Soulbloom

In this episode I tell a story about how my mom once thought garden beds were better off with the "less is more" approach until one spring she spread 6 packets of zinnias in a quite small space. The result was a head turning swath of zinnias, blooming and blooming again and again. It even attracted hummingbirds. It was the talk of the town, in the best way possible. My mom didn't always have the luxury of being creative or expressing herself in creative ways, she was a sole provider for our family and so many others in our lives. Her garden was a source of so much pride and fulfillment for her. When I am feeling off, distant or overwhelmed, I think about when the last time I was able to be creative was? I am up to a quite high standard now of almost daily creativity and expression. It is really hard for me to ignore this side of me. I feel like my creative expression is true abundance.

In this episode I discuss the realities of gardening and how sometimes the thing you are depending on blooming, just doesn't. When you put a lot of effort into a hobby and it brings you so much joy, satisfaction and purpose, you really do get sad when it doesn't work out the way you imagined. When you are consumed with something going wrong, you miss the beauty that is right in front of you. I also discuss the complexity of being a "fixer" or "problem solver" when it comes to things that you cannot change, but only learn from.

In this episode I discussed the feeling of being separate when it came to shopping in the plus size section growing up. Clothing size inclusivity has come a long way, but it wasn't always this way. I tell the story how I realized that shopping for clothes or anything was a way that I soothed myself when I felt discomfort, however the shopping experience made me feel pretty bad too. The coping mechanisms we create can often make us feel worse, however it becomes familiar and familiarity wins in the discomfort battle. I used to choose discomfort that was subtracting from my life than discomfort that was additive. Sometimes we're not ready to feel those feelings in the moment. It is a brave journey to start accepting yourself, your patterns and begin writing a new story.

In this episode I detail all of the interesting ways I have tried to control nature (among other things), including using milk to save my flowers. I also discuss the journey I've been on learning to relax control and actually let my mind rest. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been worth it. Though the myth of control sure had its hold on me for a long time, I am now more aware of it so I can see it happening in real time. The flower example is a great way to look at a lower risk area of your life where you may think you are in control. Ask yourself, where can you allow a bit more ease, how can you let up in areas of your life where you are trying to control the narrative?

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In this episode I discuss how I was saving the name Soulbloom for something perfect. I was hesitant to use it because I knew it was so special. It made me think of so many times that I have waited to use something nice or for the perfect moment, and how special things lost their luster. I also discuss the emotions this brings up when you lose a loved one and sift through what they may have been saving for one day when. This dilemma of waiting in general can run so deep.

I used tell myself I'd be happy one day when I was finally XYZ size, or fit into certain clothes. My goal in telling you all of this is to help you see that there is no one day when, we are living now. How can we stop delaying the enjoyment of our lives?

In this brief solo episode I discuss the magic of spring flowers, daffodils, and how their appearance surprises me and amazes me each year. I also talk about how a self discovery journey is a lot like the changing seasons of blooms in nature. Ultimately, the resilience and cycles of nature contain so much wisdom for our own journeys, if we pay attention. How can you notice your own seasons, what's blooming, what is growing and embrace where you are? I hope this post will make you see daffodils everywhere!