A few years ago I decided to take the plunge and I signed up and paid for an 8 week intensive Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course, an MBSR course. We met at a yoga studio in Montclair every Friday morning for about 3 hours, and the time was filled with a mix of psycho-education (learning about what we were doing, and what we hope to gain), meditative practice (practicing what were learning), and self-reflection (talking about all the feelings and reactions each of us was having). And to be totally honest, the first few sessions felt like punishment.

...so let’s spend just a few minutes explaining what mindfulness is, and what it isn’t. Because in the past few decades, mindfulness has gained tremendous popularity as both a formal practice as well as a way of being, of living. And as with anything that gets mass marketed, some products out there are authentic, and some are knock offs. Mindfulness was initially introduced to the Western world and more specifically to the medical community, by Dr. Jon Kabbat-Zinn, a pain medicine physician at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center.

We’re currently working through a fantastic book by Steve Magness entitled: “Do hard Things”, which guides us in cultivating deep, authentic, and long lasting mental and emotional toughness. And for the next couple of weeks, we’re going to deepen some of what we’re learned, by applying it to the Jewish calendar cycle in which we currently find ourselves. As you know, we’re in week two of the 7 week sefirat haomer count. Let’s take a step back and ask a basic question – What’s the purpose of this count? Is it simply a means to an end – to amp up our excitement as we go from Pesach to Shavuot? Or, is there something of value in the count itself…in each individual day, as we mark it.

We spoke last week about the skill, yes it’s a skill, of being able to sit in discomfort. To tolerate hard feelings – feelings like vulnerability and disappointment, frustration and regret, sadness and embarrassment, and many others that fit into this category of emotions that we would much prefer to suppress, deny, or distract ourselves from. And I think that honing this skill is getting harder and harder for each successive generation.

Last week we concluded with the idea that it takes a lot of inner strength to be able to see reality as it is, especially when you don’t like it and wish it were different. Today, we’ll talk about two critical aspects of nurturing that inner strength.

Think about the following question: When facing a daunting challenge – do you think it would be helpful to downplay the difficulty –to tell yourself that the intimidation you feel is just a façade? That in reality there is no way the challenge is going to be as hard as its being portrayed. Could such an outlook help you be more successful?

Last week we were introduced to Steve Magness, a world-renowned expert on performance. Magness has served as an executive coach in a variety of sectors; but he’s best known in his capacity as a consultant on mental health development for professional sports teams. Guided by Steve’s book, we began talking about mental toughness and its essential role in our being able to successfully navigate adversity. Let’s continue that conversation, keeping in mind that our goal is to figure out how we can all develop the skills of mental toughness, thereby increasing our happiness.

One of the popular topics all over the self-help world of books and podcasts, is pinpointing the factors that help people thrive. Looking at what makes some individuals consistently successful athletes? leaders? parents? executives? What do those individuals have, or do differently than the rest of us? And of course, the question we all want answered, is whether the rest of us can nurture those qualities in ourselves.