Sacrilegious Discourse - Bible Study for Atheists

Jacob Blesses Ephraim and Manasseh;

Jacob's Prophecy Concerning His Sons / The Death and Burial of Jacob; and

The Death of Joseph.

Them dudes died, but not before Jacob called out his sons' bad behavior. "Y'all suck!" he shouted before taking his last breath. Congrats! You've completed the Book of Genesis!

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Jacob and His Family in Egypt.

There's like this famine and basically they squeeze the people of Egypt for all they're worth and basically it's pretty mf grotesque. We hate it. Slavery ensues.

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The Missing Cup / Judah Pleads for Benjamin; and chapter 45: Joseph Makes Himself Known to His Brethren.

We apologize for all the ridiculous background noise. There is coughing, motorcycles revving, and reading flubs. Also, Joseph comes clean but he's so boring about it.

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Joseph's Brethren Come to Egypt for Grain; and chapter 43: Joseph's Brethren Return with Benjamin.

Joseph f*cks with his brothers a bit and yeah, the schadenfreude is real.

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Joseph Interprets the Prisoners' Dreams; and chapter 41: Joseph Interprets Pharaoh's Dream / Joseph Made Ruler over Egypt.

The baker bites the dust. Something about fat cows and grains that swallow. Famine ensues but Egypt learns to budget so whatever.

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Judah and Tamar; and chapter 39: Joseph and Potiphar's Wife.

Now we know why people think the pull-out method is an *effective form of birth control (*NOTE: IT'S NOT). Er bites the dust. Apparently it's evil to not impregnate your brother's wife. Joseph almost gets raped.

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The Descendants of Esau; and chapter 37: Joseph Sold into Egypt.

Some boring begatting followed by a story we wish Donny Osmond was here to sing. No raping or incest this time!

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The Defilement of Dinah Avenged; and chapter 35: God Blesses Jacob at Beth-el / The Death of Rachel / The Sons of Jacob / The Death of Isaac.

"Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah; someone's in the kitchen I know"🎶 Wife loses her sh*t and rants about rapey men who can't control themselves. The Avenging was definitely appropriate for those monkeys.

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Jacob Prepared to Meet Esau / Jacob Wrestles at Peniel; and chapter 33: Jacob and Esau Reconciled.

That wrestler came out of nowhere! Don't eat the hip bone! And was Esau subtweeting Jacob, or what? Also - can't believe we didn't make a joke about Peniel / Penile. What a wasted opportunity.

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The Children Born to Jacob (cont.) / The Trickery of Laban and Jacob; and chapter 31: Jacob Flees from Laban.

We learn there are multiple gods and we encounter a legit mic drop. Laban gets what's coming to him. But not really because they all walk away friendly-like after yet another convenant.

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