Will a clear and simple house bring me peace?

There is a lot of evidence out there that decluttered, clutter-free home is a peaceful home. There are a lot of studies about the mental burden of clutter. There’s research to tell us that an ordered home helps us to FEEL calmer. 

And I believe this is true.   

A clear home CAN bring you peace. 

But will it?

I coach moms on this. Especially moms who label themselves as perfectionists. They have standards and expectations about how their home should be. They want it clear and tidy because of how they think it will make them feel. 

They want this, and in order to get it it can come at a cost, the cost is peace in their home.

Over the years of decluttering, organizing, doing chores, teaching my kids to do chores I have learned that it can make my space feel peaceful but it is UP TO ME how I show up every step of the way. I have to bring the peace into it. 

Have you ever been to a beautiful place but the atmosphere in it stinks? It isn't as simple as how organized and pretty the home it. It is so much more. 

And it takes work to create a beautiful experience in your home. It takes intention, vision, work, and being very mindful. 

To me, this is the difference in someone who is a HOMEMAKER - a lost art of our generation. But homemaker isn't a bad word. It it is an empowering word. 

If you are ready to reclaim you role as homemaker and move from thinking about things and doing a little here and there to taking ACTION, then join in the Fall Series at the Life on Purpose Academy. 

Each monthly topic will help you take action to live your life on purpose all while getting teaching and coaching all along the way. 

The fall series topics include:

September - Reclaim Your Home

October - Mom on Purpose

November - Show Up for Love

December - Connections + Friendships

 

LINKS MENTIONED

How minimalism changed my motherhood (Episode 51)

How minimalism changed my marriage, homemaking and life (Episode 52)

Doing chores you want to avoid (Episode 60)

Saturday morning chores (Episode 61)

The Life on Purpose Workbook (learn more)

The Simple Saturdays email (it comes out every two weeks) (Subscribe here)

Fall Series in the Life on Purpose Academy (learn more)

We all have a relationship with food. 

It can go from one extreme of food is simply fuel we need to survive, all the way to food is a constant way to experience a pleasure. 

In my life, I think I have swung to both sides of this spectrum.

I have been paying attention to my relationship with food. What I eat, why I eat, how I feel when I eat and how I feel after. I am learning a lot, and I know I have more to learn. 

Paying attention leads us to the subject of MINDFUL EATING. This is something I've been interested in because I don't think it came naturally to me. It is also something I've been wanting to teach my kids more about. 

I asked Jessica Penner to come and teach us more about this topic.  Jessica is a Registered Dietitian from Smart Nutrition and the creator of the I Quit Overeating program.

We covered so many great issues on mindful eating that mamas can relate to:

Regaining control and being confident in what we are eating

Food freedom in making choices around food. Let me say it again: FOOD FREEDOM!

Overeating - restrictions vs permission

Evening eating (anyone else going for those bedtime snacks?)

Emotional eating 

Comfort eating, is it always bad?

Food as coping with hard days/emotions

The diet mentality, food management for weight loss

Being mindful 

listening to your eating instincts

enjoying food

'clearing your plate'

the grace we need to listen to ourselves

removing food restrictions

Being scared to be hungry

Food chatter in the brain

Get started with Smart Nutrition: THE HEALTHY EATING PUZZLE QUIZ

 

Other Links Mentioned:

Eating gluten-free, dairy-free while nursing a baby with esophagitis 

What I learned from the Whole30

The Life on Purpose Academy  -monthly lessons and coaching for moms who want to live with more peace, purpose and presence

Simple on Purpose on Instagram

Motherhood is hard, but sometimes we make it harder than it needs to be by becoming a Mom Martyr. 

I would know, I was one. 

I was knee-deep in the work and struggles of motherhood and I needed everyone to know it. However, the way I was showing up and handling life and motherhood was actually making my life harder (cue the marriage counselling!)

Reflecting back on where I was at, what I see I actually needed was to address my own personal doubts and fears and lack of enjoyment in motherhood. 

I am sharing 15 ways that mom martyrdom can show up for you.

As you are listening keep in mind that these are extreme examples and I don't think everyone will be doing all these things - though I felt like I sure way. These points may be hard to hear and that is ok, I felt the same way when these things were pointed out to me. 

But, I want to encourage you that there are steps you can take if you want to try something new. 

Read the related blog post: How to know if you are a Mom Martyr and what you can do about it. 

What to do about being a mom martyr?

Ask yourself what you do want in motherhood, what do you want it to look like?

How do you want to show up (live your values)

What do you want to move towards (live your vision)

Focus on relationships that help you thrive in motherhood 

12 ways to strengthen and heal your marriage

How to be a good Mom Friend

Practice self- awareness to see how you are showing up. I love to use the Enneagram for this

Get proactive - plan your day to make more peace and purpose for yourself. 

Get some support - counselling or life coaching (the Life on Purpose Academy is a great and affordable option for this)

 

Other links mentioned

Sign up for Simple Saturdays

The Moms30for30 wardrobe challenge

When Did I Stop Enjoying Motherhood

Life on Purpose Academy

Connect with me on Instagram

Should we be happy all the time? What does it mean if you aren’t happy? What are you doing in an effort to get happy and stay happy?

This podcast episode has been on my heart for a while.  I knew I wanted to talk about what I call THE HUSTLE FOR HAPPINESS.

This has been one of my harder lessons in life - a lesson that came to me through parenting and feeling like I was losing the race for happiness way too often. 

It is also a lesson I have the pleasure of teaching other women in life coaching. 

I call the episode ‘How to Be Happy’ but as you will hear, it is about something so much better than happiness. 

One of the biggest parenting myths I’ve had to unlearn is that if your kids are happy it means you are doing it right. Other related myths include - ‘happiness is what we should feel’ or ‘when we aren’t happy we are doing it wrong.’ On today’s episode, I want to unpack these happiness myths and share some of the things I’ve learned about happiness along my years of motherhood and womanhood. 

 

Here are the topics covered in this episode:

How my crying infant taught me a hard parenting lesson 

Why we need to stop hustling for hyper happiness

Why it’s okay if your kids (or you or your husband) aren’t happy 

The unrealistic demands of happiness

Three ways to be happier while enjoying the life you have 

Something even better than happiness 

How we are biologically driven towards happiness 

How to look for Perfect Moments 

Watching the stories we tell ourselves about being happy 

 

The relentless pursuit of happiness can be exhausting, especially for us as wives and mothers. But it doesn’t have to be that way! I hope these insights and simple tips will release you from the pressures of being happy and chasing happy and allow you to embrace your whole life - even all the messy, not-so-happy parts. 

 

If you would like to learn how to have more peace, purpose and presence in your life, I invite you to join The Life on Purpose Academy, my monthly group coaching program. This month, I've been teaching and coaching on the topic of coping with negative emotion. And I can't tell you how much freedom I see the ladies experiencing as they learn that they don't have to hustle for happiness. This coming month, I'm teaching on enjoying your life on purpose because I believe we can all experience enjoyment of our lives, even if they don't always feel good. Check out The Life on Purpose Academy. 

 

Links mentioned: 

How to Live Your Actual Life // blogpost

Simple on Purpose Community // Facebook Group

The Perfect Moments Project // blogpost // #theperfectmomentsproject

 

Quotes:

One of the biggest lessons I've learned is the myth that if your kids are happy, it means you're doing it right. 

Contentment is being able to find the joy despite the discomfort while happiness demands comfort.

FULL TRANSCRIPT OF THE EPISODE

The SIMPLE ON PURPOSE PODCAST Episode 66 // How to Be Happy By Shawna Scafe

0:06 Hey friends! Welcome to Simple on Purpose. I'm Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from SimpleonPurpose.ca. If you are new here, welcome! And if you are a subscriber, I'm so glad to see you again on another Saturday, where we can stop and think about things that make our life more simple and more purposeful. 0:23 To let you know a little bit about me, if you're new here, I am a mom of three in small town Canada. And my whole mission is to help women simplify their home heart and life. So as we wrap up July, we're wrapping up the July on Purpose Challenge. Many of you have been a part of it. It's been in the Facebook group. I shared a little bit on Instagram. And what we did is we spent four weeks working on one area of our life each week. So the first area was home. And a project that I completed in my home during that week was cleaning my dresser off. I think that bedroom dresser is just like the dumping grounds of the most random crap that we th...

Why have toys if your kids aren't playing with them? Sure an option is to declutter the toys they don't enjoy or seem to use. We can declutter the excess. But still, our kids aren't always interested in playing with their toys. At least not as interested as they are in following us around the house whining that they are bored. 

Do you feel like your kids have a lot of toys but don’t seem to be interested in them like they used to? To a kid, the logical option is to buy a new toy - but we all know how excited they get when they find their old toy under the couch and how they suddenly never want to part with it when we talk about decluttering.

July On Purpose

This month we're doing July On Purpose. It's a free challenge where we're focusing on four areas of your life. And each week, we are working on a way to kind of simplify and clear space and get really purposeful in this area of our life. This week in the first week of July when I'm recording this, we're doing something around the home, something to freshen up our space. I'm probably going to be painting my bathroom or cleaning out my bedroom dresser.

Sign up the July On Purpose Challenge here. 

Join the Simple On Purpose Facebook Community here. 

 

DECLUTTERING AND MANAGING KID'S TOYS

Today, we're going to talk about how to get your kids to play with their toys. There was a time where I bagged up almost all of my kids’ toys and kept them in the basement. And they never asked for their toys back. They didn't even notice they were gone. They just continued on playing with whatever was around, and I was like, our kids have too many toys! What?! They're not even sad! They don't even notice! This prompted me to declutter their toys.

 

On this episode, I’m going to talk to you about:

The benefits of fewer toys

Our system for manage toys in the home that you could totally adapt

How we declutter toys 

What causes kids to lose interest in their toys

Seven strategies that you can use to get your kids to actually play with the toys they have

Why I think kids should have fewer toys

How to determine how many toys are too many

 

Also, don’t forget to get your FREE mini-guide on how to get your kids to declutter their toys [get the miniguide] and check out my blog on how to declutter your kids’ toys without them! [read the post]

 

Get life coaching 

If you are a mom looking for life coaching, and you think I could be the coach for you then I want to let you know that I am opening up private coaching spots for the fall. Book now if you want to get started. 

And if you are interested in life coaching but prefer a more laid back approach, and more affordable option then consider the monthly group coaching program I run called The Life on Purpose Academy. My whole goal with this program is to help moms show up for the actual lives with peace, purpose and presence. 

If the Life on Purpose Academy is something you are interested in, then head here to join.

Restlessness, we all have felt it in our lives and especially motherhood. Because it is this weird mix of waiting, mundane chores, and mental chatter around relaxing.

I asked the Facebook community what we should work on as a challenge for the month of July and there were great ideas around this general uplifting in our lives. As I talked with my besties, Sophie and Rae, about it they told me they were feeling restless lately.

Restless! Exactly! That is what I was feeling too and when I looked back on all the suggestions I thought we could all use a general uplifting whether from restlessness or just the desire to get more intentional with how we are showing up in our homes, for ourselves and for our families this summer. 

Restless: “the inability to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom.”

Doesn't that feel too accurate of a description of motherhood? 

There are three components I want to touch on when it comes to restlessness:

Permission to rest

Why we have anxiety in our day, what to do about it

What to do about the boredom

 

Links Mentioned:

Summer on purpose (episode // blog post)

The Pause Podcast (website)

The Simple on Purpose Community (facebook group)

I stopped calling myself a lazy mom (blog post) 

Brain dumps (episode // blog post)

The Life on Purpose Academy (monthly life coaching for moms)

Live your values (free worksheets)

The Life on Purpose Workbook (in print or digital)

How to make a daily routine that works for you and your family (episode)

What is the Enneagram (post with audio and video)

We know there is power in enjoying the simple components that make up our day to day life. When we can enjoy these simple things, we have so much more ability to enjoy our actual life.

But often the 'shine wears off' and the things/people/experiences we wanted and enjoyed fall flat. That happiness we experienced is gone.

From a life coaching point of view, it is because we still bring our brain with us wherever we go. Our brain, and all it’s thoughts and stories and autopilot and subconscious thinking. That brain is still there thinking it’s thoughts and those thoughts create our emotional experience. 

However, when we feel like this isn't normal. We tell ourselves, 'I thought this would make me happy, why am I not happy?' It can cause us to think something is wrong with us, or our lives, or the people in our lives. But now it's time to lay that story to rest. 

The hurdle to enjoying the simple pleasures of life is that we all return to this baseline, emotionally speaking.

The shine does wear off. But it is normal and sometimes even useful. 

We have the ability to enjoy the simple pleasures of our life, we have felt it happen. Mostly when we didn't concoct it or plan it.  It happens more easily when we practice hygge, coziness, connectedness and contentment. 

But, there can be some thought traps that prevent us from GIVING OURSELVES PERMISSION to enjoy the simple pleasures in our life. 

A big thought trap feeling like you can't approve of your life. This is the situation where you say ‘if I enjoy this, then I am basically saying I approve of it, but how can I approve of something I want to change?”

However, acceptance is the first step to contentment. 

The steps to shift back into enjoyment when the shine wears off:

variety, do the same thing in a new way

appreciation, Oprah and science agree

A problem we have with showing appreciation is it can sometimes be misconstrued as naivety. But finding appreciation is still seeing the VALUE in things/people/experiences

We have this underlying program that says 'if my enjoyment is gone, the value is gone' and then we treat it as so. 

Side note: if you are decluttering your home, I encourage you to keep doing this. Simplifying your space is a way of honouring the value of things and your space. 

It all started with a bar of soap, making a conscious effort to appreciate this soap every single time I used it. 

If we can do this with soap, imagine how much enjoyment we can savour from our actual lives. 

 

LINKS

Read the blog post version of this episode (right here)

The study on variety and appreciation (read it)

Hygge Episode 38 (listen to it)

Life on Purpose Academy (learn more)

Today’s bonus episode comes after I showed pictures of my pantry on Instagram and mentioned love languages and got a lot of comments about it. 

 

While we're in isolation, my wonderful husband, when he's home from work for the week, has been doing the grocery shopping and the meal prep while I work. But when he puts away the groceries, he does not appreciate my pantry system at all. There's onions and potatoes together. There's nuts in the grain section. It's just madness!

 

I could get upset or I could choose to see it another way. 

 

Prefer to read this episode? See the blog post for it right here. 

There are five main ways that we like to receive love and that we like to express love. The way you receive and express love can be different. Same thing goes for your spouse. Having different love languages means having different expectations of love. 

 

So often we tie our emotions to our expectations of our spouses. When we're outsourcing that job of meeting our emotional needs to others, it sets us up for disappointment. It also sets us up for not learning the skills to do it ourselves, for not taking responsibility for doing it ourselves. 

 

We can start showing up with a new frame of mind with new thoughts. We can start showing up from a place where we're meeting our own emotional needs already and it's not our spouse’s responsibility to do it. 

 

We can look at how our spouse is loving us and our family and not how we think they need to show us love or meet our criteria of love.  In marriage every single day, we need to look for the ways that someone is expressing their love to us. 

 

Links mentioned:

Instagram post of the pantry (in this highlight reel)

The Five Love Languages for Children by Gary Chapman 

Life on Purpose Academy 

Learn more about life coaching one on one with Shawna

I was asked to share some of our experience with kids doing chores.  I think it is a great subject because a lot of us want to raise kids who know the discipline and skill of chores, but we don't want it to be this big huge fight that ends up creating a tense and stressful situation for us and our kids. 

In this episode, I'm sharing our strategies, tips and mindset for how we handle kid chores in our home. It doesn't mean it is always happy, or easy - but we are focussing on the process more than the outcome and it makes a difference.

 

Some main points we covered:

we need to let go of the need to make our kids constantly happy 

know you why - why do you want your kids to do chores?

how we got started with Saturday Morning Chores

how we have built on starting with one task

introducing chores, delivery matters

helping kids through the overwhelm

motivating kids to do chores that fulfill their vision

teaching the attitude and culture of chores in the home 

enjoying it

thought traps you might get stuck in (expecting perfect/obedience/happiness)

falling into the comparison trap

You can read the full post right here. 

Ways to connect

The Facebook Community

Instagram

The Simple Saturdays Email 

 

Get life coaching, from one mom to another!

One on One coaching

The Life on Purpose Academy 

 

NOW AVAILABLE

The Stress Lessons

The Hard Things Lessons

Raise your hand if you think dishes are dumb. And maybe you've googled 'disposable clothing for kids' in a desperate hope you could avoid the constant laundry. I know that there are women out there who are rocking chores, and there are women who aren't', and there are a lot of us between. 

We know that a clean house makes us FEEL peaceful and happy. But we also know that we have more motivation to click 'keep watching' than we do to get on the third load of dishes for the day. 

If this has been you, then this episode is for you. 

I've always been tidy, but I would definitely be someone to put off chores for far longer than necessary.  About a year ago I decided I wanted to become a 'CHORE DOER' and I life coached myself through the mindset and strategy to become someone who does chores without the emotional negativity I had attached to it over the years

Life coaching myself to become a chore doer

Here are the topics covered in this episode:

my scientific analysis of what Pinterest says will give you a clean home

the mindsets that were holding me back 

some real talk with myself about how I was spending my time (*cough, screen time)

the strategies I used to build up the habit of chores in my daily life

the stereotypes of motherhood that can hold us back with how we show up in our homes

the importance of reclaiming the art of homemaking

If you find that doing chores is something does matter to you and you want to get UNSTUCK with something as simple as chores then get yourself a life coach to help you pay attention to the mindsets that hold you back and the strategy that will help you move forward and get the outcome you want!

-- CLICK HERE IF YOU PREFER TO READ THIS AS A BLOG POST --

Fun and helpful links

Housewife Hacks (Pinterest board)

(Type 9) The Enneagram (blog post)

Mom Martyr (blog post)

Live your values (blog post and free worksheets)

Live your vision (blog post and free worksheets)

(one small habit) Strategies to put your goals into action (blog post)

Minimum baseline (episode 3)

15 practical tips to get stuff done (blog post)

 

Ways to connect

The Facebook Community

Instagram

The Simple Saturdays Email 

 

Get life coaching, from one mom to another!

One on One coaching

The Life on Purpose Academy 

 

NOW AVAILABLE

The Stress Lessons

The Hard Things Lessons