Smashterpieces

Your mission is simple: you’ll be sent in solo and quietly, armed with nothing but a single handgun. All other equipment will have to be procured on site. We don’t know what you’ll find in there, but satellite imagery doesn’t paint a pretty picture. Your orders are to kill on sight, do not attempt to speak to the targets about anything, do not engage with the targets about anything, do not make eye contact with the targets, do not shake their hand, do not sit down for a friendly game of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate with them. It is vitally important you understand this. If you falter they may begin to tell you about Resident Evil 4, the only horror title you’re likely to ever hear them talk about on this show (unless they decide otherwise I guess). You may be asking yourself: is a full assassination really necessary for these two? What you have to understand is that they keep putting out podcasts and we just don’t know what else to do at this point. Good luck.

Join us next time as… something about beans? I think?

In the reaches of space, below the surface of planet Plagiarism, Joe and Melanie faced video games. They destroyed their operation, wiped out the parasites called gamers, and defeated Mother Brain. But the games were far from finished… Because they still have like 40 of them left on their list. One of those games is Smashterpiece #41: Metroid Prime, one of the very few first-person shooters on our list. No matter how much we try, the games remain, so at least this time we’ve dragged another into this pit with us. Joining us this week to talk about lava worms and chozo ghosts and 3D maps and statistically probably some kind of metroid is George Hyde AKA SuperDQP! How do we feel about the various areas of Tallon IV? How successful is this game’s exploration based design when compared to the 2D games in the series? What the hell does it mean when somebody says they wish Samus could wear different heads? All this and more in today’s episode!

Join us next time as we sail the open seas to save our sister in Smashterpieces #42: The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker

Look, I want to write a snappy, surreal, weird description for this episode but frankly this game already does so much of my work for me that it feels like cheating. I mean come on, the main villain’s name is Brad. It’s just Brad. Everybody else is named like Saki or Airan or Achi and then there’s just a dude named Brad. How am I supposed to compete with that? Should I just retire? Is this where I have to throw in the towel? I’m having an existential crisis over here, please somebody send help. In the meantime here’s our bonus episode on the N64 title Sin and Punishment, which can be played through the Nintendo Switch Online Expansion Pack Extravaganza Galleria or whatever it’s called. His name is Brad.

We’ll be back soon with our episode on Metroid Prime.

Hello, I am writing to you from a jail cell on the beautiful, tropical Isle Delfino. I know that may sound like I am in a setting most would only dream, full of swaying palm trees, sunny beaches, and drinks that are five types of alcohol dumped into a coconut, but I regret to inform you that I am having no such experience. Upon disembarking the plane I was immediately arrested for a crime committed by somebody who could by certain definitions maybe sort of look like me (which side note: could also be grounds for a discrimination lawsuit) and was thrown into a dingy prison likely to rot away while my girlfriend (unofficial) is allowed to wander free. It is damaging to my reputation, an infringement on my rights, and really harshing the vibe of my vacation. I am sending this episode of Smashterpieces talking about the 2002 Nintendo GameCube title Super Mario Sunshine, in the hopes that you will take up my case as an attorney. You may be hesitant given my record, but hopefully the discussion of why the platforming in this game feels so off, why the aesthetic is both strong but has its drawbacks, and why the music is overall pretty decent will change your mind. I hope to hear from you soon, otherwise I fear the gallows may be in my future.

Join us next time as we shift our perspective into first person for Smashterpiece #41: Metroid Prime

Look, normally this would be where I wrote this weird abstract abomination to the English language that would cause everybody reading to reach out and ask if I’m okay, but I don’t know, man… 2021 was not a great year for most people, ourselves included. But that doesn’t mean that Smashterpieces did not have a banger of a year. We have to take stock sometimes and remind ourselves that hey we actually did really good this year! Ten more games done, the completion of the N64 era, our first Pokémon battles for the show, the beginning of the GameCube era, a month in an animal filled town, a night in a haunted mansion, the death of many many sons, our introduction to Pac-Man’s terrifying dog, the introduction of Mickey Mouse into the Smashterpieces canon. These are all good things! These are all things we had fun with in 2021, these are things we accomplished that are good. We can step back and look at these things and think “hey, you know what? 2021 wasn’t a waste.” I think that’s important.

We’ll be back soon with our episode discussing Super Mario Sunshine, but until then take care and happy new year. We ain’t stopping any time soon.

Auld Lang Syne 8-bit rendition by Bulby

One fateful day in the year 1925, somebody drew some sketches of mice around a picture of Walt Disney. Eventually in 1928 that led to the creation of Mickey Mouse in the cartoon short Steamboat Willie (I should note it was not Walt who designed this character but was instead his friend and colleague Ub Iwerks). From there he was like a runaway steamboat into a town of innocent people, except in this case that town was actually the institution of American copyright law and the townspeople were every single piece of media to ever exist on this Earth. So where am I going with this? Well fast forward to 2002 and suddenly Mickey is sharing the screen with anime, something I’m sure Walt would have just loved to see and definitely would not have hated. Anyways that anime crap is in Smash now, so hey let’s talk about Smashterpiece #39: Kingdom Hearts, the gaming industry’s dumbest and most resilient crossover franchise between the likes of Disney animation and Final Fantasy. What do we think of how this game aged? Is it worth it to fight that giant Ursula? And why is Yoko Shimomura just the best?

Join us next time as we take a little tropical vacation where nothing will go wrong in Smashterpiece #40: Super Mario Sunshine

Alright, folks, let’s continue today’s tour of the Video Game Historical Excavation Site. Oh, what’s this? One of our excavators appears to have found something in the soft earth! Why, it’s a copy of a platformer from the long bygone era of 2002! I’m afraid this discovery means that we must shut down the site to visitors for the day, but don’t you worry! You’ll be given a complimentary recording of us discussing Smashterpiece #38: Pac-Man World 2. It even includes a guest appearance by long time friend of the show Luke (aka Cyberlink420), who brings an unconscionable amount of Pac-Man lore that is sure to haunt your dreams and cause you pain, but in a good way we assume. How surprised were we about this game’s general quality? Why is Pac-Man’s dog Chomper a terrifying monstrosity? How do we feel about the game’s bumpin’ soundtrack? All that and more in today’s episode!

Join us next time as we dive into the heart for Smashterpiece #39: Kingdom Hearts

Yet another milestone on our timeline has been reached! Today we talk about the game that refuses to die, no matter what those surrounding it do or say. A competitive titan, a wavedashing masterpiece, a space fox’s dream. That’s right, everybody, today we discuss the legendary Super Smash Bros Melee, the early GameCube title that would take the foundation of its predecessor and become a template for all the games to come after. Why do Melanie and Joe consider this game one they love to watch but not necessarily play? What’s it like to know that this is the last time a Super Smash Bros game would have a single lead composer/arranger? And why did Hungrybox come to my house and uninstall all my items before forcing me to play as Jigglypuff?

Join us next time as we journey into a world of… ghosts and dots? Probably? In Smashterpiece #38: Pac-Man World 2

CAPTAIN’S LOG: We have crash landed on an alien planet, the various parts of our craft have been scattered amongst the foliage. For awhile we were able to scrounge up the necessary resources we needed to survive but at around the two week mark our inspiring story with themes of determination and grit quickly transformed into a tragedy. Joe was the first to go, a bird sprouting from the ground as if it were a root vegetable being plucked from the earth and wrapping its mighty beak around Joe’s soft frame. Melanie went soon afterwards, chased down and devoured without hesitation by one of those damned Bulborbs. David was able to last a few more days but alas, he too met his end when a stupid frog broke every bone in his body with a body slam. All this death really makes you wonder: if they’re all gone then who the hell is hosting this episode of the show? You know, the one covering Smashterpiece #37: Pikmin? It’s the episode guest starring David (DVD Smith) where they talk about Joe’s first experience with the game, the pseudo RTS style gameplay, the many many Pikmin corpses left in their wake, and of course how pleasant the soundtrack is to listen to. This may be a mystery that’ll never be solved, but hey at least we have an episode that came out of it!

Join us next time for a special episode on the second game in Nintendo’s beloved crossover fighter: Super Smash Bros. Melee

Hello and welcome to our latest seminar on the housing market in the Mushroom Kingdom, I know you’re all dying to get started so I’ll make this quick. Our usual speakers are here but we have also prepared a guest speaker presentation on the subject of what to do if you win a mansion in a contest you don’t remember winning, only to find that the mansion is full of ghosts and the boss of all those ghosts has trapped your brother in a painting, forcing you to equip a weird vacuum to destroy those that have come from the realm beyond who stand in your way. You may be thinking that this is a very specific subject on which to hold a presentation, but apparently it happens frequently enough that it’s warranted. Our guest, Mr. Xander Morningstar, joins us to tell the cautionary tale of Smashterpiece #36: Luigi’s Mansion. How do we feel this game stacks up against its more recent sequels? Why is Joe over the moon about the sound design? And why are the boos so mean? All that and more in today’s semina- er, episode!

Join us next time as we crash land on a distant planet in Smashterpiece #37: Pikmin