Are you planning on making any New Year resolutions for 2022? Coach Jess has an exercise you can try that'll give you a flashback of all your milestones. Jess shares why and how she writes letters to her future self and how it can help you visualize your goals. She reads excerpts from letters she's written to herself from years before, to give a better understanding of how writing them can motivate you to look back and see just how much you achieved!
((FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW))
In this episode you will learn:
- What writing to your future self does
- You can be in one place at the start of the year and be a completely different person by the end
- Coach Jess' formula for writing a letter to your future self
- How do you connect with your deep self-concepts?
- You need to write/talk to yourself with love and belief
About Jess McKinley:
Coach Jess McKinley is a Business Consultant, a Happiness Scientist, the Host of SincerelyFutureYou Podcast, and a Certified Life & Biz Coach for Women Entrepreneurs. She is the founder of What's Happyning Coaching, which helps ambitious women make decisions today with their "Future You" in mind.
For Coach Jess, business isn't personal—but emotional. This is what entrepreneurs and corporate leaders struggle with every day. And this is also the motivation why Jessica works to demystify the role dreaded feelings play in each individual's business.
Mixing in humor with Positive Psychology and real business anecdotes, each episode of her podcast is an elixir that will leave listeners ready to master "all the feels."
Catch up with Coach Jess and Sincerely, Future You on:
Website: https://www.whatshappyning.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whatshappyningwjess/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/manningjessica/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_Jf0PICsOH1HZJP97jrpng
Get business and life coaching by Coach Jess through:
https://www.whatshappyning.com/workwithjess
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Letter To Yourself…
This letter to yourself started back in 2015 with a team and I haven't missed a year and it's so fun because it's heavily reliant on my two favorite things: your thoughts and your feelings.
This letter is a snapshot into how you were and how you thought, and it exposes your limited thinking, and it shows you where you were emotionally connected to your future when you read it back and what worked basically when I do business evaluations with people whether we're evaluating something like a launch or a webinar or a console I have people do a clean evaluation what worked what didn't work and what do I want to do differently this is a more emotional way of evaluating yourself and not just the numbers.
It's a less limited way of doing a reflection or an analysis or an evaluation so I wanted to read you some actual parts of my old letters, so you can just kind of see yourself like what I mean when I say that I have grown over the last couple of years it's easy to see it when you're looking at some numbers but looking at the thoughts is just even more sobering.
“I have grown over the last couple of years. It's easy to see it when you're looking at some numbers, but looking at the thoughts is even more sobering.” “Dear Jess, on December 31st of 2015,”
I'm actually going to skip over some sentences because this letter is meant to be really personal. It's meant to be a safe space for you to talk about what your life is actually where you're at, but I do think it is important to acknowledge some of it.
”Today was a weird day it is New Year's Eve and you woke up on the couch to the sound of your ferrets which I don't have anymore being restless at 9am you slept there because xyz i'm not going to talk about it but even though dealing with this can be stressful you woke up knowing that no matter what you will not let what you cannot control determine the fate of your marriage interfere with your destiny for greatness or impede your happiness and gratitude for everything that is amazing in your life.”
Back then the circumstances of my life were: I was living in Florida, in a small apartment, I was working as a waitress, I was blogging, I was newly married, and you know already having some major struggles in my marriage and I had big dreams and goals, but I just had no clue how I was gonna get there and that might be where some of you guys are right now.
So, I want to share this also as a reminder that you can be one place at the start of the year, and you can end the year as a completely different person and basically every time I've done this I've had massive growth and some of it has been really painful and hard and others of it has been just like my wildest dreams.
The breakdown…
The breakdown of how I like to do these letters, and you'll see from little excerpts from the other ones as well is, this:
- The first part of the letter: I want to be a real intimate description of your day, so I want it to be visual I want it to be something where when you read it back you can remember all five senses of where you were when you were writing this letter and the good the bad and the ugly do not filter it do not sugarcoat it do not you know try and be a different version of yourself that sounds better on paper.
I was really, really raw here. I mean the things that I wrote when I read this back at the end of the year I sobbed. And, it should be emotional, so again it doesn't have to be a soft story if you're really loving your life right now just talk about what emotions are running through your body describe what's around you because those emotions are a product of what you're thinking about your life and your surroundings right, and you're gonna notice different things then than you would now.
“The emotions are a product of what you’re thinking about your life and surroundings.” In a different letter…
In a different letter, my intro is talking about you know “my son waking up at 3:57 a.m last night thanks to his two-year molars me and Dustin traded calming him and were able to sleep in, and then I went to a workshop, or I went to Starbucks to lead a workshop a letter to yourself workshop and one person showed up, and I wrote these details, “and I'm just like so grateful that I write this because now I have clients that have this experience, and they just don't believe looking at the success that I have in my business now that I was ever in that spot”
Looking at these letters I just remembered feeling like: oh God like what am I doing wrong? Nobody cares… I wanted to just curl up in a ball, but I wrote like only Katrina showed up, and it was a person that I knew right like, but it went great, and you're reminded of your core beliefs that even if you help one person in a profound way each day you are fulfilling your purpose still always true, right?” I wrote that on December 30th of 2018.
So that was actually only three years ago, I guess three years ago today and even when I read the one from 2019 or 2020 it feels like a lifetime ago, and yet I'm able to snap immediately back to this place because of the detail in which I described the circumstances and the day.
“I'm able to snap immediately back to this place because of the detail in which I described the circumstances and the day.” Looking at this one let's see.. this one was to be opened the previous day “today marks day six of Calvin sleeping in his crib perfect time to get back into the routine waking up early” at this point like I was in a struggle bus of like being a new mom with a kid who did not sleep, and I was just like maybe if I write down that like I'm in a morning routine it'll just happen it's crazy now because like I did get to that place where I was just like waking up early 6 a.m working out all the time like in within this year but when I wrote this down I was like I can't even imagine a time in which I have.
So okay, in the beginning of your letter write a paragraph of whatever feels good for you, a couple of sentences that'll help you see a snapshot of your day and your view from your current thinking.
2. Then I want you to list some current facts, stats and measurables. I think the numbers are so helpful because we have a general idea of like where we were at, and we know that maybe we're further along, but the numbers help make you be like wow that was a lot of growth or like wow it's crazy in a year I did this like in a lot of mines I had goals were like I barely made progress on them and then in other years like in every year there's something that I had massive growth in and some things that I just didn't really have any growth in and that's gonna happen and giving you enough of like a whole picture of it will help you just see oh where did my attention and energy go this year. Sometimes priorities shift by the end of the year and all of that is okay, okay where is the letter okay
So, one of the ways that I break it down is:
3. Current things to be grateful for
4. Current fears to overcome or current challenges that I have, and then
5. The next section is the goals
-
- the way that I like to word it is things that we have achieved because when you're reading it you've achieved it, right? so when you're reading this letter not when you're writing it you're reading it and your past self is speaking to the fact that it knew you were gonna be here, right? so you can kind of just see how deep your belief was by the way that you write it
- In the beginning, I wrote everything in the future tense, and then I got into the habit of being like we've achieved this is awesome, this is what's happened. So current things to be grateful for my first year it was a lot of it was about like Beachbody because that's what I was doing at the time I was a Beachbody coach I was doing some fitness coaching and I talked about how many downline coaches I had this is a network marketing company that I worked for I talked about my weekly income my biggest weekly income was 310 in 2015, and I was like I am amazing like I was just so proud of that my plans I had plans to travel so much in 2016 so I had plans to travel to la Dallas, st Thomas, Paris, Spain and Nashville I went to all of those except for st Thomas because I was pregnant, and it was the Zika virus which I did not know at the time when I was writing this I wrote “it's sunny and 85 out in beautiful Hollywood, Florida. Which is where I was living and Dustin who's my ex-husband just cleaned the house and made goals for 2016 as well, so I looped my husband into writing goals, and I was just like so grateful for those things and then-current fears to overcome the fear that I will fail to successfully balance both the blog and Beachbody to things that I don't do anymore fear that I’m not organized enough to run a million-dollar business which I was just talking about that life right and that fear about some personal things that were going on in my marriage so then when I talked about goals it's just so funny because like now so many of these things like I’ve completely done, and it feels like that was so easy like I really thought these things were hard I mean by today I will have earned a hundred thousand dollars collectively through my like multiple streams of income and I will be expecting my first child which”
When I read this letter Calvin had been born 15 days earlier, and I wasn't pregnant obviously when I wrote this letter so that was crazy I remember crying like having Calvin there and reading this and being like wow it was so crazy even right that I would be expecting my first child I remember feeling still even writing that down, and I had Calvin by today I will be full time doing Beachbody and what's happening which was something that I did I went full time into my career by today i will have read 12 books cover to cover I did do that, uh I will have decided on where we're taking our parents on vacation as a thank you for all their support I did not do that financially having a kid took priority by today Dustin and I will have gone on 50 unique dates. That was one of the happiness experiments I was doing at the time and we did a good amount of that and then some specific goals on numbers that won't make sense to you that were Beachbody related and then some action items to achieve the goals.
I just wrote down some other things a lot of this was about getting my budget together because I didn't know anything about finance, and now I coach on it, it's so fun and when I look back I just remembered being like oh I’m such a hot mess of money I just need to like to make more money and like to learn how to save more money and just like be the new person, but it was very in like a very I don't know just baby way. I don't know how else to describe it.
So okay, you can just see I even have this letter which is to be opened in a couple of days if you're watching this on YouTube it says “Dear Future Jess to be open on December 31st, 2021.”
I was gonna open it on the podcast I don't know I don't even remember what's in it what I wrote exactly I mean some goals but yeah so this part of the goals I think the numbers are really fun and I actually found in one of my letters and this was really smart I really like this I printed out a screenshot of my stripe dashboard which was where I was taking accepting payments from my clients at the time when I printed this out I think this was not even two years ago.
This was February 2019, when I printed this out, so I think I added it later I put my checking balance as of 228 net 201 my savings balance Calvin savings balance my credit card balance my total business expenses my income and when I look at this number my current projected income total between coaching and Beachbody was $34,000 for the year and I remember being like I mad all of this with my brain like I made every dollar of that just with my brain nobody gave it to me it wasn't a salary like I created this income with my brain and that connection and that power that I felt by being grateful for where I was at helped me to that year make double that.
I think I made $72,000 that next year and then this year I’m gonna make about…actually the year isn't over so we don't know… but maybe about $170,000. So I more than doubled that, and I didn't work for a month and a half because I was down for the count and sick maybe two months and so when I look at the numbers it helps me to be like – Wow!
It's easy for us to look at our current numbers and still be focusing on the future and always move that benchmark and just get out of gratitude and be like oh like this isn't enough, and I’m not doing it I just missed my goal because my goal this year was $200,000, and I didn't hit it. and I was very upset about it, and then I look at this, and I’m like two years ago my checking balance was $1,600 and my income was $34,000 like two years ago like there's no rush you guys there's no rush.
When you get connected to the emotions and to your self concepts in such a deep way when you do this exercise and this letter to yourself you're gonna see that the growth is there it's just always available to you just need to allow yourself the safe space to actually imagine not in a realistic way this isn't a place to be realistic. So put the number down there, but dream big.
If you can't do it here you're certainly not gonna just accidentally stumble onto your dreams okay, so you're gonna put the current things to be grateful for the current struggles the things we have achieved, and
- Then I want you to end with gratitude and pride connecting you to the future self that moment where you've evolved and you're reflecting. where you're just like “ yeah we've done it like I’ll read you a couple of sentences from one or two of them this one says:
“We are all born, and we all die. The variable is in the middle. What will you do with it? I'm so proud of you. I love you. There's more to come – seeking it with an open mind and calendar. Love your younger self.” That was the first time I did it.
In 2018, I ended with “Jess you are a mom now that means you have the power to show Calvin what is possible to set your standard high to be a source of joy and love and inspiration for your friends, family, coaches, and moms. Kiddo life will bring you unexpected ups and downs, but they are merely circumstances your greatness lies in how you rise above them. Shine bright darling, Goodnight 2019.”
You better believe it. You’re your biggest supporter.
I’ll read you one more, and then I want you guys to get going, get going on your own here, let's see what this one says this one says
“Jess, you are a crusher of goals. You were born to change the world and be a source of light and positivity in the lives of your friends, family and strangers. Take your life seriously while having a kick-ass time. I'm so proud of all you did in 2016. Are you crying yet? Bring on 2017. There is a lot more fun to be had, goals to crush, lives to change and yet right now, today you need to just be grateful for all you have. I love you so very much. You're past You.”
This exercise should be emotional if you're doing it right. Which means you need to talk to yourself as if you love yourself, and you need to talk to yourself as if you believe that the growth has already happened. This is an exercise in leveling up. It's an exercise in testing your self-concept. It's an exercise in reflection and it's an exercise in seeing where the math is so that you can start to separate out the facts from the story that you've been telling yourself. For example: that you're not good enough, or that it's you know you haven't actually achieved anything, there's always growth to be had.
So go out there, write your letter please give me some feedback. If you did write this letter, tag me. Take a picture of it to tag me on instagram in your stories or in your post at what's happening. I want to see it. This is always my favorite time of year and it comes out of the woodwork the people that do this letter and they always say how fun.
I love getting text messages I New Year's Eve is always one of those overrated holidays I think but for me, i enjoy the morning of New Year's Eve because I get all these letters from people or these texts from people being like I’m about to open my letter it's letter opening day we call it it's not New Year's Eve it's letter opening day so I want you to be a part of the crew next year on letter opening day and loot me in all right you guys have an amazing new year's eve I hope that you guys stay safe in this crazy COVID time. And then when we talk and meet up again next year you're gonna be a whole new you can you believe it.
Have a beautiful day.
The 6 steps to writing a letter to Future You.
- Intimate Description of Your Day: The first part of the letter needs to be a real intimate description of your day. Be visual, so when you read it back you can remember all five senses of where you were when you were writing this letter: the good, the bad and the ugly. Do not filter it, do not sugarcoat it, do not try and be a different version of yourself that sounds better on paper.
- Facts, Stats, Measurable Numbers: Numbers are so helpful because we have a general idea of where we were at, and we know that maybe we're further along, but the numbers help make you be like wow that was a lot of growth. An example of a measurable is your income that year.
- What are you currently grateful for?
- What are your current fears or challenges you need to overcome?
- Goals: write these in past tense. For example: “We've achieved this, it’s awesome, this is what's happened…”
- End with Gratitude & Pride: end with gratitude and pride connecting you to the future self that moment where you've evolved and you're reflecting. For example: “ I'm so proud of you. I love you. There's more to come – seek it with an open mind and calendar. Love your younger self.”
