Sidewalk Talk

Some relationships are so mystically created, that their very roots dissolve into the deep essence of love. Devoid of material goals, they turn to become exceptional tales of meaning and radiate into others the powerful energy of soulfulness and bonding.

In a beautiful and touching conversation, we have with us Bonny Meyer, author of the book “Perfectly Paired” and also the co-founder of a Napa Valley winery called Silver Oak Cellars. Her book tells the story behind not only the making of Napa Valley's most iconic Cabernets, but also of a wonderful relationship that blossomed between a monk and a lady. Getting married to Brother Justin after a hard 5 years trying to fall out of love, Bonny witnessed the deeper beauty of the relationship herself.  Listen in as Bonnie discusses spirituality, togetherness, vulnerability, surrender and love, while connecting with all of us and our emotions at a more human level. She shares her eternal relationship with her husband, battling with the inexplicable grief following his demise, and learning to connect with him even today through the gratifying power of meditation. She has also talked about her fulfilling life at the vineyard, how she practices impact investing with her kids, and investing in companies and projects that help society and the earth regenerate.

When you open your eyes to view the larger frame of your life, you realize the immeasurable power of your mind, and consider to see relationships in greater depth. We hope you feel the intensity of Bonny’s words the same way as we did. Listen in and understand love like you’d never have before! 

Episode Milestones

[00:09] Intro

[00:58] Meet Bonny Meyer

[04:36] How Bonny met Brother Justin

[09:40] Creating a stronger connection with Justin 

[11:05] Spiritual parlance and grounding

[12:34] Maintaining balance between the relationship and her business

[18:37] Understanding vulnerability and surrender

[20:31] Dealing with the demise of her beloved

[22:08] Understanding grief 

[27:11] How she feels Justin around her even today

[31:55] The bond with her vineyard

[33:36] Bonny Meyer’s advice for you

[37:43] Outro

Resources Mentioned:

• Brene Brown: The Power Of Vulnerability
  

Standout Quotes from the Episode

“The important thing about a relationship in that business is, we brought our love for each other, we brought our very strong values into that. And I really believe that our love truly infused, kind of magically infused the wine with our love for each other.” –Bonny Meyer [08:52]

“I think we were both either learned or blessed with an attitude that we didn't take ourselves too seriously.” - Bonny Meyer [15:21]

“I learned that grief, when you really dive into it, when I really dove into it, is transformative, an alchemical. It can bring you into a whole another new understanding of life and relationship.” - Bonny Meyer [21:08]

“Everything and everyone is better at the end than they were before, which hasn't always been true of modern business.” – Bonny Meyer [35:57]

Connect:

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

When you accept all the parts of you, you activate eight C’s in your life, namely; curiosity, calm, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, connectedness, and courage.  When we are filled up with these qualities, we can feel for someone, without being overwhelmed by them.

In this episode, Dr. Richard C. Schwartz joins Traci to talk about self-leadership and the links between some of the current events of our time: injustice of all kinds, politics, and empathy across divides. 

Dr. Schwartz is the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS). He came up with a theory that we are all made up of parts, and different parts of us could be burdened, causing us not to be okay. He also found that when the parts felt safe and were allowed to relax, we spontaneously experienced the qualities of confidence, openness, and compassion that Dr. Schwartz came to call the Self with a capital ‘S’.  He found that when in that state of self, we know how to heal.

Near the end he shares how shame and legacy burdens are parts that play into our activism and justice work.  

Listen in as Traci and Dr. Schwartz help us understand the multiple parts theory of IFS and how it works.

Episode Timelines:

[ 06:26] What would Dick want to be changed in therapists’ training?

[10:39] Richard’s multiple parts theory

[16:50] Do we all have multiple parts despite having a smooth childhood?

[17:52] Self Leadership Is...

[19:23] The eight C’s: Qualities that come out when you accept yourself

[20:20] What should listeners be mindful of when listening to someone whose parts might come up and maybe not emphasized?

[24:30] How culture influences some of our parts

[28:11] How Internal Family Systems is stretching beyond the therapist office

[34:19] Richard’s words of wisdom

Resources Mentioned:

Richard’s books

Stand Out Quotes:

“A burden is an extreme belief, emotion or energy that comesfrom some trauma or, bad event in our lives and attaches almost like a virus.” [13:00]

“The ego is just a collection of these little manager parts trying their best to keep you safe.   They need love, too. They don’t need to be disparaged.” [30:16]

“It is possible to burnout and people who burn out typically are those who, in trying to help somebody, feel like they have to take in their emotions.” [34:31]

“If you’re full in compassion, you don’t necessarily feel what the client is feeling. But you feel a lot for them, you have a strong desire to help them. You don’t necessarily have to feel their feelings [to feel for them].” [35:49]

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

Find | Traci Ruble

Find | Dr. Richard C. Schwartz

At

Find | Dr. Richard Schwartz

At:  ifs-institute.com

Great passion makes the impossible happen.

In this episode, Dr. Jamie Marich joins Traci on the podcast to talk about trauma.

Jamie’s passion for helping trauma victims is profoundly personal. Listen in, as Dr. Marich shares her personal story, different techniques that can be used when treating trauma, and tips that we all can apply in our day to day lives.

Dr. Jamie Marich describes herself as a facilitator of transformative experiences. A clinical trauma specialist, expressive artist, writer, yogini, performer, short filmmaker, Reiki master, and recovery advocate, she unites all of these elements in her mission to inspire healing in others. She began her career as a humanitarian aid worker in Bosnia-Hercegovina from 2000-2003, primarily teaching English and music while freelancing with other projects. Jamie travels internationally teaching on topics related to trauma, EMDR therapy, expressive arts, mindfulness, and yoga, while maintaining a private practice in her home base of Warren, OH. Jamie is the author of seven books on trauma recovery and healing, with many more projects in the works.

Have you been wanting to learn more about trauma, but you have not found resources that you resonate with? Jamie's books have been released and are step by step guides for working with your own healing.

Trauma and the 12 Steps: a Trauma Responsive Workbook

Trauma and the 12 Steps: Daily Meditations and Reflections

were updated and released this September.

Trauma and the 12 Steps, Revised and Expanded: An Inclusive Guide to Enhancing Recovery was revised and expanded this summer.  

All worth checking out.

[03:18] Dr. Marich's mission

[05:00] What is Trauma?

[07:19] What is the legacy that trauma leaves if we're not getting the right information about trauma?

[11:38] When can getting therapy exacerbate trauma?

[16:05] The source of Dr. Marich’s passion for Trauma: Jamie’s story

[25:05] What are best practices for working with folks with trauma?

[29:31] Accountability tips for helping you keep your mindfulness practice up.

[40:22] Traci’s soapbox moment

Stephanie Covington

Dr. Jamie’s resource site

• “What may seem like a small wound on the outside can actually be something quite significant. “ [06:27]

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Are you a good listener?

Many of us think we are good listeners, but maybe, just maybe, we are not as hot at listening as we think we are. Today, Dr. Guy Itzchakov joins Traci Ruble on the podcast to talk about the subtle art of listening.

Doctor Itzchakov is an assistant professor at the University of Haifa and the Department of Human Services and obtained his Ph.D. from the School of Business Administration at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem. He was a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Toronto at the Rotman School of Management. His focal research has been on the effects of high quality listening on facilitating a change in the speaker’s emotions, cognition, and behavior.  Dr. Itzchakov is also research advisor to Sidewalk Talk.

Listen in as Dr. Itzchakovs shares tips on listening you can use, right now, today, in your own life. 

[03:05] How Traci and Dr. Guy met

[05:14] How Dr. Guy got into listening

[o6:15] The boomerang effect

[12:41] Why don’t we listen more?

[13:41] The enemies of listening

[19:19] How does culture affect listening?

[27:04] Ingredients to good listening

[32:58] Ways of conveying understanding to the speaker

[39:01] Does listening contribute to people’s health?

[44:48] Dr. Guy’s wish

Carl Rogers

• “When someone listens to us, we feel less anxious, because we don’t care anymore, how we look when we say the things we say.” [08:35]

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

One in two children in America has either a physical or a mental health issue. This is a serious problem. Even though that’s a statistic relevant to America, this is a global issue. Children are also displaying a ton of physical problems, everything from obesity to asthma, eczema, and other conditions.

In this episode, Traci will have an informative discussion around children’s mental health with Dr. Roseann Capanna Hodge. She is the founder and director of Dr. Roseanne and Associates, and she’s the originator of the 360-degree reboot intensive therapies program. She works with kids, teens, and parents in Richfield in Newtown, Connecticut. She’s co-authored a book called ‘The Brain Under Attack’, a resource guide about pan’s pandas. She’s an expert in several areas, including anxiety-related disorders, ADHD, autism, executive functioning, dyslexia, and other learning disabilities.

Dr. Roseann shares her wisdom with us. Listen in.

[00:49] Introducing the episode’s guest

[02:43] What inspired Dr. Roseann to work with kids?

[04:04] The increase in the number of children with mental health in America

[11:42] What can we do in our day to day life to help children with mental health

[19:33] OCD treatment

[22:31] How can society be a change agent when it comes to children’s mental health?

[31:13] Dr. Roseann’s wish

The Brain Under Attack

• “We’re very socially disconnected. Everybody wants to blame everything on technology.” [10:39]

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

What do you do when you are feeling outraged? Do you tantrum, hide out, or do you counter the anger with something affirming?

Today, Traci sits down with Karen Brailsford to talk about spiritual sustenance. If you have wondered how spirituality can help you cope with these intense times without floating away on a cloud of "avoiding the hard things", this episode is for you. Karen has a lot of information that you can borrow and apply in your day to day life. 

Are you ready to hear Karen ooze her heart-wise tools?  Listen in...

Sacred Landscapes of the Heart

• “I think that by connecting to these ways of creating these different hats that I wear that I’m expressing the divine, I’m expressing spirit, and that’s why I am here.” [04:29]

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Given a chance to talk to your pre-adolescent self, what would you say to them considering all the information you have now?

In today’s show, Traci will be having a hearty conversation with Dr. Reis on loneliness, connection, and intimacy. This episode has nuggets of wisdom based on science for us all to take home.

Dr. Reis is a professor of psychology and Dean’s professor in art sciences and engineering. His research interests involve social interaction and close relationships. He studies the factors that influence our social interaction’s quality and closeness and the consequences of different socializing patterns for our health and psychological well-being. In his research, subjects keep detailed records of their ongoing social interaction. He tabulates them by computer, related to other various factors such as their sexual health and emotional well-being. He is an expert on loneliness and shares the findings of some of his research.

You can’t afford not to love this episode.

[02:45] Dr. Reis’s background and why he started research on intimacy and loneliness

[05:50] What would Dr. Reis say to his pre-adolescent self?

[07:11] What has surprised Dr. Reis the most in his study?

[08:33] Active listening as a skill

[10:49] Couple’s theories that excite Dr. Reis the most?

[12:34] What is loneliness, and where does it come from?

[19:01] Is loneliness getting worse, or are we tracking it more now?

[29:24] How can active listening be used to solve loneliness?

[33:26] Dr. Reis’s wish

New York University

• “I like to think about cell phones as fast food. If you’re hungry, and you go get yourself a Big Mac, you won’t be hungry, at least for a little while. But what you’re eating is not nutritious.” [20:47]

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

How might sweeping shifts in both religion and medicine in the nineteenth-century impact a wide array of things we face today like loneliness and racism? When the mind began ruling over the body we saw society shift and loneliness, racism, and mental illness rise. 

Dr. Fay Bound Alberti is a cultural historian, writer, and UKRI future leader’s fellow who studies the history of medicine and the human body. Her books include Matters of the Heart, The History of Medicine and Emotion, This Mortal Coil, the Human Body in History and Culture, A Biography of Loneliness The History of an Emotion.

Listen in as Dr. Bound Alberti finds a glimmer of hope in what feel like hopeless times.  She pinpoints the exact moments in which we started to separate body, mind, and spirit and how it ushered in the world that we now have.  She plants seeds of possibility that Covid-19 just might reconnect our bodies, minds, and spirits in a way that could usher in the social transformation that could end discrimination and loneliness and improve our health.  The key, she says, is the body.

• [00:09] Intro

• Book: Matters of The Heart: History, Medicine, and Emotion

• Loneliness is being created and induced by our sensory experiences. [24:46] - Dr. Fay Bound-Alberti

Did you know that you can use your breath to activate your body and become more receptive?  In this episode, Traci will have an in-depth conversation with Jamie on the breathing room and the power of a pause.

Jamie McHugh is a somatic movement specialist, a multidisciplinary artist, and a fine art photographer. He lives on the Mendocino coast of California. Listen in as Jamie shares his journey into becoming the person he is today, and he will give some essential pieces of information that we all can take home to make the world a better place for all of us.

[00:09] Intro

[01:01] Meet Jamie

[07:55] Traci’s first encounter with Jamie

[11:13] Jamie’s photography and how it is serving the community

[15:42] Grounding and centering

[19:55] The play impulse

[21:36] Reclaiming your birthright

[26:50] The mystery and power of breathing

[40:14] Reclaiming the breath for you and the world

[46:26] Jamie’s nuggets of Wisdom

[48:23] Outtro

• “ Let your consciousness really focus as much as you like. When you're ready to just let it wander, and that rhythm of condensing and expanding is, for me just part of the rhythm of life.”Jamie McHugh [13:22]

Anna Halprin

Tamalpa Institute

Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen

Emilie Conrad

Breathing Room Events With Jamie McHugh

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Jamie McHugh

At  www.somaticexpression.com

      www.NatureBeingArt.org

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Growing up the child of two psychoanalysts, it wasn't much of a surprise when Dr. Elliot Gann succeeded at becoming a well trained clinical psychoanalyst himself. However, his ability to combine his passion for producing music and making beats with his skills as a therapist, did come as a surprise— particularly for parents who had never considered the magic it could work in the lives of their children.

Today, Elliot sits down with Traci to talk about beatmaking therapy and the work done by his organization, Today’s Future Sound. He shares the motivation behind his work and some impactful moments from his time working with students. 

Listen in as they get candid about leading a non-profit organization and more. Hear how Elliot is taking an unconventional approach to create space for children and adults alike while achieving personal fulfillment.

Find extended show notes at sidewalk-talk.org

Find | Sidewalk Talk Podcast

At sidewalk-talk.org

On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg

On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg

Find | Traci Ruble

At Traciruble.com

On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT

On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT

On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT

Find | Elliot Gann

At todaysfuturesound.org

On Youtube: @todaysfuturesound

On Soundcloud: @todaysfuturesound

SUBSCRIBE TO THIS PODCAST

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