Today, we explore the complex power of psychedelics through 3 different stories.

In our first story, Jane [quote] “telepathically” communicates with her abusive mother on psilocybin.

In the second, Lev tries to address relationship issues with ayahuasca.

In the last, Trip takes MDMA as a last-ditch effort to prevent his own suicide.

Chapters

(00:00) Intro.

(03:36) Jane’s psychedelic conversation.

(15:41) Lev hits eject on ayahuasca.

(26:08) Trip’s MDMA trip.

Notes

Jane’s episode: Can Psychedelics Heal the Mother Wound? Part 2

Lev’s episode: Who Says Ego Death Is Good for Me?

Trip’s episode: Can Psychedelics Help Me Love Myself?

Edits: To focus this episode’s themes and narrative, we cut down our guests’ analysis, observations, narrativizations, & story. We also cut all of Alex’s questions & comments. Other edits are limited to dead space, audio blemishes, unnecessary words, & unessential content. We consulted with our guests during the original production of these edits, & they approved of the flow.

Theme song: Secret Wilderness’ theme song is “Winter Solstice” by Löwenzahnhonig. Released by Inselgruppe, published by A Tree in a Field.

Other music: We used the tracks “Drones over New Jersey,” “7. Pastoral (Vast Peace) [Cinematic Underscore Loops - The Core Collection],” “African Desert,” “The Most Shocking Halloween Trailer 3,” & “Binaural Sleep Vol. 4,” by Sascha Ende. This music is free for commercial use under the CC BY 4.0 license.

When Vaughn was a kid, he always felt alone.

So when Vaughn became an adult, he tried to figure out why.

His 28-year search, which included practically every personal development course he could afford, eventually led him to psychedelic therapy.

In these mind-manifesting sessions, Vaughn says he found the origins of his loneliness in the past.

Not just his past.

But in the pasts of his ancestors.

Could these remarkable experiences help him heal his present?

Chapters

(00:00) Intro.

(04:20) What it felt like to be Vaughn.

(08:10) “Ancestral” trip 1.

(10:50) “Ancestral” trip 2.

(12:45) “Ancestral” trip 3.

(15:28) “Ancestral” trip 4.

(17:19) “Ancestral” trip 5.

(19:33) “Ancestral” trip 6.

(22:59) “Ancestral” trip 7.

(26:33) “Ancestral” trip 8.

(32:00) Next time on Secret Wilderness.

Notes

Theme song: Secret Wilderness’ theme song is “Winter Solstice” by Löwenzahnhonig. Released by Inselgruppe, published by A Tree in a Field.

Other music: We used the tracks “Gymnopedie,” “Dreamsphere 1,” “Adagio For Strings [kinda],” “Halloween 2025 Vol. 9,” “Lion Queen Soundtrack - The big meeting,” “Horror Tensions Vol. 1,” “Halo Stream Music Vol. 7,” & “Binaural Sleep Vol. 3,” by Sascha Ende. This music is free for commercial use under the CC BY 4.0 license.

After two years of MDMA, Ed was ready to give up on psychedelic therapy. He still couldn’t sleep, & his sessions seemed to keep repeating the same experience over & over.

A memory of sexual abuse he wasn’t even sure was real.

But before he quit, Ed tried ayahuasca, & it completely changed his understanding of what had been happening on MDMA.

Ayahuasca, he says, showed him that it wasn’t one experience on loop. It was a sequence of similar experiences.

To Ed, this was a breakthrough.

Maybe, if he kept going, he’d finally sleep again.

Maybe, he’d find peace.

Chapters

(00:00) Intro.

(03:38) The first time Ed remembers having a flashback.

(05:30) Remembering his face.

(06:58) Asking questions.

(09:03) The most important memory.

(10:37) Psychedelic revenge.

(12:31) The gift with conditions.

(14:29) Letting go of the story.

(00:00) Intro.

Notes

First flashback: After our interview, Ed mentioned that he’s not sure what he described as the first flashback he ever had was the first time it happened or just the first time he remembers having one.

Edits: To focus this episode’s themes and narrative, we cut down Ed’s analysis, observations, narrativizations, & story. We also cut all of Alex’s questions & comments. Other edits are limited to dead space, audio blemishes, unnecessary words, & unessential content. We consulted with Ed, & he approved this flow.

Theme song: Secret Wilderness’ theme song is “Winter Solstice” by Löwenzahnhonig. Released by Inselgruppe, published by A Tree in a Field.

We used the tracks “Cinematic Emotions 1 - Creepy,” “Lost Place Atmospheres Vol. 8,” “Halloween Atmosphere 2024,” & “Epic Intro 2018 Prequel,” by Sascha Ende. This music is free for commercial use under the CC BY 4.0 license.

Ed couldn’t sleep.

It all started when his daughter nearly died on an escalator. The frayed attention started then too. So did the fits of rage.

As exhaustion & problems piled up, Ed’s life slowly spiraled out of control. Nothing he tried had worked. Nothing helped him sleep or made him less angry.

Finally, as a last-ditch effort, Ed tried psychedelic therapy.

But the experience didn’t cure his sleeplessness, it just handed him a mystery:

A recovered memory that might explain everything.

If… it was real.

Chapters

(00:00) Intro.

(03:03) The escalator.

(04:48) Fits of rage.

(07:51) Plotting the end.

(10:10) Recovering the memory.

(13:31) Was it real?

(15:27) Why is the memory repeating?

(17:42) Next time.

Notes

Theme song: Secret Wilderness’ theme song is “Winter Solstice” by Löwenzahnhonig. Released by Inselgruppe, published by A Tree in a Field.

Other music: We used the tracks “Lost Place Atmospheres 002,” “5 vor 12,” “Lost Place Atmospheres 001,” & “Shadows In The Dark,” by Sascha Ende. This music is free for commercial use under the CC BY 4.0 license.

Adam finally found hope.

His therapist, by his side for years as he was battered by C-PTSD, was now guiding him through psychedelic therapy. Their first MDMA sessions, chronicled in part 1, seemed to uncover the events behind his debilitating symptoms. They also opened the door for Adam to trust someone even in his worst moments.

& the worst was yet to come.

But… Adam felt different now.

Because now, he had help.

Chapters

(00:00) Intro.

(01:55) Setting the scene.

(02:30) The cave.

(04:12) MDMA 4.

(05:35) The call.

(07:27) The “hardest thing I've ever done as an adult.”

(14:11) Psilocybin 2 & the “goop.”

(20:06) After psilocybin 2.

(23:55) The letter.

Notes

Theme song: Secret Wilderness’ theme song is “Winter Solstice” by Löwenzahnhonig. Released by Inselgruppe, published by A Tree in a Field.

Other music: We used the tracks “Cinematic Suspense Series Episode 007,” “The Backrooms [14 loopable background wave sounds]” tracks 2 & 3, & “Horror Tensions Vol. 1,” “UFOs over New Jersey,” & “Desert Night” by Sascha Ende. This music is free for commercial use under the CC BY 4.0 license.

Adam returned from visiting his homeland a shell of himself.

Once a confident & competent IT professional, he was now drowning in mysterious flashbacks & intense dissociation.

It was so severe, he’d sit at home for hours staring at a dot on the wall — so persistent, years of therapy & over a dozen pharmaceuticals hardly made a dent.

Out of pure desperation, Adam tried MDMA therapy.

He believes it helped him break the spell of C-PTSD.

& get payback on the people who hurt him.

Chapters

(00:00) Intro.

(02:22) The nervous breakdown.

(07:34) The flashbacks.

(10:13) What Adam tried.

(12:02) MDMA session 1.

(13:46) “Good old revenge.”

(17:00) The aftermath.

(17:56) MDMA session 2.

(23:39) Standing on his own.

Notes

Direct Adam quote about MDMA therapy: “In a way that talk therapy just… couldn't reach.” “Didn’t” was dropped before “couldn’t” as redundant.

Theme song: Secret Wilderness’ theme song is “Winter Solstice” by Löwenzahnhonig. Released by Inselgruppe, published by A Tree in a Field.

Other music: We used the tracks “Andromeda” & “Bar Performance 1: Solo Piano” by Sascha Ende. This music is free for commercial use under the CC BY 4.0 license.

John & his wife were destroyed.

After 9 months of reading the right books & eating the right foods & taking the right classes… after getting all green lights from doctors, Ocean, their son, died in childbirth.

It didn’t make any sense to John.

How could this happen to him?

Why did this happen to him?

Why him?

This is the question he explores on a massive dose of psychedelics.

Chapters

(00:00) Intro.

(03:36) Why ?

(04:22) Can psychedelics help?

(05:16) 85 mg of 4-AcO DMT.

(07:56) The answer.

(13:23) Being another person.

(16:30) 10 mg of penis envy.

(17:54) Am I weak?

(19:36) John stands up for himself.

(22:27) Leaving everything.

(25:31) The giant trip.

Secret Wilderness' theme song is “Winter Solstice” by Löwenzahnhonig. Released by Inselgruppe, published by A Tree in a Field.

We used the tracks “Lost Place Atmospheres 001,” “The Backrooms Music Vol. 11,” & “First Steps On Mars” by Sascha Ende. This music is free for commercial use under the CC BY 4.0 license.

John met his wife in Hawaii, at the top of 45 tall stairs. 

John was a UPS driver. She worked at one of his stops.  & when he got in his truck he looked all the way up the stairs & saw her in the window, waving at him.

On their first date, John taught her to surf. 

On their wedding day, it was just the two of them, a beach, and a justice of the peace. 

A year later, they were pregnant. They were reading books, going to Lamaze classes, & debating if their baby was a boy or a girl. 

John felt like they had everything. 

Then they lost their child.

Part one is this story.

Part two is the story of how he tried to understand loss, including psychedelic therapy. 

Lana was running for her life.

Just a few minutes ago, just taking a breather outside a bar, she had seen something she probably shouldn’t have.

A car pulled up.

A group of bikers approached it.

A conversation about “guns” and “prices” started.

& Lana didn’t want to be around for the end.

As the night air whipped past her head, her gears were in overdrive. Now it wasn’t just the shady characters at the bar she feared. Now it seemed everyone wanted to hurt her.

You see, Lana wasn’t in a normal state of mind.

The reason for the breather at the bar was because the LSD & weed were getting to her. Her mind was running long before she literally was. & once it started going, it felt impossible to stop.

While she did calm down that night, panic attacks & anxiety haunted Lana for years after.

At first, she blamed the LSD.

Later, she found another reason

Chapters

(00:00) Intro.

(02:57) Growing up out of place.

(05:33) First LSD experience.

(08:29) Going to Italy.

(11:33) The bad trip.

(21:33) Being a nurse during COVID.

(24:36) Ayahuasca: Finally facing her fear.

(28:48) Peyote: Finding the origin of anxiety.

If you’re experiencing difficulty after a psychedelic experience & are looking for help, consider contacting the Fireside Project. They provide free, confidential support. Go to https://firesideproject.org/ or call their free hotline at 623-473-7433.

Secret Wilderness' theme song is “Winter Solstice” by Löwenzahnhonig. Released by Inselgruppe, published by A Tree in a Field.

Lev’s family moved a lot. France, Japan, Malaysia — by high school, he had lived all over the world. But change has its downsides, & for Lev, it was a lack of safety. So, fear began to slowly creep into his life. It began with denial, reclusiveness, & obsession.

But when the fear threatened his relationship, he tried to face it with ayahuasca. Yet as the psychedelic began dissolving his sense of self, Lev didn’t let go.

He held on.

The experience was just too intense, & he couldn’t shake the sense that surrendering was a bad idea.

But Lev says he did learn to let go later.

It just wasn’t with psychedelics.

Chapters

(00:00) Intro clip

(03:15) Pressing eject on ego death.

(13:57) At least one reason Lev craved safety.

(17:11) The crisis.

(21:23) Climbing out.

(26:29) Are psychedelics worth the risk?

Secret Wilderness' theme song is “Winter Solstice” by Löwenzahnhonig. Released by Inselgruppe, published by A Tree in a Field.