Kuldrin’s Krypt
S01E11-Pt 3 Red Flags, Fake Doms, & Predators
February 20th, 2017
Intro
This is Kuldrin’s Krypt season 1 episode 11 for February 20th, 2017.
(start theme pre-roll) Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt I'm your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show this is a place to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at kudrinskrypt.com. On this episode of Kuldrin’s Krypt we are going to wrap up our 3 part conversation about red flags, fake doms & predators.
Rules to Love by:
Safe, sane, consensual, informed
KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerence, Kindness, Integrity
“Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young

The last two weeks we discussed Red Flags and Fake Doms so if you missed that you will need to go back and listen to episodes 109 and 110 before listening to this episode. As usual, this is partly taken from an article and partly my own experience. You can find the link to the submissiveguide.com article in the show notes at http://kuldrinskrypt.com/111 Lets get started.
In Parts 1 and 2, we looked at the information that you should try to gather when starting to interact with an unknown Dom/me. However, there are other warning signs that can appear once you start to develop a relationship with your new Dom/me.
Evaluating your training
Once you start in training you have a better chance to evaluate your new Dom/me. You should always allow yourself permission evaluate your training by asking yourself: Is the Dom creating a positive learning environment, or, do they make you feel that you are constantly failing their orders? Was it really a newbie mistake, or, is there a lack of training that is causing the failure? Submission can easily set up a feeling of need and dependency on the Dom/me. The sub is often rewarded with praise and punishment, and the new sub will long to perform well in order to get that praise and avoid the punishment. Good Dom/mes want happy and proud subs. There is a difference between ‘beating’ and ‘browbeating’ just as there is a difference between being Dominant and domineering as we discussed in episode #3 "Rules to Love By & The Dom's Role
Another warning sign in training is the lack of limits or safe words. I know there are experienced Dom/mes who say they don’t use either; however, I strongly believe both are necessary for the safety of a new sub. My first thought when someone says no limits is what about things like breath play, CNC, and primal play. Not to mention knife play, blood play, marking, scars and piercings? If there are no safe word how is your Dom/me going to know if there is some physical or mental effect that you are having trouble dealing with? There are some very experienced and observant Dom/mes out there, and the safe word may rarely or never be used but most of the time when that’s the case it’s also with an experienced sub that probably has logged a lot of playtime with that Dom/me...and besides all that, why would a Dom/me feel threatened by having a safe word in place?
Is it Abuse or is it BDSM?
A predator can use the feeling of need and dependency to create an unhealthy environment, rather than participation in an exciting power exchange. Signs of an abuser in the vanilla world are denial, isolation, dependency, anger, control, and emotional impact. How does this relate to the BDSM world? Let’s look at them one by one, and compare with the vanilla world.
Denial
In the BDSM world the Dom may punish you for serious offenses. I have only had to severely punish a sub a few times in the past 21 years. If I was not allowed to punish them in a way that had been pre negotiated, the alternative would be to end the relationship, due...