I want to run through the steps of teaching your kids emotional intelligence. And to lay the groundwork for that, let's take a minute to explore our relationship to uncomfortable emotions. We are conditioned to view certain emotions as acceptable and unacceptable - and this causes us to have a low tolerance for these emotions that show up in ourselves and in our kids. 

Emotional intelligence is important for moms because it helps us to walk them through their own emotions from a more tolerant, accepting, and capable place

 

Emotional intelligence in our kids

We underrate their emotional capacity to observe and internalize the world around them

Sometimes we parent the surface level of 'keeping them happy' - aka the Hustle for Happiness, Episode 66

Happy kids cannot be our parenting goal, it is short-sighted and defeating

 

Raising kids will emotional intelligence is important because it allows our kids to be:

more mindful of how their emotions are impacting them

less fearful of 'negative' emotions

better skilled in healthy coping habits to help them with their tough emotions

better skilled in developing healthy relationships

 

Emotional intelligence is a whole family experience 

Emotional intelligence is good for the whole family, and it is never too late to get started

We worry that if we allow our kids their emotions that they will act entitled and poorly. Remember, all emotions are acceptable but not all behaviors are acceptable

 

What emotions are 'acceptable'?

We are conditioned to view certain emotions as acceptable or unacceptable 

As moms, we have emotions we view as 'unacceptable' for us to feel.

But emotions have a purpose, all of them. They have a role to prompt us to take an action.

We often take unhealthy actions and reinforce our belief that this emotion is unhealthy.

 

Tolerating tough emotions in our kids

As moms, we have a low tolerance for certain emotions in our kids. Here are some common ones that the moms I coach struggle to tolerate our kids feeling:

Ungratefulness, entitlement, 

Anger

Disagreement 

Overwhelm

Sadness, pouting

Scared

Shy, nervous

Boredom

Watch out for the negative emotions we allow our kids to feel, even encourage, because we think they can be used as a form of consequence or punishment: shame, guilt, regret. 

We are teaching our kids which emotions they should turn to in order to motivate their own behaviour changes, and it becomes our inner dialogue in our adult life. 

 

Answering some of the questions that were sent to me:

Is EI similar to emotional resilience? If emotional resilience is a value of mine how can I incorporate that into everyday life in hopes to help my children to be emotionally resilient?

Can minimalism help our kids have better emotional intelligence? 

 

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you. 

SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK

A meal planning pad

 

See my meal planning video in the Facebook community group

How I use a meal plan to have ideas and ingredients on hand throughout the week

Full transcript

Welcome to the podcast. We are here, spend some time together every week, and simplify your home, your heart and your life. So you can show up for your life with more peace, purpose, presence, and I'm going to throw passion in there because this is your life, and you should enjoy it.

This past week, we've been getting outside a lot. I love that the weather is turning. I love the idea of getting outside every day. But I mean, sunshine makes it way easier, right? So we've been getting outside the balsamroot flowers are blooming in BC they look like little sunflowers. They're just my favorite. If you knew I was a bird nerd. You also might know I'm a plant nerd. Not the kind of plants that I kill in my garden. I'm not a gardener.

There is an emotional experience of motherhood that can feel dark, angry, exhausting, hopeless. Some of us even experience postpartum depression or other hormonal imbalances that impact our emotional experience. 

Is joy still available to us in these really tough times? Does joy mean I'm always happy? Does joy mean it comes easy? Can I find joy in things OUTSIDE of motherhood?

 

 

This is my conversation with Jenna about these topics.

Jenna is a mom of two (with one on the way) and she hosts The Joy Filled Podcast. She started a podcast to give her a gathering place and build community as she shares her real-time story of walking in joy amongst her struggles with PPD after her firstborn.

 

Joy filled motherhood

Topics we covered in this episode:

 

Postpartum depression in motherhood

looking back and recognizing postpartum depression in yourself

seeing when something is 'off' and 'not me' 

learning from PPD and deciding what you want to do differently 

doing the work of keeping your peace and joy

 

The damage of the cultural message that "motherhood is bliss"

struggling to connect with our new babies

this creates a stigma around the other end of the spectrum that motherhood is hard and we do get angry

 

Joy filled motherhood vs happy motherhood

feeling like joy is unavailable to us in motherhood

"joy isn't feeling happy, it isn't the absence of hard"

having hope and relying on God to find joy in motherhood

joyful vs joy-filled

not buying into the myth of being happy all the time, and that if you are happy you are doing it right

 

Getting rooted in joy amongst daily life of motherhood

not putting Jesus in a box of how it looks like to connect with him and rely on him

separating the feelings from the lies and getting recentered on what is true

having imperfect days

setting boundaries around our connection to our phones 

being present in parenting 

 

Struggling with hormonal imbalances and depression 

navigating a diagnosis and handling of depression, as a Christian woman

using resources and a community to support the journey of treating depression

the power of speaking our experience and having someone point out the lies we are stuck in

 

Doing things that light us up and make us feel joyful

the big things and the small things we could be doing that feel like an outlet

listening to who God made us to be so we still do things we are passionate about and don't lose our identity to motherhood

we are all creative in our own ways, it isn't just about art

being passionate gives us a sense of purpose and energizes us

what MLM has taught us about the desire to put our hand to something in addition to motherhood

motherhood being an important calling, but not the only one in our life

 

Practical ways to set boundaries between motherhood and work (and other pursuits)

setting boundaries around social media 

getting family/friend support

what it means to be a 'present mom'

setting a routine of independent play and work time for parents

spending proactive time with our kids 

using our time wisely and efficiently when we have time allocated for work 

 

WHERE TO FIND JENNA GRIFFITH

The Joy Filled Podcast

Jenna on Instagram

What does it mean to be 'Emotionally Intelligent'? How can this help you in motherhood and your life?

I'm sharing the basics of Emotional Intelligence (aka EQ) and giving you my take on where each Enneagram Type can develop and round out their EQ

The basics of emotional intelligence

In a nutshell, EQ is being aware of feelings and managing those feelings in yourself and in your relationships (socially).

I'm looking at the info out there on this topic and summing it up into four major themes of what Emotional Intelligence includes:

Emotional Awareness

Emotional Self Control

Motivation

Social Skills

 

1. Emotional Awareness

This is being aware of WHAT you are feeling, WHY you are feeling it, and HOW it affects you and your life. 

This is foundational in coaching because it brings in a piece of the puzzle to the thought-feel-act cycle (as per the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy model). 

We aren't often paying attention to the low-level emotions we feel through the day, but there is a lot of leverage and power we can gain from practicing emotional awareness of all our emotions. 

 

2. Emotional Self Control

This is how we cope with our emotions, what we do about them. 

When we feel big emotions we can fight, flight or freeze. This might help us in the short term but they are not ideal ways to cope and move through the emotion. 

It also keeps the stigma of this emotion being a negative experience and something we 'shouldn't' feel and don't really know how to tame.

 

3. Motivation

This is the main theme in 'how we move forward'.  

We are often looking for motivation (how to get more of it, how to harness it) from somewhere outside of us. We are looking for the 'thing' that will make us naturally motivated and therefore disciplined and crushing our goals. 

We don't see that motivation is an inside job. Rather than wait to feel it, we need to learn HOW to generate it in ourselves. 

Don't use shame as a shortcut to learning the skills of developing internal motivation. 

 

4. Social Skills

I am most focused on personal emotional intelligence, but there is a big emphasis on how we relate to others in the field of emotional intelligence. 

Social skills include empathy, communication, conflict resolution, influence and good leadership. 

 

Why does emotional intelligence matter? 

Which also implies the question, why do emotions matter?

EQ matters because our emotions matter because we DO what we FEEL like. 

As the CBT model outlines, our feelings inform our actions. We act based on how we feel. And how we act is what gives us a correlated outcome in our life. 

So if we want a different outcome, we need to take different actions. Emotional intelligence allows us to manage our emotions in a way that supports the actions we want to take. 

 

The benefits of high emotional intelligence

You can tolerate emotions in your kids/partner, you don’t need them to be happy for you to be happy

You can grow in conflict resolution than stay in conflict avoidance

You have healthy coping skills 

You have healthier relationships, you can navigate your own emotions and others

You can do the inner work of self- motivation and use EQ to move towards the things you want in life

 

Welcome to the No Shame Club

If you are feeling some grief or upset over where your EQ is at, I want to welcome you to the No Shame Club. This is a place where we see WHERE we are and choose to not shame ourselves for it. 

EQ is not a moral issue, it does not make you better or worse, good or bad, right or wrong. It is just another tool available to us. 

So, if you want to grow your EQ, let's do it from a positive and self-honouring place. No shame allowed. 

 

Emotionally Intelligence by Enneagram Type

Our emotional intelligence can vary in how we relate to ourselves and others. Some enneagram types are very 'others focussed' and can have high social skills.

This is a bit different of an episode - it is a FUN episode!

It is OUR episode - the one where I tell you what is happening behind the scenes and tell you what the reader/listener feedback survey revealed.

What I heard from you:

Episodes that have helped you

Identity Clutter

Being a Mom Martyr

Who is listening

The topics you love to hear about 

Yes, we are friends IRL

 

Why you are here hanging out with me, the podcast, the Facebook Group, and the Simple Saturdays:

To remember to slow down

To remember it doesn't have to be perfect

To remember that small things matter

To remember to be purposeful

 

What you didn't know about Simple on Purpose:

The Homemaker on Purpose Workbook

The Life on Purpose Roadmap Course

The free coaching mini-sessions, the strategy sessions can be booked here and the coaching program info is here. 

 

Answering some of your questions:

How to get work down and run a business?

Having a hard time completing the Life on Purpose Workbook

 Sharing thoughts on a great comment about letting go of some of your expectations built up around minimalism. 

 

Connect with Shawna in the Facebook group, on Instagram, or in the Simple Saturdays email. 

 

 

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you. 

SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK

Is this simple Shampoo Brush. 

And here is the lovely Cara Brook I mentioned (well, I called her Cara Brooks, got the last name incorrect). I couldn't find her old makeup tutorials that taught me how to put on makeup - but I will share my Pinterest board with some of the tips and ideas I have liked for hair and makeup.

I was a controlling mom. I turned on the NO switch and said no to my kids, to my husband, to myself. But this need to control everything came from one very specific belief I had about myself: that I was not a capable mom (or a capable person, for the most part)

We all like the feeling of being in control, but it can lead us to act in ways we don't like and it cuts us off from developing the skills of feeling capable. 

Because the more we fight for control, the more reduce the practice and sense of capability in ourselves. 

 

A Self-Professed Controlling Mom

In this episode, I shared how, two kids in, I was becoming very reliant on CONTROL. I found myself controlling all the people and all the situations because I really didn't feel capable as a mother. 

I said no to my kids, to my husband, and to myself. And I had everything wound up so tight. 

For me, the solution to move out of this was turning to my village to help me pull out of my comfort zone, get out of my house and DO stuff with my kids. 

However, I still noticed that as I said YES more and did more, that I was still looking to control the what and the how and the little details. 

I really had to unhook myself from the deep belief that "IF I HAVE CONTROL, things will go well and easy - and if I don't have control then I am doing it wrong"

 

Being proactive vs being controlling 

Making plans and being prepared is so proactive and important. 

In my home, we have lots of preparation and structure. We have meal plans (see the video in the Facebook group on meal planning tips), weekly rhythms, daily routines, daily plans etc. 

We rely on these preparations and plans to make our life easier. 

It is important to be proactive but watch for when it crosses over to being controlling - when we NEED things to go to plan for our sanity. 

Building up capability

We want to feel like we are in control because it makes us FEEL capable. But it doesn’t always actually make us more capable of HANDLING life.

This can be the middle ground where plans and control support our lives and help us stay proactive - but we also start building up the skills of feeling and being capable of 'figuring it out'. 

 

How we act when we are trying to control

When we are in a constant need of control, we start to act in ways we don't really love to be. We are hovering, stressing, nagging, worrying. It becomes really unfun and we are develop a controlling persona 

 

What we don't feel capable of handling

Something we might not feel capable of handling daily things. Like, broken strollers, kid tantrums, making meals with missing ingredients, etc. 

But for many of us, it goes deeper. We don't feel capable of handling the discomfort of things like a messy home, conflict with others, relying on others, other people's negative emotions. 

Letting go of what we CANNOT control

So much of this involves turning our attention and stance towards what IS in control. Which is always ourselves. 

We cannot control others and the climate and the economy and the situations we encounter in life. But we can control how we think about them and how we show up. 

 

Feeling more capable

When we work on feeling more capable we acknowledge that:

we are not in total control of all the circumstances and people

we let go of all or nothing thinking and start to see other options on dealing with things

we can step into quiet confidence that we can deal with it, whatever it looks like

we make room for life to happen

we quiet down the stress response in our daily life (as Episode 113 explains, feeling incapable can trigger the stress response)

 

Seeing control and capability through a faith lens

This isn't about US being the answer and the plan being The Thing that saves us. It is about having TRUST in something bigger. Where is your trust?

For me, that is trust in God that he has got this.

What it means to be a mom on purpose - and it is not about having happy, obedient kids. It is actually about being a mom on purpose when our kids are NOT happy or obedient, or when life feels hard and we aren't feeling happy. 

Dealing with Automatic Negative Thoughts

Coming off a couple of weeks of feeling like I was hitting a wall and spiralling to all the things that are wrong in my life 

Our brain is wired to find problems so we can keep ourselves safe and protect ourselves from 'problems'

We are the ones that need to talk back to our brains and tell ourselves what is true

 

Mindfulness as a mother

Mindfulness isn't always beautiful and lovely. We need to be mindful of the things that feel not so lovely in our lives.

It is important to be mindful of the stories we tell ourselves because we act out, show up from those thoughts and how they make us feel

When we show up from frustration, resent, victimhood and then our outcome is always disconnection and more helplessness and frustration. 

 

Our two selves

We have the self that we ARE (what we are doing) vs the self we want to be (our ideal self)

Our work is to love us for where we ARE while moving towards our ideal with compassion and love. 

 

Led by emotions or led by intention

Often we let our emotions run the show - rather than being led by stress and frustration and anxiety, we need to be led by our personal values. 

Knowing our personal values means we know WHO we want to be and what is important to our core - in this season of life. 

It is also about bringing the work back to what we DO have total control of - ourselves. 

 

Obedient Happy Kids

We ask for obedience and happiness in our kids

It makes it easier when our kids are happy and well-behaved, but is it what we should be fighting for?

We want obedience, plus gratitude, plus happiness, plus agreeability, etc. 

Consider how reasonable it is to expect all of these things from our kids, and see how we might not be good models of all we tell them we need to be. 

Kids learn by seeing what we DO more than they will ever listen to what we SAY

We need to be parents who DO the work on ourselves so they can learn by watching us tackle emotional intelligence, coping and contentment. 

 

We want our family to be happy (all the time)

What are we seeking when we want everyone to be happy all the time? 

When people around us are happy, it is easy. It is comfortable (a Type 9 mode for sure)

I have been the Manager of Happy, trying to make sure everyone was following the happy plan. It caused a lot of anxiety and strife in my life. 

What is really happening is that we scramble for control when we don't feel capable. When we don't feel capable, we focus on CONTROL instead BUT we don't have control over all these peoples. We only have control over US

 

Being a mom on purpose means

we turn off the autopilot

we stop showing up from negative emotions (stress, frustration, low key anger)

we stop beating ourselves up for how we struggle (no more shame!)

we step into INTENTION, even when it is hard

we stop making hard things harder (and being a mom martyr)

we look for ways to enjoy this and be the MOM WE ARE

Step into the empowerment of being a MOM ON PURPOSE even when your kids don't listen, even if you feel overwhelmed, even if you feel like every day is groundhog day. 

Let's do the work of being a Mom on Purpose (MOM ON PURPOSE BOOTCAMP)

Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I will be compensated at no cost to you. 

 

 Simple Pleasure of the Week 

(as inspired by Red Light/Green Light from the Popcast with Knox and Jaime)

This week my simple pleasure is the author Isabel Allende - who I consider to be part poet and part researcher

I have read and loved 

Long Petal of the Sea

and

Daughter of Fortune

There is a quote 'don't just survive in motherhood, thrive in it'

When I first heard this quote I really hated it.  I was home with three kids under four and very aware of how I was NOT thriving and felt like I wasn't even surviving. 

I resented this notion I had to be thriving. 

 

What I thought thriving in motherhood had to look like

cute home, always clean

healthy home-cooked meals, everyone likes them 

well dressed, kids are happy, I'm training for a marathon

I also have a successful side hustle

It felt very far away from where I was

 

Over the years I have learned that there are some very important hurdles to 'thriving in motherhood'

I will be sharing the four reasons we aren't thriving in motherhood in the upcoming Mom on Purpose Bootcamp. If you want to do the work with me and set a great foundation for going from surviving to thriving then save your spot right here. 

One big reason we aren't thriving in motherhood

You cannot thrive when you feel like you are not surviving. That is to say, when you are in a stress response you cannot thrive and live mindfully and into your higher values

This is a reason I really had to learn the science of and pay attention to its truth in my own life. 

 

What causes us to stress?

A stress response occurs when your brain when you 1. perceive a threat and 2. feel incapable of dealing with it. 

You don't have to consciously and actively view something as a threat - as long as your brain subconsciously registers it, it will activate a stress response. 

 

The reason why we experience overwhelm

In this episode, I'm sharing a recent week I had in parenting that became very overwhelming. Overwhelm happens when we don't deal with the little things and they pile up to something that feels too big. 

Often when we are doing this, we also start to see a lot of overwhelm in all the areas of our life. It spirals. 

 

The stress response highjacks our intentional living

Science tells us that when we are in a stress state we are flooded with stress hormones and using a different part of our brain (the amygdala) that makes decisions to deal with the stress at the moment. We are not using our more logical, long-term planning part of the brain (pre-frontal cortex). 

 

We get stressed about being stressed

A problem a lot of us face, especially moms is that we stigmatize stress. We think it means we are wrong and so we get stressed about experiencing stress. 

It is important to pay attention to what we really perceive as a threat and what makes us feel incapable of dealing with the problem. 

 

If you want to work on SURVIVING, so you can move towards THRIVING. Here are some steps you can take. 

Challenge what it looks like to 'THRIVE' in motherhood 

Pay attention to your relationship to stress right now

Sit and ask yourself these questions

What feels a threat to you, what triggers your stress?

What feels like your needs aren't being met?

What feels like you are capable?

What feels like your needs are being met?

 

If you want support on addressing the stress in your life, check out my coaching packages or join me for two days at the Mom on Purpose Bootcamp. 

You can find me on Instagram and in the Simple on Purpose Facebook community group. 

Full transcript 

Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast.

I am here to help you simplify your home, your heart and your life. Because for many of us, our lives are busy, our brains are heavy, our hearts are weary, our homes feel cluttered, our relationships feel strained, and things just feel overwhelming.

So I want to help you declutter the things that don't belong, that don't serve you. So you can make space for what you crave, and what's going to bring you passion and purpose in your life.

So friends, you got to remember the decluttering process means getting messy, going through the clutter,

Today I a sharing a shift I have made in my parenting that has made such a big difference - when I teach it to my coaching clients they have an 'aha moment' too - because we might not see that we are often parenting the wrong issue. 

 

(Books or products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you.)

This is especially evident when we find ourselves in power struggles. We are taken out of the original problem and into all of the mental chatter and drama around the power struggle. 

The power struggle of getting kids to sit down for the meal 

In this episode, I'm explaining how I apply this to a real-life example that moms experience: wanting the kids to sit down at the table for dinner. 

Focussing on just wanting our kids to LISTEN. We just want compliance - and we spend a lot of effort trying to just get them to listen to us - and now we have a power struggle

This is turning the simple issues of parenting into bigger, harder issues 

 

What happens when we are in a power struggle with our kids?

When we have a power struggle over our kid's 'obedience' we sink into a story about how they don't listen to us and don't respect us. 

This narrative can make us feel unconfident in parenting, it is exhausting and it makes the relationship feel hard and heavy. 

 

Problem-solving the real issue

Come back to the real issue we are dealing with. And start to problem solve from there. 

I'm offering the questions I ask myself and my kids to handle this issue of getting up often during mealtime. 

Related: Episode 84 How parenting with empathy can transform your relationship

 

The value of family mealtime

I want to come back to the root of why this matters to me. Why do I want family mealtime? How much work am I willing to do to make it happen in the long term as we all grow the skills of getting better at it?

 

Making mealtime more engaging

Hard and Awesome - asking each kid what was hard today? what was awesome today?

Trivia questions - we make them up or have alexa ask some

Q+A a day book - from this great book we got from my SIL

 

Join in the Simple Saturdays email (biweekly newsletter)

Learn more about the Mom on Purpose Bootcamp

Message Shawna on Instagram

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and my coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is the place where we talk about slowing down, and living life on purpose, living it with intention, instead of on autopilot, and autopilot used to be my speciality. So I know both very well - life on purpose and autopilot.

Many of you who listen are moms and I love to hear where you're listening, some of you are listening while doing chores. Hey, Melissa, some of you are listening while driving to work. Hi Jisha some of you are listening went on a walk. Hi, Julia. And I just really love hearing from you real people who are listening. So whether you email me, tag me on Instagram, or leave a review in iTunes, I just really love to hear from you, the person, the woman with this in her ears right now. So I'm really glad you're here.

It is spring break here in Canada. And I just took a week off of work to be with the kids while my husband was at work. And I just really wanted to do things with them to not just sit around because I mean, we've been doing that for a year where downtime is usually TV time. So I've been trying to embrace any sunshine, we get, you know, go skating, go to the park, go on mini hikes, go to the library, and playing way too much monopoly, they're getting very good, and they're beating me. And I've just really been trying to sink into being present with them. And I'm going to talk all about that in this week's simple Saturday's email, if you are signed up for that, you can read that there. And if you're not super easy,

Making decisions on what to declutter can be exhausting and often bring up emotions like guilt. I am offering my life coaching and decluttering advice on these topics as well as organizing and cleaning kid's toys. 

 

Listen to the previous Q+A here

Questions I am answering on decluttering:

How to know what to get rid of? With each thing I'm asking why I am I keeping this? what should I consider getting rid of and will I regret getting rid of it (mementoes from kids school days, some of their special clothing items, my dressy clothes from over the years, kids trophies, certificates, extra furniture in the basement ...)

Recognizing decision fatigue

How to create a decluttering decision framework

How to handle the potential of regretting what you get rid of

Listen to Episode 90 on 'What If I Need it One Day?' 

What are good ways to handle kid stuff so that it's easy to get into when we need it but keeps things neat when we don't?

Organization is the second part of decluttering 

Episode 36 on the mistakes we can make when it comes to home organization

Get the cheatsheet on the Top 10 Organization Mistakes we Make

Bring your storage/organization questions to the Facebook group

How to handle the cleaning routine and storage of kid's toys? My kids don’t have *much* stuff in total but they love little toys that spread far and wide

Toy tidy up strategies we use in our home

The emotions around decluttering— my constant struggle! Feeling overwhelmed, feeling wasteful by trashing stuff that’s still “good”, feeling guilty about getting rid of a gift, an inherited item, and so on…

How to handle decluttering and not wanting to be wasteful

The guilt of getting rid of something 

Honouring the relationship vs keeping the items

The guilt of decluttering gifts

If you are interested in life coaching contact Shawna at [email protected]

 

Full Transcript (unedited)

Hey friends I'm Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is part two of the decluttering q&a, but you don't have to listen to the other one. First. It's fine. If you are showing up here. I'm glad you're here. I hope that this q&a answers some questions that you might have in your own life around what to get rid of, and how to deal with the emotions that come up. In the previous q&a, we talked more about really just liking stuff like liking stuff and wanting to create a home that feels like us, while still clearing out our home on just getting started knowing where to get started, and we wrapped it up with the age old question of no one else is putting things away like they should. And that is such a relatable question. So I hope you also go check that out. Let's continue on with the questions. And the first one that I'll be sharing today is how to know what to get rid of. And she has some examples of I'm asking myself with each thing, why am I keeping this? What should I consider getting rid of will I regret getting rid of it mementos from the kids school days, my dressy clothes from the years kids trophies, all of these things? So what I'm hearing you ask for is a framework, a framework you want for decision making. And I think this is incredibly powerful. When we have a framework on what we're going to keep almost like a flowchart. Imagine that, like imagine a flowchart that you could just refer to, in the moment when you are looking at an item, and you start going through all these questions in your mind, should I let this go? Do I use it? How often do I use it? Do I like it? Should I keep it for the kids? What if I don't want to keep it? Can you feel how many decisions you've just had to make in your brain? And what happens is we get decision fatigue our brain expending all that energy making these decisions will get fatigued it takes a lot of mental energy. And then eventually,

A popular topic I life coach moms on is their relationship to their stuff and decluttering their home.  I wanted to share a Q+A time for more questions about decluttering.  I asked for your decluttering questions in the Simple on Purpose FB group and on Instagram. Here is my life coaching advice on these topics.

 

Here are the decluttering questions I am answering today:

How do we begin when it all just feels so overwhelming? For instance: if I start decluttering A, I first have to do B, but to do B and I have to do C, but to do C...and the spiral continues until I give up and sit on the couch.

Related: Episode 105 Do you trust yourself

I like things. But I love how I feel in more empty spaces. However, my stuff also brings me joy and represents me. How do I keep myself in my space but not the clutter?

Exploring your relationship with stuff

Related: Read the post on Identity Clutter

What do I do about the little spaces of clutter - like drawers small countertops and anywhere I can cram crap for a moment to do other things?

The hot spots in our spaces and the gift of done

Keeping most members of the household interested in maintaining a decluttering space... I try to have homes for everything and things still get put away in the wrong home or left somewhere completely random.

Removing the first layer of frustration

We have different standards....AND THAT IS OK

How to meet your standards while meeting others where they are at

Related: Episode 69 Will a simpler home bring me peace?

 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited)

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. The quick and easy and I hope fun podcast for you busy moms on the go. You want to just take a hot minute, slow it down, get re centered on the things that matter to you. So you can make space and time and energy for the life that you want instead of the life that's just happening on autopilot.

Welcome to spring friends, I just went for a walk with my bestie we walked her along the river, it was blue skies and sunshine. And it was just so nice to see her face. And I think we're all experiencing this past year has really put our relationships into a whole new spin. And we see each other so much less, and I just miss her so much. I'm texting, it just cannot beat talking to your friends faces. So I hope that you find a way to see your friends faces this week, lined it up, go for a walk, meet somewhere outside, just go see your friends faces it makes such a big difference.

Alright, let's get into today's q&a on decluttering. I asked in the Facebook group, the simple on purpose community group, which if you aren't part of you should totally join by the way. And I also asked on Instagram, what your questions were for me around decluttering. So I'm going to jump into those. The first one is how do we begin when it all just feels overwhelming. For instance, if I start decluttering a, I have to do B and then to do b i have to do see. And this, this spiral continues until I give up and sit on the couch.

relatable, right? I totally understand this. Like, I want to declutter the kitchen, but I need space in the hall closet for those extra dishes. And if I need to make space in the hall closet, I need to move towels in the bathroom, which means I need to declutter the bathroom. Right?

So to me, the obvious dancer is to follow the spiral all the way down. If I follow this all the way down, where does it tell me that I should logically begin? And I think most of us know that on the surface like okay, maybe I'll start with the bathroom. But the problem is now that we've gone through all of that mental energy, figuring out what we need to do, that actually feels like real action to our brain. As we're visualizing it and thinking about what else needs to get done. Our brain thinks that work is actually getting done...