Sacrilegious Discourse - Bible Study for Atheists

Husband and Wife cover Exodus chapter 37: The Furnishings of the Tabernacle; and chapter 38: The Court of the Tabernacle / The Supervision of the Work / The Metal of the Sanctuary. We discover that "donations" were actually taxes because the writers were clearly all liars. Still wondering, wtf is a shekel? And why is Husband being such a whiney ?

Husband and Wife learn a thing or three about this weird, dateless holiday that originated from early goddesses of dawn and spring. It falls on the first Sunday AFTER the first full moon AFTER the Spring Equinox, because obviously. Eggs are caves, bunnies are virgins, and lilies grow in sweat. Seems legit.

Husband and Wife cover Exodus chapter 35: Regulations for the Sabbath / Israel to Bring an Offering / The Tabernacle Articles / The People Bring the Offering / The Call of Bezaleel and Aholiab; and chapter 36: Moses Restrains the People from Bringing Gifts / The Making of the Tabernacle. We question how much gold the people had left to donate after that whole golden calf debacle; how moved they actually were to make donations when the penalty was probably death; whether too many donations is a bad thing; why people always gotta be mowing their lawns; and how to get our hands on a pair of some dope- Satan kicks.

Husband and Wife cover Exodus chapter 33: The Lord's Presence Promised; and chapter 34: The Second Table of Stone / Israel Warned of the Idolatry of Canaan / The Three Anointed Feasts / Moses and the Tables of the Law. Husband requests milk and loses his cool when God continues to be a hypocrite. Also, it turns out that Yahweh literally translates to jealous, which makes total sense. And what, pray tell, is God's beef with yeast?

Husband and Wife cover Exodus chapter 31: The Call of Bezaleel and Aholiab / The Sabbath as a Sign; and chapter 32: The Golden Calf. Aaron leads Israel into an orgy. God throws another tantrum. People are murdered, survivors do shots of Goldschläger, and there's yet another plague. Finally, let's be honest - who among us DOESN'T resent buying light bulbs?

Husband and Wife cover Exodus chapter 29: The Consecration of Aaron and His Sons / The Daily Offerings; and chapter 30: The Alter of Incense / The Atonement Money / The Laver / The Anointing Oil and the Incense. Are there any living descendants of Aaron still puttering around today? Are they aware they'll die if they don't wash their hands? What are the varying degrees of holiness? How much is a shekel? What exactly is the "usual" method for all these recipes?

Husband and Wife cover Exodus chapter 27: The Alter of Burnt Offering / The Court of the Tabernacle / The Tending of the Lamp; and chapter 28: The Garments for the Priests. Poor Aaron has to carry around like a zillion pet rocks on his fancy getup. Wife is gonna hit up Etsy for a robe like the one Arron gets to wear! Then she's gonna tinkle like his bells.

Husband and Wife cover Exodus chapter 25: Israel to Bring an Offering / The Arc of the Testimony / The Table for the Showbread / The Golden Candlestick; and chapter 26: The Tabernacle. Basically it's really bad Ikea instructions for building a giant fancy-pants jewelry box made all of gold which isn't gawdy IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER. Also a sewing project if you can get to a Joann's in ancient times.

Husband and Wife cover Exodus chapter 23: Laws of Human Relations (cont.) / The Three Appointed Feasts / The Lord's Angel Sent to Lead Israel; and chapter 24: Moses and the Elders on Mount Sinai. People get splattered with blood and rest their asses. Changes of season turn into week-long parties. People are urged to invade other lands. *sigh*

Husband and Wife cover Exodus chapter 21: The Treatment of Servants / Laws Concerning Acts of Violence / Laws Concerning Responsibility of Owners; and Exodus chapter 22: Laws Concerning Restitution / Laws of Human Relations. Not gonna lie, this section was particularly iresome. Seriously, these are rules supposedly dictated by God on how to treat slaves, virgins, thieves, widows, orphans, etc. The Bible is just gross. Final thoughts: Ex 22:31 "Throw it to the dogs."