This week we’re avoiding melanin-sucking albino vampires while we discuss “Teliko”! We’re talking how “Deceive, Inveigle, Obfuscate” is never going to be a thing no matter how many times Howie tries to jam it into the episode, Scully going on a hot date with a dead man, racist panflute music (like, A Lot of it), our New Favorite Guy™ whose face is carved out of stone, Mulder being a serial mono-Secret Informantist, and how disappointing it is we missed our opportunity to have Scully fireman carry Mulder. We propose a hot new sitcom with all our favorite non-important tertiary characters, struggle to remember Marita’s last name, try not to bully Howie too much, and enjoy an archetypal alleyway.

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