This week we are bleeding from the ears from high-pitched screeching sounds while we discuss “Founder’s Mutation”! We’re talking the return of James Wong, our love for the strangely blase coworker, Gupta From My Phone, Mulder giving off the wrong signals, Scully back on her quaalude habit, and why wristwatch models shouldn’t be evil scientists. We enjoy Skinner’s office redesign, say hello to Abigail from Hannibal and goodbye just as quickly, smell the distinct whiff of Folger’s coffee commercial energy, wonder why Scully’s hospital is so evil, and how it’s so real that Mulder would show 2001: A Space Odyssey to his 5-year-old. Real dad move.

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 This week we are rebooting the show, our careers, and our relationships while we discuss “My Struggle I”! We’re talking the 400th key to the X-Files, whether Annet Mahendru gets a worse fate here or on The Americans, Chris Carter dictating the script for this episode from his yacht, Mulder and Scully both getting younger lovers, and alien tushies. We debate whether Felt Hat Informant sucks or not, get excited about our favorite websites MindQuad and FinderSpyder, wonder what Tim Robinson would have to say about all this, and ask why Scully always has the same mysterious blood spray in the same spot. At least Mulder is throwing away his entire belief system based on the word of a complete stranger, so at least some things never change. 

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This week we are swapping heads and bodies willy-nilly while we discuss the 2008 movie “The X-Files: I Want to Believe”! We’re talking poor Scully being Mulder’s publicity agent, the inexplicable George W. Bush alien theme sting, the specter of unsafe driving, Mulder’s scratchy beard, and most importantly, the return of Ellen Bledsoe! We wonder how serious this break-up is supposed to be, wonder at Scully doing all of her stem cell research on Google, debate whether Mulder’s beard is good or bad, and completely forget about the new batch of young, hot agents on the scene. However: Mulder and Scully finally get the invite to Ibiza!

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This week we are pausing and taking a look back at Season 9 as a whole! We review special features, read emails, rank the episodes, share our thoughts on the season, and play a Seinfeld-related game. We’re talking our growing love for Kim Manners, Vince Gilligan and his awkward khaki pants, IF NO BASEBALL, Reyes being one small pixel of drama, and Doggett’s role in the Korean boy band he will of course be joining now. We theorize about a couples therapist qualified enough to deal with all this, propose the Leyla Harrison-Ellen Bledsoe team-up the people have been asking for, and send off the original series like Chris Carter, with a half-hearted “Wahoo”.

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 This week we are trying to discover the difference between the Seinfeld finale and this X-Files finale while we discuss “The Truth”! We’re talking Gothic heroine Knowle Rohrer, how much Mulder loves his corner, Skinner awkwardly third-wheeling and then being coerced into being Mulder’s lawyer, wonder how ghosts can give away pieces of paper, and get really excited for a second that we would be seeing Normal Hosteen. We spend a lot of time discussing CSM growing Rapunzel hair, get happy about one more Mulder Yell for the road, wonder how Marita still has her job at the UN, sleep through endless court scene after endless court scene, and feel a shiver go through us at how closely we avoided the George W. Bush deleted scene. Petition to replace the alien head emoji with CSM flaming skull starts now. 

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This week we are teleporting into Windows screensavers while we discuss “Sunshine Days”! We’re talking some patented Vince Burnouts, Michael Emerson: TV Royalty joining the show, 0 days since the last Mulder mention, the theme of abandoning kids when they get boring, and what applications Skinner can put his newfound midair flip skills to. We say goodbye to Helium Vince and Kimberly-Arlene :( , wonder if there’s a non-impotent way to shake your fist, try to recall if we know anything about The Brady Bunch, and try not to bully Reyes for… liking a very popular TV show? Feels like throwing stones at glass houses, but what do we know. Stay tuned for our remixed version of “Why is anyone still watching a 30 year old TV show?” It’s going to be the hit of the summer. Mark our words.

Note: The deadline for submitting questions/comments for our Season 9 recap is Sunday May 11!

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This week we are wrapping up the second child storyline in as many weeks as we discuss “Release”! We’re talking Scully teaching her class for once and the real reason she’s been avoiding it, Rudolph being able to see shrimp colors, the awkward cycle of weird power moves that never ends, the weird publicity photo of Doggett and his dead son, and how Brad looks like the poster boy of taking bribes from the mob. We all wonder how long Amanda can keep up the cold open bit, meet Doggett’s BLONDE-ASS wife, get sad that every FBI Assistant Director is kind of a dud, and pour one out for Brad’s (not so promising) career. RIP. He’s not dead, but his hopes and dreams sure are.

Note: The deadline for submitting questions/comments for our Season 9 recap is Sunday May 11!

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This week we are foisting our alien children off on unsuspecting Wyoming couples while we discuss “William”! We’re talking how whimsical Doggett is in this one, how unbelievable it is that Spender could beat Doggett in a fight, the hysterical split diopter shot somehow being upstaged by the zooming eyeball shot, and Skinner refusing to shell out for Lab Results Plus. We wonder why they decided to do this to poor Chris Owens, theorize that it was physically impossible to turn Spender into a Super Soldier, think Doggett and Willy should have therapeutic cry sessions, and wonder what could have driven Scully to give up William, because surely it wasn’t just this. Make it make sense!

Note: The deadline for submitting questions/comments for our Season 9 recap is Sunday May 11!

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 This week we are wrapping up The Lone Gunmen’s story (and lives) while we discuss “Jump the Shark”! We’re talking the surprising return of Jimmy and Yves, the real reason why Chuck McGill hates Jimmy McGill, that they couldn’t let The Lone Gunmen go without one more shot of Frohike falling face-first in mud, the indignity of Joey Ramone slander, and Yves Adele Harlow's real name drop! We wonder if there will be a Vaping Man in Season 11, freak out about these evil airtight fire doors, think it’s hurtful that Yves refuses to do the hand on window thing, and clown on Skinner for a long time because apparently he thought it would be a great idea to bury Byers, Langly, and Frohike in Arlington. It’s got to be a prank. Please tell us it’s a prank.

Note: The deadline for submitting questions/comments for our Season 9 recap is Sunday May 11!

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This week we are stranding ourselves in a snowy mountain cabin and trying to babysit while we discuss “Scary Monsters”! We’re talking Scully’s zombie horde of a class and how all she wants is just to eat her sandwich, the return of Leyla, the importance of checking your Blood Car Fax report, find out the fate of Mulder’s fish, criticize the verisimilitude of the snow, and enjoy Doggett’s continuing beef with kids. We wonder what the mysterious grandma is up to this whole time, get indignant on behalf of Doggett and Reyes, realize that Leyla has authority-less babysitter energy, introduce the Theme Beam, and note that Doggett has no imagination and he’s cool with that. We’re cooking up a nice Sheriff Soup, so come on down if you’re hungry!

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