Sisu for Life

Things start to get violent and a point is reached: fight back. Who would have known that "hurry up and wait" from the Army would help in the escape from a domestic battery incident. This episode contains details of violence that may be triggering to listeners, so discretion is advised. All names have been changed to protect individual identities and any similarities to living or deceased people is coincidence. Content from this episode is from "The Gaslit Heart."

After the road trip to Kansas, my daughter and I lived alone...for a short while. Then a phone call changed everything. This episode contains details that may be troubling to some listeners, so discretion is advised. Names have been changed to protect identities and any similarities to individuals, living or dead, is only a coincidence. This content is from the book "The Gaslit Heart: A Story of Service and Survival."

This is the longest and probably one of the most difficult chapters from, The Gaslit Heart. Mostly because it describes one week on the road with a person that seemed to be doing all he could to sabotage the efforts of his family to get to their new home. It was a time of high anxiety and every moment was full of uncertainty. It is an example of what it is like to be in the presence of a person that only seeks to control and show their power over another. This episode may be triggering to listeners. All names have been changed to protect identities and any resemblance to someone, living or dead, is only a coincidence.

The domestic violence began before I was done with the military. Even though drill offered an escape, my unit was no sanctuary. There was no help to be found amongst my leaders and no known resources to help my situation. After my daughter was a few months old, the anger I had been holding in began to show, which only led to more abuse, and after I left the Army, there was no longer a way to separate myself from the tense environment. Home was a powder keg.

Names used in this episode have been changed to protect identities. Any similarities with individuals living or deceased is coincidental. Listener discretion advised.

Postpartum depression is very real. Bringing a baby into the world and home for the first time is a special moment...for most. Domestic violence doesn't magically end when a baby is introduced into the situation. In fact, sometimes the abuse becomes worst. As a mother, I can think of very few moments where I experienced joy. Having a baby added another life for me to protect, while postpartum pains, blues, and healing seemed to become entangled with the gaslighting taking place. I was punished for loving a child, penalized for my body taking took long to recover from childbirth, and abused for failing to meet expectations.

This episode may be triggering for some listeners. Discretion is advised. Names used in this podcast are fictional for protecting identities. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is only coincidence.

Narcissists love using anything near and dear to you against you. Before I had a child, my dogs were used to get me to come back. Threatening to kill them was always the way to get me to stay. This episode contains details of domestic violence and graphic content concerning childbirth. Listener discretion is advised.

This episode is the part of the story that covers where the relationship began. The answer to how one could fall for someone abusive in the first place. This episode contains details about gaslighting and domestic violence which may be triggering for some or difficult to listen to for others. Listener discretion is advised. Content for this episode was taken from the book, "The Gaslit Heart: A Story of Service and Survival."

There was a point after breaking free of the domestic violence when I truly believed I would be the one to take myself out. I felt broken, I was drinking heavily, and depressed beyond all belief. I had reached a point of feeling beyond tired and was ready to give up, believing my absence would be the best thing for those that would be left behind. But something happened; something that forced me to change and salvage what was left.

"It doesn't sound that bad." That is a response I have gotten too often when I try to describe the ways in which I was abused. Domestic violence isn't always physical, and just because it didn't leave physical scars, that doesn't automatically mean it was easier to endure.

This episode talks about gaslighting, having your foundation crumbled, and the power abusers use to gain control. Content regarding echoism was taken from the articles, "What makes a person an echoist?" by C. Malkin and "Echoism: The other side of narcissism," by C. Raypole. The overall content for this episode can be found in the book "The Gaslit Heart: A Story of Service and Survival." Listener discretion is advised.