Should We Get Married? with Maxson and Emily

After months of discussions with friends, family, strangers, and experts, Maxson and Emily have made a decision. And, we are announcing it here in our final episode!

To all of you who have been a part of our journey, thank you. We are so grateful and happy.

We talk to Rob Schuham, a friend and author, about how he gave up 90% of his net worth to his ex-wife in his divorce more than 20 years ago. He walks us through the arc of his relationship, explaining how he ignored tensions early on while convincing himself that living together, getting engaged, and then getting married would somehow resolve deeper incompatibilities. After this emotional and financial journey, Rob spent decades firmly against ever getting married again but, now, he is warming up to it provided the relationship is grounded in love, reality, and a prenuptial agreement. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily talk about if we want a prenup, and if we are in love with the real, current versions of ourselves - or a projection of who we hope the other person will evolve into.

We talk to Rabbi Ben Spratt, Emily's beloved family rabbi, about the Jewish idea that restriction is what makes something sacred: that you haven't really made a choice until you've also chosen what you're not going to do. He also tells us about some "Epic Jewish Stuff" like Onah, a 1,600-year-old Talmudic law obligating husbands to sexually pleasure their wives. At the end of the episode, Rabbi Ben puts Maxson and Emily on the spot, asking each of them how the other has called them into a better version of themselves.

We talk to Archie, a substance abuse counselor, nationally ranked yo-yoer, and the son of Isabel from Episode 4. He has eight divorces in his immediate family, including his own parents'. He tells us about going through addiction and recovery programs, and how lucky he was to have all of his parents and step-parents showing up for him during treatment. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily ask each other: do we think we would have a nice divorce?

We try out getting married to each other with a ceremony - vows and all - put together by Nico Raineau, professional wedding officiant, who we first spoke with back in Episode 8. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily reflect on how the experience changed how they feel about getting actually married.

We talk to Rhaina Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others, about the importance of "platonic life partners" - friends that you love with a depth and domesticity that mirrors romantic partnership. She tells us how she and her husband structured their life to include communal living with other couples, and her advice to anyone considering marriage: to stop worrying about convention, and figure out what you actually want together. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily try to figure out what actually makes the two of them more than just really, really good friends?

We talk to Bridget, Emily's freshman year college roommate and the show's first listener-turned-guest, who reached out after hearing the couples therapy episode and had notes. Bridget has been with her husband for 12 years, and her take is direct: if you're not sure you want to be together forever, don't get married. She also drops a spicy opinion - that couples who “need” couples therapy while just dating are not going to make it. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily debate whether making a whole podcast about this question is an act of love, or proof that they’ve already lost the plot.

We talk to Nico Raineau, a professional wedding officiant, who takes notes on our love story as he prepares a mock wedding ceremony for us. We learn about the unusual world of wedding officiants, we describe our weird and distinctly un-vibey first date, a surprise kiss in the rare books section of a bookstore, and Hinge-gate: the first big moment where we had to really assess our relationship. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily muse on if going through a fake ceremony might make us feel closer, or further, from wanting to get legally married.

If you liked Nico's vibe, you can learn more and get in touch here.

We talk to John J. Lennon, a self-taught writer who has been incarcerated at Sing Sing Prison for 24 years. John has been married twice to women he fell in love with through handwritten letters. He tells us what conjugal visits are like, who gets access to them, and their surprising origin. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily ask each other if they’d stay in a relationship if one of them went to prison.

If you liked what John had to say, you can get more information on his new book, The Tragedy of True Crime, here.

We talk to Karen Gordon, our couples therapist, about the health of our actual relationship. We've been seeing her for over three years, and in some ways, she knows us better than our friends and family. We talk with her about our conflict cycle, specific issues we've worked with her on in the past, and the issues we are working with her on now. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily ask if we need to "fix" everything before we should get married or have a child.