up on a work tribunal explaining why I wrote awful things in a podcast notes sign-off. That’s no way to lose it all.

I’ll stick to aimless rambling in the wind. 

See you later, nobody.

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Etiquette expert William Hanson is with us, and he’s had enough of being asked the correct way to touch yourself under the table. Do you want to find out the correct way to do the incorrect things? It’s all in this podcast with one of the most charming, funny men in Britain. 

🌂 William goes through his Five Brilliant Things, including Mary Poppins (you won’t believe how many times he’s seen the stage show. It’s a bigger number than the one you are thinking of). There is also a very informative discussion on the practical and sartorial pros and cons of becoming a cape wearer on the regular. 🌂

📖 William’s wit and wisdom is available for you to own and refer to at your whim, in the form of paper with ink symbols printed on it. I believe you earthlings refer to these things as ‘books’.

William’s latest book is called ‘Just Good Manners’ and it is a breezy, informative and deeply fun read. 

You can either get this at your local independent bookshop, or you can go online and get it here. 📖

In the Patreon episode, things take a real turn because you heathens got us to ask William to explain the dos and don’ts of rimming. 

Yeah. Exactly. Thanks. Anyway it’s all in there. It’s fascinating, and obviously very funny. If you’re not a Patreon member this could be the week to get involved. 🍩👅

Click this link to join or find out more:

patreon.com/RussellHoward  

And that’s that. If you want to get your grubby mitts on more Brilliant Things, then you can. We’d prefer you washed them first of course, but if you like those digits dirty, then we can’t stop you. We will be back here next week with a catwalk of Brilliance for you to poke.

Goodnight my pretty.

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Can Russell convince Andy to go to a Water Park? And can Andy convince Russell to visit an Ancient Greek Citadel? It’s a tussle for the ages. 

This episode of Five Brilliant Things all comes from the brains of comedian and cricket statistics royalty, Andy Zaltzman. 

It is, frankly, a fiesta of culture. From obscure Ancient Greek plays to casting sculptures in bronze the depth and breadth of Andy’s magnificent brains are on full display. Oh, yes, there’s also a smattering of cricket chat. Just a smattering. About an over’s worth. 🏏

Andy is fast becoming a household name for his work on Test Match Special, but he is first and foremost an outstanding comedian with some of the most original, funny and brilliant satirical routines out there. 

His current one man show is touring theatres across the UK right now. It is called ‘The Zaltgeist’ and you can find out the dates and book the tickets by going to andyzaltzman.co.uk.  🎤

Russell’s doing some gigs in Scandinavia 🫎 and then India, Hong Kong and some even further flung places. If you’re in those places then get tickets and dates by going to russell-howard.co.uk. 

And there endeth the sermon. Hopefully your souls are all now saved, or at least not quite as filthy as when you walked into this chapel. Now go out there, love thy neighbour and all that shit.  🙏

Amen.

Producer: Dan Atkinson

Line Producer: Daisy Knight

Exec Producer: James Taylor

Composer: Fat Lady Music

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There is something wonderful about this episode. Jessie has been through a lot. She’s taken more life thrown at her than most other people could handle, yet there is still an emphatic positivity that shines through. These Five Brilliant Things have a bittersweet quality to them which makes for a tender, funny and terrific show.

Jessie talked about her novel ‘Sunset’ on the podcast, and it really is a great piece of work, highly recommended. Please either buy it from an independent bookshop, or you could get it online HERE.  

Jessie also has a podcast called ‘Whenever it Kicks’ which is about parenthood, life generally and more - give that a look HERE. 

In our Patreon show with Jessie this week, her Five Brilliant Questions did tend towards the Harry Potter, I’ll be honest. But there was none of that in the main show so it was fascinating hearing what it was like on set, what cliques there were - and then we get into the real business of Jessie and Russell discussing the finer points of filming sex scenes. 

Do I have your attention? It’s all in our Patreon which you can find here patreon.com/RussellHoward 

And now you can see the walls coming back into focus as we descend back into the real world and leave this astral plane of blurb. It’s been a wild trip and it has been a humbling experience to be your spirit guide through this. 

If you ever regain your sanity maybe we’ll see you again next week? 

Good Day to You, Enlightened One.

Producer: Dan Atkinson

Line Producer: Daisy Knight

Exec Producer: James Taylor

Composer: Fat Lady Music

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