Smashterpieces

Welcome to FASCAR, the channel where we talk about Fast Cars. Today we’re gonna talk about the fastest cars of all, the ones of the legendary F-Zero Grand Prix. They go very fast. They go extremely fast. Think of the fastest thing you know. A beautiful stallion? Faster. A regal cheetah? Faster. A tuned-up racecar? Faster. A jet like from that one movie? FASTER. The speed at which my life has fallen apart and my family has left me so I’m stuck here in this dark room writing podcast episode descriptions trying desperately not to let it set in but it gets harder to do so every day? Somehow even faster. You can hear all about these speed demons in this episode discussing Smashterpiece #44: F-Zero GX. What do we think about the story mode as opposed to the Grand Prix? What makes this game so special in the world of racing games? Where’s your closest F-Zero AX machine? All that and more in today’s episode! (NOTE: We do not know which F-Zero AX machine is closest to you personally, that would be weird)

Join us next time as we set off on our first proper Pokémon adventure in Smashterpiece #45: Pokémon FireRed/LeafGreen

As I sit here on this battlefield, I think long and hard about the cost of this war. The lives lost (statistically like 7 or so), the wives widowed (I actually think our army only had three married people in it and two of them were married to each other), the blood spilt (this game is rated E for Everyone so honestly there really wasn’t any now that I think about it), the time taken (okay yeah this one checks out)… Was it really worth it? What were we even fighting for? I suppose if I had to come up with an answer it’d be that we were fighting for Smashterpiece #43, Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade. An era has finally come to an end, and it needs much discussion. How do the last few maps of the game hold up? What are some of the major differences between the ends Eliwood and Hector’s routes? Is Ninian Roy’s mom or did we all get it wrong? What even is a dragon, anyways? All this and more in today’s episode.

Join us next time as we go way too god damn fast in Smashterpiece #44: F-Zero GX

Despite our many objections, another year has come and gone and time continues its merciless march forward. You may be tempted to feel anxious about the endless cycle of mortality slowly walking you towards a cliff, but we have just the remedy for that! Two guys talking about video games they already talked about on a podcast! Then looking forward to the next year, as if any of this matters. Well, it matters to us, so don’t go spoiling our good time! We thank you for your support in 2022, here’s to more progress on this daunting list in 2023.

We’ll see you again soon for our final episode on Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade!

Ah, sorry we’re late! You know, the weather and the traffic and all that, but at least we’re just in time for the holidays! I mean, it’s only been… Oh god, has it actually been that long? Oh no, oh jeez, oh dang… It’s fine, let’s just say we went off to war and that’s why we took so long, right? War wasn’t won in a day! A fact that we have learned extensively in Smashterpiece #43: Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade. Much like the wheel of fate, Alex’s wheel of death continues to spin. Not really, more just people are dying. Everywhere, really. Even you, even me, even Eliwood, even the character from Binding Blade that you absolutely know because you’ve played Binding Blade, right? We’ve all played Binding Blade, the game that didn’t release outside of Japan? Yeah, we all played it. Definitely. Anyways, life is finite.

The next episode will be our final episode on The Blazing Blade.

Dearest, Bethanissa,

I write to you from an island that I’m told not many return from once they have breached its shores. It’s cold here, the pegasus knights have had to chip the ice off their mounts’ wings using the spare axes in the caravan, the fires have barely been able to keep us warm. A cloaked gentleman popped out of a basement roughly three days ago and said no magic allowed, as it turns out our company has become so accustomed to lighting the nightly campfire using the magicks of our various mages. Nobody knows how to build an actual fire. To pass the time we can only discuss Smashterpiece #43: Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade. Without this distraction, I daresay we would have lost all morale long ago. I think of you often, Bethanistopher, your picture kept close to my chest in the locket you gave me before I was enlisted. I treasure it, and hope to see you again soon…

Matthew is dead. The thief not the host.

Part three of our discussion on The Blazing Blade will cover chapters 20-26.

This Fire Emblem game looks really weird

The war will continue soon, more Fire Emblem is to come!

Draw thy blade, it is time to enter the world of war and strife, struggle and conflict, death and resets. Here there is no happiness, only pain, but there could be happiness at the end of this tunnel. The only way to find out is to fight. Florina died again. Today’s episode is discussing the first ten chapters of Smashterpiece #43: Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade, or just Fire Emblem as it is known in the west. We’re joined by Alex de Freitas of Nintendo World Report for our first check in on what was the first Fire Emblem to ever be released outside of Japan. How is Joe so far handling his first Fire Emblem without the crutch of a casual mode? Why is the beginning of this game so horribly handholdy? Why Erk make fire? All this and more in today’s episode!

Part two of our discussion on The Blazing Blade will cover chapters 11-19.

Hello everyone, this is Matt. I’ve wrested Joe’s keyboard away from him to bring you this urgent message: I’m being held hostage in game #42: The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, and I need you to come save me. I believe I’m being kept in a bad dungeon, which I understand doesn’t narrow it down very much. Oh god, he’s coming, make sure you burn this message before he can—

Matt has unfortunately and painfully died of scurvy, just take my word for it.

Join us next time as we pick up our swords and meet our dragon wives in Smashterpiece #42: Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade

Oh god Wind Waker’s taking forever, this is technically our third bonus episode in a row, what have we do-… Oh uh, hey I didn’t see you there! Uh… P-pirate crocodiles, am I right? What’s up with them? They kidnap your friend and you have to take your girlfriend to beat them up? And your girlfriend has hair that she can like… uh… she can pick stuff up and be a helicopter and uh… um… This bonus episode is about Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest, a game that is in fact not called Diddy Kong’s Quest, and I’m sure at least a few of you are going to be shocked by this revelation. It’s a platformer full of monkeys and bananas and it’s got a good soundtrack and look I’m sorry we’re working on it, the ocean is big and sailing is hard, this game also has a pirate ship in it please just accept our apology.

Do you feel that? The dread? The fear? The anxiety? Mostly the dread though, it’s the one that’s in the title so I guess it’s the most important. Please stop talking, or that evil robot is going to find us. What? I’m the one who’s been talking this whole time? Have I at least been telling you about this new bonus episode from Smashterpieces on 2021’s Metroid Dread for the Nintendo Switch? Yes? What about how we liked it and talk a lot about why we like it? Have I mentioned how Kraid doesn’t deserve respect? You’re waving your arms wildly with fear in your eyes, but I asked a yes or no question could you at least answer? It’s rude not t- Oh I appear to have been stabbed.