Self-Defined Human Podcast

Question: I'm nervous to post videos on social media.

You should be nervous about it, because people might not be happy with what you're doing.

I have a bunch of videos where I talk about things, experiences I've had, or sometimes just calling out people. I'm nervous to post that stuff. That does not make me comfortable to post those things.

I have one video where I talk about a fantasy I have about going back to school and just confronting the teacher when the teacher asks me if I did my homework, and just getting all up in the teacher's face about it.

I wasn't necessarily really comfortable posting that video. But, I did it.

That's one of these rules that I had. I guess I still have that rule. But at first, that was a rule I had to really follow. The rule of: if I make a video, and if I'm a little uncomfortable about posting it, then I have to post it.

The discomfort is a sign that I must post this thing.

Nowadays, I will refrain from posting things for other reasons, but if I have the discomfort, then no. I have to post it. Because, you're training something here. You're trying to build something.

You have to transform yourself, and that means it's not comfortable.

It can't be comfortable.

1:00 How I got started with social media videos.2:00 Brief detour to talk about how closed-minded piano teachers are.3:45 The stress of making videos for my online piano course.6:10 Why I (reluctantly) started on Instagram.9:45 Making 58 videos in one single day.11:10 The power of the 60-second video.15:00 What videos have in common with meditation, drawing and piano.17:10 Benefits of posting videos publicly.18:30 How my videos made people angry.20:00 Why you must be doing this in 2020.21:45 I get nervous to post some of my videos.27:00 Why videos need to be entertaining.28:30 My course, Let's Hear It.29:45 How videos changed my writing and communication in general.31:15 We all have stuff to say.33:40 Some more Jewish guilt.

Meditation is the only way to fix your music technique. Too bad music teachers don’t care and only want to screw you over. Oh, and I found some great new freedom while recording this episode. Hope you enjoy. Don’t tell your teacher!

Blake Shields Abramovitz is a meditation and yoga teacher in Los Angeles, as well as an actor. Today, we’ll be talking about the dark side of the meditation world, how Blake was canceled, the role of authenticity in meditation, the first 2020 US Presidential Debate, and many other topics.

(0:02:35) Teaching meditation and yoga in progressive LA.
(0:07:29) People want to know what team you’re on.
(0:08:59) Well-worn, old neural circuitry of tribalism.
(0:10:38) Human reproduction strategies.
(0:14:11) How Blake was cancelled..
(0:17:41) What’s the deal with the woke stuff in meditation communities?
(0:19:21) Meditators aren’t interested in meditation.
(0:26:04) People are innocent about what’s in the woke box.
(0:27:19) The Jordan Peterson impression.
(0:31:28) Authenticity in meditation.
(0:40:56) Is it possible to have meditation communities that allow for radical authenticity?
(0:44:01) Economics, foreign policy.
(0:47:25) The first 2020 US Presidential Debate.
(0:52:47) Is the news bad for your nervous system?
(0:57:09) Talking about meditation and psychology.
(1:02:05) Why you can’t say “devil’s advocate” anymore.
(1:08:34) Is comedy permissible or needlessly cruel?
(1:15:52) Being mean to people vs ideas.
(1:21:26) Acting and meditation.

What “f*** yoga” means. (0:01:57)
What’s wrong with yoga teachers. (0:09:26)
Why Fabi did teacher training. (0:17:30)
What you learn in a 200 hour teacher training. (0:22:35)
Why music classes are hard to teach. (0:26:43)
When Fabi decided to teach yoga. (0:28:24)
Teacher training for non-teachers. (0:31:15)
Random talking videos. (0:36:06)
Toxic positivity (0:39:34)
Positive affirmations (0:40:43)
Why language and culture suck. (0:46:20)
Got rid of negativity (0:48:03)
Fabi’s childhood. (0:50:14)
Visualizing death. (0:55:38)
Paragliding, slacklining (0:58:51)
Michael’s fear of heights (1:07:52)
Why yoga is the way it is (1:09:42)
AcroYoga (1:14:58)
Pianists and singers (1:18:19)
Bullying in schools (1:20:46)
Why do we have to feel sad when somebody dies? (1:25:14)
Black Lives Matter (1:27:40)
How to fix school (1:32:31)
AcroYoga, intimacy (1:33:45)
Students want to please the teacher (1:42:07)
Thai yoga massage (1:46:57)
Different kinds of AcroYoga (1:49:35)
Music and yoga – people are different (1:52:11)

Let’s talk about mistakes. Those awful, horrible, rotten things. You know you’re not supposed to make them. Are you allowed to at least talk about them? Let’s find out.

If you give me a hard time about something, I’ll give you a free ticket to the fun house. The name is misleading. It’s more fun for me than it is for you. Sorry about that. I’ll give you a refund if you ask.

Your teachers were not interested in your development. They were interested in proving they were good teachers, competent people, worthy in the eyes of their parents, so that they could rest assured that they weren’t going to be left alone in the wilderness to die of starvation, or to be eaten by wild animals.

When you are suffering,  when you are in pain,  when you’re unhappy about something, you should be allowed to say something. That’s just how it should be.

In this episode, I want to talk about piano teachers.

Specifically, I want to talk about something that’s been happening recently. I’m not going to go into too many specific details about this, because I don’t want to get sued or anything like that.

This is about radical acceptance. This is about toxic positivity.

So, what do I have against piano teachers? Well, I have a lot against them. You think, little harmless old ladies.  What’s the problem? What’s the big deal?

There’s a big deal.

People should be allowed to speak up when there’s a problem, when there’s something they don’t like. When you are suffering,  when you are in pain,  when you’re unhappy about something, you should be allowed to say something. That’s just how it should be.

And, if the group doesn’t like that, if society doesn’t like it, tough luck. It’s their issue. They should be able to deal with that. Why not?

But, that’s not the way it is. That’s not how we do things here. In our society, you cannot speak up against the group. It’s just not allowed.

So, these people are trying to silence me. I posted something in a group on Facebook, and they banned me from the group. They mocked me a little bit, just to make it very clear how worthless my life is to them.

Then, just kicked me out. No warning, no notice. Just suddenly “wait, I thought there were comments. Weren’t there just notifications a second ago?” And then, gone. Everything’s gone. All record of the group ever having existed, gone. No idea what happened. Did I make up the whole thing? Was it a dream? Who knows.

Well, I know.  Of course. I know what’s going on.

Look, they can do whatever they want. It’s their group, whatever. who cares?

This is horrible. Absolutely horrible.

Either you agree with me, or you don’t agree with me. if you don’t agree with me, I don’t care. I don’t want to talk to you about it. I don’t. I don’t even know why you’re listening to this if you don’t agree with me.

So, I’m just assuming you agree. Why not?

This is toxic positivity. It’s more than that, right? This is groupthink. I don’t know.

The thing is, I do know. I know.

Why do I say I don’t know? I say I don’t know because I don’t want to say what’s on my mind. I don’t want to just come out with it. I know that could have potentially more serious consequences, because I know how the rules are. You’re not allowed to complain. If the group thinks something, if there’s a way of thinking that’s just how the group is, as an individual you cannot speak against that. It’s not permitted.

Everybody thinks, “Michael, you’re so  confrontational, you’re so negative, you’re so provocative, you’re being so unfair to us, you’re triggering us, you’re being mean to us…”

No, stop for two seconds.

Look what’s actually happening here. all of you think one way. You believe one thing. I, an individual, is showing up and saying something different. And what happens?

Who’s the one with the power here? I have zero power. Nothing. I  have this keyboard, I have this microphone. What power do I have? I can’t do anything to you guys. I can’t do anything to anybody.

The only thing I can do is just speak and write. That’s it.

But, they can do anything they want. They are society. They’re a huge group of people.

So, I don’t take their suffering really seriously here.  It’s not real suffering. They’re not scared of me. Nothing like that.

I’m just a concept to them. I have no actual power. and yet, at the same time, I’m threatening them. They’re feeling threatened. Okay, that’s how it is.

I don’t want anything to do with this. So I’m going to talk about it. It’s the only power I have. I can just talk about it. I can vent about it. I can whine about it. So, that’s what I’m going to do.

What are they going to do about it? I don’t know. I’m a little afraid of it because  I know how crazy they are. I know how really I would have control they are. I know how seriously they take everything.

See, I don’t take it seriously.

I’m going to tell you what I do take seriously. This is a personal issue for me. This is a psychological issue for me. I’m not concerned about anything other than my own issues here.

So, I asked myself, “am I afraid that these people are going to hurt me?”

Now, am I afraid that they’re going to destroy my reputation? Look, I don’t care. As far as I’m concerned, sure, destroy my reputation. I don’t need a reputation, okay?  My reputation is only something that holds me back.

I would venture to guess that that’s why they’re so bothered by this. I’m threatening their reputation. They cling so tightly to it.

please destroy my reputation. Nothing would make me happier than that. I have no use for that kind of thing. That is just a cage. It’s nothing else.

You know, I didn’t even have a podcast a couple of weeks ago. There was nothing. And now, I do. So, I just created a new reputation, just like that. Out of thin air. Now I’m a podcaster. Okay, great.

Totally new reputation. Born again.

But yeah, that doesn’t work for them, because if I show up and I say, “piano teachers suck”, wouldn’t want to be me in that situation, that’s for sure.

of course, this is just on Facebook. What are they going to do? Are they going to show up at my door with torches and pitchforks? I don’t know. I hope not. I wouldn’t put it past them.

Yeah, that’s not legal. they’re going to get in trouble if they do that. Maybe. Are the police in on it?  I don’t know.

I don’t really have a great fear of that happening. I do believe that if they have the opportunity, they would. I do. I think that Jesus was killed by the piano teachers of the day. Let that go on record.

But, They don’t have that power, because we have laws. There are certain protections that I have, Which I guess I’m thankful for. We’ll see if they come in handy. We’ll see.

I’m not too scared of them. The thing that scares me is myself. This is fun for me. This is fun for me. I love torturing these people.

I love torturing them. I don’t love it when they react. I don’t love it when they fight back, when they try to hurt me in return. It’s painful for me.

You’ve got to keep this in mind: I’m a human being. And what I’m experiencing is that the entire society around me is rejecting me. That’s happening.

So, you can say, “well Michael, you’re bringing it on yourself” or “you’re triggering them”, or “you should Have expected this to happen. “

So what?  It’s still happening.

I don’t know why people say these things to me. Did you say those to me? are you one of the ones who say that kind of thing to me? If you are, think about why you’re saying it.

So, why do I hate piano teachers so much? Here’s why. This is it. It is a mystery?

The moment they feel threatened, the moment something is threatening something your status, when they don’t know what to do…

They’re living in constant fear, and this is what they do. They lash out like this.

If you’ve ever taken piano lessons, you probably experienced this. Maybe you had a good piano teacher. Great. I’ve had good piano teachers too. Sure.

I’m not talking about them.  Come on.

I’m talking about the idiots out there. I’m talking about the vicious, vindictive crazies. That’s who I’m talking about. You guys know who you are. I don’t need to name names here.

Chances are, if you’re getting offended by what I’m saying, and you are a piano teacher, you’re probably one of them. You’re probably one of those people who, I believe, if you have the power,  you’d be lynching me right now.  I’d be dead right now, because of you and your friends. I’m just going to put that out there. You guys. The ones who are getting offended by what I’m saying.

The one’s who say, “someone’s gotta shut this guy up.”

All I did was say “piano teacher suck.”

What what does that mean? Does that mean anything to you?

It doesn’t mean anything to me. If you said, “all podcasters suck”, OK…? What? Who cares?

If you said “all men suck”…OK…I don’t know. Whatever.

“Everybody named Michael sucks…”

What are you going to say to me that’s going to offend me like that? I don’t care.

“ All Americans suck. “

I don’t care. These are just words, and they’re vacuous. There’s no meaning at all to these words.  I don’t understand anything about you if you say something like that to me. I only have questions in my mind. I wonder, “I wonder what he means by that. “That’s it.

I’m not going to try to shut you up before I even know what you’re trying to say. But, that’s what they do.

Well, I’m not going to stand for it.

When you’re sitting in a piano lesson, everything that they say is about how you have to fit the mold, You have to fit exactly into the template that they’re comfortable with.

It’s not the template that they’ve established for you. They don’t have your best interests at heart when they’re teaching piano. They’re not concerned about teaching piano, they’re not concerned about piano, they’re not concerned about music, they’re not concerned about you as an individual.

They don’t care about any of that kind of thing. They’re concerned only about their own reputation, their own status, their own role that they have to play in this tradition, this culture that they are so attached to, that is such an important part of their identity, that makes them feel so safe.

I’m telling you why I don’t like piano teachers, just so you understand that. I can hear the objections already:

“Michael, why do you have to pick on them? Why do you have to be so petty? Why can’t you just live and let live? Just let them do their thing.”

Does it look like I’m stopping them from doing their thing? Are you serious? Is that a serious question? You think I’m not letting them do their thing?

you’ve got to be kidding me.

I’m not even going to entertain that. That line of discussion ends right here.

This has to come out. I’m sick of it.

There was a time when I liked the piano. It was fun. I liked studying it, learning about it, talking about it, figuring things out, talking about it, reading about it, figuring things out, experimenting, practicing, all of that. It was fun.

I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into. Didn’t realize the hornet’s nest that I was provoking. I didn’t realize anything like that.

I thought that if somebody called themselves a “piano teacher,” they’d have some interest in the piano, have some interest in teaching.

They don’t.

They’re bullies. That’s all it is.

I love the language that I’m using here, because I love taking out my aggression on these morons.

At the same time, I’m getting a little bored by it, because I feel the pull to go to the next level somehow. I’m trying to find where that next level is.

I spent a long time in fear of these people, honestly. Not wanting to upset them, trigger them, speak up against them, be rejected by them, be ostracized by them, because I was one of them. I was part of this community.

Boy, that was a mistake.

It wasn’t a mistake. It’s fine. You can call it a “learning experience.”

You should check out Daryl Davis. He’s a black musician who goes to KKK rallies. He befriends members of the Ku Klux Klan. He talks to them, understands their point of view, develops relationships with them.

Many of them have left because of him. They make a connection, and then you see the other person as a human being, and not simply as this “conceptual enemy”. The hate disappears, because this is another human being now.

The only reason we hate other people is that we don’t see them as humans. We see them only conceptually. We see them just as concepts, as ideas that are in opposition to our own ideas. And, we’re so attached to our own ideas, because it makes us feel comfortable.

So, when somebody says something that threatens our ideals, they must be destroyed.

What’s the alternative? We let those ideas be threatened. And, then what? We have no solid ground on which to stand, and that’s threatening. Nobody likes that.

Fine, whatever. But, that’s how it is with these people.

So, I feel like I’m a former KKK member. Like, I was part of that group (not the KKK…don’t be ridiculous). Part of the piano teacher group.

It’s a hate group. That’s what it is. It’s based on hate.

It’s based on hate of the individual, of individual expression, Of individual creativity.

Fundamentally, it’s based on the idea of hating the individual.

I’m talking about classical music here. Classical music. Makes me sick. They should call it sickening music.

I used to like classical music. That’s back when I was into the music. That’s all I knew. I’ve always been an outsider. I didn’t grow up in that environment. I didn’t even really start playing the piano until I was 14. Once I graduated high school, I stopped for a while. I did other stuff for years, then came back to it.

The whole time, I was so naive. I was just interested in the music, that’s it. I didn’t know anything else. It was only about music for me. And other stuff,  About practicing, physicality, the movement of the body,  All of that stuff was fascinating to me.

I had no idea what was motivating the whole thing, the whole industry, the whole field.

so, you should understand that, because that’s what it is. that’s what the whole thing is. There’s nothing other than that.

You have to be a total loner, if you want to focus just on the music oh, on the piano, on classical music. or any instrument. It’s all the same.

I think pianists might be worse, because piano lessons are such a common thing for kids to do, even kids who don’t care about music. They still take piano lessons. So, piano teachers have this idea that they lost their power. That they should have more power than they do.

Well, that’s a scary thought. Can you imagine if they had more power than they do?  I can’t even imagine that. That’s the stuff of nightmares. I am so happy that they are limited in their power. I’m so happy that it’s just a bunch of little old ladies whining on Facebook.

“Oh Michael, that’s sexist! And ageist.”

That’s what they said to me. That’s literally what they said to me.

They don’t care about piano, they don’t care about teaching. They only care about their own status and their own image. What do you care if Michael Korman stereotypes piano teachers as female and old?  Like, what? What is with your priorities?

So, here we are. Here I am in a room by myself, talking into a microphone. Maybe somebody will hear this. I can’t talk about this with piano teachers, because they don’t care.

They don’t care. Thousands of them. Tens of thousands of them, in these groups.   these are the biggest group that I’ve ever been in on Facebook. somebody asks a question, and hundreds of replies.

Can you imagine asking a question and getting more than 100  answers to your question? Within a few minutes. It’s not like it takes a year to get a hundred replies. 20 minutes. why? Why does that happen?

They take it for granted, I think. They don’t even know there’s anything weird about that.

They join the groups because it’s a continuation of middle school.

They want to impress their friends, impress the teacher, put down their friends so they can have higher status. It’s this “frenemy” thing.

This is toxic.

So, this is what happens when you put Michael in that environment. I can’t play along with that. That’s not going to happen. I can’t speak against it. They’ll kick me out. Or worse. They would do it, I know they would.

They would do it, with a smile on their face.

Do I sound paranoid?

Yeah, I’m paranoid. I’m terrified of these people.

What I’m really terrified about is myself. To me, there’s a void.  I love doing this. I love torturing them. I’ll sit there on my phone, typing out a comment. I don’t know what I’m saying. I just let the energy of the moment flow through me, and just type whatever comes out. So it’s fun.

I’m a little bit scared of that, because I know that it’s not fun for them. I know that for them, it’s terrifying.

Or, maybe I could say it’s fun for them to, because if they find murder and Mayhem and destruction and Terror to be fun, then sure, it’s fun.

I don’t find those things to be fun. That’s not something I would ever do, because I don’t take myself that seriously.

So, that’s what I’m afraid of. I’m going to be having fun with them, playing a game with them, and they’re going to be getting more and more upset,  and I’m going to continue having more and more fun, and not even realize that they are at the door, with their torches, and with their pitchforks, ready to string me up.

that’s what I’m afraid of.

I’ve been doing an exercise with this. What I’m really afraid of here is the void. I’m afraid of the non – knowing.  not knowing what’s going to happen. I’ve never been down this path before and most people don’t go down that path. The path of just responding to what’s in the moment.

But, there’s fear,  in those times when I have responded to what’s in the moment, people have gotten really pissed off at me. So, there’s an aversion to that freedom, an aversion to the void, to the non-knowing, to the infinite potential of just allowing the universe to do its thing without interference from me. That’s a little bit scary to me.

See,  I’m not scared of them. I’m not really scared of myself. I’m scared of the not knowing.

So, I’ve been challenging myself, as an exercise. Set a timer for 2 minutes. During those two minutes, total free fall. It’s just the energy, it’s just the flow, during that time. Just allow the universe to do its thing, totally. When the timer goes off, I can be scared, hesitant, cautious, whatever.

I’m not trying to do anything other than renegotiating my relationship with the void. Right now, there’s a fear of a little bit of void. Like,  When somebody writes a comment and I think I’d like to reply a certain way, then I think, “oh no, I can’t say that.” so that’s quick. 2 seconds. 2 seconds of void is sometimes intolerable for me.

So, let’s see if we can expand that. That’s the direction it has to go in,  the direction of just allowing things to happen.

That’s what it is. Things are happening whether I like it or not. That’s the reality of it. The only question is, am I interfering with that? Am I able to accept it?

So, we’ll see where it goes.

I hope to torture them.

I’m sick and tired of my friends too,  because they’re not helping me with this.  they’re just arguing with me about it. I don’t feel like arguing about this. What I feel like doing is getting it into the flow.

Maybe next time, I’ll talk about how murderous my friends are. I don’t know.

If you’re one of my friends, you can help me with this by…I don’t know. You figure it out. I’m sick and tired of this.

҉T҉҉h҉҉e҉ ҉S҉҉e҉҉l҉҉f҉-҉D҉҉e҉҉f҉҉i҉҉n҉҉e҉҉d҉ ҉H҉҉u҉҉m҉҉a҉҉n҉ ҉P҉҉o҉҉d҉҉c҉҉a҉҉s҉҉t҉, ҉E҉҉p҉҉i҉҉s҉҉o҉҉d҉҉e҉ ҉3҉.

This is the first episode of my podcast, Self-Defined Human. Let’s see where we go from here.

Stop being a Victim. Be a Creator instead. Learn about the Drama Triangle vs. the Empowerment Dynamic. Two radically different paradigms for viewing your role in the world.

The Drama Triangle comes from Stephen Karpman.

The Empowerment Dynamic is from David Emerald.

The first episode is about the Drama Triangle and the Empowerment Dynamic. The drama triangle is invented by the psychologist Stephen Karpman, and the Empowerment Dynamic comes from David Emerald.

Most of us look at life in terms of the drama triangle. every interaction you have with other people, you put yourself and other people into one of three roles.

You’re either the Victim, the Persecutor or the Rescuer. You could think of this like you’re either a Victim, a Villain, or Hero.

We’re taught to do this. This is the way the culture is, this is the way we are. All the time. We take it for granted. We don’t even notice that we’re doing this. It’s a specific way of thinking about things. A specific way of structuring our reality. And we take it for granted.

It’s not a good thing or bad thing. It’s just a thing. It’s just how we do it.

 the whole structure of our society is based on this concept. You have a Victim and yellow Persecutor, and the Persecutor is doing something bad to the Victim , and The Rescuer has to save the Victim from the Persecutor. We take it for granted.

Everything we do. You go to school and this is how it is. All these Notions about fairness, about Justice, all these ideas are based on this concept that there are good guys and there are bad guys. There are Victims and there are Villains. And, either we are a Victim, or we are a Villain, or we need to rescue the Victims from the Villains.

You may say, “well, obviously.” it seems so obvious that this is just how it has to be. Because, if someone is suffering, then it means that someone else has caused it. And, and if you can see that someone is causing it…

 what is the conclusion that you draw from this, when you see that somebody is suffering as a result of something that someone else did?

The way that you link these two events together, it’s up to you. It’s not obvious. It’s not just a foregone conclusion that this is just how it’s going to be. It’s not.

You think it is, right?

Why do you do that? You have to ask yourself this. You have to take yourself to task here. Don’t just take this for granted. That’s a big mistake, come on. Huge mistake. Don’t take these things for granted.

You know, you’re the one who’s responsible for this, You’re the one who’s telling the story.

Nobody wants to be a Victim. Nobody wants to be called a Victim. If I call you a Victim, what happens? I become a Persecutor. Immediately. If I tell you that you’re letting someone else take advantage of you, if I tell you that you are the one who’s responsible, that you are the one who is responsible for your own suffering, you see me as a Persecutor.

Why is that? Why don’t you want to hear that?

I mean, I don’t like hearing that either. I don’t like hearing it. Nobody seems to like hearing this.

Sometimes I’ll say something, and somebody else will think I’m saying that. Because, we know that it’s not good to be a Victim. We know that.

But, why is that the story you’re telling? Why is the drama triangle the story that you’re telling? Why do you put everything into that framework, into that little triangle? Why? Why is that the way it has to be?

You know, the way that you interpret events is that you take the things that happen, the things that you could observe objectively, and you string them together. You connect the dots and you make a story out of it. You find some interpretation on it.

Your mind does this automatically. You don’t even know that you’re doing it. Most people don’t even think about this kind of thing. It just happens.

This is how you’ve been conditioned. this is how you heard people talk around you. These are the stories you’ve heard, this is what you’ve seen on TV, this is the behavior that’s been modeled for you. Since you were a little kid, this is what has happened. These are the roles that people play, and these are the rules that people follow, that they have to follow. And, when something happens, these are the consequences that must follow.

We blame people for things, when something bad happens. We say that it’s somebody’s fault. we say, they deserve something.

I didn’t invent these words. I didn’t. Not me. You’re the one who invented these words. I didn’t. You. Not me.

It has nothing to do with me, because I don’t speak that language. That’s my choice. But, you do, right?

Why? Because you want to be a Rescuer? you obviously don’t want to be a Victim, but sometimes you’re forced to. If somebody does something to you. somebody says something to you that you don’t like.

“Oh, no no no, Michael. It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s an offensive thing. It’s inherently offensive.”

Yep. Uh huh.

Inherently offensive.

No, the problem is that you don’t like it. You. Why? Because it’s your preference. You would prefer that those things weren’t said to you.

Yeah, okay. That’s not even true. You prefer that these things are said to you. That’s why you get so excited when somebody says it. When somebody offends you.

You love that.

Why? Because now you get to be The Rescuer, and now you get to save the world from that person, from that evildoer. you get to jump to the rescue. you want me to offend you. You’re just waiting for it. You’re just itching for it.

That’s great.

So, you want to be a Victim, and you want to be a Rescuer. But, you don’t want anybody to call you that. You don’t want to be called a Victim. Do you want to be called a Rescuer? I don’t know. You tell me. What about a Persecutor? Do you want to be called that? Do you want to be a Persecutor?

 of course not. Nobody wants to be a Persecutor. You see that as an evil thing. Right? When you’re a Persecutor, that means that you are bad. That means that you deserve punishment. You did something wrong,  because you made somebody else suffer.

 Think of all the ways that you spend all your day, that you spent all your time and energy, trying to avoid being the Persecutor. How much time do you spend on that?

And when you do something accidentally that causes suffering, what happens? You beat yourself up about that, you feel guilty about that, you feel ashamed about that, you try to fix it. You’re spending all your time doing this, because you don’t want to be a Persecutor. That’s a bad thing too.

Is this fun for you, to live your life that way? In that drama triangle?

I doubt it very much.

There’s an alternative. The alternative is the empowerment dynamic. This is invented by David emerald.

 You should check out this book he’s got, The Power of TED*.

In the empowerment Dynamic, we’ve got three roles as well. We’ve got the Creator, the Challenger, and the Coach. Instead of the Victim, we’ve got the Creator. Instead of the Persecutor, we’ve got the Challenger. And instead of The Rescuer, we have the Coach. These are three roles which are much more productive.

Because, you see, you are a creator. You are the creator of the universe. The whole universe. Everything. You may as well accept it, may as well own it, may as well claim it. “I am the Creator.  I am God “

Does that offend you?

 of course it offends you. you don’t want to be a Creator.

Why is that? Because creators have a lot of responsibility.

Calling you a Creator, if you’re stuck in the drama triangle, is equivalent to calling you a Victim. now, I’m calling you to task and I’m asking you, “hey, why haven’t you been created? Why have you been spending all your time running away from Persecutors? Why has that been occupying all of your time? “

when I call you a Creator, you’re forced to confront that. you’re forced to ask yourself, “hey, why haven’t I been  making the universe that I want to make? Why haven’t I been making the world into the world that I want to live in?”

And because you’re stuck in the drama triangle, this is a horrible thing. It’s a horrible thing to be called out like that.

See, I don’t see it that way. You know, sometimes I’m a Victim. You can call me a Victim, that’s okay. You can ask me, “hey Michael, why haven’t you been creating? “

 yeah, I don’t know. Sometimes I’m lazy, sometimes I’m tired, sometimes I’m scared of something, sometimes I’m hungry.

That’s fine. That’s fine for me, because when I notice that I’m in the drama triangle, I step outside of it. I don’t see myself as a Victim, I don’t see other people as Persecutors , and I don’t believe that anybody needs to be rescued. I don’t.

 The whole thing’s a game. I always think about Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication, who says, “don’t do anything that isn’t play.”

See, it’s not that serious. But, you want it to be so serious.

Remember, when you were a kid, you created a lot. Kids are very creative. All day long, creating things. That’s how I was. I don’t need to give you examples, you know it’s true.

But then, we become adults, and what happens?

It’s not even when we’re adults.

This happens, maybe 9 years old or so? We get fearful. We get really scared, and we see that the purpose of life is to follow rules and not break the rules. And not be in the wrong. To not be the ones who are to blame for anything, because we want to be right.

So, we invent these religions where we learn how to be saved, Because we have this compulsive need to be in the right.

 We have to be the ones where the teacher can’t look at us And say, “You’re the one. You’re the one who broke the rule. You’re the one who needs to stay after class.  You’re the one who needs to clean up this mess, because you did it. you caused it. You’re responsible for all this pain and suffering.  And if you don’t fix it, there’s going to be consequences later on. There’s going to be consequences after you’re dead.  you’re going to be stuck in eternal damnation, forever. That’s how bad it’s going to get.”

That’s how future-fixated you are. you imagine this infinite future where you’re going to be suffering the whole time. That’s what it’s like for you, because you’re so obsessed with this idea that you need to follow the rules.

 That’s your thing, Because you don’t see it as a game. You see it as something that has dire consequences.

See,  in a game, when the game’s over, game over. Put it away, go do something else, and come back to it when you want to play again. You know it’s just a game. that’s fine. No problem.

But, when you make things serious, you can’t do that. You’re attached to it. You have to stay in it. You have to stay in the game, even after it’s over. When you die in the game, you’re dead in real life, so you better not let that happen. That’s how you look at it. Big mistake.

So, you can be a Creator. Just be a Creator. You’re the one who gets to decide what happened.

See, this changes everything. This changes how you look at everything else. A Victim doesn’t look at it that way. A Victim doesn’t have choices about what the Victim is going to create. A Victim is only responding to what happens. As a Victim, I need to keep everyone else at bay.

The Victim is only concerned with maintaining stability. That’s it. The whole story the Victim tells is, “I was just trying to go about my business, just trying to do my own thing, just trying to relax, just trying to have a good time, and then you came along and messed everything up for me.”

That’s the story the Victim tells. ” I was just doing nothing, and then you messed it up. “

What’s so great about nothing? Why is that the story? Like, that’s the ideal state: “I’m just doing nothing I’m just minding my own business.”

You’re going to be spending a lot of time after you’re dead doing nothing. See, this is the chance you have right here to do something. These few years, where you could potentially do something. But no, you’re just complaining about how no one’s letting you do nothing. I mean, come on, that’s ridiculous.

You can do whatever you want.

But now, you have some responsibility, because if you’re the Creator, you can’t look at other people as Persecutors. Or, as Rescuers. You can’t, because that doesn’t have any importance anymore.

 When you look at somebody as a Persecutor, that’s what they’re doing. They’re messing you up. But, you’re the one who’s deciding what happens, because you are the Creator. So, the Persecutor becomes the Challenger.

The Persecutor becomes the task. That’s what you’re doing.

You are confronting Challengers.

See, there’s no Adventure otherwise. think of any great adventure story. Just imagine there were no obstacles on the path. What is that? It’s nothing. The only reason that the story means anything is because of the obstacles. if you just stay at home, you have nothing. There’s no story. You don’t grow, you don’t change, you don’t learn anything.

 The Challengers are good things. They’re good guys. They’re not bad guys. The Victim is the bad guy. The Victim is the one who says no, we’re not going to go on an adventure, we’re not going to learn, we’re not going to grow, we’re not going to change.

And, it’s good to be a Challenger. You don’t want to be a Persecutor, because you don’t want to hurt other people. But, the Challenger doesn’t mind hurting other people, because the Challenger knows that by hurting other people that you’re helping them grow.

They might not see it that way, because if they’re stuck in the drama triangle, they’re not going to appreciate that, but so what?

You are a Creator. They are a Creator. When you’re in the empowerment Dynamic, you just see it that way.

If they don’t want to be a creator, you don’t even hear it. You treat them as creators whether they know it or not. Whether they admit to it or not.

 You can’t have Rescuers either. No one needs to be rescued. See, the Challenger is a good guy. When the Creator is hurt by the Challenger, that’s a good thing. So, The Rescuer becomes the Coach.

The Coach’s job is to help the Creator create. it’s not to save the Creator from anything. The creator doesn’t need to be saved. The Creator is God.

You don’t need to save God from anything. You need to help God do God’s work.