Screw it Why not

I keep telling myself I’m done with the habits I use to escape, until life gets hard and I find myself reaching for them again. Tonight I’m wondering why we keep going back to the things we already know won’t fix what we’re trying not to feel.

The more I learn about AI, the more uncertain the future feels. And somewhere between worrying about jobs, money, technology, and everything I can’t control, I started asking myself a different question: if life can change this quickly, why am I still waiting to do the things I’m afraid to do?

I stayed up until almost 5 in the morning watching how quickly AI is advancing, and somewhere along the way it stopped feeling like some distant future. It made me start questioning my job, my money, this podcast, and what I’m supposed to do if the world changes faster than I can prepare for it.

I bought this bottle for the day something finally went right. Tonight, I opened it for the opposite reason. Somewhere between disappointment, loneliness, fear about the future, and wondering why I keep doing this podcast, I started asking myself what I’m actually trying to do with my life.

I haven’t been sleeping. The more I learn about AI, the race to make it smarter, and how little we understand about what happens next, the harder it becomes to stop thinking about where all of this could lead. Maybe I’m overthinking it. Or maybe we should all be paying closer attention.

I stayed up way too late watching videos about AI and the future, and somewhere between fear, curiosity, and doom scrolling, I started looking at my own life differently. If the future is this uncertain, maybe the bigger question is why I keep waiting to actually live.

I keep trying to make certain people, plans, and parts of my life turn out exactly the way I want them to. Maybe the harder I grip, the more miserable I become. Maybe I need to let some things be and focus on the part I can actually control which is myself.

I used to call my life boring: work, gym, home, sleep, repeat. But maybe this isn’t a life I’m wasting. Maybe it’s the training ground for becoming a creator, leaving gambling and distractions behind, and building something that helps people feel less alone.

When I finally woke up, the life I complain about every day suddenly didn’t seem so bad.

Three hours ago, I was lying on the couch overwhelmed by everything I needed to do. Then I washed one bowl, before I realized it, i washed everything. Sometimes maybe you don’t need to fix your entire life. You just need to do the thing sitting in front of you.