Meeting your Spouse’s Emotional Needs in Your Marriage Part 3 (Intimate Conversation & Physical Attractiveness)

 Episode 015

June 25, 2019 

1. Welcome 

     Erica: How we arrived at this topic- Share the conversation we had with the girls. (See episode 13) 

• Get dialogue going between husband and wife if nothing else

Recap See episode 13 for details 

 Questionnaire to identify your emotional need 

1. 1. What are my emotional needs? 
      1. Intimate Conversation (Erica talks about this) #2 most important Emotional need for women.

• First emotional need met in an affair (Willard F. Harley) 

• Intimacy ( PKJ- Into me I ALLOW you to see) 

• How am I doing?

• How am I feeling? 

• What do I think? 

• Ryan’s question 

• Dating vs Married Conversations 

• Dating getting to know each other from the beginning 

• Married continuing to get to know other (lifelong journey) 

• Date night conversations 

• We have different reasons for talking 

• Men talk to relay information-head to head (example- sports stats)

• Women talk to connect-heart to heart (I’m feeling this way)

• Women are eager to share with other men the problems they are having in the relationship 

• Give her a reason to want to talk to you 

• Reasons he won’t talk to me 

• Nagging Prov 27:15 “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm;”

• Critical 

• Monopolize Conversation 

• Conversation Volly 

• Practical ways to meet your spouse’s emotional need for Intimate Conversation 

1. 1. 1. Physical Attractiveness (Sam talks about this)

• People with this need want their spouse to be hot

1. To be physically attractive

• Some men (people) could care less...they have other emotional needs that are much more important.

• Its not about looking like someone else but being the best, sexiest, healthiest, hottest version of you.

• Love me as I am!

• To a person that has this emotional need those are fighting words

• Physical Attractiveness seems like a trivial need...unless it yours (But they all do to someone that doesn’t have them)

• A person with this need takes it personally when its met and personally when its not.

• A good indicator that this may be high on your spouse’s list is if they put a lot of energy into their appearance.

• Practical ways to meet your spouse’s need of Physical Attractiveness

Meeting your Spouse’s Emotional Needs in Your Marriage Part 2 (Affection & Sexual Fulfillment)

Episode 014

June 17, 2019

1. Welcome

    Erica: How we arrived at this topic- Share the conversation we had with the girls. ( See episode 13)

• Get dialogue going between husband and wife if nothing else

Recap See episode 13 for details

Questionnaire to identify your emotional need

1. 1. What are my emotional needs? Questionnaire
      1. Affection (Erica talks about this) As it turns out this is my #1 need Scripture ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:10‬ ‭“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”‬‬

• Non sexual way of showing he cares

• Things you used to do before you were married

• Men were not raised to show affection

• Tell him what you like

• Practical ways to meet your spouses emotional need for Affection

1. 1. 1. Sexual Fulfillment (Sam talks about this)

• The misunderstanding

1. Sex is as important to a man is as affection is to a woman and vise vera but we dont get it.

1. Testosterone makes it a biological thing

1. Men, most while their still boys, discover their sexuallity early and therefore usually bring more understanding of how to have a pleasurable sexual experience into a marriage.

• Motivation

• That sexdrive, the pleasure and the connection all motivate a man for women its a lot less biological and much more about intimacy and the emotional connection

• Practical ways to meet your spouse’s need of Sexual Fulfillment

1. How do I feel/respond if my needs are not being met?
   1. Resentment

• Frustration- only restaurant - 1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1. Disconnect/Drift

1. Pray for our podcast/marriage-we are praying for you.

Bible

His Needs, Her Needs- Building an Affair Proof Marriage Willard F. Harley, Jr.

https://amzn.to/30TX9xc

For Married Men Only- Dr. Tony Evans

https://amzn.to/31016k3

For Married Women Only-Dr. Tony Evans

https://amzn.to/2QGP4Ht

Meeting your Spouse’s Emotional Needs in Your Marriage: Part 1

Episode 013

June 3, 2019

1. Welcome

    How we arrived at this topic- Share the conversation we had with the girls.  Share experience with the book in the past and how we landed on reading the book a second time.

• Introduction to book in small group season at our church

1. Identify what my emotional needs are?

1. Identify what my emotional needs are? (listed in no order)

1. 1. Answer the questions on the questionnaire (Sam introduce the easy way to figure it out)

• Affection

• Sexual Fulfillment

• Intimate Conversation

• Recreational Companionship

• Honesty and Openness

• Physical Attractiveness

• Financial Support

• Domestic Support

• Family Commitment

• Admiration

1. Be honest with yourself
   1. We may not understand our own needs

1. Pray for our podcast/marriage-we are praying for you.

Bible

Emotional needs questionnaire:

https://www.marriagebuilders.com/emotional-needs-questionnaire.htm

His Needs, Her Needs- Building an Affair Proof Marriage Willard F. Harley, Jr.

https://amzn.to/30TX9xc

For Married Men Only- Dr. Tony Evans

https://amzn.to/31016k3

For Married Women Only-Dr. Tony Evans

https://amzn.to/2QGP4Ht

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Seasons in Your Marriage Part 4 of 4: Seasons - When Your Marriage is in Fall

Episode 012

May 27, 2019

1. Welcome

1. Seasons teach us about God and can teach us things about marriage?

Psalm 74:17 It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter.

1. Seasons are natural laws that further reveal truths about God and His creation

1. 1. He shows us things that apply to all of creation

Gen 8:22 "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

1. What fall is

1. The season to harvest
   1. Finally, you get to reap all that you’ve sown

Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

1. A busy season
   1. labor intensive

Ecclesiastes 3:4 “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,”

1. Our next season or two are often tied to the success of the harvest
   1. Cultivating in summer helps a builds a healthy harvest

1. What fall is not

1. The time to rest
   1. We have work to do

scripture ?***James‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭? “Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.”

1. What then should we do in Fall

Mark‬ ‭12:30-31‬ ‭NIV‬‬“ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.””

1. Enjoy the fruit

Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

1. Celebrate the increase God has blessed you with!

1. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you.

A day in the life of Sam and Erica’s Marriage. Meeting those emotional needs. Oh boy!!

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Seasons in Your Marriage Part 3 of 4: Seasons - When Your Marriage is in Summer

Episode 011

April 1, 2019

1. Welcome

1. How do seasons relate to marriage?

1. Seasons are natural laws that further reveal truths about God and His creation
   1. He demonstrates His sovereignty
      1. We can’t make a season change. Only God can!

Psalm 74:17 It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter.

1. How do seasons apply to marriage
   1. There are different things that we should be doing in each season

Gen 8:22 "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

1. What summer is

1. The growing season

1. Noisy

1. Season for lovers
   1. Romance

1. What summer is not

1. A season of perfection
   1. It rains

1. 1. Things that we’ve planted are growing but not quite ready for harvest

scripture ?***James‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭? “Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.”

1. What then should we do in Summer

1. Make the best of the time together

1. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you.

Next we dig a little deeper into the different “seasons” of marriage.

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Seasons in Your Marriage Part 2 of 4: Seasons - When Your Marriage is in Spring

Episode 010

March 4, 2019

1. Welcome

1. How do seasons relate to marriage?

1. Seasons are natural laws that further reveal truths about God and His creation

1. He demonstrates His sovereignty

1. We can’t make a season change. Only God can!

1. There are different things that we should be doing in each season

1. A person might describe 3 tough years in their marriage as one long season when in fact during those 3 years that person actually had a tough time that spanned 12 full seasons.

Gen 8:22 "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

1. What spring is

1. A time when things begin to grow

1. Starting something new

Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

1. Spring is the season when we’re most optimistic and hopeful.

1. What spring is not

1. A time for reaping

1. We tend to have unreasonable expectations for spring

1. Spring is about working

Pro 31:21 NIV When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

1. What then should we do in spring

1. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you.

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

Next we dig a little deeper into the different “seasons” of marriage.

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Seasons in Your Marriage Part 1 of 4: Seasons - When Your Marriage is in Winter

Episode 009

March 4, 2019

1. Welcome

1. How do seasons relate to marriage?

1. What are seasons and how do they relate to marriage?

Rom 1:20 For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

1. God reveals himself to us through creation

1. His sovereignty

1. We can’t make a season change. Only God can!

1. We chose to name our ministry “Seasons” because of the power of this concept

1. We have each of the 4

Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

Gen 8:22 "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

1. What winter is

1. A time where very little grows

1. Almost forced

1. What winter is not

1. A dead season

1. Your marriage, love or spiritual things are not dead

1. It’s only desperate when you haven’t handled your previous seasons properly

Pro 31:21 NIV When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

1. A dry season

1. Technically the precipitation of winter is the basis for the spring growth.

• Winter can be as fun and as fulfilling as any other season

1. What then should we do in winter

1. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you.

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

Next we dig a little deeper into the different “seasons” of marriage.

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Romance in Your Marriage Part 4 of 4: Romance - Celebrating Your Spouse

Episode 008

February 25, 2019

1. Welcome

1. What does it mean to celebrate your spouse?

1. Celebrating each other is a fundamental element of romance.

Romans 12:10: Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

1. Celebrating your spouse is an act of obedience that will endear you to one another

1. Why should we celebrate our spouse

1. Celebrating your spouse is another way you strengthen your connection

1 Peter 4:8: Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

1. When should we celebrate our spouse
   

• Anniversaries

1. Accomplishments

1. How should we celebrate our spouse

1. Publicly

Matthew 6:21: Where your treasures are your heart will be also.

1. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you.

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

Next we dig a little deeper into the different “seasons” of marriage.

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Romance in Your Marriage Part 3 of 4: Romance - Let’s get away!!

Episode 007

February 18, 2019

1. Welcome

Why is a getaway important?

• It gives you something to look forward to

• This may be a new concept for you.

What should we do on our getaway?

• Sex

• Corinthians 7:1-4 “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”
  

• Mark 6:30-31” The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.””
  

• Kids are constantly on the go.

How long should a getaway last?

• We recommend at least 3-4 days (but shoot for as long as possible)-it may take you 1 whole day for travel and just to unwind from the last few months or year depending on how long it’s been since your last getaway.

Who goes on the getaway?

• Husband and wife only

• This says to your spouse you are important to me. I want to spend this time with you.

Where should we go?

• Personal choice

• Conferences

• Good for getting refreshed in the Word on how to be married God’s way.

What should we do to prepare?

• Pray/Fast ahead of time.

• John 10:10  “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” ‭‭

What should we take?

• As little as possible

1. ? Share in the comment section how this is going. We want to hear about it.

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

Next we continue our discussion on Romance In Your Marriage.

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Romance in Your Marriage Part 2 of 4: Romance - Fanning the Flames

Episode 006

February 11, 2019

1. Welcome

Fanning the flames

When we notice the fire going out or dying down we we have take action to get those embers going again.

We have to be intentional (my word for 2019) if we want to see change.

The Drift

• Life gets in the way

Meeting the needs of my spouse (Questionnaire)

• What are my emotional needs?
  • Be honest when filling out the survey. Your spouse can’t meet those needs if you are not honest with the answers.

Generalizations

• Her first need is Affection
  • Hold her hand

Meeting these needs make you irresistible to your spouse

• • Realization on whether I’m meeting those needs or not
    • Love bank/ Love tank.

• Proverbs 5:18-19 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a living hind and graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.

• • Ladies, I read in a book that our husbands should be so satisfied that’s it’s like if they were so stuffed with their favorite meal and were offered dessert they would turn it down.

Burning hotter then it has in the past

• If you know your spouse’s emotional need / love language you are better equipped to show love to them in a way they need it most.

There are blessings in meeting the needs of my spouse

• Builds a deeper level of intimacy

1. This time we want you to go out on a date. It’s Valentine’s Day this week. Enjoy each other. Try working in meeting the emotional needs of your spouse. Share in the comment section how this is going. We want to hear about it.

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

Next we continue our discussion on Romance In Your Marriage.