Something Positive for Positive People

*Trigger Warning* Reference to childhood sexual abuse* Our guest, David Wraith, showed up in my life at a time where I thought I was the only sex positive black, non-monogamous man in the Midwest. David brought into my awareness that questioning and exploring your sexuality as a man should be liberating and not something that just automatically makes you something that isn't heterosexual and he talks us through how we can navigate that. We joke about him being a retired sex worker and we talk about how his kinks evolved after becoming widowed and there was hypersexuality in his grieving. David is a co-founder of Sex Positive St. Louis, and has the radical audacity to be himself!

Skip ahead 22 minutes for the start of the discussion. I got carried away in the intro just thanking everyone for the personal changes I've experienced alongside the expansion of this podcast. Thank you all so much for allowing me on this journey with you!

This was a live recording of a co-panel discussion about herpes from a medical perspective and experience based perspective put together by Kendra Holliday, Co-founder of Sex Positive St. Louis. We talk through some HSV basics and answer a few questions. I share my experience in a room full of herpes positive, sex positive, herpes negative, risk aware, just an overall accepting crowd.

Afterwards we mingled and exchanged experiences among one another and asked more questions and had some gooey butter cake.

This event opened up my range of perspective to see that this is something with potential to happen again in collaboration with other sex positive communities. What was most cool to me about this was that it was such a mixed crowd and people with herpes who normally wouldn't attend something like that in fear of being "found out" managed to come socialize and get a glimpse into what it can be like to surround yourself with others who are understanding or seeking to learn about the virus and experiences people have with it.

Resources mentioned:

SexELDucation - Emily Depasse

Penny for Your Thoughts Campaign

Asking for a Friend - Rich Mancuso

The STI Project - Jenelle Marie Pierce

HANDS - Herpes Activists Network

Projectaccept.org

Cdc.gov

We hear from a Public Health Nurse who shares how using suggestive language helps her to serve communities that are challenging to connect with. People who exchange sex for survival (sex workers) and inmates have resistances to getting tested and treated. Our guest, Tessa shares some of what she's learned working with these groups. Tessa can be reached @[email protected]

November 19-22 of 2019 I attended STD Engage. The most universal way I can think to describe it is that it was a conference of public health professionals where the goal was to exchange experiences in order to best serve those affected by STDs. What I learned cannot be condensed into the episodes I recorded while there, but this is definitely a start! I met and interviewed Amanda B. Dennison, Director, Programs and Partnerships about her experience. Amanda was diagnosed with genital herpes and as a public health professional stigma has to look a little different, right? I'll let Amanda tell you all that. Check out this episode of Something Positive for Positive People with the National Coalition of STD Directors' own, Amanda B. Dennison.

Contact: [email protected]; 202-969-0988

Director of Programs and Partnerships with National Coalition of STD Directors

In "Psychocybernetics", Dr. Maxwell Maltz shares a story of a weary traveler who is hunched over, fatigued and moving slowly as he progresses down the road. Along the way, he's met by a child who points out a heavy boulder on his shoulders, asking "why are you carrying that boulder?". The traveler hadn't thought about it before and set it alongside the rode and progressed with a straighter posture, standing proudly.

Another stranger notices some weeds around the travelers ankles and knees which the traveler hadn't noticed before, so he pulls out his pocket knife and cut them off, now walking upright and at a faster pace with greater stride down the road.

The point of this story is to highlight that the traveler had problems that he was completely unaware of. He struggled without knowing he was until these things slowing him down were brought into his awareness. We have the ability to heal ourselves and move at greater strides in life, but only when what needs to be healed is then revealed.

Who gets herpes and then writes about their sex life? I'll tell you who! Carolyn Toney! After her friends' support caught her off guard compared to the negative feedback she expected thanks to stigma, she was pretty comfortable out the gate about her status. Her blog, Tales of Toney (link below) is where she writes about her amazing sex life despite having HSV. She poses the question in dating, "If I didn't have herpes, would I still want to be with them?". Carolyn has a big confidence about her that we need in this community. It's amazing to have an outspoken black woman who is polyamorous, unapologetically herself and advocating for sexual health conversations in the communities we represent. Carolyn has appeared on the Whoreable Decisions Podcast episode 128 and the Shit I'm 30 Podcast episode 88 spreading that good word about sex positivity!

Check out Carolyn's stories by visiting www.talesoftoney.com

There's a lesson on forgiveness to be learned here. I've always considered myself fortunate to not know where I got herpes from. Not knowing left me with no one to blame. What about those who have a firm belief they know exactly where they got it from and those who know due to having been informed? This podcast is for those people. Learning to take the lesson on forgiveness when you come to learn that there really is just no blame.

We open out the gate with ethics of people practicing various forms of therapy without any certifications. Sometimes people NEED therapists, but WANT a friend. Without being dismissive, we sort through how you as a friend can suggest therapy without running the risk of losing a friend like we may fear.

The conversation went several different directions but definitely loads of useful information and nuggets. For starters, people aren't necessarily boring, they are often HIDING. Hiding their true selves in fear of being found out and judged.

Why do we sometimes feel more safe opening up to strangers than we do our own support system?

Can there be romance without finance? Why do we make marriage about love when it has historically been about status and resources?

We discuss compersion in multiple relationships and how outsourcing different needs and wants is more of the norm. When one feels challenged by this, you have to ask why you view it as a threat.

Last but not least, queer sex is where it's at!

If you're considering purchasing a herpes cure from one of those social media accounts that shares the Gmail email address as a contact, please just don't.

What you should do is consider listening to someone who did purchase it so that you can be best equipped to make the best decision for yourself. Our guest shares the red flags she missed so that you can find your way to healing that doesn't cost $2k.

As of the release of this podcast episode, there is no known cure for herpes that permanently removes the virus from our nerves, prevents outbreaks or protect partners from exposure.

Our guest's story involves sexual assault so protect yourself as needed while listening through this podcast episode.

Respecting identities is suicide prevention. Our guest this week shares her earliest memories of homophobia experienced by her father. She reflects on her anger up until 35 years of age when she finally saw fit to just be herself. Despite having lost her comfort in the privilege she had, she is far more happy and confident now than she ever was in denial about who she was. Please enjoy this episode of Something Positive for Positive People with Staci Bratten!