Scratch That: Parenting & ReParenting Off Script

Do you get heart palpitations just thinking about planning a kids' birthday party? Or wish all your days didn't just blur into a big bowl of mush? Today we take a careful and curious look at how we mark moments, big and small. How can we do this with a little more intention and a little less stress??

Tune In to Hear Up Talk About:

🍋 The inexpensive and spectacular ways Caitlin's mom marked a moment, large or small.

🕯️ Elevating a mundane moment through attention to sensory detail.

🧶 Why Rebekah still remembers the first day of kindergarten.

🎊 The many many ways paper chains have marked moments in Caitlin's life.

✨ Shifting from the big & expensive to the tiny, doable, and affordable.

🛒 The celebratory groceries practice Caitlin & Andrew share.

🤡 What makes planning kids' birthday parties so freaking stressful.

📝 Breaking the script on rehearsed moment to create novelty .

🏔️ Putting more energy into creating peak moments and less on fixing everyday grumbles.

🗓️ Marking moments as a way of making sure you remember your own life.

🍼 The REAL reason Caitlin is having a baby shower.

The sensory birthday party Caitlin talked about.

Breakfast in bed on Rebekah's 4th birthday, a smiley face made out of powdered donuts and sausage links.

Mentioned In Today's Episode:

If you would like to support Kate Weiners in the aftermath of the fire that damaged her bookstore, Monstera's Plants, you can purchase a gift cared here. They are working very hard to re-open and could use some help in the meantime!

And if you missed our episode with Kate, listen to our conversation here.

The Power of Moments by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker

Thunder Cake by Patricia Polacco

As Always:

Check out Caitlin and Rebekah's Book Shop! Here you can find every book mentioned in our episodes, as well as a few additional faves.

Use this link to get a 25% discount on a PokPok subcription! And if you haven't listened yet, check out our interview with PokPok creators, Esther and Melissa.

We would love to hear from you! How do you think about Caitlin's ideas of "romanticizing" your life or "memorializing" a life before it ends? What ways have you found to make a moment, large or small, more meaningful? What do you think makes this work hard?

🍎 Apple

🟢 Spotify

Find Rebekah on Substack & Caitlin on Instagram ✨

Y'ALL. Today is the day! We bring you our chat with writer, artist, dancer, quilter, human, our favorite buddy, and the one-and-only – Cody Cook Parrot!! From the ways they're learning to reparent themselves around money and the discomfort they feel in class jumping to the buoy they feel in trans love and weirdo community, Cody meets us with open-hearted transparency and LOL warmth.

For more of Cody in your life, check out their website – this is where you can find their books, learn more about their podcast, sign up for their newsletter, or enroll in one of their classes.

And don't forget to pre-order their upcoming book! The Practice of Attention Cultivating Presence in a Distracted World

We're excited to share this one with you☀️

Tune in to hear us talk about:

🗒️ Cody's very first ritual practice.

🤸‍♀️ One way that Cody makes personal practice playful instead of punitive.

🫁 The 3 things Cody has been doing consistently for the longest.

💰 How reparenting is becoming a useful tool when little 9 year old Cody is sabotaging adult Cody's financial goals.

🧑‍🧑‍🧒 Linking reparenting with Internal Family Systems.

🏳️‍⚧️ The trans love and weirdo community that buoys Cody.

✌️ The words Cody's mentor said to them that helped them delete Instagram years later.

🎲 Taking the leap that aligns with our values before we know the outcome.

📖 Writing the book we needed.

Mentioned In Today's Episode:

Cody's very first podcast Have Company

The book that invited Cody into their first personal practice – The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity

Cody's money coach Hadassah Damien and their program "Ride Free Fearless Money"

Cody's book How to Not Always Be Working

Caitlin's book Feel Something Make Something

Our episode with Amelia Hruby about leaving social media

Pre-Order Cody's new book, The Practice of Attention Cultivating Presence in a Distracted World

Cody's addition to the Scratch That Spotify playlist of songs that have held us – Joan Armatrading "Down To Zero"

As Always:

Check out Caitlin and Rebekah's Book Shop! Here you can find every book mentioned in our episodes, as well as a few additional faves.

Use this link to get a 25% discount on a PokPok subcription! And if you haven't listened yet, check out our interview with PokPok creators, Esther and Melissa.

We would love to hear from you! What question do you think prospective parents should be asking? What questions do you have about parenting? Or what questions do you wish you'd asked before you became one?

🍎 Apple

🟢 Spotify

Find Rebekah on Substack & Caitlin on Instagram ✨

On today's episode, we dive into our postpartum experiences, piecing together in hindsight what happened and why. Caitlin offers the plans they're building to set themselves up for sturdy support this time around. The stories we share are tender, the reflections wobbly, and the plans hopeful.

Tune In to Hear Us Talk About:

🩺 The overwhelming lack of medical curiosity or understanding about PPD and menopause.

🕯️ When Caitlin realized they had capital P – Postpartum depression.

🚫 The horrible experience Caitlin had when they tried to reach out for medical support.

♿️ The roles disability and ableism played in Rebekah's postpartum experience.

❌ A few reasons it can be difficult to tell anyone about your PPD symptoms.

🤝 What is Caitlin doing differently with this pregnancy to prepare for Postpartum?

🛒 The very practical, tangible, helpful thing Caitlin's sister is doing to build in supports for this postpartum stretch.

🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒 The broad number of people who can experience PPD beyond a birthing parent.

As Always:

Check out Caitlin and Rebekah's Book Shop! Here you can find every book mentioned in our episodes, as well as a few additional faves.

Use this link to get a 25% discount on a PokPok subcription! And if you haven't listened yet, check out our interview with PokPok creators, Esther and Melissa.

We would love to hear from you! What were your experiences around postpartum? And what help have you received or offered during postpartum that felt especially helpful?

🍎 Apple

🟢 Spotify

Find Rebekah on Substack & Caitlin on Instagram ✨

Today on Scratch That we are the ones being interviewed! Caitlin's wise and warm BFF, Kaplan Trudo is wading into the process of deciding whether or not to pursue becoming a parent and wants to hear from us. How did we decide we wanted to become parents? What does it feel like to co-parent with another person? They dig in with questions we never thought to ask before becoming parents ourselves.

Want more of Kaplan? You can find their writing and some yoga practices (recorded as love notes to Caitlin 🥹) on Patreon or follow their Instagram.

Tune in to hear us talk about:

🔍 What becoming parents showed us about our partners and how it shifted our relationships.

✅ The one thing Rebekah wishes she'd thought more about before becoming a parent.

🕸️ Parenting as a big group project.

🧑‍🧒‍🧒 Caitlin's epiphany about their relationship with their partner as the third client in the therapy room.

🏆 A reframe for the parent who really, really wants to "get it right."

👴 Staying connected to our children/parents as we all get older.

🎮 What happens when our values don't align with our co-parents?

Mentioned In Today's Episode:

Our conversation with Shane and Hannah Burcaw where they describe their thoughts on intergenerational living.

Our conversation with Kate Wieners where she talks about using percentage ratings for how important something is to each partner.

As Always:

Check out Caitlin and Rebekah's Book Shop! Here you can find every book mentioned in our episodes, as well as a few additional faves.

Use this link to get a 25% discount on a PokPok subcription! And if you haven't listened yet, check out our interview with PokPok creators, Esther and Melissa.

We would love to hear from you! What question do you think prospective parents should be asking? What questions do you have about parenting? Or what questions do you wish you'd asked before you became one?

🍎 Apple

🟢 Spotify

Find Rebekah on Substack & Caitlin on Instagram ✨

We gave ourselves a homework assignment – huddle up with our partners and our kids and write a little family manifesto. How simple! How fun! How sweet! LOL. Turns out it might be a bit trickier than our rosy idealism pictured. Today, we share the ragged and the spectacular parts of the experience, offer up the manifestos we made, and brainstorm what we want to try next time.

Tune In to Hear Up Talk About:

🌟 The stakes of manifesto writing that tripped us up from the start.

🔍 What the process of this project revealed to us about ourselves and our families.

🎵 The part of the creation process when Rebekah's family really got on board.

📜 Manifestos as a living breathing document.

🧠 A juicy brainstorm of different manifesto mediums to try.

📋 Caitlin's mini workshop on the purpose of a manifesto and how to approach making one.

Mentioned In Today's Episode:

Listen to Rebekah's family's manifesto here.

Our conversation with S. Bear Bergman

And his book – Special Topics in Being a Parent: A Queer and Tender Guide to Things I've Learned About Parenting, Mostly the Hard Way

Caitlin always recommends using Lisa Congdon's Values Deck to kick off a manifesto draft.

The manifesto workbook Caitlin uses in their workshops (attached below!)

As Always:

Check out Caitlin and Rebekah's Book Shop! Here you can find every book mentioned in our episodes, as well as a few additional faves.

Use this link to get a 25% discount on a PokPok subcription! And if you haven't listened yet, check out our interview with PokPok creators, Esther and Melissa.

We would love to hear from you! What questions do you have about manifesto writing? What sounds daunting or exciting about them? If you end up trying this, let us know how it goes! Ragged, spectacular, or anything in between – all parts are welcome.

🍎 Apple

🟢 Spotify

Find Rebekah on Substack & Caitlin on Instagram ✨

This episode is a happy goodbye to all the good parenting goals we are sending off to sea. There is only so much we can prioritize, so much energy, so many battles to fight and hills to die on. Today, we each share three parenting goals we really do value, but can't value enough to keep beating our heads against the wall for.

Mentioned In Today's Episode:

Sarah Knight's TED Talk "The Magic of Not Giving a F***"

Our conversation with S. Bear Bergman where he talks about choosing 2-3 things to teach our kids.

Our conversation with James and Lucy Catchpole where they talk about limitations as the parameters for a particular, beautiful life.

As Always:

Check out Caitlin and Rebekah's Book Shop! Here you can find every book mentioned in our episodes, as well as a few additional faves.

Use this link to get a 25% discount on a PokPok subcription! And if you haven't listened yet, check out our interview with PokPok creators, Esther and Melissa.

We would love to hear from you! What are the parenting goals you're ditching, dropping, toasting, gently releasing?

🍎 Apple

🟢 Spotify

Find Rebekah on Substack & Caitlin on Instagram ✨

Today on Scratch That we chat with the tender and wise trailblazer S. Bear Bergman. We found Bear when we fell head-over-heels in love with his parenting book, Special Topics In Being a Parent. Unlike so many parenting advice we've read, Bear's approach felt adaptable and possible. It was only after we booked our interview that we realized Bear is a BFD. A founding member of the very first Gay/Straight Alliance, Bear has spent the last several decades telling stories, writing books, and inviting humans into greater justice, equity, and inclusion. He is brimming with deep insight, flexible scripts, and the most non-judgmental advice. We're excited to share our conversation with you💛

Tune in to hear us talk about:

🍳 The two-ingredient recipe that makes the tone of Bear's parenting book different from so many others.

🔬 The part about trial and error that Bear thinks we don't talk about enough.

🤝 Collaborative vs controlling parenting.

🔨 The part of parenting differently than you were parented that no one talks about.

🔎 A clarifying strategy for the chaotic parenting moments when so many things are going wrong.

🚮 Figuring out what parenting priorities to simply let go of.

🫜 Trading a family tree for a family garden.

🚫 The 2 kids' shows Caitlin and Bear CANNOT abide by.

Mentioned In Today's Episode:

Special Topics in Being a Parent: A Queer and Tender Guide to Things I've Learned About Parenting, Mostly the Hard Way

Special Topics in Being a Human: A Queer and Tender Guide to Things I've Learned the Hard Way about Caring For People, Including Myself

The song Bear added to our collective Scratch That Spotify playlist – "Might as Well Dance" by Patty Larkin

As Always:

Check out Caitlin and Rebekah's Book Shop! Here you can find every book mentioned in our episodes, as well as a few additional faves.

Use this link to get a 25% discount on a PokPok subcription! And if you haven't listened yet, check out our interview with PokPok creators, Esther and Melissa.

We would love to hear from you! 

🍎 Apple

🟢 Spotify

Find Rebekah on Substack & Caitlin on Instagram ✨

How do we talk to our kids about war, death, families being separated, floods, guns, violence, any of it? Should we shield them as much and as long as possible? Should we hold their hand as we tell them what we know to be real? How do we balance protecting our kids with equipping them? These questions feel important, the stakes feel high, we're doing our best, and making it up as we go. Today we dive into it as we try to figure out how we want to navigate the conversations that scare us.

Tune in to hear us talk about:

🫟 The sticky conversations Caitlin loves diving into with their kid and why some topics feel so much harder.

🇺🇸 How our parents' talked with us about politics in the 90s.

🪦 The very different responses we had to our kids seeing dead animals and the one thread we share.

📚 How Caitlin is using books and stories as invitations and bridges into hard conversations.

🪧 The conversations Rebekah had with a fellow protester that illuminated how she wants to move through today's politic landscape with her son.

⚙️ A potentially measured and responsible new strategy to equip our kids for the scary realities of today's world.

Mentioned In Today's Episode:

What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg

As Always:

Check out Caitlin and Rebekah's Book Shop! Here you can find every book mentioned in our episodes, as well as a few additional faves.

Use this link to get a 25% discount on a PokPok subcription! And if you haven't listened yet, check out our interview with PokPok creators, Esther and Melissa.

We would love to hear from you! What helps you navigate conversations (with your kids or anyone else!) about the scary things happening in the world right now? And what book recommendations do you have? For any age! What are the book that are helping you understand our history and humanity?

🍎 Apple

🟢 Spotify

Find Rebekah on Substack & Caitlin on Instagram ✨

A year ago, Kate Wieners quit her corporate job to open a cozy, plant-filled bookstore, Monstera's Books. And while it sounds like the pitch for a movie we'd all love, today Kate talks with us about the real-life, fleshed-out story. What stars had to align for her to leave the "good enough" setup she already had for the risk of a dream? What has it been like to be a partner and a parent as she makes this great leap? What is it like to create a third-space community around books and storytelling right now? And does the nervous-scary of a big risky dream ever go away?

Tune in to hear us talk about:

☎️ The story of the old 70s phone they use in the store and all the ways it sets the tone for the shop.

💫 What Kate's husband Justin said when he heard her name her bookstore dream out loud at a party.

％ The strategies Kate and Justin have developed to navigate living, parenting, and working together.

🔧 The big and unexpected monkey wrench in their plans and how that became the scary ideal way to actually launch their plans.

🔔 The epiphany Kate had while waiting for someone else to tell her she had a brilliant plan.

🌿 Why Kate thinks Monstera's Books is a worthy competitor to Amazon.

🫟 Just making the next decision and getting comfortable with chaos.

📚 The conversation Kate overheard in the bookstore that highlighted the unique power of third spaces (especially ones that center storytelling).

💓 The tremendous value/power of little risks. (Or how something as simple as a romance bookclub could save someone's life.)

✨ How paying attention to the sparkle dream in ourselves can meet a much larger need in our communities.

⚡️ What Kate hopes her daughters take away from growing up in this bookstore.

Mentioned In Today's Episode:

Two books recommended by Monstera's Books patrons – The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese and A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

Two of Kate's top book recommendations – I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes with Death by Maggie O'Farrell and Wild Dark Shore by Charlotte McConaghy

As Always:

Check out Caitlin and Rebekah's Book Shop! Here you can find every book mentioned in our episodes, as well as a few additional faves.

Use this link to get a 25% discount on a PokPok subcription! And if you haven't listened yet, check out our interview with PokPok creators, Esther and Melissa.

We would love to hear from you! Shout out your favorite local bookstore! Tell us about your favorite third space! Share a little or big dream that's been tugging at your chest! We're here for all of it💛

🍎 Apple

🟢 Spotify

Find Rebekah on Substack & Caitlin on Instagram ✨

What does living alongside a toddler reveal to us about our high school and college students? How does time in the classroom inform the way we approach learning with our pre-schoolers? On today's episode, we reflect on our experiences teaching and learning and cobble together a list of guiding principles.

Tune in to hear us talk about:

✨ Curiosity as sacred.

⏱ The cost of separating places and times of learning.

🌱 Shame vs safety in a learning environment.

❓ The power of asking "silly" questions and admitting you don't know.

☁️ Valuing "idleness" in a world that rewards gold stars.

🧶 Why it's good and important to make so many crappy things.

🥁 Continually seeking out experiences where we're not very skilled.

⚡️ The scrappy trickster energy required to view constraints as possibility.

Mentioned In Today's Episode:

"Dispatches from the Ruins" is an essay in Ross Gay's book Inciting Joy.

Here's the clip of Ira Glass talking about the gap between your good taste and what you are able to make when you start out.

As Always:

Check out Caitlin and Rebekah's Book Shop! Here you can find every book mentioned in our episodes, as well as a few additional faves.

Use this link to get a 25% discount on a PokPok subcription! And if you haven't listened yet, check out our interview with PokPok creators, Esther and Melissa.

We would love to hear from you! What were your experiences in school? What worked well and what do you wish had been different? How do you think about education and learning as an adult? And does that show up in how you parent/re-parent now?

🍎 Apple

🟢 Spotify

Find Rebekah on Substack & Caitlin on Instagram ✨