This week we are trying to avoid joining the school talent show while we discuss “The Puppet Show”! We’re talking the cavernous catacombs under this school, that Joyce only thinks of bills and taxes, Principal Quark’s weird psychosexual obsession with Flutie, damsel in distress Giles, and how heartwarming it is that Cordelia has embraced self-love. We rolls our eyes as they really try to wring some pathos out of the horny puppet dying, wonder if we’ve ever chortled, try to identify a horse girl among the cast, and have some questionable beef with people with terminal illnesses.

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This week we are getting catfished by online demons while we discuss “I, Robot… You, Jane”! We’re talking how monks hate to see a bisexual demon winning, Boomer Queen Willow and her love of ellipses, how they can’t shut down the school every time someone dies or nothing would get done, and join the technopagan Jenny Calendar fan club. We wonder whether Giles has the Better Call Saul electricity ailment, get excited that scrunchies have finally appeared, wonder how Klingon Jesus comes into this, and quickly grow tired of Jack-Off Guy.

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This week we are discovering upsetting truths about our new crush while we discuss “Angel”! We’re talking The Master locking into his House Hunters marathon, getting Joyce-blocked, our surprise that Angel has decorated his apartment, the Giles/Joyce agenda taking flight, how the 45-second rule messed up Angel’s tattoo, and Darla becoming an absolute icon in the span of two seconds. We debate what the sexiest wound is, wonder if David Boreanaz should be doing an Irish accent, suddenly get more interested in Angel now that he’s more Catholic, and laugh as Angel tucks and rolls out the window.

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This week we are joining a hyena pack of mean kids and being rude to our friends while we discuss “The Pack”! We’re talking whether we’re into the weird zookeeper’s vibe or not, yet another mention of this mysterious ice cream place, really intense dodgeball games, why on earth there’s a holding cell in the library, and what hyenas did when they were kicked off Noah’s Ark. We retcon the fact that we definitely loved Principal Flutie from the very beginning, laugh when the show turns into a 90s music video for a solid 2 minutes, really don’t appreciate the assault of it all, and get excited about a canonical Scully name drop. We’re also beginning to be afraid there won’t be any scrunched ponytails in this show.

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This week we are trying to balance dating and slaying while we discuss “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”! We’re talking how much Giles does not care about cute boys or cute boy drama, Xander somehow getting an invite to Girl’s Night, how sadly The Master's air jiggling now has an explanation, and that performatively reading at lunch doesn’t do as much for him as Owen seems to think. We wonder if planes have accordions, keep forgetting that we don’t know Angel is a vampire yet, debate Looney Tunes watch vs. bespoke pocket watch for impressing girls, and embarrassing barricades.

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This week we are salivating over a hot bug teacher while we discuss “Teacher’s Pet”! We’re talking whether Bruce Seth Green is just Seth Green in a mustache, Angel pulling the age-old “lending a girl your leather jacket” move, Ella’s delight over the name Blaine Mall, panflutes being used for not racism for once, and what in the hell is going on with this fork vampire guy. We discuss whether Giles and Mulder knew each other at Oxford, that Angel can’t stick around for more than 45 seconds lest Buffy find out he’s a dork, and how troubling it is that the U.N. is trying to force us to eat crickets. Excuse us, we need to go carbo-load for Ms. French.

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 This week we are getting a little too invested in cheerleader tryouts while we discuss “Witch”! We advocate for Black Philip joining the gang, wonder where the accursed mascot from the movie went and how long until he strikes again, debate whether or not cool kids are on yearbook, and ask whether Buffy realizes she’s friends with nerds. We’re talking Cordelia spending too much time on the Skyrim character creation screen, too many VVITCH jokes, #midwestmoment, and the importance of following recipe instructions. Apply to witch.

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This week we are attempting to avoid this low-stakes apocalypse while we discuss “The Harvest”! We’re talking Xander and Willow getting The (vampire) Talk, whether The Master is a Star Trek villain, the need for a Slayer onboarding checklist, if this is the first time Giles is ever seeing a computer, and Joyce’s valiant effort to be stern and ground Buffy. We wonder what the point of The Master jiggling the air all the time is, try and fail to come up with some workable Slayer puns, get sad because Buffy’s not used to having friends, and follow up on the vampires = demons situation. We’re planting our flag early: Giles/Joyce when?

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 This week we are firing up the TV show proper while we discuss “Welcome to the Hellmouth”! We’re talking Sunnydale’s one creepy alley and its sign-up sheet, how gymnasts hate Buffy, the surprising appearance of the Alien Bounty Hunter, and discover what Bovril is. We would like to shield you from this knowledge, but we can’t. We wonder if teen clubs are real, try to figure out if Luke is wearing a pooka shell necklace, Amanda tries to hold in contempt for David Boreanaz, and Ella has a bit of an I Saw the TV Glow moment. Birthright word count: uncountable. 

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This week we are kicking off our Buffy coverage with the 1992 movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer! We’re talking our history with Buffy and what we know going in, how crucial to the plot this yellow leather jacket is, the practicality of eating popcorn while making out, our love for the basketball coach, and struggle to call her Buffy and not Scully. It’s a big change! We debate whether or not we enjoy Donald Sutherland’s vibe, log onto Vampbo to get some choice vampire real estate, blink and almost miss Ben Affleck’s random cameo, and make up patently false stories about a random biker to justify liking him.

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