Understanding you need boundaries? Fine. Setting them? Different story. This week we're getting practical—I'm walking you through exactly how to set boundaries, what to say, how to hold them when people push back, and what happens when you start protecting your time, energy, and peace. Spoiler: it gets worse before it gets better. When you set a boundary, people are going to test it, question it, call you selfish, tell you you've changed. But here's what's actually happening—what you were doing benefited them, and that benefit is going away. This is Episode 200, and it's only fitting that it's about boundaries.

In this episode:

• The extinction burst: why boundary-testing gets louder before it stops (and what happens if you cave)
• The five-step process: get clear on the boundary, communicate it without over-explaining, hold the line, expect the guilt, and notice who respects it
• Scripts for setting boundaries: "I've decided [boundary], and I understand if it's disappointing, but this is what's going to be"
• Mantras for holding boundaries: "No is a complete sentence," "Their discomfort is not yours to fix," "Boundaries are not mean, they are clear"
• What boundaries look like with kids (teaching them how to treat you), parents (protecting yourself from what they didn't give you), partners (equity and shared responsibility), and friends (balance on the ladder)
• The three outcomes when you hold boundaries: some adjust, some resist then accept, some leave—and what each tells you about the relationship

Quote of the week: "Their disappointment is not our failure. Their struggle is not ours to fix. It is not our job to make them happy. Your job is to raise them to be capable, respectful, and independent adults."

Practice for this week: One boundary. Just one. Ask yourself: Where am I the most resentful? What am I tolerating that I no longer want to tolerate? What boundary would protect my time, energy, or peace? Write it down. Practice saying it out loud. Then hold it, even if it's uncomfortable.

The uncomfortable truth is when you change your values, the people who benefited from the old ones resist. This week we're talking about boundaries and the messy, guilt-inducing, relationship-testing reality of them. I've struggled most with boundaries around my time and energy—the assumption that because I'm home, my time is everyone's time. But being home doesn't mean being available. Your time still has value, even if nobody is paying you for it. If you've ever asked yourself "why are boundaries so hard?" this episode explains exactly why—and what you can do about it.

In this episode:

• Why we struggle with boundaries (spoiler: nobody taught us, we were raised to be nice, and we watched our mothers operate from obligation)
• The critical difference between nice and kind—and why you can't be nice and have boundaries, but you can be kind with them
• What boundaries actually are (and what they're not): protection of your time, energy, values, and peace
• The survival-level fears that keep us from setting boundaries: what if they get angry? What if they leave? What if I'm selfish?
• Why the people who love you for your compliance don't actually love you—they love what you do for them
• Where you need boundaries: with kids, parents, spouse/partner, friends, and yourself

Quote of the week: "Boundaries are not mean or selfish. Boundaries are limits on what is acceptable, what we tolerate or participate in. They act as a protection of our time, energy, values, even our peace."

Practice for this week: Notice. Notice where you need a boundary. Where do you feel depleted? Exhausted? Resentful? Where are you saying yes and then upset that you didn't say no? Write it down. Get curious.

You can do all the deep work—understand your should storms, clarify your values, honor your seasons—but on a random Wednesday when the old patterns come screaming back, you need something you can reach for quickly. This week I'm sharing the mantras that ground me when I feel stuck or out of control, and how to create your own that actually work. These aren't stolen from Pinterest or forced affirmations—they're short, believable statements that meet you exactly where you struggle and bring you back into alignment with who you've chosen to be.

In this episode:

• What a mantra actually is (and why it needs to sound like something you'd actually say)
• My most-used mantras and where they came from: "The sun doesn't shine on the same dog's ass every day," "A candle loses nothing from lighting another candle," and more
• The four-step process for creating mantras that work: name your struggle, identify the truth you need to hear, make it yours, and pair it with your values
• Why repetition rewires your brain—your old thoughts have years of momentum, your new mantras need intentional practice
• How to use mantras as armor when growth feels tender and life keeps pulling you back

Quote of the week: "You can't think new thoughts by accident. They have to be chosen again and again. And that's what mantras do. They give you something to reach for when life busyness, anything is pulling you back."

Practice for this week: Create one to three mantras. Write them down. Say them out loud daily. Find yourself seeking deeper into a state of calm and to a sense of who you actually are underneath all the noise.

I used to think something was wrong with me when I couldn't keep up with other moms who seemed to be thriving while I was barely making it to bedtime. Looking back, nothing was wrong—I was just in an emotional winter while they were in summer. This week I'm sharing the four emotional seasons we all cycle through and why your capacity to live your values changes depending on which season you're in. If you've been exhausted, depleted, or wondering why you can't do it all anymore, this episode will give you permission to stop forcing summer capacity in a winter season.

In this episode:

• The four emotional seasons (fall, winter, spring, summer) and how to identify which one you're in
• Why we've been conditioned to operate at "summer capacity" year-round—and why that's impossible
• How my postpartum depression and grief taught me that survival is sometimes the only value that matters
• What each season requires from you and which values you can realistically tend to
• Permission to let go, to survive, to move slowly, and to thrive without guilt

Quote of the week: "Be aware of what season you're in and give yourself the grace to be there." —Kristen Dalton

This week, we're choosing what comes next—your actual values, not the ones you inherited. I'm sharing the moment my therapist asked what values I wanted to bring to parenting and I sat there, speechless, realizing I'd been operating from survival instead of intention. We're examining the heavy list of values we downloaded from the 80s and 90s—perfectionism, productivity as worthiness, self-sacrifice—and exploring a new list that includes rest, joy, enough-ness, and boundaries. Because you can't decide what to release until you're clear about what you need to hold onto and why.

This week I'm naming something I think we've all felt but rarely talk about: the should storm. You know that voice that tells you you're failing at everything while you're just trying to make dinner? I'm walking you through where these thoughts actually come from, why they feel so loud, and a step-by-step process to quiet them. We're getting curious about the beliefs we inherited without choosing them, and we're learning to rewrite the thoughts that drive our most exhausting actions.

I'm kicking off a new series about letting go to uncover who we really are, inspired by John Acuff's Greatest Year Ever course. Just like the trees in fall draw their energy inward and release what no longer serves them, we need to learn to bring our energy back inside and use it with wisdom—not to meet everyone else's needs, but to sustain a healthy life. I've been questioning how our generation fell into the trap of doing all the things for all the people, treating ourselves like machines instead of humans who need rest and restoration. This week, I'm asking you to simply notice what needs to fall away in your life—the commitments, expectations, and beliefs about who you should be that no longer serve the woman you're becoming.

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Repair is the most skipped step in conflict work, and I've had to do a lot of it with my daughter after years of being too quick, too certain, and too afraid to be vulnerable. Today, I'm breaking down the four components of genuine repair—and why "I'm sorry, but..." will never rebuild what you've broken. This isn't a one-and-done process, and your timeline isn't their timeline—but every time you choose repair over justification, you're teaching the people you love that you're safe.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Last Tuesday, my daughter came home frustrated and every instinct told me to fix it, control it, be right about it—but I paused and asked her what she thought her options were instead. This week, I'm sharing the specific questions that rewire how conflict happens: what to ask yourself before walking into hard conversations, how to stay present during them, and the reflection work that creates lasting change. Plus, I'm tackling the truth that 80% of conflict has no resolution—and why that's actually okay.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Turns out, you can't think your way out of a fight-or-flight response—and that's why willpower alone never fixes how we show up in conflict. I'm walking you through what happens in your body during an argument, why my shift from fight to freeze confused my daughter's nervous system, and the practical tools that actually work to regulate yourself before, during, and after conflict. This is where we learn that our bodies aren't broken—they're just protecting us with outdated information.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/