Saying Stories Podcast

Apathetic Police Man by Nathan Puls

Norm Wheatonbush - Cold Calls by Nathan Puls

Sandwich Thriller Trailer by Nathan Puls

Singing While Driving PSA by Nathan Puls

Travis Applebottom - Secret Agent? by Nathan Puls

You Know When... by Nathan Puls

To see the pictures that go along with this story visit: https://sayingthings.com/once-upon-a-time-blah-blah-blah-58b5f292d489#.nafv6khck

Once upon a time…Blah blah blah. You’ve heard it all before. A prince falls in love with a princess and they make really tasty banana bread that eventually they sell franchises for. But this is a different story. This story is not so happy. But it’s safe. Oh is it safe. Because as we all know insurance protects us from everything.

Little tiny timmy (not to be confused with Mustache Timmy) was so tiny (but not really) that people didn’t use capital letters when writing his name. Anyway, he dreamed some weird dreams and his mom took him to a shrink.

Tell me ‘bout your dreams Dr. Susan Banana Smile said in a Texan accent through her banana smile. tiny timmy just stared. Dr. Susan Banana Smile couldn’t get any closer because tiny timmy’s hat protected him. In a way his hat was his insurance. But after 6 and a half hours of Dr. Susan Banana Smile trying different methods of getting tiny timmy to talk (like sledge hammer building workshops, candy mentoring, table tennis with raisins, and door to door kite selling) Dr. Susan Banana Smile got tiny timmy to talk. tiny timmy told her about how he’d meet a malnutritious carrot in his dream and how the carrot was awfully rude and wouldn’t talk to him and his friends. (He had just met the friends at a yard sale in the dream).

In another dream there was a poorly dressed, plaid oven mitt that had teeth! Ewwwwwww. I can see why tiny timmy wanted some protection from these strange, bizarre dreams.

To top it off tiny timmy told Dr. Susan Banana Smile about a colorless rainbow and how sad it was.

Dr. Susan Banana Smile asked tiny timmy if any of his dreams had color. tiny timmy said no.

“Aha. Well then. You don’t need any Dream Insurance tiny timmy! What you need is color!”

“But where do I get that?” tiny timmy questioned.

“From Dr. Jeffrey Pineapple Mouth of course!”

To see the pictures for this story manually type in the following link:

https://sayingthings.com/teleporting-timmy-11fef56348fc#.c8hkbd2xk

(Copy and paste is overrated)

Timmy likes to nap. Luckily he has the ability to stop time in its tracks and take naps whenever he’s tired. He’s tired a lot. Therefore, time stops a lot. But no one else knows it. Just Timmy. So Timmy has lived a lot longer than everyone else.

One time there was a kid and he opened all of his presents early. Then an eagle flew in through the kitchen window and snatched up his wig. The kid cried because his wig was his favorite possession. But then he got over it and played with all his Christmas toys. Some say the eagle came because the kid disobeyed various statutes of the age old Christmas legislation. However, environmentalists would say that it’s due to the overpopulation of native Alaskan eagles that have populated northern Omaha in recent times. Conclusive evidence is still yet to be given. But to be safe I think you shouldn’t open your Christmas gifts early. Also eat your vegetables so that your hair doesn’t fall out forcing you to wear a wig which you eventually develop unhealthy emotional attachments to. Just sayin.