You read that right. We're only sorting one person this episode. And yes it is over an hour. We're extremely talented and neither one of us ever shuts up. Anyway, his brain is full of spiders and he's got garlic in his soul...it's the Grinch. Rachel finally had her way, and this year for Christmas, we bring you our first knock down drag out sorting fight since Jack Kline all the way back in episode 2. We've been holding it in this long and now we're ready to unleash onto the world. Was it worth it Rachel? Was it worth rigging all those polls and watching them continue to lose year after year? Now we have this. Merry Christmas, and remember, if a furry green man wearing a read coat tells you there's a light on your tree that just won't light on one side, don't let him take it.

We're back on the high seas with all of the (gay) pirates, who have now been traumatized thanks to Blackbeard and Stede. But at least they're back together again. Good for them! Anyway, we're not talking about them this time, they had their moment and they're not any less insane. This time around we're talking about Izzy, Jim and Buttons. Izzy is traumatized, Jim is traumatized, Buttons is...a bird. This is a great show and we love talking about it. And guess what! We were joined by Meg and Carla from Bed, Wed and Behead Pod. Way to bury the lede. Like a pirate.

The superheroes are baaaaaack (did they ever really go anywhere) but this time they are WOMEN. This, in the year of Barbie, Taylor Allison Swift and USWNT, is also the year of THE MARVELS. And we're celebrating by sorting Carol Danvers, Monica Rambeau and Kamala Khan, also known as Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel and a cool ass superhero name YET TO BE DETERMINED. Possibly by the X-Men. These are movie spoilers, but if you're here to listen to the episode you sure as hell have better watched the movie, because this episode is a walking ad. It's a GREAT movie.

Have you heard about the plan? Of course you have, we've all heard about the plan. It's ineffable. It's everything. Just no one knows what the plan is. What we DO know is that there are two characters who don't exactly follow the plan, but don't...not follow it either? They may be the plan if we're being honest. And they're definitely in love. Aziraphale and Crowley and two VERY different characters, which makes them fun to sort, especially when we're only comparing the two, because no other characters really matter if we're being honest. Anyway. This house pairing is a weird one! But what would you expect from an angel and a demon.

Travel with us to Mystic Falls, Virginia (a fake town, not even in Virginia) to sort literally every vampire in the USA. Because they're all there. Even the Original ones, who are only like a thousand years old. But we're not talking about them in this episode. We're talking about the love triangle, the two brothers and the doppelgänger, the threesome that never came to be even though it totally should have - Damon, Stefan and Elena. Don't tell me the CW would never do incest, have you ever seen anything on the CW. Anyway. Elena should have totally had them both, and Stefan and Damon have a weird enough relationship that it probably would have worked out. This summary is now all about incest? Go listen to us sort.

I WANNA DO BAD THINGS WITH YOU. Did we take you back to the best intro of a TV show ever made? You're welcome. It's officially spooky season and we're ready to be fang bangers (we never stopped) with all the vampires we'll be covering in this episode. Beehl, Sookeh and Eric (PERFECT SPECIMEN) are who we're covering this week as the love triangle that consumed us all after we finished reading Twilight and realized we could have the same story, but better, and with sex. Anyway. Shoot back some V, don't invite anyone into your house, and get ready to sort with us.

Who's the man? SHE'S THE MAN. Remember in the 90s and early 2000s when every teen movie shot into cinemas was actually Billy Shakespeare in disguise. I do. Bring those days back so we can have more batshit insane crazy plots like this. No one does mushrooms like Billy did anymore. Anyway. Rachel demanded a back-to-school movie, so here we are, celebrating back to school with cross-dressing, multiple love triangles, some even 2-person love triangles (TRIED AND TRUE TROPE) and soccer. Enjoy kids.

After 3 years, Rachel has finally done it. She's finally managed to leverage the power of her birthday to get Lauren to watch all 7 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Even better, Lauren enjoyed herself. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RACHEL INDEED. As the episode title suggests, Rachel refused to pick characters, so instead of getting multiple episodes out of her favorite show, she chose to sort everyone under the sun (and not. Because of the vampires. Get it?). As you can imagine, this episode is well into two hours long. But never fear, we are extremely funny people. So grab your stakes and hope on the bus, we're heading to Sunnydale, the Hellmouth, a fact everyone there knows upon voluntarily choosing to live there. Shit's about to get weird!