Showing Up To Life

I don’t want to weigh you down with a bunch of brain science - Unless you want to nerd out with me, in which case, send me an email! -  but I will tell you one basic fact about how your brain is working right now:

When you experience negative emotions, it is a sign that your brain is dis-integrated.

And when you experience positive emotions, your brain is integrated.

Of course, this plays heavily into our daily lives. But integration, or dis-integration, is also related to your health and well-being.

In today’s episode, I talk about some of the details involved in all this:

And I give you that super simple practice you can do, starting today, to build this integration in your brain, your body, and your relationships.

If you need any help or clarification on the practice, you can reply to this email ([email protected])...

OR!!! You could do something more fun and powerful!

Right now, there is a coaching session sitting here waiting for you. It’s already paid for. And all you have to do to claim it is click this link:

https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session

About a week ago, I did an episode about perfectionism.

And a few days ago, I lived through a big-time lesson in perfectionism.

I tell the whole story in today’s episode:

You see, perfectionism can happen any time, to anyone.

And it can wreak havoc when it shows up!

So the solution is not so much to avoid perfectionism as much as it is to see it when it happens.

In seeing it, we can work with it.

Oftentimes, working with it and moving past it is as simple as accepting and letting go.

So how do we ‘see’ perfectionism?

This too is quite simple: in order to notice our perfectionism, we must develop self-awareness.

To develop self-awareness requires nothing more than to do about 10 minutes of practice every day.

Doing the practices are simple too, once you know how.

Learning how to do the practices is as simple as clicking this link and scheduling a free coaching session with me:

https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session

Yesterday, I talked about the fact that we don’t have the ability to control someone’s actions, emotions, or thoughts.

But that’s really just half the equation!

Many times when someone’s behavior seems absurd and triggers our anger or frustration, we tend to think: ‘Why does this person act like this???’

And yet, most of the time this is a rhetorical question and only leads to more anger, frustration, and resentment.

But what happens if we ask that question honestly?

In today’s episode, I talk about this.

And as I mention at the end of the episode, it’s not just childhood trauma that creates this condition; stress alone can make someone act in a ‘disabled’ way.

If you’d like to discuss this in detail, I invite you to book a free coaching session with me by clicking here:

https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session

So many times in our interpersonal relationships, we demand that another person change their behavior to suit us and bring us some level of happiness or comfort.

But even when we ask for someone to change, we never have control over their actions.

Never.

And we also never have control over another person’s emotions; another person never has control over our emotions.

Whatever anyone feels is within their own body and is only controlled by them.

In today’s episode, I talk about this, and some tips for regulating ourselves in the face of challenges:

https://youtu.be/1RPwNt2pu8U

If you enjoyed today’s episode, please let me know!

If you have a specific question about today’s episode, feel free to email me at [email protected]

But the best way to ask a question is to set up your free coaching session with me!

If you’d like to do so, click this link here:

https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session

I want to first tell you, as a trigger warning, that today’s episode is about alcoholism and addiction.

I actually was ‘this close’ to abandoning this topic today for another, but I realize that maybe someone needs to hear this today.

As the term ‘A little wine goes in, a lot of truth comes out’ implies, what we might see as an angry or mean drunk, is often really a hurt person who spends all their time holding it together.

In today’s episode, I talk about this in the context of a couple of personal stories:

If you experience someone who is an angry or mean drunk - and you are physically safe from any violence they may commit! - I invite you to try to forgive them and see them through the lens of compassion.

And if you are that angry drunk, try to offer forgiveness to yourself so you may see the root of your suffering more clearly.

And if you need someone to talk to about this, I am here for you.

Either email me at [email protected], or use this link to schedule a call with me:

https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session

I grew up with the notion that, as bad as things may have been in my life at any given moment, there was always someone in the world who had it worse.

Of course, I get it.

And it’s impossible to argue the merits of such a statement when you just have to turn on the news to see the suffering of people around the world that is far greater than the suffering I feel when my phone battery dies so quickly these days.

And I get that acknowledging that someone else’s suffering is ‘worse’ than mine will help to lift me from the doldrums of sadness I may experience.

But at the same time, when I diminish my own suffering because someone else has it ‘worse than me’, I’m really ignoring and turning away from my own authenticity.

In today’s episode, I explore this topic in depth:

If you would like to learn more about the self compassion I discuss in today’s episode, I invite you to claim your free coaching session.

That’s right. I said claim ‘Your’ coaching session.

I said that because you have a coaching session with me already. It’s just sitting here with your name on it.

All you have to do is claim it.

And you can do that here:

https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session

I found myself yesterday in a very familiar - and very uncomfortable - place.

Despite everything seeming to be ‘ok’ in my life, I found myself just down in the dumps.

Wanna know how I picked myself up?

I explain it all in today’s episode:

In almost 100% of cases, when we feel inexplicably emotional (Yesterday I was sad and pessimistic, but it could show up as anger or jealousy or virtually any other powerful emotion), just looking and finding the source of the emotion is enough to start to lift yourself out of it.

For me, the source was both circumstantial and also tied to what I was consuming with my mind.

But it could be as simple as not getting enough sleep or not having enough to eat.

The point is that the connection between our bodies and our emotions is powerful and unambiguous.

And the key, again, is to see it; to understand it.

This seeing and understanding arises from self awareness.

And self awareness is cultivated by practicing presence, acceptance, compassion, and curiosity.

If you feel like you need some help developing such a practice in your life, I have two options:

You can go the 1:1 coaching route by taking the first step of scheduling a session here:

https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session

Or you can go the communal route and come to my mid-week mindfulness meeting on Wednesday at 7 pm MST (9 pm EST, 8 CST, 6 PST), and you can register for free right here:

https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycckbkb/

For my whole life, until about 10 years ago when I started practicing mindfulness, I was stricken with the disease of perfectionism.

I spent almost all my time trying to get everything just right.

And I punished myself when I failed.

In today’s episode, I talk about my own perfectionism and how I was able to overcome it through the practices of mindfulness and self compassion:

If you are struggling with perfectionism, or any of what I said today resonates with you, I want you to know a couple of things:

First, you are not alone! So many of us feel this need to be perfect and so many of us struggle with the guilt and shame that results.

Second, your imperfections are what make you a beautiful and amazing human being!

Third, there is only one you. And I mean in the entire universe, there is no one who is exactly you. So I beg you to allow the true you to come out. The world needs you!

(But understand that this involves some effort and guidance, leading me to the next point…)

Finally, you deserve all the compassion and love for yourself! And I can show you how to practice and develop it. All you have to do is click this link to claim your free coaching session:

https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session

Of course, we’ve all heard the little sayings…

‘Turn that frown upside down…’

‘Smile and the world smiles with you…’

‘Put on a happy face…’

And probably a whole bunch more than I can even remember at this point.

But did you ever consider that there might be a scientific basis for these sayings?

Well, thanks to Dr. Richard Davidson, we now know there is a scientific basis for all these beliefs about smiling!

In today’s episode, I talk all about this science - along with some philosophy - of the smile:

I hope the video convinces you to smile often for your own benefit and for the benefit of all those around you.

From the most anonymous stranger to the most intimate loved one, your smile can change the world!

If you’d like to know more about how this all works, and for some free coaching on how to implement this practice in your life, just click here to claim your free coaching session with me:

https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session

After that heavy episode about my own trauma yesterday, it feels good to me to talk today about some good old neuroscience!

Until pretty recently - like the mid-nineties - it was widely accepted in the fields of neuroscience and psychology that once our brains were fully developed (around age 25), that was the brain that we carried with us for the rest of our lives.

No new brain cells could be generated.

And all the synaptic connections of our brain were fixed and static for the rest of our lives.

Well thankfully we now know much more about the brain and the quality of the brain called neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity is just a fancy word that describes the way our brains can be molded, through experience (as well as through thought and intention!)

In today’s episode, I talk about how this works and how we can remodel our brains for health and well being:

So what does this mean to you in your moment-to-moment experience?

It means that if you’re shy and fearful in social situations, you can practice to become more bold and comfortable…

If you have trouble recognizing social cues, you can become more socially aware…

If you’re someone who often succumbs to road rage, you can become someone who is more patient and understanding on the road…

And these changes can happen on the level of the function of your brain!

So it’s not about ‘remembering’ to be patient with that jerk who cut you off this morning.

Instead of having to remember anything, neuroplasticity tells us that this can become an automatic emotional response for you.

All it takes is practice.

To learn the specific practices required to make the changes you want to make in your life, claim your free coaching session with me here and let me help you:

https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session