This week we are being possessed by ghost lovers while we discuss “I Only Have Eyes for You”! We’re talking the blessed return of Snyder, John Hawkes(!!), Buffy and Angel having problems nobody has ever had before, the impending breakup of Spike and Dru, and creepy writer Scott and his obsession with getting a locker monster arm into the show. We accept that Snyder is indeed a truth-seeker, do the math on what percentage of the vampire trio has to be having a bad one at any given time for their dynamic to work, what Cordelia’s grandpa’s breath smells like, and Willow continuing to be an unpaid intern. Everybody woke up this morning and chose projection.

Note: Remember to submit any Season 2 questions to us by September 27!

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This week we are seeing death while overcoming a severe flu while we discuss “Killed by Death”! We’re talking burrito-ing Angel, whether Buffy’s uncomfortable pillow is what made her sick, that Giles/Joyce might be coming back from the dead, that the hospital really needs accessible visiting hours for vampires, and whether that invisible body is going to be rotting down there forever now. We make fun of Buffy’s disposable one-episode trauma backstory, really get into the eyeball stalks, enjoy some extraneous ADR lines, and realize that Cordelia isn’t mean, she’s just practicing radical honesty. Creepy Willie Garson, get out of here and back to White Collar from whence you came.

Note: Remember to submit any Season 2 questions to us by September 27!

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This week we are slipping back into the cool, cool waters of Scully Nation while we do a commentary track for the new I Want to Believe: Vrach Frankenshteyn director’s cut! We score a pretty big get inviting Chris Carter himself on to join us for a director’s commentary. We get some pretty exciting scoops about David Duchovny’s beard surgery, keeping all the actors in cages between takes, and the real reason he’s not involved in the Coogler X-Files reboot. We try to figure out what’s wrong with Chris Carter’s phone and why nobody is calling him back, get a little Season 12 tease, cheer on Ellen Bledsoe (of course), and mostly just wonder why they released a director’s cut where everything is still basically the same.

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This week we are saying goodbye to beloved computer teachers while we discuss “Passion”! We’re talking how the voiceover would go in an X-Files style, why everyone is so chill about this Angelus situation, Drusilla flying the food airplane for Spike, Jenny emailing the ritual to Giles but he never checks so he doesn’t see it, and why the hell Joyce is buying citrus in California. Girl, utilize your contacts. We go off the rails quite a bit due to the heat in our recording room, debate whether Viggo Mortensen is Danish for a really long time, and discuss (in no particular order) The Shield ship fanvideos, Danish agricultural exports, Michael Chiklis’ career, and Viggo Mortensen’s Spanish accent. Listen, we don’t know what happened either.

Note: We had some crackly audio issues in the last couple minutes we weren’t able to edit around, so bear with us through that, but if you are still listening to the end, you’re a real one anyway.

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 This week we are casting revenge love spells after we get dumped in “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered”! We’re talking how Joyce has Tupperware rotating in a circle in her mind, whether Giles was sitting there the entire time while Buffy seduced Xander, that the basement is Xander and Cordelia’s special place, that Joyce is one step away from becoming Teena Mulder, and that sometimes you just have to run away about it. We wonder if Xander’s true home is the bus depot, laugh at the increasingly cartoonish threats to Rat Buffy, get repelled by Joyce and Ted’s pet names for each other, and put up a sign that says All Are Welcome EXCEPT Angelus. And if you need to comfort someone, just say the following words: “Dude. Way to get dumped!” It helps a lot.

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This week we are discovering that our new crush might be a werewolf while we discuss “Phases”! We’re talking how fixing your crush’s shirt tag is a sign of love, that it’s passe to pretend to hate Twilight nowadays, the Walmart parking lot size of Makeout Lane, and an update on the locker room attack bet. It’s not looking good for one of us. We wonder why Oz’s parents have basement manacles at the ready, discuss whether a pile of raw meat is a good way to attract werewolves, and really enjoy Willow and Cordelia becoming friends. If in doubt, just say out loud to yourself: A werewolf in love. It really puts things in perspective.

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This week we are losing our souls and tormenting our girlfriends while we discuss “Innocence” with special guests Courtney and Hannah from That Nostalgia Show! We’re talking all of Jenny’s backup uncles, Xander having a thought for maybe the first time ever, making sex noises in the sound booth, how iconic the rocket launcher scene is, and Giles being utterly oblivious about what happened last night between Buffy and Angel. We think Jenny should try doing minor inconveniences at Angel, hate on Joyce just a tiny bit more, enjoy Oz being wise beyond his years, and really enjoy how inconsequential The Judge is. Remember if your shitty uncle dies, make sure to steal his dorky hat!

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This week we are making it to vampire base with our boyfriends while we discuss “Surprise”! We’re talking Benedict Jenny, that some members of the Scooby Gang are still eating the Ted cookies, Angel sent to the store to buy party hats, Spike and Dru getting a personalized “Live Laugh Love” sign for their condo, that we would never not recognize Brian Thompson and his powerful chin, and Jenny’s uncle’s weird hat. We appreciate Oz’s chill at discovering the existence of vampires, wonder if Angel might have more game than Mulder, wonder how many docks this damn town has, and propose Jenny and Angel going on an evil makeover montage. Who watches the Watcher?

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This week we are raising evil offspring and avoiding cowboy vampires while we discuss “Bad Eggs”! We’re talking Willow having hormone fear, whether or not Spike would be a big Tweeter, that they should have let baby Ella into the writer’s room, if Tector Gorch is a name or not, whether Xander was hard-boiled as a kid, and bug slappy hands. We obsess over the logistics of the Sunnydale High security guard situation, save that Joyce Shrieking image to our personal files, talk a lot about omelets, and highlight some developments with the uncomfortable pillow situation.

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This week we are trying to hide the fact that we hate our new stepfather while we discuss “Ted”! We’re talking being seduced by mini-pizzas, Angel spending a lot of time at the bowling alley, how Giles/Joyce is deader than Ted, lots of references to I.F.T. from Breaking Bad, and that this episode is really not a good look for Joyce. We laugh at Joyce putting away tons of Ted Tupperware, realize that there are actually consequences to killing someone, revive our Vince impression, and wonder if we too would sell out for tasty food.

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