Sober.Coffee Podcast

Getting Sober: “The First 90 Days”: FROM THE VAULT

A Quick Note from the Coffee Shop:

If you notice something familiar in your feed over the next several weeks, Glenn and Mikey are on a brief medical sabbatical while Mikey rests and heals up following surgery to repair an abdominal aneurysm. To keep the coffee brewing and ensure our community doesn’t miss a beat, we’ve raided the vault to bring you an encore run of our "Best Of" catalog—handpicked straight from our all-time top download stats. Enjoy revisiting these essential conversations, thank you for keeping Mikey and the show in your prayers, and stay tuned—we will be back live in the coffee shop very soon!

Sober.Coffee Podcast Summary (Bonus #28)

Hosts: Mike & Glenn

Mike and Glenn open up the coffee shop to break down the reality of the first three months in recovery. Ninety days is the crucial habit driver—the proving ground where new living mechanisms, coping strategies, and daily reflexes are formed. Reflecting on their own early days and the recurring pain, confusion, and high relapse rates that affect newcomers, the hosts lay out a straightforward, honest roadmap of what to actually expect and how to survive the initial quarter.

The Brutal Honesty of Early Sobriety

• The Golden Rules (1 & 1A): Rule one is simply don't drink. Rule two is to become an absolute sponge—listen, observe, and learn.
• Head vs. Heart: Mike admits he was the rare newcomer who walked into meetings taking furious notes out of sheer desperation. Glenn points out the trap many fall into: trying to make recovery an intellectual exercise in the head, when lasting change only takes root in the heart.
• It’s Going to Be Uncomfortable: Significant transformation does not happen in 28 days. Expect emotional turmoil, physical aches, weird sleep, and feeling completely out of your own skin. Just like the first 90 days at the gym, you have to surrender to the awkwardness and embrace the soreness knowing what you are building toward. As their friend Dr. John famously noted: AA is not a feel-good program; it is a get-well program.

Essential Survival Tools for the First 90 Days

• 90 Meetings in 90 Days: Immerse yourself fully in the environment. But avoid "sidewinder" attendance—don't just show up to check a box, sit with your camera off, or judge people. Show up early, participate, help with readings, stay after to chat, and actually engage.
• Find a Guide / Temporary Sponsor: If the formal word "sponsor" spooks you, just find a friend who has walked the path before you and can help you navigate the steps and room culture.
• Sanitize Your Environment: Get alcohol completely out of your living space. Ditch the drug dealer's number, stay out of bars, and steer clear of the people, places, and things tied to active addiction. If you hang around the barbershop long enough, you eventually get a haircut.
• Prioritize Rest & Mindfulness: Early sleep cycles are completely disrupted. Prioritize sleep and give your nervous system a chance to reset. Glenn highlights using guided meditations (such as Michelle's Sanctuary on YouTube) to silence late-night head noise.
• Fill the Time Void: Going from drinking 12 hours a day to nothing leaves massive empty hours. Fill that space intentionally: attend back-to-back meetings, grab pizza between sessions, or join sober sports leagues like AA bowling, pickleball, or golf.
• Halt Major Life Changes: Do not attempt to fix or rebuild your entire world in the first few weeks. Making major life upheavals early on is building a castle on a foundation of sand.

Closing Perspective Celebrate every single milestone—one day, one week, thirty days, and ninety days are massive victories that provide 100% proof that you can get through today. Most importantly, a 90-day reset isn't reserved just for newcomers. Anyone slipping into old complacency or poor routines can commit to a fresh 90-day journey right now to realign their habits, health, and spiritual footing.

 In this can’t-miss episode, Mike and Glenn sit down for an open, personal conversation about stepping away for a sabbatical. They share the reasons behind the pause, what lies ahead, and why they’re planning to make this brief break count. Tune in for an honest look at hitting reset and what listeners can expect next. 

Here Are the Steps We Took

Sober.Coffee Podcast Summary

Big Bill returns to the Sober.Coffee shop for Part 2 with Mike and Glenn, serving as living proof that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous works. Early on, when fear of dying collided with the misery of living, Mike and Glenn needed to see that proof in someone else before they could believe it was possible for themselves. After swapping stories about past day-drinking chaos and creative rationalizations, Bill breaks down his exact blueprint for guiding another person through the Twelve Steps.

The Blueprint for Working with Others

Bill shares the sequential method he uses when taking a sponsee through the program:

• Share the Story: Bill begins by sharing his own story to build trust and identification.
• Read the Big Book: Sponsees are asked to read the first 164 pages of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. Bill notes it can feel overwhelming at first, but urges newcomers to read it anyway.
• Step-by-Step Study: Together, they read through the Big Book and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12), going through the steps in order.
• Weekly Cadence at the Sponsee's Pace: They meet once a week, intentionally working at the speed of the sponsee.
• The 3-Step Pause: Bill will guide anyone through the first three steps. At Step 3, he pauses and asks: "Do you want to keep going with me?" It is up to the sponsee to decide if Bill is the right person to take them the rest of the way, honoring the principle of attraction rather than promotion.
• The Sponsoring Paradox: The miracle of sponsorship is that the sponsor often grows more than the sponsee.

Amends: The Cadence of Steps 8 & 9

Bill emphasizes the importance of following the cadence of the steps without skipping ahead:

• Step 8 (The Willingness): Step 8 simply asks us to compile the list—specifically of people harmed, not merely those who were irritated or angered. Bill breaks the list into three categories: Now, Maybe, and Never.
• Step 9 (The Action): Amends take time and should be executed when the timing is right, with care never to cause additional harm. Bill tackles the hardest amends first. If direct amends are impossible, Bill suggests writing a letter, reviewing it with a sponsor, and letting it go.
• The Motive: Amends are selfless and humbling, not selfish. The goal is to make the amend regardless of how the other person responds, because unsettled amends leave us blocked from God.

Finding What Works

When asked what to tell someone who insists AA doesn't work, Bill's answer is simple: AA is not the only path—if it doesn't work for you, find what does, because your life is worth it. If you ever need to return, the doors of AA remain open.

Bill leaves listeners with a guiding truth: "I was a hopeless alcoholic. I took a few simple actions. I had a vital spiritual experience. I have not had a drink since. If you want what I have, I will show you what I did."

The Magic

Sober.coffee Podcast Summary

Mike and Glenn welcome a very special guest to the Sober.Coffee shop: Big Bill, a foundational pillar in both of their sobriety journeys whose cornerstone is radical honesty. With 13 years of continuous sobriety, Bill sits down to share his long road to recovery, the wisdom gained along the way, and why true transformation requires real connection.

The Long Road to Surrender

• From 26 to 53: Bill first walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous at age 26, but spent decades trying to do things his own way and chasing the illusion of "normal drinking". It wasn't until age 53 that he finally stayed.
• No Defense: Multiple stints in rehab proved that without a spiritual defense, he was powerless over the first drink. Through it all, the words of the early old-timers stuck with him: "We will always take you back".
• Shedding the Past: Growing up in an alcoholic home as the third son, Bill shouldered the burden of being the family peacemaker. AA enabled him to drop those ancient resentments and realize he had a great life growing up.

Where the Magic Happens: Sponsorship & The Steps

• Get a Sponsor Before Leaving: Over 13 years, Bill has worked with one primary sponsor. His core message to newcomers: "Don't leave here without a sponsor".
• Walking the Path: Real change started when Bill took a full year to thoroughly work the Twelve Steps. A deeply rooted relationship with his sponsor paved the way for a freeing Fifth Step that finally lifted the weight of his secrets. As Bill notes: secrets will kill you until they are shared with God and another human being.
• The Wisdom of the Rooms: Moving from zero accountability to total accountability was tough, but desperation drove Bill to listen. His practical takeaway on behavior: quit doing things you have to apologize for, and you won’t have to apologize.

Steps 6 & 7 and Finding Sanity

• Step 6 is about letting go of our old life; Step 7 is about grabbing hold of the new one.
• Bill discovered that fixing the outside required healing from the inside out. Surrendering to a Higher Power was an absolute must to restore sanity and clear away the internal blocks.

Bill leaves listeners with a vital takeaway: life is a boomerang. If you want to be forgiven, you have to learn how to forgive; if you want to be loved, you have to learn how to love. Throw the boomerang.

SOBER. COFFEE PODCAST | EPISODE SHOW NOTES

EPISODE OVERVIEW
In this episode, Mike and Glenn dive into the concept of navigating life's unpredictable "storms" and the profound clarity that sobriety brings to daily life. They share personal reflections on the true rewards of recovery—like simple moments spent with family—which they agree are more rewarding than any million-dollar check.

The core of today's conversation revolves around a recent viral social media post from their page about a well-known celebrity named Brad, who publicly decided to step off the sober path after seven years to try moderate drinking. Mike and Glenn break down their vastly different initial reactions to the news, exposing how the recovery brain operates differently for everyone and why you should never let a celebrity's path dictate your own program.

KEY TAKEAWAYS & DISCUSSION POINTS
Navigating the Storms: Glenn reflects on a metaphor about captaining a ship, noting that anyone can do it when the ship is docked, but the real test comes when the waves roll in. Sobriety allows them to handle life's daily grinds and unexpected waves with clarity.

• The "Don't Be Brad" Meme: The hosts discuss a viral meme they posted with the tagline: "The most dangerous drink is the one that you can convince yourself you can handle now." 

* Two Different Reactions to a Relapse:
    - Mike's View: Felt deep disappointment and sorrow for Brad, viewing it as throwing away a hard-earned gift of clarity.
    - Glenn's View: Admitted his "selfish" brain immediately wondered if Brad had figured out a secret way to drink moderately, proving that even after 11 years, the addiction brain can still play tricks.

The Illusion of Moderate Drinking: Both hosts agree that for true alcoholics, "playing the tape" to remember the bad times is essential to counter the brain's tendency to only remember the good times. As Glenn notes, "Once you're a pickle, you can't turn back into a cucumber."

* Their Final Advice:
    - Work your own program, stick to your sponsor, and utilize your tools.
    - Don't let an outside influence or a public figure's choices impact your commitment to recovery.

MEMORABLE QUOTES

"Agnybody can captain a ship when it's docked... the minute you go out and the minute those waves start to roll, that separates the real folks from the wannabes." – Glenn

"I don't need a celebrity to tell me that people drink normally out there... I know how it ends for me. That's the problem." – Mike

"Be Glenn. Don't be Brad. Be Mike." – Mike

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RESOURCES & SUPPORT

If you or someone you know needs immediate help on the road to recovery, please reach out to the resources below:
* Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Hotline: 808-391-686
* National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 802-773-8255 (or dial 988)
* Email the Show: [email protected]
* Official Website: http://sober.coffee

Connect with us on Social Media:
* Instagram: @sober.coffeepodcast
* Twitter/X: @sobercoffeepod

Title: Sobriety - Another Non-AA Path

Episode Overview

After a quick shoutout to a new listener in Bangladesh, Mike and Glenn dive into a candid conversation about the diverse paths to recovery. While AA works miraculously for many, this episode highlights that it isn't the only way to get sober. 

They sit down with Dean Newcomb, a certified CCR recovery coach celebrating 18 years of sobriety, to discuss his unique, non-AA journey. Facing rural isolation and an unwelcoming initial meeting, Dean built his own customized program rooted in a direct, personal relationship with his higher power—bypassing the "middleman" of rigid religious expectations. 

Key Highlights & Takeaways

Religion vs. Spirituality: The discussion breaks down the vital distinction between man-made religious rules (the "purple robe people") and cultivating a genuine relationship with a creator. Dean shares how finding God in nature, rather than a church basement, became the cornerstone of his early recovery.

The Shift from Pain to Fulfillment: Early sobriety is often driven by the immediate need to avoid pain and consequences. However, as Glenn, Mike, and Dean all note, long-term recovery is sustained by a desire for more out of life. Sobriety isn't just about stopping the bad; it's about actively filling the void with family, education, and genuine experiences.

Advice for the Newcomer: Dean outlines three actionable steps for anyone currently struggling:

1.      Get Honest: Completely admit to yourself that you have lost control. 

2.      Connect Higher: Begin building a relationship with your higher power.

3.      Speak Up: Ask for help. Even if you can't get to a meeting, find just one person willing to listen to your story.

Guest Information

Dean is a certified CCR recovery coach and life coach specializing in helping people who need flexible recovery programs that fit into demanding lives. Listeners can connect with him and read his story on LinkedIn.  or at his website: 

Episode Overview David Deane Haskell, author of Wounded Angels, joins hosts Mike and Glenn at the Sober.Coffee shop (zooming in from Tokyo) for a deep discussion on sobriety, trauma, and moving beyond mere abstinence to achieve genuine emotional healing.

Key Discussion Points

• Beyond Abstinence to Inner Child Work: Putting down alcohol is the vital first step, but it is rarely the end of the journey. David shares how codependency and unresolved inner child wounds—rather than just the addiction itself—led him to seek deeper healing and ultimately write Wounded Angels for those asking, "Is this all there is?"
• Trauma Has No Standard Formula: The guys discuss how background doesn't dictate addiction. While some endure chaotic childhoods without developing alcoholism, others—like Glenn, who rated his childhood a 9 out of 10—still succumb to the disease. Understanding personal trauma is about getting well.
• The "Why" vs. The Solution: When actively trying to get sober, obsessing over "why" can become a distraction. Glenn shared how years of overanalyzing kept him stuck until he accepted his alcoholism, embraced the 12 Steps, and prioritized a spiritual experience. However, once stable, examining root causes helps navigate life's ongoing challenges.
• Working the Tools Through Life's Storms: Recovery doesn’t stop life from throwing curveballs. Mike, Glenn, and David emphasize that regular inventories, processing trauma, and relying on spiritual grounding allow you to remain steady—and even thrive—amid the storms.
• Honesty in Medical Care: A critical point of agreement was rigorous honesty with healthcare professionals. The group highlights the dangers of mixing alcohol with medications, misdiagnoses stemming from hidden substance abuse, and the absolute necessity of medical supervision when adjusting prescriptions for depression or anxiety.

Core Takeaways & Closing Advice

• Total Sobriety Comes First: Nothing else works until the substance abuse stops.
• Holistic Balance: Long-term recovery requires daily attention to emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health.
• Message to the Sober Curious: If you are in pain, don't give up on yourself. Keep seeking answers, do the deeper work, and remember: it's better to be better.

David Deane Haskell's book, Wounded Angels, is available on Amazon.

Music has a profound ability to soothe the soul, soothe cravings, and anchor emotional sobriety. In this episode of Sober.Coffee, Mike and Glenn explore the soundtrack of their recovery journeys, breaking down 10 meaningful tracks that provided hope, perspective, and healing when moving from rock bottom to a renewed life.

Episode Playlist & Takeaways

• Song 1: Chicago – "I've Been Searching So Long" (Mike) Reflects the exhaustion of searching for peace in the wrong places and finally finding the answer in sobriety.
• Song 2: U2 – "40" (Glenn) The show’s official anthem. A reminder of being pulled out of the pit to sing a new song of hope and freedom.
• Song 3: Bad Company – "Ready for Love" (Mike) A rock anthem turned spiritual milestone—discovering how to love oneself, love others unconditionally, and love God.
• Song 4: The Cure – "Pictures of You" (Glenn) A tool for emotional sobriety. Making peace with old memories and photos from active addiction while cherishing the present clarity.
• Song 5: Elevation Worship – "The Blessing" (Mike) A spiritual, grounding track focused on stepping into a peaceful life and being a living blessing to those around you.
• Song 6: Matt Redman – "Better Is One Day" (Glenn) Centering the mind on spiritual connection: one day of clear, sober connection to a Higher Power outweighs thousands spent numb.
• Song 7 & 8: Jack's Mannequin – "Swim" (Glenn) Perspective in hard times. No matter how deep or rough the waters get in recovery, the assignment is simple: just keep swimming.
• Song 9: Heart – "Love Alive" (Mike) A sonic reminder to keep love as the driving engine behind daily actions and recovery work.
• Song 10: Blue October – "Better Man" (Glenn) A stark, powerful look at the journey from hell to redemption—showing what it truly means to live every day as a better man.

Music bridges the gap between isolation and recovery. When words fail, melody and honest lyrics provide the stress relief, connection, and spiritual clarity needed to stay anchored one day at a time.

Episode Title: "AA Works 100% of the Time"

Hosts: Mike & Glenn

The Data Dilemma: Does AA Actually Work?

Hosts Mike and Glenn open the episode by tackling a common question: What percentage of people who go to Alcoholics Anonymous actually get sober?

They agree that because AA is an anonymous program lacking a formal structure for surveys or data collection, any statistic cited out there is essentially made up. There is no comprehensive, quantitative data set—only snippets.

However, the hosts argue that while the program's overall statistics are impossible to track, the success rate for an individual who completely commits is absolute: When you surrender to the program, get a sponsor, take directives to heart, and stay active, AA works 100% of the time.

The "Secret Sauce" and Page 58

The hosts ground their argument in Page 58 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which famously states:

When people follow the program and still relapse, Glenn suggests there is a "disconnect"—much like an ignored warning light in a car. Ignoring a low tire pressure light eventually leads to a blowout and a crash; in recovery, dishonesty is that warning light. Those who fail are usually those who cannot or will not completely give themselves to the program.

Exceptions: The Big Book notes exceptions for those with severe mental health issues. However, the hosts point out that diagnoses made while actively drinking can be skewed, and many ills are solved simply through abstinence and a competent recovery program.

Host Spotlight: Personal Journeys

• Glenn’s Story (The 10% Phase): Initially, Glenn tried doing AA his way, which resulted in a 10% success rate. He was a "yo-yo," letting his ego and judgment keep him from truly connecting. When he finally surrendered—listening to others' pain and finding similarities instead of differences—the program began to work.
• Mike’s Story (The Deep End): Mike found success by completely surrendering his own will from day one. He "drank the Kool-Aid," jumped into the deep end, and embraced rigorous honesty, selfless behavior, and service. By letting others count on him, he achieved 100% sobriety.

Perception vs. Reality

• Celebrity Relapses: The hosts note that when a celebrity endorses AA and later relapses or dies, the world views it as an "AA failure." In reality, it is an individual failure resulting from taking one's will back or stopping being honest.
• The Gym Membership Analogy: Saying AA doesn't work without doing the work is like buying a gym membership, never working out, and blaming the gym for you not getting fit.
• Dealing with "Bad Apples": There may be people with bad intentions in the rooms, but meeting attendance shouldn't be based on how you feel about others. The focus must remain on personal recovery and service.

Glenn’s Three Pillars of Proof

Glenn summarizes his belief in AA's foolproof nature with three points:

1. Total Surrender: If you surrender 100%, it works 100%.
2. Living Proof: He sees it work 100% of the time for the hundreds of successful, active people he "does life" with.
3. The Promise: He adheres strictly to the Big Book's promise that those who thoroughly follow the path rarely fail.

Closing Thoughts & Disclaimer

The hosts acknowledge that AA is not the only path—other solutions include alternative recovery programs, counseling, and church. For the "sober curious," they recommend giving AA a try for 90 days or a year.

Conclusion: People may claim AA doesn't work, but for Mike, Glenn, and the hundreds of active, accountable, and service-minded people around them, it is working 100% of the time.

Sober.Coffee Podcast Episode Summary

Episode Title: Healing Together
Hosts: Mike & Glenn

Episode Overview

If you think you can figure out alcoholism on your own, hosts Mike and Glenn have a blunt truth for you: in all their years of recovery, they have never seen that work successfully. Not once. In this powerful episode, Mike and Glenn break down the dangerous myth of the "Do-It-Yourself" recovery plan. As two natural DIY guys, they spent years trying to tackle their drinking problems alone, experiencing failed attempt after failed attempt. They share the hard-learned lesson that while you have to learn recovery individually, you simply cannot achieve lasting transformation by yourself. It truly takes a village.

From the life-threatening dangers of medical detox to the emotional minefield that remains after you put the bottle down, the hosts discuss why community is the ultimate key to breaking through life's toughest challenges and finding a peaceful, purposeful way to live.

Key Takeaways & Mantras

• The Brain Trap: “It’s hard to fix a problem with the same brain that created it,” and “It’s hard to read the label on your own jar.” Ego tells us we can handle it, but self-reliance fails miserably when it comes to alcoholism.
• More Than Abstinence: Putting down the alcohol is just the first step. True recovery isn't just about not drinking; it’s about learning a better way to live. Without the tools of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), removing alcohol leaves a person completely exposed to their fears, resentments, shame, remorse, and self-hate.
• The Paradox of Service: Mike shares his shift from using people to get what he needed, to realizing that focusing on serving others brings back more than he could ever ask for. In recovery, you have to give it away to keep it. Living in a bubble does not support a life of service.
• Why AA Works: For those who claim AA doesn't work, Mike and Glenn offer their own lives as living proof that it does. In a room of 10 or 12 people sharing, alcohol is just the admission ticket and the common thread—the real focus is on learning how to live a better life. When you live better, you naturally distance yourself from the need to drink.

The 9 Practices of a Healing Community

For anyone looking for true transformation, the hosts emphasize surrendering to a community of like-minded individuals. They share 9 vital inputs and practices that provide the necessary outside influence to heal:

1. Therapist – Professional guidance to unpack the past.
2. Church – Spiritual anchoring and fellowship.
3. Men's / Spiritual Group – A safe space for deep, focused connection.
4. Sponsor – A guide who has walked the path before you.
5. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) – The core program of action.
6. Readings – Daily literature to keep the mind centered.
7. Meditations – Grounding practices for emotional sobriety.
8. Sponsorship – Giving back by sponsoring and helping others.
9. Sober Community Involvement – Actively engaging with a sober network.

A Message to the Sober-Curious

If you are standing on the edge looking in, know that you do not have to live life alone. Find a sober program, find a therapist, plug into a church, and actively seek outside influence. Look for a community to be your lighthouse. When we work together, we heal together.