This week we are taking mushrooms and trying to contact comatose men while we discuss “Babylon”! We’re talking Mulder dancing at the Badonkadonk, how real it is that Skinner’s migraines are caused by Mulder, wonder who exactly Miller and Einstein remind us of, get excited to see cowboy-hatted Lone Gunmen, and get sad that Tom Waits had to be brought into this. We note the excess of both offensive Muslim stereotypes but also Texas stereotypes, Dean Haglund going missing in Australia, and debate just how embarrassing that dream sequence was.

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This week we are trying to solve the mystery of a coin necklace by our mother’s bedside while we discuss “Home Again”! We’re talking unreuniting with beloved guest actresses as quickly as we reunite with them, Mulder being classic goofy, the Band Aid Nose Man’s hype man deserving all the love in the world, exciting Charlie Scully lore, and take the time to clown on Bill Jr. Just for old time’s sake. We figure out the blender-related reason why Charlie is estranged from the family, Bill’s struggle to get back from Germany, Margaret’s retired naval officers, and band aid goo.

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 This week we are turning from lizard to man and back to lizard again as we discuss “Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster”! We’re talking the return of Darin Morgan, our long-awaited jokes about Mulder and cell phones, the Kim Manners tribute :( , how much Darin Morgan wants Scully to have a dog, and Smart Phones… Is Us! We welcome back the legendary red Speedo, lightly rib Kumail Nanjiani our (very real) podcast competition, narrowly avoid embarrassing New Zealand by trying to do Rhys Darby’s accent, and debate if we should change our names to Guy Mann. 

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This week we are bleeding from the ears from high-pitched screeching sounds while we discuss “Founder’s Mutation”! We’re talking the return of James Wong, our love for the strangely blase coworker, Gupta From My Phone, Mulder giving off the wrong signals, Scully back on her quaalude habit, and why wristwatch models shouldn’t be evil scientists. We enjoy Skinner’s office redesign, say hello to Abigail from Hannibal and goodbye just as quickly, smell the distinct whiff of Folger’s coffee commercial energy, wonder why Scully’s hospital is so evil, and how it’s so real that Mulder would show 2001: A Space Odyssey to his 5-year-old. Real dad move.

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 This week we are rebooting the show, our careers, and our relationships while we discuss “My Struggle I”! We’re talking the 400th key to the X-Files, whether Annet Mahendru gets a worse fate here or on The Americans, Chris Carter dictating the script for this episode from his yacht, Mulder and Scully both getting younger lovers, and alien tushies. We debate whether Felt Hat Informant sucks or not, get excited about our favorite websites MindQuad and FinderSpyder, wonder what Tim Robinson would have to say about all this, and ask why Scully always has the same mysterious blood spray in the same spot. At least Mulder is throwing away his entire belief system based on the word of a complete stranger, so at least some things never change. 

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This week we are swapping heads and bodies willy-nilly while we discuss the 2008 movie “The X-Files: I Want to Believe”! We’re talking poor Scully being Mulder’s publicity agent, the inexplicable George W. Bush alien theme sting, the specter of unsafe driving, Mulder’s scratchy beard, and most importantly, the return of Ellen Bledsoe! We wonder how serious this break-up is supposed to be, wonder at Scully doing all of her stem cell research on Google, debate whether Mulder’s beard is good or bad, and completely forget about the new batch of young, hot agents on the scene. However: Mulder and Scully finally get the invite to Ibiza!

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This week we are pausing and taking a look back at Season 9 as a whole! We review special features, read emails, rank the episodes, share our thoughts on the season, and play a Seinfeld-related game. We’re talking our growing love for Kim Manners, Vince Gilligan and his awkward khaki pants, IF NO BASEBALL, Reyes being one small pixel of drama, and Doggett’s role in the Korean boy band he will of course be joining now. We theorize about a couples therapist qualified enough to deal with all this, propose the Leyla Harrison-Ellen Bledsoe team-up the people have been asking for, and send off the original series like Chris Carter, with a half-hearted “Wahoo”.

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 This week we are trying to discover the difference between the Seinfeld finale and this X-Files finale while we discuss “The Truth”! We’re talking Gothic heroine Knowle Rohrer, how much Mulder loves his corner, Skinner awkwardly third-wheeling and then being coerced into being Mulder’s lawyer, wonder how ghosts can give away pieces of paper, and get really excited for a second that we would be seeing Normal Hosteen. We spend a lot of time discussing CSM growing Rapunzel hair, get happy about one more Mulder Yell for the road, wonder how Marita still has her job at the UN, sleep through endless court scene after endless court scene, and feel a shiver go through us at how closely we avoided the George W. Bush deleted scene. Petition to replace the alien head emoji with CSM flaming skull starts now. 

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This week we are teleporting into Windows screensavers while we discuss “Sunshine Days”! We’re talking some patented Vince Burnouts, Michael Emerson: TV Royalty joining the show, 0 days since the last Mulder mention, the theme of abandoning kids when they get boring, and what applications Skinner can put his newfound midair flip skills to. We say goodbye to Helium Vince and Kimberly-Arlene :( , wonder if there’s a non-impotent way to shake your fist, try to recall if we know anything about The Brady Bunch, and try not to bully Reyes for… liking a very popular TV show? Feels like throwing stones at glass houses, but what do we know. Stay tuned for our remixed version of “Why is anyone still watching a 30 year old TV show?” It’s going to be the hit of the summer. Mark our words.

Note: The deadline for submitting questions/comments for our Season 9 recap is Sunday May 11!

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This week we are wrapping up the second child storyline in as many weeks as we discuss “Release”! We’re talking Scully teaching her class for once and the real reason she’s been avoiding it, Rudolph being able to see shrimp colors, the awkward cycle of weird power moves that never ends, the weird publicity photo of Doggett and his dead son, and how Brad looks like the poster boy of taking bribes from the mob. We all wonder how long Amanda can keep up the cold open bit, meet Doggett’s BLONDE-ASS wife, get sad that every FBI Assistant Director is kind of a dud, and pour one out for Brad’s (not so promising) career. RIP. He’s not dead, but his hopes and dreams sure are.

Note: The deadline for submitting questions/comments for our Season 9 recap is Sunday May 11!

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