Selfish for Success: Entrepreneur | Business | Psychology | Self Esteem | Happiness | Health

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Does unconditional love make sense? Is it even possible?

What is love? Where does it come from?

These are the questions we explore and answer in today's episode.

Episode highlights:

What love is and where it comes from

Is the love for a child unconditional?

Making yourself lovable

How understanding love helps you choose the right romantic partner (and avoid choosing the wrong one)

How to avoid making deadly mistakes in dating

If you're dating right now, or would like to improve your relationships, you don't want to miss this episode!

Today’s Success Challenge

It’s really important to understand where your emotions are coming from in response to another person.

Think about the people in your life that you love (whether romantic, family, friend, or work colleague) and ask yourself:

1) WHY do I love this person? What is it that I love about him/her? What qualities, characteristics or virtues do they possess that I respect, admire or value highly?

This is a very helpful exercise, because it makes you conscious of why you love someone and what specifically you love about them. This strengthens and heightens the feeling of love, because you know the source of the feeling.

2) If you’re dating and having feelings of love or strong like for the person, ask yourself these questions:

What is it that I’m responding to? Is it something I actually saw, or just imagined? (name examples)

Were there any red flags (anger, dishonesty, substance abuse problem, critical of you, ideas that rubbed you the wrong way)?

If so, make a note of them in your mind and look out for them again. Don’t push them away, ignore them, or rationalize them.

But also see the full picture of what you know, good and bad

Let me know how this goes for you by posting a comment below or on Twitter @DrSteveOrma

Resources Mentioned

Oscar Wilde quote about love

Ran Dass quote about unconditional love 

Regina King quote about unconditional love 

Share the Value

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

Ask Questions or Provide Feedback

To ask questions, request episode topics or provide feedback, email me at [email protected]

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Follow @drsteveorma

Additional Resources

My indispensable sleep guide Stop Worrying & Go To Sleep

My new video course Sleep Well For Life

Don't Miss a Thing

Get every episode automatically!

When we care about someone and see them struggling or suffering, it's natural to want to help. It usually comes from a good place - we love them and want to ease their suffering.

But many times this is a big mistake, and it can actually make the situation worse or damage the relationship.

Many people suffer from what I call The Helping Disease (THD): The chronic impulse to help someone in your life who has a problem, is struggling with something, or who lacks some knowledge or skill.

Episode highlights:

What is The Helping Disease?

How THD hurts relationships

The two reasons why someone may not want your help

What causes THD

The cure for THD (no medication required!)

The many benefits of eliminating THD

Do you have, or know someone with, THD? If so, you'll want to listen to this episode!

Today’s Success Challenge

If you have The Helping Disease, choose one person you know and practice the skills I went over.

Start just with listening when they have a problem and resist trying to help. Really listen and make sure you understand what they’re going through (not necessarily agree with them), and then reflect back to make sure you understood them correctly.

Only then should you ask if you can help. If they say "yes," go for it and they will be much more receptive. If they say "no," respect it and let them work it out on their own.

Share the Value

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

Ask Questions or Provide Feedback

To ask questions, request episode topics or provide feedback, email me at [email protected]

Connect With Me

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Follow @drsteveorma

Additional Resources

My indispensable sleep guide Stop Worrying & Go To Sleep

My new video course Sleep Well For Life

Dr. Onkar Ghate is a senior fellow and chief content officer at the Ayn Rand Institute. He’s taught philosophy for over ten years at the Institute’s Objectivist Academic Center. He received his doctorate in philosophy in 1998 from the University of Calgary.

His op-eds have appeared in Huffington Post, CNN, Foxnews and Businessweek. He’s been interviewed on NPR and BBC Radio, and has appeared as a TV guest on CNBC, KCET, Fox News Channel and the CBS Evening News.

Dr. Ghate is expert at explaining abstract ideas in a clear and practical way.

Episode Highlights:

What being rationally selfish really means (and why it's vital to your success and happiness)

The courage it takes to challenge moral principles by asking the question, “Why?”

Ayn Rand’s popular novel “The Fountainhead"

Why being a businessman/entrepreneur is a noble profession

Please enjoy the episode!

Today's Success Question

Do you believe we should question moral principles by asking the question, “Why?” or just accept moral principles on faith?

I'd love to hear your response - please post it on Twitter @DrSteveOrma

Resources Mentioned

Dr. Ghate's webpage 

Ayn Rand Institute

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

Share the Value

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

Ask Questions or Provide Feedback

To ask questions, request episode topics, or provide feedback, email me at [email protected]

Connect With Me

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Follow @drsteveorma

Work With Me

If you’re interested in therapy, coaching, or consulting, please contact me.

Additional Resources

My indispensable sleep guide Stop Worrying & Go To Sleep

My new video course Sleep Well For Life

**Some of the links above may be affiliate links, which means that if you choose to make a purchase, I'll earn a commission. This commission comes at no additional cost to you, and I only recommend products or services that I think you'll enjoy or may be helpful to you.

Today, I spot selfishness in two media powerhouses: the long-running reality TV show The Bachelor, and the outspoken digital-media entrepreneur Gary Vaynerchuk.

I was in a supermarket a few months back, and the cover of US Magazine (not a rag I read) caught my eye. On the cover was a photo of The Bachelor, Nick Viall, with a large quote that read: "I've Been So Selfish."

I was compelled to read it.

What I found is that Mr. Nick was, in fact, selfish, but in the positive way I discuss on this show. Unfortunately, he meant it as an apology.

Despite being a superficial reality show, The Bachelor is watched by millions and Viall's apology reflects the wide cultural belief that selfishness is bad and self-sacrifice is good. I defend Viall's actions as being rationally selfish, and discuss why successfully choosing a romantic partner requires absolute selfishness.

Gary Vaynerchuk is a force in digital media. His confident, outspoken personality has drawn a massive following, while building two successful companies. In a self-penned article, "Two Secrets to Staying Motivated & Hungry," he names Selfishness as one of the secrets. And to my amazement, most of what he says about selfishness is positive!

I also discuss his response to a question about being selfish from his popular Ask Gary Vee show.

One of my favorite quotes from Gary V: "Be grateful for the time you have and selfish with the time you have left."

Lots of great stuff in today's show, so listen now and enjoy!

Today's Success Question

Do you ever feel guilty for being selfish, for doing things just for you (e.g., exercising, taking a vacation, getting a massage, breaking up with someone)? If not, great! If so, do you think you deserve to feel guilty for that?

Post your response on Twitter @DrSteveOrma

Resources Mentioned

The Bachelor Article

Gary Vaynerchuck Article, "Two Secrets to Staying Motivated & Hungry"

Ask Gary Vee show response (question starts at 6:14)

Share the Value

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

Ask Questions or Provide Feedback

To ask questions, request episode topics, or provide feedback, email me at [email protected]

Connect With Me

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Follow @drsteveorma

Work With Me

If you’re interested in therapy, coaching, or consulting, please contact me.

Additional Resources

My indispensable sleep guide Stop Worrying & Go To Sleep

My new video course Sleep Well For Life

Do you experience anxiety? After working with hundreds of clients over 11 years, one significant thing I’ve noticed is that a lack of selfishness (self-valuing, self-focus) is a major contributor to anxiety.

Today I explain how you can relieve, and even eliminate, your anxiety by being selfish.

A few highlights:

What causes anxiety

How being unselfish leads to and maintains anxiety

The ways people AVOID their anxiety and how it will only make it worse

Why medications don’t go to the source of anxiety—and what does

How anxiety can stop you from living the life you want

7 simple steps to relieving anxiety in a selfish way

Listen now and enjoy!

Today’s Success Challenge

If you’re experiencing anxiety that’s bothering you, stopping or limiting you from doing things you want to do, or interfering with your health and happiness:

Carve out 30-min for yourself and do the simple 7-step exercise I went over for relieving anxiety

Check in with yourself weekly to see how you’re feeling and address anything that’s bothering you

Let me know if I can help by emailing me at [email protected]

Resources Mentioned

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers

Therapy or coaching for anxiety: email [email protected]

Share the Value

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

Ask Questions or Provide Feedback

To ask questions, request episode topics, or provide feedback, email me at [email protected]

Connect With Me

[fb_button]

 

Follow @drsteveorma

Additional Resources

My indispensable sleep guide Stop Worrying & Go To Sleep

My new video course Sleep Well For Life

**Some of the links above may be affiliate links, which means that if you choose to make a purchase, I'll earn a commission. This commission comes at no additional cost to you, and I only recommend products or services that I think may be helpful to you.

Dr. Bernstein is one of my favorite speakers because of his passion, humanity, and sense of humor. He holds a Ph.D. in Philosophy from the Graduate School of the City University of New York. He’s taught Philosophy at the State University of New York at Purchase, Marist College, and Hunter College. He was selected as “Teacher of the Year” at both SUNY Purchase and Marymount College.

He’s the author of The Capitalist Manifesto, Objectivism in One Lesson, and his new novel, A Dearth of Eagles.

Today we discuss how to be an impassioned valuer. We talk about why values are the meaning of life, what it means to make love all day, and how to reconcile pursuing what you love and feeling selfish for it. We also talk about what to say when someone calls you “selfish,” how to choose your values, and the explorer’s premise.

If you want to know how to bring passion into your work, relationships, and life, this is the episode to listen to.

Today's Success Challenge

Exercise the Explorer’s Premise in one area of your life. For career, you could read a book on a career you’re interested in, talk to someone doing that career, or watch some videos about that career on YouTube.

In romance, you could go on a date with a type of person you’ve never dated before or try doing something new for a date (go surfing, skiing, try a new restaurant/food, day trip to a new area or city)

Get out of your comfort zone, see what you discover and have fun!

**Let me know how it goes by leaving your comments below

Resources Mentioned

Dr. Bernstein's new novel, A Dearth of Eagles

Dr. Bernstein's website & Facebook page

Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand

The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand

Share the Value

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

Ask Questions or Provide Feedback

To ask questions, request episode topics, or provide feedback, email me at [email protected]

Connect With Me

[fb_button]

 

Follow @drsteveorma

Work With Me

If you’re interested in therapy, coaching, or consulting, please contact me.

Additional Resources

My indispensable sleep guide Stop Worrying & Go To Sleep

My new video course Sleep Well For Life

**Some of the links above may be affiliate links, which means that if you choose to make a purchase, I'll earn a commission. This commission comes at no additional cost to you, and I only recommend products or services that I think you'll enjoy or may be helpful to you.

What makes life worth living? What gets you out of bed in the morning, gives you drive, and fills your life with meaning and purpose? It's Values.

Today I discuss why values are so vital to a successful and happy life.

Highlights:

What values are and why they're so important

No one can choose or achieve your values for you—YOU have to do it (I tell you how)

Why values must be ranked (1st, 2nd, 3rd)

The 7 value areas

How knowing your values (and how they rank) makes making decisions easier

Pursue your values selfishly and without guilt 

Listen now and enjoy!

Today's Success Challenge

Do a Values Inventory. Take the 7 value areas I went over (career, romantic relationship (kids), health, friends/family, hobbies/leisure, finances, lifestyle), or you can create your own, go through each category, and ask yourself these questions:

Are you satisfied with this value? What do you like about it, and what do you not like about it?

If you’re NOT satisfied with this value, what would you ideally want? Be totally selfish and not worry about if it’s possible—give yourself permission to really think and dream about what YOU want and what really excites you.

**You can leave your comments below

Share the Value

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

Ask Questions or Provide Feedback

To ask questions, request episode topics, or provide feedback, email me at [email protected]

Connect With Me

[fb_button]

 

Follow @drsteveorma

Work With Me

If you’re interested in therapy, coaching, or consulting, please contact me.

Additional Resources

My indispensable sleep guide Stop Worrying & Go To Sleep

My new video course Sleep Well For Life

Welcome to the first segment of "Selfish in the Wild," where I provide commentary, criticism, and inspiration on how "selfishness" is portrayed in the culture and media.

Recently, a client recommended the podcast “Good Life Project” to me, hosted by Jonathan Fields. One of the episodes caught my eye, for obvious reasons. It's entitled: “Selfishly Selfless.”

Fields presents his view of selfishness and selflessness, which is very interesting and thought-provoking. Then I give my thoughts about what he says.

Some highlights:

Why I disagree with 95% of what Fields says

How accepting a false view of selfishness or selflessness can cause a lot of pain (and how a correct one sets you free)

Why having a clear understanding of these ideas is key to your success

We get into philosophy, psychology, and practical tools for your relationships. Listen now and enjoy!

Today's Success Challenge

Over the next week, be really conscious of two things when you do something for someone else (whether at work, with your friends and family, with strangers, or with your romantic partner):

1) Be aware of the intentions for your actions, of why you’re doing what you’re doing.

2) Ask yourself: “Will this action benefit me?”—(and remember, it still benefits you if you do something just to help someone that you care about or value, because that nurtures the relationship—as long as you’re not doing at your expense)

**You can leave your comments below

Resources Mentioned

Good Life Project: Selfishly Selfless

Share the Value

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

Ask Questions or Provide Feedback

To ask questions, request episode topics, or provide feedback, email me at [email protected]

Connect With Me

[fb_button]

 

Follow @drsteveorma

Work With Me

If you’re interested in therapy, coaching, or consulting, please contact me.

Additional Resources

My indispensable sleep guide Stop Worrying & Go To Sleep

My new video course Sleep Well For Life

Dr. Ellen Kenner is a clinical psychologist and host of "The Rational Basis of Happiness®," a nationally-syndicated radio talk show. She’s the co-author of The Selfish Path to Romance: How to Love with Passion and Reason.

Today we talk about an unconventional approach to romantic relationships. We get into topics like how selfishness is key to a successful romantic relationship, how sacrifice leads to resentment, when NOT to compromise, and the Visibility Principle. We also discuss how to deal with unearned guilt, how you know if you’ve found your “soul mate,” and much more.

A few highlights:

Learn the two huge mistakes most people make when dating--and how to avoid them

Why sacrifice is NEVER required for your relationship, and what to do instead

Why your relationship should get better over time, not worse

The myth of the 7-year itch

If you want to know how to find and maintain a passionate and fulfilling romantic relationship, this is the episode to listen to.

Today's Success Challenge

Are you sacrificing anywhere in your relationship (spouse, dating)? (Signs of where you might be sacrificing are resentment or dreading the activity.)

Choose one of those areas or activities where you’re sacrificing and ask yourself: how can I do this selfishly (in the way we talked about)?

Let me know how this goes, if you find this challenging, and if I can help.

**You can leave your comments below

Resources Mentioned

The Selfish Path to Romance: How to Love with Passion and Reason, by Ellen Kenner & Edwin A. Locke

Dr. Ellen Kenner's website, Twitter & Facebook pages

Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand

The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand

The Virtue of Selfishness, by Ayn Rand

Share the Value

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

Ask Questions or Provide Feedback

To ask questions, request episode topics, or provide feedback, email me at [email protected]

Connect With Me

[fb_button]

 

Follow @drsteveorma

Work With Me

If you’re interested in therapy, coaching, or consulting, please contact me.

Additional Resources

My indispensable sleep guide Stop Worrying & Go To Sleep

My new video course Sleep Well For Life

**Some of the links above may be affiliate links, which means that if you choose to make a purchase, I'll earn a commission. This commission comes at no additional cost to you, and I only recommend products or services that I think you'll enjoy or may be helpful to you.

This is part 2 of a 2-part episode. Click here to listen to part 1.

There are a lot of confusing messages out there about how to choose a career. Should you follow your passion? Follow the money? Or use some other standard?

In an article on Quartz online, they argue against following your passion, interests, or making money in choosing a career. Instead they urge you to "learn skills" and then “go find the biggest, most pressing social problems you can, and apply your skills to solving them.”

I break down their arguments and provide my perspective on why their approach is self-defeating and destructive to career success. Then I tell you how to choose and pursue a career in a way that maximizes fulfillment, success, and improves people's lives.

Some highlights:

In choosing a career, should you please yourself or others?

Learn why ALL professions help people

How to remove the pressure when choosing a career

How to choose a career 100% selfishly (to get the career you love and greatly impact others)

Learn why passion is vital, but not enough for success, and what else is required

This episode is packed with valuable tools, tips and insights. If you want to get clear about how to choose a career, or transition into a new one, you won't want to miss this episode!

Today's Success Question

What did you think about the ideas presented in today's episode? Specifically, what do you think about choosing a career based on serving others or a social cause, versus choosing a career 100% selfishly in the way I described?

I would love to know what you think. You can leave your comments below.

Resources Mentioned

Quartz article

TED Talk

Share the Value

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

Ask Questions or Provide Feedback

To ask questions, request episode topics, or provide feedback, email me at [email protected]

Connect With Me

[fb_button]

 

Follow @drsteveorma

Work With Me

If you’re interested in therapy, coaching, or consulting, please contact me.

Additional Resources

My indispensable sleep guide Stop Worrying & Go To Sleep

My new video course Sleep Well For Life