This week we are tying our deep psychological trauma into a neat bow and moving on with our lives while we discuss “Closure”! We’re talking everyone’s need to wrap up the Samantha storyline already, how Harold the psychic has Shawn Spencer energy (derogatory), how Scully really needs a kid leash for Mulder, how much we want to see Scully in Mindhunter, and how the Cigarette Smoking Man definitely has a rotary phone fidget. We completely forget about CSM’s Jesus surgery, theorize that Spender failed to tell Mulder he knew Samantha after one too many bullying incidents, how much CSM wants to be the weird uncle villain (and how he never will be), how sad the Mulder + Samantha reunion is, get excited about our first real double X-File, but honestly spend most of our time talking about David Duchovny’s terrible surfer dude wig. In the immortal words of David Duchovny: Hey Kim, watch this shit.

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