HEADLINES: German fans force Bundesliga owners to backtrack on plans for private equity deal; Everton's unprecedented 5-point weekend and Neymar gets roped into the sad Dani Alves situation

WHAT IF: in honor of Patrick Kane returning to Chicago and beating the Blackhawks with the Detroit Red Wings, what current player on your favorite team would it hurt the most to see play for your archenemy (a la Sol Campbell moving from Tottenham to Arsenal)?

PREMIER LEAGUE: takeaways from (and butthurtedness about) Carabao Cup final; Sam's unfortunate Arsenal epiphany; whether it is too soon to call Gio Reyna's move to Forest a bust and preview of Sunday's Manchester Dærby

ROUND THE WORLD: MLS Hit-It-N-Quit-It Minute is BACK plus some 2024 season predictions and hot takes

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: making sense of MLS and US Soccer's high-profile pissing match over US Open Cup plus the best and worst of MLS's 2024 jerseys

WHAT IF: Matt Turner picks up a blue card in the 80th minute up 2-1 against Brazil in the WC26 final at MetLife... which USMNT field player are you putting in net?

PREMIER LEAGUE: thots on Chelsea holding City; what happens when you play AngeBall without AngeBall players; confusion about United continues and Carabao Cup final preview

ROUND THE WORLD: USMNT striker depth chart; singing Pulisic's praises and LOLing at the downfall of Pulisic hater-in-chief Terrorist Tommy Tuchel

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: pros/cons of FIFA's plan to test blue cards giving players a 10-minute timeout; Duncan McGuire's star-crossed move from Orlando City to Blackburn; China stays butthurt over Messi and US Soccer's decision to grant USL (Women's) Super League D1 status

WHAT IF: USMNT played in AFCON or Asian Cup... Which would we do better in? What would be the bar for success?

PREMIER LEAGUE: West Ham gets COOKED and other weekend observations; definitive midseason Power Rankings and games to watch this weekend f/t City hosting Chelsea

ROUND THE WORLD: Ivory Coast and Qatar earn their flowers and preview of this week's Champions League first leg R16 knockouts

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: FIFA unveils the where's and when's of World Cup 2026; Inter Miami's preseason tour is off to a hot start (not) and Bay FC making some early splashes ahead of first NWSL season

POP QUIZ: Euro 2024

PREMIER LEAGUE: thoughts on Arsenal's convincing win over Liverpool and a rebuke of Jamie Carragher and his fun police; flowers for Wolves and Luton Town; will Chelsea stick with Pochettino and coming around on Gio Reyna to Nottingham Forest

ROUND THE WORLD: AFCON and Asian Cup updates

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: the good, bad and ugly of Jurgen Klopp's extended farewell; why Xavi's decision to leave is a harbinger of more problems for Barcelona; Belgium sets a horrible precedent for (mis)use of VAR; and where oh where will Victor Osimhen be playing next season?

WHAT IF: you were in charge of making the next Bond movie... which Premier League manager would you pick as the Bond Villain? (Bonus : who would be the worst Bond villain?)

PREMIER LEAGUE: an unusual amount of craziness on and off the field in last week's FA Cup (where Cinderella lives on!) plus a look ahead to the not one but TWO full slates of league action coming up over the next week, culminating with Arsenal hosting Liverpool on Sunday

ROUND THE WORLD: some of the wildest narratives and storylines emerging from AFCON and Asian Cup

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: Sir Radcliffe makes an interesting (perhaps even shrewd) first move with United; Saudi imports having second thoughts; combatting racism in Serie A (and elsewhere); even more bad news for Everton plus why Mitch might go back to ref school

WHAT IF: quick housekeeping announcement

PREMIER LEAGUE: waxing poetic about Sheffield Utd vs West Ham; is Arsenal or Liverpool better placed to disrupt City's dominance and a look at this week's FA Cup matchups

ROUND THE WORLD: winners and losers from USMNT's January Camp (and highly forgettable Slovenia game)

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: Premier League is back knocking on Everton (and Nottingham Forest's) door about alleged Financial Fair Play allegations while simultaneously refusing to disclose a timeline for a decision on Man City's 115 charges; Newcastle owner gets hit with some HEAVY accusations; Messi beats out Haaland (and Mbappe) for FIFA POY; trash bag behavior by Reading's owner and level-headed discussion about Miles Robinson's decision to sign with FC Cincinnati over PSV

WHAT IF: the rumors are true and Gio Reyna leaves Dortmund this month... what is his ideal landing spot?

PREMIER LEAGUE: abbreviated weekly review focusing on United/Tottenham draw and City squeaks past a surprisingly game Newcastle plus an even more abbreviated weekend preview

ROUND THE WORLD: Saudi-Spanish Super Cup beatdown highlights the directions that Real Madrid and Barcelona seem to be headed plus earlier thots on AFCON and Asian Cup

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: thots on January transfer moves including a glut of USMNT-related moves and Timo to Tottenham, along with an under-the-radar but potentially serious concern for Serie A fans

WHAT IF: you had the opportunity to produce a Netflix documentary like the one in the works on Dear Leader Jozay... what player or coach you picking?

PREMIER LEAGUE: what to make of Arsenal's inability to score plus a preview of a weekend slate that is low on quantity but high on quality

ROUND THE WORLD: what clubs will be affected most by Afcon/Asia Cup and reaction to USMNT roster for January camp

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: Fuck Soccer Get Money European Super League is back but is anyone actually buying it; is it fair for United fans to get a little excited now that Sir Jim Ratcliffe has finally bought in; pluses and minuses of MLS following Japan's J-League by realigning the schedule with Europe

WHAT IF: Pulisic leads the USMNT to back-to-back World Cup titles in 2026 and 2030 cementing his name in soccer lore... should the USSF retire his #10 jersey?

PREMIER LEAGUE: making sense of a busy holiday period including what to makes of the recent risers (eg West Ham and Wolves) and fallers (eg, Arsenal and Newcastle), plus some FA Cup games to watch this weekend

ROUND THE WORLD: fallout from the last minute cancellation of Turkish Super Cup due to 11th hour demands by Saudi hosts plus some transfer chatter involving Johnny Cardoso to Betis, Hugo Lloris to LAFC (!?) and Antonee Robinson to Liverpool

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets where the Over Train is cooking with thermonuclear gas again and GOAWs

HEADLINES: MLS (disappointing) roster rule changes and (frustrating) decision to drop US Open Cup; USMNT/WNT players of the year; debating how big FIFA's Club World Cup could become; Boehly leaves his mark on Premier League and do we care about this winter's Messi vs Ronny matchup?

WHAT IF: college football implements some form of promotion and relegation... would that sneakily be the best/surest way for it to happen for soccer in the US?

PREMIER LEAGUE: Tyler is #notmad about United holding Liverpool to 0-0; Everton deserve some flowers; Mikey wakes up with a new most-hated team (apart from Spurs) and we get some shocking predictions for this weekend's massive Arsenal vs Liverpool game

ROUND THE WORLD: Champions League R16 matchups; Girona: La Liga contender or pretender and America's latest strategy for keeping up with the European (women's soccer) Joneses

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs