In this episode, I am tackling the belief that “good” Christians have to forgive because God tells us to love our enemies. But is loving the same as forgiving?  So many Christians who are still in the process of working through forgiveness get trapped in unhealthy relationships because they feel guilty about not loving their enemies as Jesus exhorts us to do in Matthew 5: 43-45. Victims are often strongly encouraged to re-engage in relationships with offenders as their Christian duty to forgive. 

I challenge two concepts in this belief, (1) what it means to be a “good” Christian and (2) what it means to love our enemies.

It is well and good to have standards, but when we start to define Christianity by a set of rules instead of a relationship with our triune God, we are missing the boat. It’s time to get back to basics. Drop the “good” in front of Christian and sit at the foot of the Master, Jesus Christ. In Luke 18 v. 19, the rich official calls Jesus a good teacher, and He responds, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone.” We cannot earn grace. Forgiveness heals us and it frees us, but it has to be an act that is done in freedom and never under duress. Making someone believe that they somehow don’t make the cut as a “good Christian” to get them to forgive is manipulative and should stop.

The love that Jesus refers to in Matthew 5: 43-45 is agape love, the love that God infuses into our hearts when we are in a relationship with Him. It’s the love that Saint Paul refers to in 1 Corinthians 13 that bears all things. Jesus gives us a way to express that love by saying, “...pray for those who persecute you” Simply put, praying for our enemies is loving them. Do we need to be in a close relationship with someone when we pray for them? Absolutely not.

Are we supposed to tolerate behavior that insults our inherent dignity? NO. Jesus himself stated in Matthew 18:6, “Woe to the one by whom the stumbling block comes” about those who would tempt us to sin” What Jesus is asking of us here is to follow his lead and be merciful. But what does being merciful mean?

It doesn’t mean we have to submit to manipulation or abuse. We can love from a distance.

If you are in a situation where harm has been perpetrated against you, and you feel guilty for not having forgiven the offender and pressure from others to forgive, know this. You have free will. God respects your free will. He will never ask you to do something He has not already allowed His Son to suffer and redeem.

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Connect with me as your forgiveness guide at www.drcarron.com. I will hold space for you as your Christian Life Coach as you work through your pain and rewrite your story. Sign up HERE for a discovery call.

Not ready for coaching? Sign up for my 5 Days to Forgiveness Self-Guided Mini-Audio Retreat. 

Email me at [email protected] to schedule a speaking engagement at your church or small faith-sharing group.

Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.