Does the CHM need to die? That question, among others, like what's the deal with sleeve length and alcohol, get answered today. Check it out.
Here's the script. FInd me on Instagram (naeleann97) and facebook (Denae Miller). Sending love.
I fumbled with the words. “We can’t leave, but we can see it, it’s almost like God doesn’t want us to leave. It’s like we can’t… We’re… different, I don’t know how to say it.” “A bridge couple.” My husband answered quietly.My eyes widened. “Yeah, that!” After church that Sunday morning, I had asked my husband, a former theology student, whether he thought our generation was leaving the CHM because of a lack of a spirit of true worship in the services, and if so, if we were to blame for that. His response caused a facepalm moment for me, since he offered an answer I already knew, but in the moment, was clearly overlooking.“No,” He began thoughtfully. “In my experience, it was largely the generation before us, who left the church, or were hurt, mainly, by the hypocrisy in our conservative churches. No, I don’t think the worship has as much to do with it as the sense of hurt and injustice by people they once looked up to.” As our discussion progressed, we acknowledged that, indeed, both were causes to be considered, as is the sense that some CHM leaders are afraid to pass on authority positions to young people until they have proven, somehow, to be sold out to, or at least have pledged their loyalty to, the inflated adopted ideals the church or movement has chosen to conduct themselves by.It was funny that we were having this discussion now, for several reasons, because the week prior, we were a couple texts from turning our backs on our current little CHM church for good, and earlier in the week, during a phone call with my grandmother, she was telling me something very applicable to this--she was in awe that the little school at their church is having such trouble finding a new principal and teachers, because, in her words, back then, the preacher would practically be kneeling next to you at the altar while you were praying through, whispering “Yes now, will you please hurry it up here; we need you to teach Sunday School!” She marveled that “back in her day” she and others her age felt a personal obligation to draw near to God and grow in their faith--in a hurry--because they were needed to instruct and teach others!In our conversation, she admitted that perhaps this wasn’t the best way, but I was struck with the realization that the early Christians weren’t so very different in calling and urgency. It was a part of their doctrine, then, to be saved, baptized, and testify of their transformation to others. It was also expected of the early church that they would be generous, willing to work, patient with one another, and be unmistakable “by their love for one another.” 2 Timothy 2:4 also suggests that believers should be kind to everyone, not quarrelsome, and able to teach.My husband spent a moment there on this idea that our “old fashioned” churches are balking at changes suggested by younger contributors because they are terrified that the “holiness way,” (quote un-quote) will be done away with, lost in a sea of counterfeit salvation with emotions-based worship and little to no adherence to true doctrine.You may find this hilarious, but it is absolutely true that the little church I grew up in was absolutely terrified to have projector screens on the walls for song service, and I was not permitted to be married in said church because my wedding dress sleeves were not closer to my elbow than my shoulder. (They were short sleeves.) It’s things like this, I think, that my husband was pointing to to say that our churches are losing people in droves because they’re standards-based instead of Gospel-based, and losing the hearts of people in the process. And if you lose the hearts of the people, they’ll go somewhere where their hearts are welcomed. Somewhere, perhaps, with anti-Biblical beliefs.I explained to my grandmother over the phone that her church, the church I grew up in, filled to the brim with people I know and love, and the school directed by said church, had interviewed my husband and I for positions at the school, and because we did not meet their standards, we were not asked to fill them. Neither of us were upset, and harbored no bitterness because of that decision, we assumed they would find someone that did meet their expectations, and believed our own personal convictions were Biblically-based, so we had no qualms with the decision-makers, but my sweet Nana’s response to that was:“Oh… Well… I’m glad you didn’t get the jobs then. I wouldn’t want you to go somewhere where you felt you were being judged all the time.” Bless her heart. Her concern was not that Nathan and I were heathen, perhaps because when she had started out, she was little more than the same, but thrust into a very similar position anyway!She, in her quiet, sweet way, continued interpreting her understanding that our CHM churches have lost faith in the power of the Holy Spirit to convict and speak and guide people directly, choosing, rather, to impose their own rules--sometimes unnecessarily strict rules--based on their own convictions.I told Nathan: “It reminds me of the Israelites, when they wanted a king, so badly, so God allowed Saul to become their first king. They lost so much when they chose a human king. They lost that direct connection with God! Why would they choose that?”… “A bridge couple.” “We want to leave, but we just can’t, I don’t know why!” This leads me to the next part: God is not done with the conservative holiness movement. “It’s a wonderful thing,” my husband said of the CHM, “when it’s functioning as it was supposed to.”And I agree.I love contemporary worship music. I love swaying, weeping, hands held high while some sweaty song-leader “puh puhs” in a mic to “What a Beautiful Name” and Bethel music, I love it as much as the next twenty-something, but there’s something holding us here. There’s something tugging you back to those wood-paneled, hymn-singing, pew-posted conservative churches, isn’t there? There’s something holding us there--Nathan and I--for sure.We wear wedding rings now. Not to church, since we know that’s not their preference, and we like to show respect to our elders, but we wear them outside of church. They’re modest, inexpensive pieces of metal that are a public sign to others that we’re married, and have made a commitment before God that we intend to keep.I’ve worn jeans in the mountains, and hiking, and riding horses and dirtbikes, I’ve addressed this before; I deemed it more modest, more sensible, but 98% of the time, you’ll find me in public wearing my old jean skirts from the thrift store. Why? Because I love the old way I was brought up in. I love the ideals that they tried to instill, those of modesty, separation to God, from the world, --holiness--this idea of being “set apart,” for God’s use and His glory, and no one else’s, not even mine. I wear short sleeves, some of the churches and institutions I grew up in and around have rules about their devotees wearing sleeves “closer to the elbow than the shoulder” as I mentioned above. The reason for this is because in the Old Testament, instructions were given detailing the priests’ garb (that’s Exodus 28), and clues to what God views as “nakedness” are given there. Based on these clues, the CHM have basically contrived that the torso should not be shown (so if your sleeves are super short, you might see your armpit, which is a part of your torso), and your pants, skirt, or dress should be loose-fitting and to the knee. My husband sometimes wears shorts to the knee, but in the CHM, in the past, this has been largely frowned upon, since when seated, there’s a chance one could see higher than the knee. Our response to that is, “We’ll be careful,” and “Lemme pull out my long skater boy shorts from the early 2000’s, cause it’s 100 degrees and jeans are HOT!”The CHM, pretty much across the board, has a ban on alcohol. Communion, which is still celebrated and promoted (I agree with that), is conducted using grape juice. Personally, I hate the taste of alcohol, it holds no luster for me, but the reason for the CHM’s ban on the drink is because of it’s naturally addictive properties. The Bible says several times not to get drunk--Ephesians 5, Galatians 5, 1 Corinthians 6, among others, tell us this--so the well-meaning conservative holiness movement originators' solution to this: T-totalism. The idea that if you don’t have the first drink, you’ll likely never be caught getting drunk, which is sin. Also, the Bible’s pretty emphatic about being alert, having your wits about you, and able to make wise, rational decisions. This helps us to derive, naturally, on our own, without any “Thou shalt not” decree that any medications or narcotics that leave us unable to think clearly should be taken into consideration, i.e., prayed about, i.e., probably not abused. (This does not include prescribed medications for anxiety, depression, etc. God has blessed us richly with trusted doctors of the mind as well as the body. Use them. Take their recommendations seriously.)...Do you see what I’m getting at? The CHM has a long history of trying to do good and going too far. It reminds me somewhat of the early Roman Catholic church, who preferred to keep the Bible in Latin, out of the prying eyes of the common people, so they might better regulate the spiritual beliefs of the working-class.Wait, wait, wait. I didn’t mean that. I don’t mean the CHM is today’s ancient Catholicism, I just mean, bless their hearts, they’re so afraid to loosen the reins for fear of the subsequent generations doing away with what is actually true, and at the core of what they’re trying to mandate.So why can’t we leave? Why can’t we ditch “organized religion” and colloquial terms like “holiness,” “Bible methodist,” “entire sanctification,” “justification,” and all those other -isms and -tions?We’re all tired of the hypocrites. I promise you, we are. But we’re staying--Nathan and I are staying--because, as Canadian philosopher Jean Vanier put it, “One of the marvelous things about community is that it enables us to welcome and help people in a way we couldn't as individuals.” The church is not a building. It’s not four walls and a roof. It’s a community of like-minded believers. Maybe not alike-looking believers--one may look Amish, another may be tattooed, but like-minded-- all there for one common goal: To point others to the true, everlasting hope they can have in Jesus! Their purpose to be found in Him, and to bring glory to God’s name, because everything that is good in this world is of Him and through Him.In James 1:27, he spells out religion in a way that I think really drives this point--and quote--home, he says: Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.When we look out at a hurting world around us, always, we’re tempted to think, “What can I do? I’m just one person!” ...That’s the beauty of the church. Sure, as just one person, you may not be able to help “orphans and widows in their distress,” --think, global missions, homeless shelters, jail and prison ministries--but as a unit, made of many singular persons, like-minded people, we can do much.Another reason we’re not leaving: Because if there’s one thing the conservatives got right: It’s that God has standards. Maybe not the same standards that they promote, but guidelines? You bet.Mostly, though, every rule and law in the Bible can be boiled down to these two commandments, clearly communicated by Christ himself during His earthly ministry, and they are these: True Christianity is to love God, and love others. Selflessly, completely, with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength.That’s another reason the CHM is so adamant about the rules they follow on modesty and alcoholism and all the other strict grey-area mandates, because it was originally taught, and well it should have been, like in Romans 14, “not to cause a brother or sister to stumble.” So, example: Someone who struggles, I mean really struggles with alcoholism, and has been working the 12-steps, and you go out with them and order yourself a beer--just one, you’re not getting drunk! You know that’s not okay, but they are struggling?-- that’s not loving others as yourself. That’s not loving others as God’s Word commands. That’s another reason the well-intended CHM gets so up-in-arms about it. You never know who is facing a battle you cannot understand. That’s why they air on the side of caution. However, this is no way gives them any right to judge those who choose not to walk so far away from the “line,” so to speak. As my Nana eluded to, it kind of makes light of God’s ability to convict and instruct and speak into our lives, when we’re forcing rules upon people without explanations as to their origins and intent. ...Speaking of that, here’s another reason Nathan and I cannot and will not be leaving the “CHM:”Backstory: As I eluded to, I grew up in a conservative church. I did all the right moves: Wore the long sleeves, didn’t cut my hair, went to the Christian school, followed the rules, and as my parents themselves worked through their own untangling of the customs they’d been taught and what they believed and where they stood on things in their own lives, I was basically left to my own devices. I could choose, for myself, at a young age, whether or not I wanted to be “conservative” like my friends that I’d grown up with, or be bold, like my older sister, and strike out on my own spiritual-discovery/sown oats journey. I chose the safer route: I continued walking the walk, talking the talk, and though it had very little--if anything--to do with the CHM, I wound up in a rehab facility for young girls with eating disorders, just graduated my clean-cut Christian high school, with two I-don’t-know-what professing parents and my whole life ahead of me. At that point, in that non-specified, more self-interpretive, loosely Christian-based, artsy rehab facility, I learned a great deal about actual Christianity. I turned 18 over my summer there, and as I interacted with Christians that looked nothing like me, whose belief systems were nothing like my own, and as I witnessed, physically, the prayers of my loving friends and family back home, calling upon God for my own healing, I could see a strange new crossroads there. Christianity isn’t linear, as such: It comes in all colors, shapes, sizes, and worship-styles. It does, however, have unbreakable standards. That was clear.Impressed by God as I grew and began to heal, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I chose a very conservative Bible college as my next step. I had originally intended to go home and pursue community-college, but I knew it would be best for me to move away from home, for fear of just falling back into old patterns, and start anew, in, what I considered to be, based on my upbringing, a pretty safe place for growing.My 3 years on campus were transformational. To this day, I commend GBS to the skies, because, honestly, though they look, promote, and demand certain a-typical CHM regulations, they were-- are, I think-- pushing the truth that it’s all about the Bible. It’s not about our traditions, or customs, it’s about the truth of God’s Word, and His personal relationship with you, and what He’s asking you to do, for the furtherance of His kingdom. I can’t say enough about that school, the staff and faculty there; I was blown away by their sincerity, and I pray for them regularly still, that their mission will live on, which leads me to my next point: The only way their mission will live on, seriously, is if we--people like Nathan and I--don’t give up. Don’t turn back, but change, from within, for the better, the CHM, or at least promote, and remind our young people coming up the reasons we live by these standards! They’re not just rules and standards of measurement to judge others by! There are reasons--beautiful, loving Christ- and loving others-centered reasons for living a “set apart” life; for being-ha- “holiness!” And I think once the older generations either move on, or hear the hearts of the next generations--the bridge generation--and trust them; trust their motives; trust that this generation, the bridge generation, is not there to tear down the “principles” but promote the reasons for those rules? That’s when the beauty of the CHM will truly be preserved, and can, then, therefore, be justly promoted. My husband admitted, and he was sad to say this, but that he’s honestly afraid to invite others to our church, for fear of their being judged or looked down on because they might not choose to live the same way the conservatives do, or look the part, or whatever. He’s afraid of these things because he witnessed it personally, coming from a Wesleyan background, and because, truly, still, in most CHM churches people that don’t look “the part,” that is, “uber conservative” are not allowed to participate or be given positions in those institutions! How heartbreaking is that? To have a new believer, anxious to be involved and bring with them their fresh insight and their perspectives and experiences to the table, only to be rejected because their past--that has been covered by the blood of Christ and long forgotten, by the way--doesn’t line up with this church’s particular preferences? Whew, it makes me mad, darn it! (Not supposed to say that in the CHM, by the way…)...Okay… Gotta collect myself.We need to stay with the CHM because their hearts were in the right place, but over time, things have gotten a little skewed in some places. Some things, some reasons for, and manifestations of those beliefs have just been written off as fact and Bible and if you don’t line up, you’re out, and friends, that is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG.We need to stay to improve the church, from the inside.Jesus didn’t forsake the church of His day, though it was as corrupt and distorted as could be. Remember, He was daily in the temple, reasoning with the Jewish leaders of His day, and He was there, in the service, in His boyhood hometown, when He stood and read the Isaiah scroll, declaring Himself the Messiah, reading and then quoting to finish: “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” (That’s Luke 4, a great story, look it up.)And we need others to stay. It can’t just be Nathan and me. They won’t listen to us; they’ll call us crazies. We need more “bridge couples;” “bridge people.” People who, yes, love and appreciate some of those “holiness standards” because we have been taught and do understand that the religion of Christ is so selfless, so others-focused, and so beautiful… And to teach that--the REASONS for, the beautiful reasons for--those beliefs. Friends of ours, another couple, who, I would consider them a bridge couple, though they probably would have no idea what I’m talking about--they were talking about the frustrations they’ve experienced in their own little church. Hypocrisy, lies, deceit, even by the former administrators of their church, okay? But they have two young kids, and they’ve continued to faithfully serve and attend their broken, hurting, slowly healing church because, and they’ve reminded their kids of this on the ride to church, every Sunday, they keep going because they go “to love and to serve others.”A lot of us younger people are a little selfish with our church-attendance. We want to be blessed by the worship-style, we want to walk out of Sunday morning, tear-stained cheeks, all rip-roaring and ready to go, we don’t wanna hang out in a dead and dying church, who once was on fire for God but has begun to decay into extinction because of past hypocrisy by broken leaders and misled, under-taught principles. We don’t want to love and serve a seemingly hopeless situation! We want to be blessed on a Sunday morning, not serve!!!Ya’ll, maybe someday we’ll get there, but for right now, the CHM needs bridge couples. They need service-minded bridge people, not lazy, bored, hype-seeking young people. I know, I wanna be one of them, but I can’t! God won’t let me! Either through my husband or my own dern convictions, I can’t leave my church and this movement! Why? Because at my core, I BELIEVE IN IT!!!Golly, Miss Molly, I’ve begun to preach.Well, anyway… In conclusion:God calls us to love Him, and love others. That’s our purpose. And if you can better do that in a mega-church on Sunday, please do that, and if you can better do that in a pew, surrounded by ancient saints, please, please, don’t give up on that. The CHM doesn’t need to die. It just needs bridge-builders. People, like you and me, building bridges back to the reasons why we do what we do. Why we believe what we believe, and why it’s oh so beautiful.
