Self-Defined Human Podcast

Let’s talk about requests: how to ask for what you want. And, what to do when people don’t agree to those requests.

Timeline

00:00 – Nonviolent Communication requires repetition.
01:42 – It changes you on a deep level. You have to change how you talk.
02:53 – If you want something, you have to ask for it.
04:06 – Doing things for people is FUN. How I got addicted to Candy Crush.
06:24 – Relationships shouldn’t be based on “right” and “wrong”.
08:03 – Our society teaches people not to ask for what they want.
09:36 – What to do if somebody hears your request as a demand. Why requests are good for people to hear.
13:01 – Bad requests (“If you really loved me, you’d never forget my birthday!”)
14:36 – The difference between requests and demands is whether you’re ready to empathize with a “no”.
17:11 – NVC is a game and games have “right” and “wrong”.
18:51 – Why you should always make a “cry for help”. Dealing with bullies.
24:46 – When you make a request, it gives the other person a chance to hurt you.
30:16 – How to ignore accusations and focus on what matters.

This is the second episode about Nonviolent Communication. Today, we’ll talk about empathy.

This is simultaneously the last episode of 2021 and the first of 2022. It’s an experiment in storytelling. I didn’t plan out anything beyond that and I feel embarassed.

0:00 Your business can be as flexible as your personality and include all the facets of you.

3:55 Six fears that stop you from experimenting.

5:10 Speaking your mind, experimenting, and being true to your own personality doesn’t mean you have to stop being a “business”.

6:50 Deciding on a job title without getting pigeonholed.

11:45 The people who matter aren’t judging you on your fonts and colors.

17:07 Choosing to offer a particular product or service will cause people to put you in a box, but that’s a good thing.

21:08 Your ideal clients won’t call you a “narcissist”, no matter what you say.

24:50 The people who NEED your products will pay and will overlook the rough edges (yes, this is true for artists too).

I love food. Diets don't work. Society has trained you to hate yourself.

Nonviolent Communication is an awesome approach to learning how to say what you mean and mean what you say. NVC teaches you to think and talk in a way that tries to serve life, rather than disconnect us from our feelings and needs (the way we’re normally taught to communicate).

Here’s how you can learn NVC:

1. Search “nvc marshall rosenberg” on YouTube and watch the 3-hour video with him in the red shirt.
2. Read his book “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life”
3. Practice a lot.
4. Be prepared for all your friends to get angry.
5. Keep practicing.

Good luck!

More about Nonviolent Communication.

Is loneliness good or bad? Social anxiety. Could you survive on a desert island? Should white people be singing spirituals? Finding flow in your speaking (like Rush Limbaugh). Amplifying your singing and speaking voices.

When you get sufficiently advanced, spiritually speaking, you’re likely to view blame as a problem. As in, you shouldn’t do it. But, this is a misunderstanding. In this episode, I revisit the Drama Triangle and the Empowerment Dynamic, as well as Nonviolent Communication. The key phrase here is “it’s about function, not form.”

Cancel culture in the world of collaborative piano! David Servias sat down to interview me about trouble brewing in some of the Facebook piano groups.

Read the full story.

0:02:16 – What’s the deal with Michael Korman? He seems to have a gift for offending people.
0:04:26 – Michael’s post in the Collaborative Piano group.
0:07:29 – Did Michael know it would piss people off? Does he think it stops them from hearing?
0:10:47 – Getting kicked out of other groups.
0:14:55 – Is it bad to get kicked out?
0:18:00 – When is it weird to kick people out of groups?
0:20:13 – Are you intentionally pissing people off for fun?
0:22:25 – What separates Michael from other piano teachers?
0:30:43 – When people misunderstand and change the subject.
0:36:52 – Having disagreements in good faith.
0:46:19 – Should people be getting along? Is conflict good or bad?
0:55:41 – When the mob constructs its own narrative. How and when to defend yourself.

Why I deleted all my Instagram followers. Why responsibility is a good thing. The 3 stages in learning any kind of skill.