Glaucoma or cataracts, that is the question and Natalie has the answers. She seems a little freaked out by a procedure that makes pupils real big like a crazed cat and wonders if it is her health care plan.

How does the lack of long cellulose fibers in toilet paper make people walk around in a big bubble of hate and misery? Natalie will explain it all.

Natalie can’t wait to become a parent so she can say cool parent things like “do as I say and not as I do.” Her notice of hypocrisy is also apparent in Congress when Pelosi said “we’ll find out what is in the bill after it passes.” Jeesh!

The Baltimore Orioles are having their opening day and Natalie wonders if they are already mathematically eliminated. She also chimes in on the yelling of “OH” during the National Anthem, a Baltimore tradition.

Natalie’s agent hooked her up with her own radio show on Saturday with First Lady Kendel Ehrlich. Of course it is just an elaborate April Fools joke and Natalie hopes another elaborate joke is the new health plan.

March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb but there is one day right in the middle for drunks. Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Looks like everybody could use some Vitamin D.

Natalie writes a note to Ryan O’Neil apologizing to him for her snub from the Academy Awards death tribute. Michael Jackson made it and he was only in one film while Farrah was in 14 and was once married to this dude worth 6 million dollars!

Natalie doesn’t like to use the word “hate” but likes loathe, detest, nauseate disapprove among others. What does all this have to do with a clown wearing headgear? Natalie knows.

With the Winter Olympics going strong, the Japanese delegation was apologizing all over themselves. Not on the mountain but on the floor of congress. The CEO of Toyota wasn’t winning any medals just stuck pedals.

Irvin Berlin wrote a great song called White Christmas however Natalie is experiencing White Easter! She felt like she was an Olympic champion because she stepped out of the car and lugged for 30 yards.