Sean Healy: Tools

Long-term stable relationships are wonderful but they can also trigger old relationship patterns from our Family of Origin in how to manage anxiety and intimacy. Depending on what type of Family system we grew up in we may not have the most workable skill sets on board to make it work effectively long term.

This episode is inspired by the book, Growing Yourself Up by Jenny Brown who is a family system specialist. 

Through exploring these two potential points of stress covered in this episode that can emerge in the relationship we can reduce resentment and build the desire, passion and connection.

I hope you find value and insight in this episode that helps to support you having amazing relationships going forward!

It can be so valuable to be able to spot potential trouble early on in the form of a Narcissist, Social Psychopath or someone with control issues. These dynamics don't often emerge until they have us hooked in but there are certain early warning signs to look out for.

I personally have had challenges with such people both in my personal and professional life. I would have loved to have known more about some of these dynamics earlier in my life!

I hope this episode is interesting and helpful for you!

Sometimes we ask how to questions when there could be better questions to ask.

When questions can be very powerful and create for us an opportunity to approach a block or goal in a different way.

"How do I learn to love myself more?" A powerful question however different to: "When will I love myself more?" Sometimes asking when will we change is very different to how can we change.

This episode explores why that is the case. Asking when questions can open up whole new experiences for us in our lives!

Working with Narcissists can be a bewildering and painful experience. Narcissism is a spectrum and dealing with those that demonstrate consistent adaptive disfunction can really make your work life extremely challenging.

Through understanding a little more about Narcs (Narcissists) and what patterns they often display allows you to form a strategy to respond rather than react. Often not getting hooked into their game, managing your own emotional responses to them and having a sense of humour become really powerful!

Episode 53 offers insights into what to look for and how to best respond when confronted with extreme narcissistic behaviour in the workplace.

Many people think that when they feel they can trust self then they will take a risk. Unfortunately, informed self-trust and self-confidence come from risking first.

True trust comes from knowing that whether it works out in the moment or it doesn't, you can handle it! Once we know that we can manage ourselves through life's challenges then we deepen in self-trust and self-belief. However, this only arises by taking the steps first.

When we grow up in family systems that didn't foster and support our right to individuality, we learn that love involves unhealthy fusing. (Eg: When mum was unhappy, everyone was unhappy!)

This episode draws from the wonderful work of Dr David Schnarch and in particular his book Passionate Marriage.

The episode goes through some elements of unhealthy emotional fusing dynamics and how it leads to couples feeling alienated from one another.

This episode is designed to point out some of the exchanges to avoid so that we are able to have a truly wonderful and meaningful connection in our relationships, taking our relational experience to a whole other level!

With so many relationships not going the distance and people in relationship wishing for a more intimate connection with their partner, what is missing?

Many people express a desire to be more intimate and then find that they are unable to sit in the vulnerability that arises as a result. Instead of challenging our partners to be closer, the paradox is we need to examine and understand what it takes for us to be closer.

This episode looks at some of the differences in Self Validated Intimacy vs Other Validated Intimacy and what are the consequences in relationships when we adopt either pathway to attempt to bridge the gap between self and another.

When we can really begin to know who we are, validate that and not be reliant on solely the positive reflection of our partner to feel good about self, relationships can transform!

The whole challenge of having been exposed to Narcissistic behaviour through a parent as a child is such a complex area.

Certain coping responses get employed often just to survive especially if the parent is on the extreme end of the spectrum.

As a result, the adult child can have some unique challenges to overcome in order to embrace their own life and have healthy and loving relationships.

When we have been consistently shamed, told we don't measure up, shown little empathy and emotional understanding it can leave us vulnerable to attracting in toxic people into our adult experience.

This episode looks at some of the challenges facing those that grew up in a household affected by Narcissism and what needs to be done to heal from such an experience.

Another challenging episode to hear for some but so important to recover and the reclaiming of self.

Narcissism is challenging at the best of times to deal with let alone having been raised by a parent on the Narcissism spectrum.

In order to accommodate the narcissistic parent, the child must learn to adapt and mould to what it perceives are the parent's expectations. If not, the consequences can be severe! However part of maintaining a perceived position of superiority for the narcissist is that strategies are employed to see the child never measures up.

This continued message of never being enough can result in challenging consequences later in life. 

Through understanding more of the dynamic and its potential consequences a person who had to endure this upbringing can begin to recover and take control of their lives. 

A possibly challenging episode for some to hear but important for healing!

When we look at abuse in relationships there can be both physical and non-physical. Both are stunningly toxic and damaging!

In this episode, we look at continuing to develop our understanding of the impact of non-physical abuse because it is so pervasive. Emotional abuse can include verbal abuse, but episode 47 looks at the often more subtle abusive patterns that over time erode our self-belief, self-trust and self-esteem. This can leave us feeling unloveable.

When we can identify these toxic patterns, such as the various ways in which our partner can withhold from us to modify our behaviour, we can make changes and set boundaries.

Through identifying emotional abuse patterns we can begin to heal and move towards healthy, joyous, loving connection in relationships.