This week we are raising evil offspring and avoiding cowboy vampires while we discuss “Bad Eggs”! We’re talking Willow having hormone fear, whether or not Spike would be a big Tweeter, that they should have let baby Ella into the writer’s room, if Tector Gorch is a name or not, whether Xander was hard-boiled as a kid, and bug slappy hands. We obsess over the logistics of the Sunnydale High security guard situation, save that Joyce Shrieking image to our personal files, talk a lot about omelets, and highlight some developments with the uncomfortable pillow situation.

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This week we are trying to hide the fact that we hate our new stepfather while we discuss “Ted”! We’re talking being seduced by mini-pizzas, Angel spending a lot of time at the bowling alley, how Giles/Joyce is deader than Ted, lots of references to I.F.T. from Breaking Bad, and that this episode is really not a good look for Joyce. We laugh at Joyce putting away tons of Ted Tupperware, realize that there are actually consequences to killing someone, revive our Vince impression, and wonder if we too would sell out for tasty food.

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This week we are performing a ritual to heal our evil girlfriend while we discuss “What’s My Line? Part 2”! We’re talking Slayer logistics, Kendra’s Watcher stuck at the airport picking up the luggage, the infinite Slayer loophole, whether there’s a Watcher group chat that Giles is not invited to, the “Any more ladies in the house?” club mix, and the vampire throuple’s history with sexy torture. We wonder if the assassins are going to be after Buffy forever now, reveal the real reason Oz dyed his hair, get confused about Angel’s on-again, off-again shirt, and watch Angel and Drusilla rotating slowly in the microwave. Just because Howie didn’t write this episode is not going to stop us from blaming everything on him.

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This week we are being menaced by assassins and finding out we’re not the only Slayer while we discuss “What’s My Line? Part 1”! We’re talking being attacked by bad accents, our theory about why everyone is pissy in this episode, the “I like shrubs” checkbox, Buffy and Drusilla having a legendary Pout-Off, the dreaded Chiseler, and Angel pulling a Mulder and shouting “BUFFAY!” We think it’s cute that Spike and Drusilla paint each other’s nails, laugh at how Angel can’t bust out of a $10 padlock, point out that the dialect coach is probably the monster of the week, and celebrate the one and only Howie episode we’ll get this series. What exactly does it take to get power-freaked?

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This week we are learning about our mentor’s seedy past while we discuss “The Dark Age”! We’re talking how messed up it is to target ethical vampires, Giles not enjoying being teased about first-edition books at all, how shocking it is for Giles to have a little tipple after work, Ethan and Buffy awkwardly going to the tattoo removal place together, and the glossy 8x10 photo that Giles keeps of himself. We talk about the importance of Sunnydale coroners checking that the bodies are still there, get sad about Giles and Jenny’s breakup, and want Ethan Rayne to pull Ripper out of Giles more often. Vampire MD coming to your TV this fall.

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This week we are discovering that our childhood friends aren’t who we remember in “Lie to Me”! We’re talking Willow’s boy door in her bedroom, Giles’ love life continuing to get the way of slaying more than Buffy’s ever does, a Dracula Walmart greeter, Tim Roth from Lie to Me showing up and delighting us all like Gene Parmesan, and how Angel did one cool thing but nobody saw and nobody will believe him. We scare ourselves by wondering if Spike and Drusilla use therapy-speak with each other, wonder if Angel and Willow could be buds, worry about whether our micros are showing, and get a little turned around in Sunnydale’s endless back alley-warehouse area. I spy a lie!

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 This week we are becoming our costumes while we discuss “Halloween”! We’re talking Willow being the #1 Buffy/Angel shipper, the danger of redheads being magnetically opposed to each other, Spike hanging out with 8-year-old demons, how you can’t break the Halloween candy covenant and expect not to get attacked by children, how cute it is when Buffy clings to Cordelia, and we say hello to RIPPER?! Excuse me?! We repeat the phrase “become the mask” until it’s not funny anymore, reveal that Spirit Halloween is the true monster of this week, propose a Lie to Me bonus episode, and uncover a truly egregious goof. Lizard demon with mustache true MVP of this episode.

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This week we are attending a frat party while we discuss “Reptile Boy”! We’re talking whether sad club music is a thing, Buffy and Xander braiding Willow’s hair, Cordelia’s terrifying man-catching laugh, how great Buffy is at pouting, and whether or not Angel knows how to read. At this point, evidence is inconclusive. We continue the saga of Cordelia somehow having a driver’s license, that the cold open girl simply has bad vibes, how vampire-friendly coffee could be made, and how important brewski time is after your cult rituals are done. We don’t appreciate Bookoo Babes guy’s attitude, but we do appreciate the phrase.

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This week we are dating ancient mummies while we discuss “Inca Mummy Girl”! We’re talking being deafened by panflutes, how hilarious this Cultural Appropriation Party is, the introduction of Oz, troubling #xanderfamfacts, and a lot of Rectify for a while. We are approximately 40% of the total audience of that show, but you’re going to listen to it anyway! Giles does some arts and crafts, mummy arms come off in comical ways, a mashup of PT Barnum and John Waters shows up, we get a deafening “a normal life” echo chamber, and we follow up on the “redheads can’t date redheads” controversy now that further facts have come to life. Ever wondered about Danny Strong’s love life? We didn’t either, but that didn’t stop us from looking it up!

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This week we are crawling through the ceiling during a hostage situation while we discuss “School Hard”! We’re talking how there should be other types of Slayers to help Buffy carry the load, get super excited about the return of the king (Howie Gordon), how much we love bad guys in love, and one of us really struggles to process the fact that Spike is English. We wonder how Angel, Spike, and Drusilla’s Anne Rice book club would go, cheer for Joyce having her moment, get very intrigued by certain Principal Snyder plot developments, and thank Spike for ridding us of the Anointed Boy once and for all. Let’s get chanty with the fellas!

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