Selfish Parenting

A lot of people treat marriage and motherhood like deadlines you’re supposed to hit. In this episode, I break down how I think about readiness, not as a timeline, but as an intentional choice that should add to your life, not shrink it. I share what actually mattered to me before getting married, from choosing an exceptional partner to knowing who I was outside of a relationship and being able to financially support myself. Then we get into what real readiness for kids looks like: the costs people don’t talk about, the emotional work that shows up in postpartum and parenting triggers, and the reality that choosing to have children is a lifelong commitment. If you’re going to choose marriage or motherhood, this episode is about choosing it on purpose… not out of pressure, fear, or expectation.

Resources mentioned:

• Rise of the SHEconomy - Morgan Stanley Research
• Health fertility and age-related pregnancy data - UCSF Facility Research

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Marriage or Motherhood:

• If your partner never changes, same job, same mindset, same habits, would you still want to be with them?
• Can you financially support yourself without relying on a partner?
• Do you know who you are outside of a relationship or motherhood?
• Have you lived independently enough to know what you actually want (living alone, traveling alone, dating different people)?
• What would you realistically have to sacrifice or give up if you had children?
• Have you addressed your own childhood trauma and personal triggers?
• Are you choosing marriage or kids because you truly want them? Or because of fear or societal pressure?

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
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• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

A lot of couples talk about “building together.”Fewer talk about what happens when ambition, money, children, and the internet all enter the relationship at the same time. In this episode, I sit down with Colette Louis to talk about what it actually looks like to grow a marriage while growing businesses – without one partner quietly carrying the invisible weight of it all. We unpack how she and her husband made early decisions about money, labor, and priorities, why outsourcing became a necessity rather than a luxury, and how they protect their relationship in a culture that rewards oversharing. This conversation challenges the idea that doing everything alone is something to be proud of, and offers a more honest picture of partnership, boundaries, and shared responsibility.

Colette Louis is a lifestyle creator, wife, mom of two, and entrepreneur who shares honest conversations about motherhood, home, and building a life that feels as good as it looks. She’s the voice behind Simply Colette, where she blends everyday routines with intentional living and soft ambition. Known for turning real life into relatable storytelling, Colette encourages women to move beyond survival mode and step into thriving – at home and within themselves. Through her content and community, she reminds women that growth can be gentle, beautiful, and still powerful.

Connect with Colette:

• Website
• IG
• TikTok

Resources mentioned:

• Invisible Household Labor and Ramifications for Adjustment: Mothers as Captains of Households

In this episode, we cover:

• What it really means to build a business with your spouse
• Why “equal” doesn’t always mean “fair” when it comes to labor at home
• How invisible labor contributes to burnout and resentment
• Outsourcing as a strategic decision, not a moral failure
• Setting boundaries online to protect your marriage offline
• Why help isn’t optional if you want sustainability, not survival

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

We keep hearing that the birth rate is falling, the economy is panicking, and somehow the solution lives in women’s bodies. In this episode, I’m saying the quiet part out loud: every reason to have children is selfish -- and that’s not a bad thing. As a mother of four, I unpack why choosing not to have children is not selfish at all, but often an act of self-preservation. Through my own birth stories, research on maternal health, and the realities no one puts on the baby shower invitation, this episode challenges the idea that women owe their bodies, or their lives, to society. Motherhood should always be a choice, never a moral obligation.

Resources mentioned:

• Diary of a CEO podcast episode featuring Dr. Erica Komisar (discussion on declining birth rates and women’s autonomy)

In this episode, I cover:

• Why women’s bodies are not economic policy or national resources
• The real, lifelong physical and mental costs of pregnancy and childbirth
• Why there is no truly “selfless” reason to have children, and why honesty matters
• How child-free women often help hold families and communities together
• A practical decision framework to help you decide if having (or having more) children is right for you

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

When you think about the personal rules you follow while parenting your children, how many of those are shaped by an experience you’ve had in your life? Chances are, at least one or two of the daily decisions you make are shaped by trauma. That’s why I’m so excited to have Kobe Campbell, an award-winning licensed trauma therapist, on the podcast! We discuss how trauma impacts our lives, why you should stop dismissing your trauma as “not that bad,” and the role trauma therapy can play in helping us heal.

Kobe Campbell, LCMHC is an award-winning licensed trauma therapist, bestselling author, speaker, and entertainment consultant. As a seminary-trained therapist, she specializes in helping people understand how their past shapes their present through her signature work on inner child healing and breaking generational cycles. Her 4x #1 Amazon bestselling book, Why Am I Like This? How to Break Cycles, Heal From Trauma, and Restore Your Faith has transformed thousands of lives by combining evidence-based therapy with faith-filled compassion.

Connect with Kobe: 

• Why Am I Like This? by Kobe Campbell
• Instagram
• TikTok
• YouTube

Some key takeaways from this episode include:

• If something happened to you that changed the way you interact with the world, it was probably a traumatic event. Even if it didn’t impact people around you, or “doesn’t seem that bad” compared to what others have been through, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatic.
• There are two things we might develop as a result of trauma: adaptive practices and maladaptive practices. Adaptive practices might keep you healthy and safe, but maladaptive practices can result in you repeating generational trauma or keeping loved ones at arm’s length.
• The growth and healing you experience in therapy will hopefully cover you for a lifetime, but healing isn’t linear and it happens over the course of your whole life. You might go to therapy for six months, then feel good and not need therapy for years, then go back when you notice unhealthy patterns. 

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

This episode contains graphic depictions of domestic violence. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or text “START” to 88788.

Leaving isn’t the hard part. It’s admitting to yourself that what you’ve been calling “home” has been hurting you. In this episode, I sit down with Wadzanai Karanja, a domestic violence survivor and single mother, to talk about the red flags she didn’t yet know to name, the years of isolation that kept her far from help, and the moment she chose safety over staying. We also break down the research that debunks the idea that children need two parents under one roof to thrive, and dig into what emotional safety, stability, and real community support actually look like for single mothers rebuilding their lives on their own terms.

Wadzanai Karanja is a survivor, a mother, and a passionate voice for women choosing safety over expectation. Her story is a powerful reminder that protecting your child sometimes begins with protecting yourself.

Resources mentioned:

• Journal of Marriage and Family: Longitudinal study on children leaving high-conflict homes (1,400 participants)
• American Psychological Association: Resilience in stable single-parent households
• National Center for Health Statistics: Maternal education as a protective factor

In this episode, we cover:

• The early red flags of coercive control
• How isolation and fear keep women from leaving
• Why many “traditional” family norms harm more than they help
• What the research says about single-parent stability
• How community becomes a lifeline for survivors
• A parenting truth that might change how you view “broken homes”

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

From the “boss babe” stereotype to the “trad wife” trend, social media has a lot to say about what it means to be a good mother, and it can be tempting to compare and measure these mothers against each other. In this episode, I want to explore why both working mothers and stay-at-home mothers are valid. I’m unpacking the research that shows the benefits of both, sharing my own experiences following each path, and empowering you to set boundaries and practice self-care no matter which path you choose.

Resources mentioned:

• Harvard Business Review: "Learning from Mum: Cross-National Evidence Linking Maternal Employment and Adult Children's Outcomes" (2015)
• University of Michigan Institute for Social Research: Attachment and Parental Availability Study
• Developmental Psychology Meta-Analysis: Maternal Employment and Child Outcomes

In this episode, I cover:

• The benefits of being a stay-at-home parent
• The benefits of being a working parent
• How both paths support your family financially
• How to choose the best path for you and your family
• Action steps to ask for help and set boundaries as a mother
• My motherhood hot take that might surprise you

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

If you have a great relationship with your father, I bet that the thing that’s most important to you about that bond isn’t that he provided for your family financially. It was his emotional support and intentional presence that made that relationship special. And who else would be a better guest to talk about fatherhood than my husband, Julien Lane? You might know him as “Homey” (if you know, you know), but Julien is the true embodiment of modern fatherhood. From holding space for our family’s feelings and helping us emotionally regulate, to modeling what it looks like to be a supportive husband, we talk about all things fatherhood in the year 2025.

Resources mentioned:

• Father Involvement and Children's Academic Achievement - Journal of Marriage and Family, 2016
• Book Rec: Fair Play by Eve Rodskey
• The Fair Play Deck: A Couple's Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What's Important

Some key takeaways from this episode include:

• Being a present father is about WAY more than your financial contributions. When you spend time being invested - and I mean emotionally invested and physically present - in your kids’ lives, it improves their development and leads to a healthy bond well into their adulthood.
• According to this study, children with highly involved fathers scored 15% higher on cognitive development tests. Sons showed 35% better emotional regulation. Daughters had 27% higher self-esteem. 
• Our biggest tip for being a more intentional father? Learn the mental load without being asked. Get to know your family’s daily, weekly, and monthly routines and rhythms. How can you take ownership of some of those routines?

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

Welcome to the Selfish Parenting Podcast! If you are feeling burnt out on parenthood and like these kids have got to go, you just walked into the right party! In this episode, I’m kicking off this podcast with why I named the podcast Selfish Parenting (and if that name gave you pause… keep listening!), my four-part Selfish Parenting Framework, and the research-backed evidence that being a happy, fulfilled parent leads to raising happy, fulfilled, and pretty successful kids.

🤎 We’d love to hear from you! Send us your parenting questions and hot takes at [email protected]! Our favorite submissions will be featured on the show.

Resources mentioned:

• Happy Mothers, Successful Children: Effects of Maternal Satisfaction on Child Outcomes* by Dimitrios Nikolaou | The Ohio State University
• UrbanSitter Childcare and Home Care Services
• Poplin Laundry Service

Some key takeaways from this episode include:

• A study at The Ohio State University found that a 10% increase in maternal happiness predicts social skills improvement equivalent to a $62,000 annual income increase. Okay numbers!!
• It is crucial to maintain your identity outside of motherhood. That’s why it’s one of the pillars of the Selfish Parenting Framework. It is such a gift to show your kids what it looks like to be a multi-passionate adult and pursue all those passions while your kids are young.
• When it comes to outsourcing, start small. You don’t need to start with a full-time nanny and a personal chef. Hire a babysitter for a couple hours a day, a few days a week, so you can have some time for self-care.

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

Connect with Me: 

• Instagram
• Shop My
• LTK
• YouTube - Chancè
• YouTube - Selfish Parenting
• TikTok