Elyse is a mom of three in Australia and she has a heart for helping moms make things simpler in their lives.  I asked her to come and share with us what her decluttering experience was like. 

In this conversation, you will hear Elyse unpack what prompted her to declutter her home, what she has learned from it and the encouragement and practical tips she has for you to get started. 

 

 

 

Finding peace in motherhood

Myth: If you were struggling then you are doing motherhood well

On a journey to find peace and purpose away from this mindset

 

Getting started with decluttering 

Decided to declutter her home at a time when she felt really unhappy in her space. “I didn’t like my home, I didn’t like being home” 

 

Staying motivated with decluttering 

Paying attention to how it feels to have less stuff to take care of and manage and clean

Asking, is this really adding value to my life

Appreciating how good it feels to have the space feel clear and more manageable 

 

The impact of decluttering on motherhood

Having a vision for home and life 

The physical clutter impacting the mental clutter

Recognizing how our home contributes to stress

 

Myths we believe about decluttering 

It is a one and done thing 

One size fits all

 

Other points we cover

How to decide what minimalism looks like for you

Advice for the women struggling get started with minimalism 

Does she regret getting rid of anything?

 

You can hear her advice, stories and sweet mumma encouragement on her podcast the Wholesome Mumma and on Instagram at Wholesome Mumma 

 

Related posts:

Declutter the 'what if I need it one day?' items

How I started decluttering

 

 

Full transcript (unedited)

 

Welcome to the Simple on Purpose podcast. I'm so glad you're here. These episodes are often all under 20 minutes, I aim to keep them jam packed with just enough insight tips, advice, encouragement, stories that will help you get re centered and refocused on the things that really matter to you in your life, simplifying, and getting rid of the distractions so that you can show up for the things that matter the most on purpose.

Today, I'm talking with my friend Elise, who is a mom of three, she's got a new baby named Lola, Isn't that adorable? So I've gotten to know at least the group that we're in, and I just really admire her I'm really drawn to her. She has this warmth about her. She's so encouraging. And she really has a heart for moms to feel peace in motherhood real piece, and actually talks about a bit in our chat. It's something that she craved because she shared she was living with this mindset that if I'm struggling with motherhood, then I'm doing motherhood well, and who wants freedom from that? I know I do.

And we look at social media and the culture and there seems to be these two ends of the spectrum on what motherhood is. It's either total hot mess, like rolling to the bus stop chucking frozen waffles out of your kids from the door. And then there's the Pinterest perfect mom.

But I say most moms are actually in the middle.

I know that's where I am. I know some days my kids are like eating noodles out of a Ziploc bag. And I realized that somewhere along the day, my underwear had ripped and it's just like floating around on my body loosely with no function. And I'm like, What is my life.

And then some days, dishes are done, the counters are clear. I'm eating vegetables, I'm being active, my kids are feeling kind and we're playing this like family game and it feels so warm and wonderful.

Like somewhere in the middle is where my actual life is. And I love to make space for that. I love to make room for that and have grace for that.

But okay, this isn't what we're going to talk about.

We're talking about decluttering and Elise shares a lot on decluttering. She has a podcast called the wholesome mama podcast, and she shares a lot about motherhood,

This is the final part of the coaching session with Laura, the mom of a 4-year-old and 1.5 year old .

In this part of the coaching call, we wrap up with how to take ACTION that moves her in the direction she wants to go as a mom. She is getting anchored in what she wants out of motherhood (joy), and making a plan on how she wants to get it. 

 

 

If you haven't yet, make sure you listen to part 1 here, and part 2 here 

 

Enjoying the early days of motherhood

When you are at home with small kids it can feel monotonous and boring.

There is a lot of pressure to 'enjoy these days'. 

A crucial part here is not aiming for 100% enjoyment - but rather allowing for the full range of experience that comes with motherhood. 

 

Loneliness in motherhood

When we start to think about how lonely we are, we can snowball into all the ways we feel it and keep our mind spinning about how it might always be this way and wonder what is wrong with our friendships, etc. 

Part of stopping this cycle is to take an ACTION that pulls us out of it. 

 

Gratitude practice

Laura mentioned that gratitude is something that naturally leads to joy for her. She wants SEEK JOY in motherhood and will use a gratitude practice as an intentional way of doing this. 

 

You will find what you are looking for

Our brain has a confirmation bias to prove what it believes is true. It is constantly seeking evidence to line up with what we are believing. This is important to pay attention to the narrative we are spinning in (this is hard, I'm rejected, I am lonely, whatever it may be) because our brain will make it ITS JOB to find evidence.

Often we are in a narrative that was set on auto-pilot - so if we want to be intentional about showing up from a new narrative, then we need to also tell our brain something NEW and HELPFUL to be searching for. 

 

Thank you so much to LAURA for volunteering and being vulnerable!  This is the real honest truth of motherhood - sometimes it is messy and hard and lonely and the best thing we can do is share that with other moms. So we can live in a culture of motherhood that is supportive, truthful and encouraging. 

 

Also mentioned:

The Life on Purpose Workbook

The Life on Purpose Roadmap Course

Email [email protected] for any questions

Book a coaching consult here, if you want to learn more about Life on Purpose coaching with Shawna

This is part 2 of my life coaching call with Laura. We are continuing the conversation with an exploration of what values she wants to bring into her parenting. 

This portion of the coaching session was getting clarity on WHERE Laura wants to go as a mom, what it looks like for her to be a mom on purpose. 

 

Head on over and catch part 1 right here. 

 

Values-based parenting 

When we are living in line with our values we feel more fulfilled, purposeful and at peace with how we are acting and behaving. 

This is why it is so important to know your values - they inform you of what is important to you and where you want to direct your energies.

 

What you are in control of as a mom 

So many of us moms want to control the outcome of our children. We want to control how they feel about things, what they do/don't do, how they think about us or others. But all of this is NOT in our control. 

What is in our control is how we decide to show up (think, feel, act) - and our values are our compass on that. 

 

Loving the mom you are

Part of loving WHO you are as a mom is recognizing what makes you unique. I love to do this with a list of all the things I think my kids will remember about me as their mom. 

Self-recognition of ourselves helps us step out of comparison with others. 

 

We wrap up with part 3 of this session.

This is a Coaching Session I had with Laura, who is looking for coaching support on dealing with jealousy of when her kids prefer her husband to her - and with setting up a motherhood mantra for herself to anchor herself in motherhood. 

 

I have divided this coaching session into three episodes. 

In this first one, we cover awareness. We work on identifying the problem, seeing how it impacts her life and how we can shift away from judgement and fear of it. 

In part two we will talk about being a Mom on Purpose and in part three we will talk about ways to bring joy into motherhood. 

 

Life coaching session on intentional parenting and uncomfortable emotions:

Starting with awareness. Paying attention to how you are feeling, what you are thinking and how you are showing up. 

Laura mentions she is a Type 4 on the Enneagram to learn more about that check out this episode on the Type 4 Mom 

Understanding how we are perpetuating negative experiences in our life

Self-judgement layers on the problem 

Dealing with uncomfortable or negative emotions

Experiencing emotions rather than identifying with emotions. 

Head on over to part 2 of this call. 

Join the Simple on Purpose Community Facebook group

There have been a lot of changes I wanted to make in my life, but I didn't trust myself to follow through and do them. So I stopped setting goals and making promises to myself. 

This is something I have bee through and coach many women on - the issue of not trusting yourself creates a situation where you don't believe you CAN do it, you stop looking for ways to learn, you look to others for the solution and validation and you spin where you are - in indecisiveness, anxiety and maybe apathy. 

 

 

Showing up for others but not ourselves

Often this situation shows up in women who still 'get things done' - but they are doing things FOR other people, whether held by accountability or expectation or role. But they don't 'get things done' for THEMSELVES, they don't show up for themselves and do what they said they would do. 

Can you relate to the situation of not trusting yourself?

We might have an idea of what we want, but we waver on it, we doubt it. 

We might try something new,  but we are insecure about it the whole time, we half show up.

We might want to address an issue but we shrink away from it

We might want to make a big change, but don’t believe it is possible

We aren’t sure we are capable, that we know enough, that we are strong enough

We don’t trust ourselves to do the thing we set out to do

 

What do you use as evidence that you can't trust yourself?

how you have failed

you did it wrong

you didn't feel confident or motivated enough

you've never done it before

other people do it better/easier/faster

 

I used to not trust myself, and I'm sharing that in this episode:

How I went through most of my adult life, not trusting muself. In fact, angry at who I was and what I wasn't doing with my life. 

The promises I made to myself that I would break

How I am learning to become someone I can trust with my life

 

What happens when you trust yourself? What happens when you FOLLOW THROUGH on what you say you want to do?

I feel like I have been experiencing this over the past few years. I have taken back my power. I feel in control of my life. It feels possible to me that I can really do whatever I WANT to do in my life. 

ACTION:  I'm giving you a couple of simple questions to get yourself started with building back the trust in yourself. 

 

More resources mentioned in this episode:

My C-Section and the Feelings I was Ashamed to Admit

Mom No Matter What

The Annual Simple on Purpose Survey

The Life on Purpose ROADMAP COURSE

Book a consult call to learn about 1:1 coaching with Shawna

Let's be Instagram friends

Bring your questions to the closed Facebook Group

 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey, friends. Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast, episode 105.

This is the podcast for moms who want to simplify their home, their heart and their life and slow down to show up and enjoy their actual life, the actual life you have without overhauling it.

In the Facebook group, the simple on purpose community Facebook group, we were talking about our plans for the week. And I shared that I'm spending it mostly on coaching calls, but then it's also my son's 10th. Birthday 10. My oldest is going to be 10.

So it just takes me immediately back, as it always does. When you think about a birthday, you think about the birth day. And with him, he was a C section, it was an emergency c section. And at that time, I was so disappointed in my birthing experience it disappointed in my body, I felt disconnected from my son. And I was just so sad and confused about what was supposed to be this heart exploding experience.

So I'm a new mom and I reached out to other moms who had babies and tried to talk to them about it. Many of them didn't have an emergency c section. And they they were just like, yeah, I didn't really have that experience. And I looked up on online forums, to see that I wasn't alone just for an echo that you're not alone,

How should a 30 something-year-old dress?

I have asked this question for some years as I decluttered my closet and focussed on creating a closet of clothes I love to wear. I don’t want it to be the latest trends, but the clothes I enjoy and feel like ‘me’.

I’m not a fashion blogger but when the memes went around this month making fun of millennial moms who wear skinny jeans and side parts I felt like I wanted to encourage other millennial moms to focus on building up a closet of clothes they LOVE to wear and not what Gen Z tells us is ‘in’ right now. 

 

Millennial Mom vs Trendy Youth

What being a ‘trendy’ youth is all about.  Playing with clothes to see what you like and learn more about yourself

What being a millennial mom is all about. Knowing more of who you are and making choices in line with that

 

How to declutter and create a closet of clothes you love

Declutter the items you don’t love to wear, torn, unused, etc. 

Then start a pinboard of looks you love

Look for a theme in what you are pinning

Name your style (bring it to the Simple on Purpose Group if you want help with that)

Use this style as your guide for what you buy/bring into your closet

Don’t focus on trends, focus on what your style is and what you feel great in

 

Mentioned in this episode

The Instagram of me being a totally unfun anxious mom on a family walk

Bring your ideas and conversation to the Facebook group

 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT OF THIS EPISODE

 

This is the podcast for anyone who wants to simplify their homes, feel overwhelmed by clutter? - their heart. Do you feel like you're just kind of angry and resentful all the time? And their life - Do you feel like you're busy, you're on the go, you're just reacting to things. This is a place where I want to help you simplify those things so that you can have the time and space and energy to show up well for the things that matter the most to you in your life.

So this past weekend, we've had a four day weekend as a family, it was a pro D day Valentine's Day family day here in BC, British Columbia. So I take I took four days off work It was so it was weird. But it also felt really good. And we just took our time playing games and puzzles, and going skating and going for walks. And maybe you caught my recent Instagram post about the walk that broke my brain, you can go check that out there. If you want to see just a lovely ball of anxiety that I can sometimes be with my family. And it was a great time. It was great overall, I mean, there's good parts and there's hard parts every single day. So we just keep going, we keep rolling with it.

Alright, so one thing I want to remind you guys of is to leave a review, leave a review in your podcast player, because the podcast player loves them gives us authority in the podcast player. And I really love to read them. I love it when I come across one and especially if I recognize the name, but I didn't recognize this name from Australia. HealwithmeAIP. I loved your thoughtful review. So thank you so much. I read it over breakfast and I told my husband this morning, someone called me quirky. And he's like, What? That's not weird. Like, hasn't that happened before? Like you are quirky and I was like, Oh, okay. And I kind of laughed as I reflected on it because I used to want to define my personal style as quirky French girl. So you totally call me out on this secret byline I'm trying to promote. And I'm going to talk about naming your style later because I want to talk about style and dressing like you're 30 Okay, I'm 38 but come on - this is for everyone in their 30s or whatever dressing like you're 30

So I had other episodes planned, but this meme has taken over the internet conversation. And it applies to most of the women born in the 80s. So a discussion broke out on tik tok about which hair part looks best. Okay, first of all, not on Tik Tok. I just rely on on my Instagram friends to share...

We all can think of some financial goals we want to meet (debt-repayment, emergency savings) and maybe we know what habits could get us there - but DOING it is the hard work. And I find it so helpful to hear what other people are doing and what it looks like in action in real life. 

Today I'm sharing the rest of my conversation with Bethany and Corey from the Millenial Mission Podcast about what their debt-free journey has been and in this part, they are sharing a lot about the habits they have formed and mindsets that have supported them in persisting and making an impact. 

Developing habits to pay off debt as a family

Three changes that have made a big impact on lowering the debt

Knowing what money is coming in and what is going out

The debt snowball (coined by Dave Ramsey)

The financial freedom a budget can bring you

Weekly budget check-ins and monthly budget reviews

Addressing the problem before it becomes a problem

Spouses supporting one another in budget accountability

What to do when you have a spouse who is not on the same page as you with the finances

How debt repayment has impacted their marriage and parenting

Not doing it perfectly 

Trusting God with finances, especially during the pandemic

Making sacrifices as a family

When you aren’t able to pay off debt and not giving up

Surrendering your life and money to God

Being intentional and faithful with finances and how that shows up in the other areas of your life

Encouragement to just get started and get a system in place to know what you are doing with your money

More resources

Listen to the first part one: Starting the Debt-Free Journey

How to Own Your Finances So They Don't Own You

Download the free budget worksheet

Find Bethany and Corey on Instagram 

 

 

 

Full transcript

0:08

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girl and life coach from simple on purpose.ca. So welcome for those of you who are new to simple on purpose. This is a place that I just want to share tips and stories and encouragement for you to simplify your home, your heart and your life. And part of life is finances right, we would all like our finances to be simpler. And in the life on purpose workbook and the life on purpose roadmap, there's a section on finances, where you can set the goals and habits you want to have there. And I think all of us probably can think of the goals we want when it comes to our finances. We want debt repayment, we want emergency savings, we want retirement savings, and so on. And maybe some of us even have an idea on what habits will get us there. We know logically, we need to make a budget we need to cut expenses. But doing it putting it into action is a whole other situation. And I don't know about you, but when I am trying to create a new habit or make a change in my life, I find it so helpful to hear the experiences of other people. And that's why I wanted to interview Bethany and Corey from the millennial mission podcast. This is the second part of my conversation with Bethany and Corey. In the first episode, the first part of this interview, they share their story about making a big lifestyle change, they moved to a place where it was cheaper to live. And they started to take actions to pay off their debt. And in this episode, they're sharing more practical tips about budgeting about working together. Because that is really helpful information we want to see like what does it look like in action as a couple as a family. But as we all know, this isn't just about numbers. This is about so much more. And Bethany and Corey they also share how it seeped into all of the rest of their life. How trusting God with their finances, turned into trusting God with their life and being intentional with their money, created an atmosphere where they really wanted to be intentional with their life. When we recorded this episode in December,

Wonder what it would be like to make a BIG CHANGE that starts your debt-free journey? 

Today we are hearing from Bethany and Corey on their story of what that looked like in their life. When they decide to give up the 'good life' for the 'better life' and by better I mean hard and uncomfortable but moving towards financial freedom. 

 

I love hearing real-life stories from real people who are making the hard decisions that allow them to TAKE CONTROL and start steering their life in a new direction - one that is in line with their values and the call they feel on their life. 

Bethany and Corey share a lot about what it looked like to bring God into the decision to make a move and get serious about changing their lifestyle.

This episode is part one of two. 

Bethany and Corey's story about staring their debt-free journey

How they were raised to view finances and debt

“Even though you know all the right things you can be very easily deceived”

“It was little things that added up”

How they handled the debt conversation between them

Decreasing the budget to account for leaving a job to become a stay at home mom

Using credits cards for regular spending versus paying in cash

Wanting to give your kids everything and buying them things

Making a big location move to support the debt-free journey

Feeling a calling on their lives to make the big move

When life seems to be good but you aren’t living fully inline with your faith

When life is uncomfortable but also very uncomfortable

Giving up your ‘good’ life as you know it for something ‘better’

Starting a new job in a new town and taking time to build it up

Acting like you don’t have any extra money and putting extra dollars towards debt

Myths we believe about finances that can get us into trouble

Playing the ‘credit card game’

The comparison game 

“You have to find happiness in the pits. You have to find happiness in the crappy two-bedroom apartment and the junky car you have to try and start four times, if you can be happy there - you can be happy anywhere. But so often we get it backwards”

Keeping up with the Joneses 

The cultural assumption ‘you deserve nice things’

Find the Adkins at the Millenial Mission Podcast and on Instagram @bethanyandcorey. 

In the next episode, we talk about more practical budgeting tips, how debt repayment as impacted their family and that season of life where they weren’t making progress. So go check that out too. 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

0:08

Welcome to Episode 102. There's kind of this line you cross as a podcaster. Once you've done 100 episodes you like I, I powered to do, I held out, I did the thing. So it feels so great to be in the triple digits.

And it feels even better. When I hear from you guys hear the episodes you're liking you bring it into the Facebook community, and ask for more topics. So I just love this podcast. And I love the community and the conversation that it is creating. And like I said in the other episodes, we are doing bathroom rentals. So there is some drilling and hammering going on. Just bear with us.

All right, I'm also sharing something today that I don't do often. And that is interviews. Today I'm sharing two episodes, I've broken them up into two from my talk with the Atkins, Bethany and Corey Atkins, the having podcast called the millennial mission. And I was on their podcast in the fall, I met Bethany through a podcast mastermind group that I was a part of. And I really loved what their podcast did for about being a millennial, but still being on a mission being really purposeful in their life. And so I recorded with them back in fall. And we recorded this in December, because I just really loved their story. And I thought it would be encouraging to many of you who are interested in less debt, going debt free moving towards financial freedom.

Because Bethany and Corey have story. They had debt, and it was growing.

Today I'm sharing some of a LIVE Q+A I did in FB community last month

A few times each month I ask for questions and sometimes on a certain topic, then I come on and answer them live

In this Q+A I am answering questions about putting your head in the sand, planning your day, finding the time when you feel like it is hard to find the time, and how much work it is to change your thoughts and behaviours. 

I also mention the Life on Purpose Roadmap - which is the condensed and simple course that takes you from reactive and feeling stressed about your life, to setting a direction for the nine areas of your life and taking control of your time, energy and space. 

Topics covered in this Q+A episode:

Putting your head in the sand

Knowing your stress responses

What are you doing when you fight, flight or freeze

Recognizing when you are in a stress response

Planning your day, finding freedom in a plan

Things that have helped me to plan over the years

Setting plans with your spouse through a calendar meeting

When you feel like there isn't enough time

Making hard things even harder

Choosing thoughts that empower you rather than demotivate you

Our thoughts create our feelings and we are motivated by how we feel

It takes a lot of energy to change behaviours and thoughts, here is why

Listen to the episode on decluttering What if I Need This One Day? items

Learn more about the Life on Purpose Roadmap course

Bring your own questions to the Simple on Purpose Community group

 

 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is your place and your time mama to just slow down - let's just slow down. Let's simplify things. I want to help you simplify your home, your heart and your life. So that you can have more time, less distractions, more energy and space to show up for what's really important to you, what really matters to you, what is in line with who you want to be your personal values, and how you want to show up.

So before we jump in today, I want to remind you that I have this self-paced course you have been asking for over the years, the Life on Purpose Roadmap, this is the course you need if you want to get started with intentional living, and I mean, intentional living, like feeling like you have a purpose in your big whole life, but also acting that out on a daily level.

So this course guides you through knowing what you want in the nine areas of your life, setting out your personal values, planning your day, and relying on more than just willpower because willpower is a myth, guys. And I bust that myth in this course, and putting it all into action.

As with these podcasts and everything I do, I'm on the go like you guys - so I make it small and condensed, jam-packed. All of the lessons are about 20 minutes. And you can just stream the audio like a podcast. One of my students just emailed me the other day to let me know she listens in her car with her kids or at skating lessons, she brings in a workbook and she does a bit in there. And I just love it. Because finding these pockets of time to do the work can be possible. It can even be easy, I dare say.

So if you want more direction, clarity and motivation, and living your life with more purpose and feeling in control of your life, rather than feeling like your life controls you then head on over to the life on purpose academy.ca and click the life on purpose roadmap.

Today, I'm sharing a live q&a that I have done in the Facebook community group last month. So a few times each month I asked the members for questions, and sometimes it's on a certain topic, then I come on and answer them live.

Because I want this Facebook community to be a place for you to go a little bit deeper get deeper support. This is a place where you can share your wins sharing what works. It's a place where you can get ideas from other moms. So I'm often trying to generate that conversation ask...

We did it friends! I am proud of us! We finished the Enneagram and Motherhood series featuring moms from all over the continent sharing what it is like to parent through the lens of their Enneagram type. 

Today we wrap up with the Type 9, which we all know they don't mind being left to the last ("it's fine, whatever works for you!") I say that because I am a Type 9 too. 

But this is also my 100th podcast episode so it feels like a nice way to wrap up this endeavour I have been on to grow this podcast into a place that serves and empowers women to strip away the distractions and show up well for their lives. 

 And I think the Enneagram gives us tools to do this because it gives us awareness and language around how we show up in stress and growth - this is great information to help us redirect ourselves in times of stress - and to really pour into our strengths with mindfulness, truth and love.

 

In this episode, we hear from two moms sharing their Type 9 Mom experience. Thank you to Lindsey and Angelica for sharing!

The Type 9, we discuss:

What motivates the type 9

How they act when in a place of growth (integration)

How they respond when stressed (disintegration)

Their approach to dealing with things that don't go their way (harmonic group)

I also share about my own experience as a Type 9 mom. Ways I look for a connection with my kids, struggling to say YES when it means I'll be getting uncomfortable, reconciling with the anger I feel in motherhood and my desire to deny or rationalize away the negative emotions, and so on. 

I mention an episode and post on When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? you can read that post here and you can listen to the podcast version of it Episode 16 When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids

 

You can bring any of your questions to the Simple on Purpose Community Group

Drop me a line on Instagram to let me know you are listening!

And if you are interested in life coaching with me, book a free consult call here to learn about it and see if it is a fit for you. 

 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

I'm so excited to round out our episodes on the enneagram with the type nine and I know the tight nines hate waiting to be last. But also we're okay with it. Because we're a type nine, it's fine, it's okay. Being a type nine and always coming at the end of the list is like when your last name starts with a Zed, and you're always called on last in school. But here's my special little treat for you type nines. You're Episode 100, you're the 100th episode of the simple on purpose podcast. I know this is usually a celebratory episode for lots of podcasters. And maybe I'll do something for 101. But I'm just glad to make this one about my type the type nine and just make a space for us type nines. This is such a type nine thing to say.

So the type nine is also called the peacemaker, or the mediator, the type nine is motivated by the need to avoid conflict. So that's why they're called peacemakers because they want to avoid the opposite of what they feel as peace which would be conflict to them. And they want to maintain peace and harmony and really avoid disconnection from others.

I also want to give you a heads up as you're listening to the the audio here, there is some background noise, we are doing renovations in our home. So there are some noises you are going to hear. So you're not wondering if it's happening on your end just a heads up.

In times of stress, they move towards the type six, the loyalist or skeptic, they become more anxious, they're looking to others for guidance, they become more passive, and inactive.

When they are in a place of growth. The type three is what they move towards the achiever, they become more focused, action oriented, not looking to others to merge two buttons and putting themselves out there as they step into the truth that they are worth their own time and energy.

The type nine has a reputation for being very sloth l...