Selfish Parenting

Susanne Dillingham's daughter was 18 months old and still in diapers when Susanne walked away from her marriage. She had spent years building her private chef business, stepped away from it to stay home with her baby, and found herself in a marriage where money never got talked about and the support she needed wasn't there. So she left. She lived off her savings, rebuilt her business, and leaned on her sous chef to get through the days she was falling apart. I first met Susanne over handmade gnocchi at a Charlotte event, and I knew her story belonged on this show. We talk about the codependence she couldn't see while she was in it, what it took to trust her co-parent when bedtime looked different at his house, the story behind her memoir, Secret Ingredients of Life, and a Kingston University study of 10,000 people over 20 years that found women's happiness rises after divorce. If you've ever wondered whether anything is waiting for you on the other side of leaving, this one is for you.

Susanne Dillingham is a Florence-trained private chef, the founder of The Tiny Chef, and the author of the memoir Secret Ingredients of Life.

Connect with Susanne:

• Instagram
• Website
• Get her book

Resources mentioned:

• Secret Ingredients of Life by Susanne Dillingham
• Empower Her Village 
• 17. Changing the Default Parent | Why We Swapped Seats for a Year
• 4. The Truth About “Broken Homes” | A Domestic Violence Survivor’s Story feat. Wadzanai Karanja

Research mentioned:

• "Back to Baseline in Britain: Adaptation in the British Household Panel Survey," Economica (2013), research led by Professor Yannis Georgellis, Kingston Business School

In this episode, we cover:

• Why Susanne walked away when her daughter was still in diapers, and why it felt like her only option
• The flowers on her husband's lunchbox, and how she lost pieces of herself without noticing
• How the savings that carried her through also disqualified her from government assistance
• Learning to let go when bedtime looks different at the other parent's house
• The one piece of advice she gives any woman sitting in this decision right now

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

Okay, real talk: when your kid wakes up with a 102 fever on a Tuesday morning, whose phone rings first? Whose calendar gets cleared? Whose career takes the permanent hit? We celebrate equality on paper, and then life gets messy, and somehow, the woman's dreams get quietly shelved. For the past year, my husband and I decided to break that. He stepped back, took the primary parent seat, and I went all-in on my career. I was able to launch a non-profit, scale my brand across five countries, and proved that mothers don't have to shrink to make their families thrive. Today, we're breaking down the practical framework for taking turns in marriage, and the four rules that actually make it work.

Resources mentioned:

• Empower Her Village
• Harvard Business School Study on Career Precedence in Dual-Income Marriages

In this episode, we cover:

• How to set explicit seasons (not open-ended sacrifice) so one partner can sprint while the other anchors, plus how quarterly check-ins keep both people aligned
• Why "mom knows best" is usually just "mom has had more practice" and how to challenge the myth that fathers are less capable caregivers
• The four non-negotiable rules for taking turns: set expiration dates, dismantle the default parent reflex at schools/daycares, reframe male caregiving as strategic teamwork, and practice zero micromanagement

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

Marriage can be beautiful, fulfilling, stretching, and deeply intimate, but it is not something I can honestly talk about for women without also talking about the risk, the labor, and the reality of what so many wives are carrying. In this conversation, I sit down with Yvette Henry to talk about what 15 years of marriage has taught her, why she still believes marriage can be worth it, and why I struggle to tell women that marriage is automatically worth it for them. We talk about choosing well, the limits of that advice, unpaid labor, faith-based expectations, the Proverbs 31 woman, emotional exhaustion, and what it means to stop performing wifehood and actually live inside a marriage that makes room for your whole self. Yvette also shares the heart behind her devotional Release, Rest, Remain, and why permission to rest is not something we need to wait for from our husbands, our children, the church, or the world… it is something we have to learn how to give ourselves.

Yvette Henry is a homeschooling mother of four, writer, and co-host of the podcast How Married Are You? alongside her husband, Glen. She has been married for 15 years, has built an incredible online community as Mrs. Melanin, and is the author of the devotional Release, Rest, Remain.

Connect with Yvette:

• Website
• IG
• Podcast

Resources mentioned:

• Release, Rest, Remain by Yvette Henry

Research mentioned:

• Women gain about seven more hours of housework per week after marriage — University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, Exactly How Much Housework Does a Husband Create?
• Men do about one hour less housework per week after marriage — University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, Exactly How Much Housework Does a Husband Create?
• Women initiate 69% of divorces, compared to 31% initiated by men — Michael J. Rosenfeld / American Sociological Association, Women More Likely Than Men to Initiate Divorces, But Not Non-Marital Breakups
• Who Wants the Breakup? Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples — Michael J. Rosenfeld, Stanford University

In this episode, we cover:

• Whether marriage is actually worth it for women
• Why marriage requires work, not just love
• The danger of telling women to “choose well” like that alone can protect them
• What women gain and lose inside traditional marriage structures
• How faith can shape marriage, rest, and wifehood
• Why the Proverbs 31 woman has been misunderstood
• The difference between performing marriage and actually being in one
• Why rest has to come from within
• How Yvette and Glen think about division of labor, parenting, and partnership
• Why divorce can be an option without being treated like failure

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

There is a kind of exhaustion that does not come from doing one more load of laundry or packing one more lunch – it comes from being the person who knows everything that needs to happen before anyone else even thinks to ask. In this episode, I’m joined by Paige Connell, known online as @SheIsAPaigeTurner, for a conversation about the part of the mental load that feels the most frustrating to name out loud: why so many women are expected to manage the home, explain the standards, teach their partners how to participate, and then somehow not feel resentful about it. We talk about default parenting, invisible labor, willing partners, outsourcing, the difference between helping and owning, and what it actually takes to stop being the project manager of your family.

Paige Connell is a content creator, writer, speaker, consultant, podcaster, and mom of four. Online, she is known as @SheIsAPaigeTurner, where she creates content about the mental load, equitable partnerships, motherhood, and what it means to build a home where both partners truly participate.

Connect with Paige:

• IG
• TikTok
• Website
• Podcast
• [email protected] 

Resources mentioned:

• Paige’s Free Guide to the Mental Load Conversation
• Stanford University study on divorce initiation

In this episode, we cover:

• What the mental load looks like when it turns into resentment
• Why “just tell me what to do” still keeps women in charge
• The difference between a partner helping and a partner owning the work
• How women end up becoming the default parent without ever agreeing to it
• Why teaching a partner can feel unfair, even when the partner is willing
• How to know whether you have a willing partner or just a passive one
• Why outsourcing buys back time but does not erase the mental load
• The role of standards, safety, research, and invisible decision-making
• How to talk about the workload before you are already angry
• What our children learn when equity is modeled, not just talked about

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

I grew up in the church. I prayed, I read my Bible, I believed God was the reason my family survived some of the hardest things we ever went through. Faith grounded me, especially as a refugee kid trying to make sense of losing everything and starting over. But I also grew up hearing that my body was a problem, that my value lived in my virginity, that motherhood was my highest calling, and that men’s comfort mattered more than women’s safety. In this episode, I’m talking about Christianity, modesty culture, Mormonism, Congolese churches, motherhood, and the part of faith that still feels confusing for me. I still pray. I still believe in God. I still find comfort in parts of the Bible. I also know I cannot raise my daughters inside the same shame, fear, and patriarchy that made me question my own body, my own freedom, and my own worth. This is where I am right now: grieving the church community I loved, questioning what I was taught, and choosing to teach my children about religion without handing them the trauma that came with mine.

Research mentioned:

• 42% of US adults have deconstructed from Christianity (Barna, Ex-Christians Aren’t the Only Ones Deconstructing Faith) 
• 54% of Gen Z women (compared to 46% of men) have left their formative religions (Dan Foster / Medium, Why Young Women Are Leaving the Church in Droves)
• 40% of women ages 18-29 are now religiously unaffiliated (PRRI, Gen Z, Gender, and Religion)
• 65% of young women believe churches don't treat men and women equally (Survey Center on American Life, Young Women Are Leaving Church in Unprecedented Numbers)

In this episode, we cover:

• Why I stopped searching for a home church after spending years trying to find one that felt safe
• How modesty culture taught me to carry shame for a body I was still learning how to live in
• What Mormonism showed me about women doing the work while men held the power
• Why having daughters made me question which parts of church I was willing to pass down
• The grief I still feel for the community, care, and village that church gave me
• How I’m teaching my children about religion without making fear the foundation
• Why so many of us are questioning Christianity and realizing patriarchy was sitting right there with it
• What it feels like to still pray, still believe, and still not know where church fits in my life anymore

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

Work from home is a career killer for women? I disagree a thousand percent. In this episode, I’m challenging the idea that ambition has to come at the expense of your mental health, your time, or your identity. I’m talking about my experience in corporate America as a Black woman, the invisible labor that comes with being in office, what the research actually says about remote work and productivity, and who the “three hour mom” narrative really applies to. Because not all advice is universal, and success should not require you to lose yourself in the process.

Stats mentioned:

• Code switching can cost Black professionals 2–3 hours of mental energy daily (Harvard Business Review, 2019) 
• 64% of Black employees experience at least one racial microaggression per week (McKinsey & Company, 2023) 
• Black women reported a 31% improvement in psychological well-being when working remotely (American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 2022)
• Remote and hybrid work reduced racial microaggressions by 42% for Black women (SHRM, 2023)
• Remote workers show a 13% increase in productivity (Stanford Business, 2020)
• 87% of employees report being equally or more productive working from home (Microsoft WorkLab)
• Remote and hybrid workers report higher engagement than fully in-office employees (Gallup, 2023)

In this episode, we cover:

• Why the “work from home is a career killer” narrative ignores what Black women actually experience
• The real cost of code switching, and why the office is not a neutral space
• Why being seen at work still doesn’t guarantee being considered
• How communication bias shows up in emails and perception
• The truth about the “three hour mom” – and what it actually requires
• What the data really says about productivity at home
• Why you need to be selective about whose advice you follow

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

This episode contains graphic depictions of domestic violence. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or text “START” to 88788.

Kiana built her platform on transparency, but this conversation makes it clear just how much she was holding at the same time. What looked like a happy, growing relationship online was layered with control, instability, and survival behind the scenes – and she was navigating all of it while pregnant, postpartum, and still showing up publicly. We talk about what it actually means to live through something in real time without the luxury of stepping away, how content creation became both an outlet and a lifeline, and why the version of a relationship you see online can be completely real and still not be the full truth. This episode isn’t about exposing social media – it’s about understanding why women stay, why they leave, and what it costs to delay your own healing.

Kiana Leroux is a content creator known for her honest, lived-experience advice and transparent storytelling around relationships, motherhood, and personal growth.

Connect with Kiana

• IG
• TikTok
• YouTube

Stats mentioned:

• 62% of creators report burnout (Forbes Healthy Study, 2025)
• 65% of content creators experience anxiety and depression (Fast Company & Creator Studies, 2025)

In this episode I cover:

• What’s actually happening behind “happy” relationship content
• Why leaving isn’t always a clean or immediate decision
• How abuse can exist alongside love, success, and visibility
• The role content creation can play when you’re trying to survive something
• Why “ride or die” culture sets women up to lose
• The difference between real connection and emotional intensity
• What it looks like to rebuild while still being watched

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

This episode is me saying the quiet part out loud: you are not struggling because you’re doing motherhood wrong. You’re struggling because there is no real support system built for you. I’m introducing Empower Her Village, but this isn’t just an announcement, it’s a response to something I’ve seen over and over again, in my own life and in yours. Mothers who are doing everything “right,” working, showing up, holding it all together, and still can’t afford childcare, therapy, or even basic help at home. Not because they’re irresponsible, but because they fall into a gap no one is talking about. The government has the data. They know mothers are leaving the workforce, they know most can’t access mental health care, and they’ve chosen to do nothing. So instead of continuing to tell you to “prioritize yourself” without giving you the tools to do it, I decided to build something that actually supports you. Because the truth is, it still takes a village… but now that village costs money. And if you don’t have access to it, no amount of advice is going to fix that.

Connect with Empower Her Village:

• Website
• Donate
• IG
• TikTok
• [email protected] 

Resources mentioned:

• 2025 U.S. Maternal Mental Health Risk and Resources by County
• Women say caregiving and child care costs are the No. 1 reason they quit the workforce last year, according to new data

Some key takeaways from this episode are:

• The “missing middle” is real! Mothers earning too much to qualify for assistance but not enough to afford childcare, therapy, or household help are being left to figure it out alone, and it’s why so many are silently struggling.
• “Prioritize yourself” is not useful advice if you don’t have the resources to do it. The issue is clearly not that mothers don’t want to take care of themselves. But that they don’t have access to the support that makes it possible.
• The village still exists, it’s just no longer free. What used to be family and community support now shows up as paid services like childcare, therapy, and household help, and every mother deserves access to that level of support.

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

Hitting your child is abuse. It doesn't matter if you call it spanking, whooping, or "a little pat." In this episode, I'm unpacking why corporal punishment has been normalized for so long and why so many parents still believe it's discipline. Growing up in the Democratic Republic of Congo, I saw firsthand how physical punishment was treated as the standard both at home and in schools. But here's what doesn't add up: it's illegal to hit your spouse, illegal to hit your neighbor – yet still legal to hit your child. And if you say "I was hit and I turned out fine," I'm here to tell you… you probably didn't. 

The real question is this: are you trying to teach your child, or are you trying to make them suffer? Discipline is supposed to come from teaching and repetition, not fear. We talk about the difference between punishment and discipline, why research shows physical punishment harms children's development, the misuse of "spare the rod" in Christian parenting, and what it actually looks like to parent with intention, using redirection, natural consequences, emotional regulation, and clear boundaries instead of violence. Because breaking generational cycles starts with you.

Resources mentioned:

• ”Spanking and Other Physical Discipline Lead to Exclusively Negative Outcomes” (NYU, 2025)
• ”The Effect of Spanking on the Brain” (Harvard, 2021)

3 things to understand about disciplining kids without hitting them:

• Hitting a child might stop a behavior in the moment, but it doesn’t actually teach them what to do instead. Fear shuts down the part of the brain responsible for learning, which means the lesson never lands.
• Discipline isn’t about punishment – it’s about teaching. Redirection, natural consequences, and consistent boundaries help children understand their choices and build emotional regulation over time.
• Breaking generational parenting patterns starts with the parent. When you regulate your own emotions, model accountability, and reconnect with your child after conflict, you teach them how to handle their own feelings without violence.

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

Everyone loves the idea of a stay-at-home mom until the internet starts running the divorce horror stories. So let’s actually talk about it. In this episode, I sit down with Trish White, a stay-at-home mom of three who very intentionally chose this life, and we break down what protection really looks like. Not fear. Not paranoia. Not secret resentment. Real protection. The kind that starts before you ever leave your job. We talk about choosing a partner who doesn’t flinch at your ambition to stay home, why financial transparency matters more than “soft life” aesthetics, what red flags to clock early, and how to build equity, credit, and confidence inside your marriage. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, you absolutely can. But it only works when it’s chosen, supported, and structurally sound.

Trish A. White is a stay-at-home mom of three and content creator featured in Essence for her perspective on Black stay-at-home motherhood and the trad-wife conversation, where she shares financial transparency tips, faith-centered family life, and empowered SAHM insight across her social platforms. You can follow Trish on Instagram!

3 Truths About Staying Home That Actually Protect You:

• The man you choose matters more than any contract. Being a stay-at-home mom starts with the husband. If he flinches at your desire to stay home, doesn’t follow through on his goals, or is emotionally unstable in small conflicts, that instability will grow under pressure. The right partner makes the role feel secure, not risky!
• Financial access isn’t optional… it’s adult. You should know the accounts, understand the bills, build credit in your name, and sit in on real money conversations. Most stay-at-home vulnerability comes from financial ignorance, not the role itself. Transparency builds trust. Secrecy builds dependency.
• Preparation should empower you, not scare you. Yes, be on the deed. Yes, understand prenups. Yes, build equity and keep your skills sharp. But protection isn’t about expecting betrayal, it’s about being informed, intentional, and confident enough to enjoy the life you chose.

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok