Have you ever accomplished a tough goal you felt was important, only to have your blood, pain and tears discredited by the idea that you’re “lucky”? Usually, these statements are followed comments that they wanted to “do that too”, but can’t because (insert laundry list of reasons why here). You smile and nod, because clearly they mean well, but part of you just can’t help but to feel annoyed.
Say you’ve wanted to lose weight. Everyone around you was sabotaging your goal. Eating was an emotional experience because you couldn’t have dessert and they ate brownies in front of you. Or you indulged and ate a cookie, and you have two people sitting at the kitchen table monitoring your eating and telling you “it’s too early to eat that.” Or you’re coming home from exercising, and you see pizza on the counter, and they walk by sighing and shaking their head, stating that you’re negating everything you just did.
You have a goal, and all you have around you are people telling you what you should and shouldn’t do. You’re surrounded by folks who are not as dedicated to your goal and struggle as you are. And it’s getting old.
So you do what you have to do.
You go to bed at 8 pm and wake up at 4. You drink a gallon of water every day. You kill all the processed food, sugar and heavy meat. You join a weight loss group that supports you in your fitness goals. You analyze your cravings and eating habits, discover your triggers and find ways to replace sugar as a comfort food for your loneliness and anxiety.
You stop going out to dinners with friends. You stop answering questions about your eating. Fuck it… you stop hanging around people and food in general because you cannot tolerate the questions, comments and unsolicited reactions. You maintain your focus and one year later, you’ve got the body of your dreams and a whole new outlook on life.
“Damn mama, you’re looking sharp,” someone says. “You’re lucky to have a body like that.”
… And just like that, your work is discredited.
You know what you’re thinking when that happens? “This isn’t luck! I busted my ass morning, noon, and night on my goal. I invested time, money, patience and endurance for this goal. I gave this everything I had. I cut the dairy, cut the sugar, cut the bread and jogged 3 miles every day, rain or shine for 6 months and drank nothing but water, tea and green juice to lose this weight.”
You can’t say all that, because they wouldn’t get it. So you smile, nod and say thank you.
This doesn’t have to be about weight. I could be talking about getting that degree, opening that business, writing that book – anything. My point remains the same though: You’re not lucky, you worked for it. To have someone pretend you didn’t is just a pain in the ass.
It’s easy for people to think your success came easily, because to accept the fact that you did the work requires them to own up to the fact that they just aren’t willing to do all of that.
No, seriously. Have you ever had someone ask you what you’ve done to accomplish X, Y, and Z – only to start ironing out all the steps for them. Then they cut you off and say, “Nah that’s too much work.”
That’s when you realize some people like to live in a land of dreams and excuses.
They don’t want to own the possibility that something can be theirs with a little work. They want it handed to them.
So if you happen to get something they want or would like to have, it’s easier on the ego for them to say you’re lucky, as opposed to saying, “Hmm, okay, so if I tweaked my approach to this situation, and experimented with a couple of things she did,
